Getting Ready for C Section Have a 3.5 Yr Old Toddler

T.

My son was a little over 2.5 yrs when my daughter was born (via c-section). Here's what I would recommend:

1) you will not be able to pick up your daughter for 6 weeks after the surgery...so start prepping her for that now (so she doesn't feel shunted). I told my son that I would have "ouchies" after the baby was born and wouldn't be able to pick him up...and let him know that that made me sad. I told him that I would still be able to hug and cuddle him and promised that I'd do a lot of that.

2) involve your daughter in as much as possible so she feels part of things....and feels like she's helping. It was my son's decision to give the baby the crib (which was previously his toddler bed) after we got him a big boy bed. I got the bed and actually put it up in the living room so that he could get used to the idea, told him what it was, and eventually he asked if he could sleep in it. So, we then moved the bed into his room...but kept the crib in there too (so that if he didn't like the big boy bed, he could go back to the crib). After a few nights in his big boy bed, I casually commented that he'd have more room for playing if the crib wasn't there and wondered out loud what we could do with it. He then said we should give it to the baby. This is just an example. But, basically, you don't want your daughter to feel like all of her stuff is being taken from her and given to the baby. If you can make it feel like her decision - it will go much more smoothly.

3) I love that your grandma is going to help out. For daycare....make sure that you prep your daughter for this change now...and make it a special treat. Maybe something like "with the new baby coming, Grandma wants to make sure she still has some alone time with you...so she has asked to take you to daycare and pick you up". I second the opinion of others about having your daughter stay at grandma's. As you mention, you don't want her to feel shipped off to grandma's. Is there anyway grandma can stay with you? If not, then make sure the idea is presented to your daughter early (so she knows what to expect) and make it feel like this is a very special treat for her.

If your daughter is already being mean to you, then she's already likely feeling the effects of the change. If you can, take some time and just hang out with her and make sure she clearly understands what will be going on in a few weeks. And when she really gets under your skin, just remember, all she wants is to be loved....and she doesn't understand why you want another baby around. Anything you can do to help her feel more secure will greatly ease the transition.

Hope this helps!

Hi T.,

I have a 2.7 year old and just had my daughter 7 weeks ago via C-section. My suggestion would be to have her visit you everyday, but keep them short as you'll have limited movement which may just frustrate both of you. My son was okay as long as it was a short visit and grandma and daddy were always near by and keeping him company. The hardest part was not being able to pick up my son for (they say 6 weeks, but I started at 3 weeks as soon as I was feeling better). Both my pregnancy's were delivered C-secion (love it) but the trick to a quick recovery is getting up and moving around as soon as possible...within 12 hours after delivery. You'll be slow but get the blood flowing and you will feel better. You physically will not be able to pick up your daughter, and there will be an adjustment as she has had your attention for 3.5 years, but things will smoothe out in the coming weeks.

PS: I remember seeing my son's eyes open wide when he saw how difficult it was for me to get out of the hospital bed. I explained things to him (and showed him the bandages) but didn't show my "boo boo" until it looked a bit nicer...around 3 weeks.

Good Luck!

S.

I had a C-section with my second daughter when my older daughter was 3.5. I made sure that she stayed home with the family unit with all of her comfortable things around her.

The new baby will be disruption enough. No poit in making it harder by taking her away from the family with so many new stresses. It will make her feel unconnected and replaced.

My older daughter is/was really into sea shells at the time I had my second one. What we did was buy a lovely large conch shell to be "from her new baby sister." We wrapped it and brought it home from the hospital in the car seat and baby "gave" it to her.

We also had the older one pick out a toy for the baby. That was almost 2 years ago, and my daughter still remembers which shell her baby sister gave her.

If/when big sister regresses a bit, remind her of all the wonderful things that "big" kids get to do...eating ice cream, going on slides at the park, reading books with Mom, etc., and that babies don't get to do those things...

Another trick to helping big sister to adjust: When adoring friends and family come over to ogle and snuggle baby, YOU make sure to ogle and snuggle the older one (since baby will be held by visitors anyway - leaving your hands free).

Hope everything goes smoothly.
K.

I've read you should make your daughter a big part of it. Get her a "I'm a big sister" tee-shirt. Ask family to make a big fuss about how she's a big sister after the baby comes. I always make a point of bringing something for the older child when I visit a new baby who has a big sister.
I agree you shouldn't send her to your grandma's for a week, she will want to bond with the baby too and may feel replaced and/or unconnected to the new family unit. I personally think we often underestimate how resilient kids can be. Try to explain to her that what's going to happen and you won't be able to pick her up or actively play with her for a little while. But you will have plenty of snuggle time and stories, etc while you get better. I hope this helps and congratulations!!!!

To be honest, I don't think that having her not around the first week would be a good idea. My daughter had just turned three when I had daughter number two. I tried to include her in everything that I did with the baby. She felt like the great big sister. I let her hold her when she wanted and this only lasted a few days and she was tired of it. Also, lots of support will be needed from your husband as well. My husband would take our oldest to special trips to the movie store, bike riding or out to ice cream. Anything to make her feel special the first couple of weeks.

While I didn't have a C-Section, I had a newborn when my daughter was 2.5. A month before hand, I got all the baby books from the library that I could get my hands on. I also got books on being an older sibling. I talked with her about the changes that a baby would bring. One of your favorites was the video "Arthur's Baby" by Marc Brown. In the video, it gives both Arthur's view point of Baby Kate, and D.W.'s version. In between, they had children talk about their younger siblings. We told her that no matter what, Mommy and Daddy would always love her. Before the baby was born, I took my daughter to the store. She picked out a snuggle blanket (similar to hers, and got 2 of them) and the outfit that the baby would come home in. When we figured out the name of the baby, we told our daughter and it was fine with her.

When our youngest daughter was born, her grandma brought her into the hospital to visit. The first thing our oldest did, was give her bunny blanket to the baby. It teared all of us up! This was a lovie that our oldest was very possessive about. She wouldn't share it with anyone. Yet, here she was, sharing it with her baby sister!

We made our oldest daughter involved by her getting a diaper for the baby and choosing outfits. If the baby spit up, she'd let me know. Often, she was running to get a burp cloth or a towel to help clean up. When I was nursing, she would get books for me to read to her. When the baby was sleeping, I would spend special time with my oldest daughter. Of course, that was a little later when I wasn't so exhausted!

We also had a few small presents wrapped up so when the baby got something, there was a present for our oldest. That was she didn't feel left out. We'd say "Kaitlin thinks you're a great sister. She has something for you." or we'd say that the person giving the present had something for her, too (particularly if that person wasn't there.) Sometimes gift givers already had something for the older sister so we didn't pull out one of the pre-wrapped presents.

Since my oldest was in daycare 5 days a week, we kept her that way until the youngest was about 2 months old, so we all had an adjustment period.

T.,

I would not ship the 3 year old off to another home, only to have her come back to see a replacement child (new baby). If your Grandmother could just stay at your home and help out there, that would give your daughter adjustment time to welcome the new baby and start becoming a “big sister”. If you have to rent a hide-a-bed, so be it!

As far as you allowing a small child to be “really mean” to you….What are you thinking? Stop this behavior immediately and let your daughter know who is in charge.

Blessings…….

Can anyone come to your house to help with care so your daughter can stay?

I got my daughter a baby doll and gave it to her when she came to visit me. I explained that she had a big job to be a big sissy now and made her feel really important in her new roll. I told her she now had her own baby just like mommy did. I also had my nurse take the baby to the nursery before she came up to my room so we could have some one on one time with her before she met her brother for the first time. I had a c-section also and told her she needed to help mommy because of my boo-boo. Then we brought her brother in the room and she saw him and told us her baby was cuter, lol (not true BTW)! Once we got home I kept making her feel important by having her be "my special helper" she would let me know when brother was crying or if he spit up. It was really cute and gave her a seance of responsibility. We also started calling her big sissy so she was reminded about her important new job. She was a big help when I would drop things (it really hurts to bend down) also and helped me move the laundry from the washer into the dryer, help me rock the bassinet, she was really great with him. My friend also had her second child around the same time and (our older girls are three weeks apart) she never did anything special with her daughter, never even explained to her that she was a big sister now, just showed up with a new baby, she thought it would be fine. But her two girls were never friends. The older one would scream once the baby was sleeping, she would hit her, pinch her and take her toys. She also acted out to her mom, a complete 180 of how she behaved before. When from a sweet angle to a terror! (She was a angle when she was with me though, or any time her little sis was not around her. Even now they fight, I am convinced that my spending the extra time to make my daughter feel a part of the whole thing was the difference.
Best of luck! And congrats on the new love in your life.

Hi T.,
My daughter was 2 when I had my son via C-Section. When my daughter came to visit me at the hospital she was really mad at me and wouldn't even give me a hug or sit by me. Luckily my recovery was easy and I left after two days of being in the hospital. Don't be afraid to get up and move around! I think it's great that her grandma will be helping out! My mother in law came and picked up my daughter everyday for the 1st week I was home for a couple of hours. They went to the park and the library and just did fun things. Her grandma spoiled her with lots of attention when I counldn't. You will need to get a lot of rest in the beginning so I would welcome any and all help from grandma. Right after the baby was born we also gave my dughter a baby doll. So we both had a baby to take care of. This worked out pretty good and my daughter came around. We believe in my family that having babies brings blessings to the family. Try not to worry too much-just get the rest you need and give as much love as possible. Good Luck!!

Well I just went through this myself. We were reading a book called "I'm a big sister now" almost every night. Very positive, no mention of jealousy or negitive feelings towards a baby.If a book has that I edit it out. We had a little bear she picked out and took care of till the baby was born.We said to her that she was filling it up with love ,then she brought it to the hospital where the baby had a present for her. I always make sure when a little one comes to meet their new baby that I am not holding the baby . The baby is in the bassinet so my arms are ready to hold the new big sibling. Then we hold the baby together. One thing I highly recommend is that you stay in the hospital till they give you the boot. You'll never have that time again to just be with your new baby in peace where you are totally taken care of. Don't give up any of it. Your little girl will be fine I'll assume dad will stay with her. He really dosn't need to be at the hospital at night. This has worked well for us. I would not send her away for the first week. I would maintain her schedule and add in some outings with grandma or dad such as the park,shopping,play at grandma's house. Maybe a special sleep over night with grandma could be a new tradition once a week. We talked alot about what is good for babies or not and we used thumbs up, thumbs down for that. This helped my little one feel like she knew alot about babies. It helped so we wouldn't have to say the word "no" alot. I'd just ask her "is that thumbs up or down for babies?" She'd answer and I'd tell her she was so smart or knows just what babies need. I found my little girl wanted to be hands on so enlisting her help with getting diapers, blankets, cloths,binkies,anything that helped her feel a part of made things positive. It sounds like your daughter already has time at daycare so that will give some quite time with baby. Be prepared that when you come home the contrast between newborn and 3 year old are pretty extreme. Your daughter is likley to seem like a busy little bee ,just be understanding but what ever you do don't let her be mean to you any more. You are the mom and need to be respected. address this now before the baby. Time outs should be able to help. And lots of simple conversation. Talk about how it's okay to treat people and not treat people. Ask her how she would feel. Well best wishes to you as you add to your family. The dynamics are so different with second baby because it's not just a baby for you ,it's a sibling for your little girl. Have fun

No experience with c sections but my 4 year old daughter really loves the elephant beanie baby that her newborn brother gave her when she came to the hospital to see him. Also, we made certain that her dad and I did not hold the baby when she first walked into the hospital room. We had our arms free to greet her with a hug and a kiss. We kept our daughter in her daycare routine so that I could get some rest during the day and also so it would not be a hard transition when I went back to work.