Getting Rid of Toys - How Much Do Your Kids Help?

Until recently, my son would choose to keep everything--so things would disappear when he was out of the house or asleep. You know, moms KNOW what they will and will not miss, etc. Now that he's older he's more involved.

I admit, I don't get my 4 year old involved at all. She would want to keep everything, even the baby toys that she doesn't play with any longer and wouldn't even miss. I just wait until she is gone at preschool. Same thing with clothes. I've even gotten rid of some things that are still age-appropriate that she never (and I mean NEVER) plays with and given them to friends with kids that I know will enjoy them more, but even then, I don't make her aware - because even though it's something she couldn't care less about normally, she would freak out if she knew what I was doing. If it just "disappears", she really doesn't notice.

I figure once she is older, more mature, and can be better reasoned with when it comes to donating items to charity, selling them at a garage sale, etc. then we can try to get her to help out. Come spring time we may try selling some of her outgrown outdoor toddler toys in a garage sale and it will be interesting to see how that goes. She tends to get pretty sentimental about stuff.

It can be hard for children to get rid of their own toys. They think, "But I WANTED that when I got it - and I HAVE played with it - and I MIGHT want to play with it again...." (Can you hear the anguish - and the bit of a whine?) It's sort of like some mamas and their shoe collections.

Sometimes this will work: "This cabinet is all the space we have for toys. Somehow we have way more stuff than that, and it's time to pass some of it on [you're not asking about that - you're telling]. This job *must* be done; there's no choice. I could do it for you and make all the decisions, and I will if I have to. But there's another way. Why don't you put the things you really, really love and play with in the cabinet, and see how much room there is left. Meanwhile, I'm going to do the same thing in the kitchen. Those cupboards have stuff other people could use a lot more than I do."

You've sent physical boundaries for the toys, you've given your children a mental picture of *good* things that will happen to what they don't keep (better than a mental picture of "tossing" or "getting rid of"), and you're setting the example yourself. If M. or Willy won't go along with that, they're forewarned that the job will be done for them. You don't need hoarders in your household.

My kiddos are 4 and 6. We have a rather small house so I have to purge regularly. My 4 year old son has no problem with it all. He goes thru stuff and happily puts a ton of his stuff in the donate pile. My 6 year old daughter wants to hang on to everything!! Broken crayons, boxes that stuff came in, every broken toy, etc. I usually wait until she is in school and my son and I clean out the toy room together. The funny part is, she doesn't even know or miss any of the stuff I get rid of, but if she is involved, the drama fest is on!!!

When I first started doing this I just explained to them that were other kids that were not as fortunate as them and that didn't have a lot of toys and we needed to share some of ours with them. My son is fine with this, my daughter says "Well, can't you just go buy them some toys?" <sigh>...she'll learn eventually.

I think it probably depends on how old your kids are.....my daughter is 3 so at this point I don't involve her in the process because everything seems to be her 'favorite'. I also have an 18 and a 20 yr old.....I let them start helping to clean out toys when they were 4 or 5.....they kind of got into it after a while......explaining that there are children with little or no toys that these items would be going to seemed to give them a good understanding and attitude about letting go of some things.
I will admit that I have been guilty of having the older ones pack up boxes of things they were not using that were going to the 'attic'....aka....charity :-)

I've done it both ways. When they've helped me get rid of stuff, I was occasionally surprised by some of the things they said was fine to go away (but of course, most of the stuff they wanted to keep). We moved last summer, and knew we were going to be moving into a much smaller place, so we simply *had* to purge their toys. I did ask them what they wanted to get rid of first, but then did the full purge by myself.

I purged about a month or so before the move, by boxing up toys to sell at a yard sale and/or give away, and throwing away broken toys, puzzles missing pieces, etc.; the boxes went into the spare room, and were there for probably 2-3 weeks, maybe even more, before we moved, and the boys asked for almost nothing. Of course, like you, I tried to make sure the items I was getting rid of were ones that would not be missed, but if I miscalculated and they did notice something missing, I got it out of the box and gave it to them. Once we had the yard sale, they saw the toys and books, but still asked for very little out of the boxes, though I let them get back some of their stuff if they seemed very attached to it. Since we've moved, they've asked for nothing that we didn't bring.

Some of the stuff I got rid of, I knew they still played with, and would continue to play with if we kept it, but I knew we just wouldn't have room. So, I kept sets of things: Legos but not Duplos; Thomas the Tank Engine Take-Along set but almost none of the other trains; "Cars" cars but almost no other cars, etc. Oddly enough, they seem to play better with fewer toys, so it's a win-win situation, imo.

Sometimes (not always) my 6 year old will let go of things if I explain goodwill to her.

Zero!! My daughter can be no where near me and I swear she can sense it! Let's just say it's a bit of a battle :(

i make my daughter pick out things. everytime we go through her toys i make her get rid of 5 barbie, 2 dolls, and all the toys that are too young for her

At age 5 or 6 my kids started to be ok with giving away toys. Last Christmas, my son (6) selected a whole bunch of toys to wrap and give away to his cousins and friends at school. He really had fun doing it too! I was so proud of him and told him so. He justified it by saying that he knew that Santa was coming with some new toys that he really wanted.

It also helps that he sees me and my husband give away our stuff all the time.
Kids have an entrenched sense of fairness. It's not fair to ask kids to do stuff that you're not willing to do yourself.

My 14 and 12 yo, yes, my 5 yo not at all!!