Getting to Sleep, Staying Asleep

Hello T.-
Long time since we talked, but the only suggestions I have are to try a soothing cd in his room on really softly and to try a somewhat modified cry it out method. I did both with my daughter and they worked great. As soon as I stopped rushing in her room when she would cry I would let her cry and she would soothe herself to sleep. I started off slow like 4-5 mins and then would gradually increase it as time when on because I knew she could soothe herself to sleep. Hope these help! Stay strong he's at the age now that he knows how to get you to come running to him. It's hard to hear them cry, but it does work and evetually he won't fuss at all when you put him down because he will know the routine.

Take care!

I agree with the advice to use the Babywise book. My first didn't sleep through the night until he was a year. With my younger twins I tried the babywise approach and they were sleeping through the night by 7 weeks. The basic approach is to establish a routine of sleep, feeding and awake playing time. You never go from feeding to sleep. You go from happy play to sleep. That way when they wake up they don't feel like they need food to get back to sleep. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. It is really hard not getting enough sleep. I have 3 kids (7 , 3 and 3 ) and even though they are good sleepers it seems every night that someone has a nightmare or an accident and ends up in my bed and then I'm up changing sheets!

Have you tried a swing?

Have you tried letting him sleep in a swing or a vibrating bouncie chair?. It sounds like the motion of the car pacifies him, so the motion from a swing might sooth him to sleep. My oldest who is now 6, would sleep for three-four hours straight in his swing, otherwise, he was very restless. Hopefully this helps. Good luck!

Have you read, "The No Cry Sleep Solution" it has pretty handy tips about routines and things you can develop to help your little one get the picture that it is time to go to sleep. I can't remember the author, but if you search for the title online I am sure you will find it.

Your letter sounds like a letter I would have written when my first was born. The only way she would fall asleep was nursing and in the bed with me. You sound overwhelmed and exhausted. Plop the baby in the bed with you, nurse him until he falls asleep and let him stay there. That way you get the rest you need.

I would nurse my first child, think she was sound asleep, lower her into a crib and she would get hysterical, standing in the crib, almost keeling over from exhaustion but would stretch her arms out begging for me to come get her. I would, put her in our bed, nurse her again and she would be out for the night. And I was refreshed and not feeling so hopeless because I got sleep too.

Hope that helps!!!

Hi T.! I agree with Andrea W. My son is 1yr and has had alot of trouble sleeping. We just recently found out he has sensory issues, now his sleeping patterns make more sense. But before all that we were at our wits end. He would only fall asleep if he was held, bounced, rocked, vibrating chair and so on. He'd fall asleep fine, but right when we laid him down he'd be wide awake again. Then I found Dr. Sears website(AskDrSears.com) and he suggests waiting at least 20 minutes to lay down a sleeping baby. It has something to do with their sleep cycles. But it really worked for my son.
And I also agree with everyone that mentioned consistency. My son has done so much better with sleeping since he's been in daycare. They have him on a pretty set schedule during the day and at night he gets tired at about 8:30 and he'll pretty much sleep through the night. Also make sure he's getting plenty to eat during the day that way he won't wake up hungry during the night.
Hope you eventually find a solution that works for you.
Best of luck
N.

Check with your doctor to make sure he doesn't have sleep apnea or some other problem.
I followed the Baby Wise book to get my kids on a schedule and to train them to sleep. Some babies are definitely harder to train than others. My first was very high strung and fussy and it took a lot of work to get her into a routine and to get her to learn to fall asleep on her own. Ugh! I feel for you. I hope your situation improves soon. Ask for help from friends or family also!
Good Luck and hang in there. This phase will pass.

It sounds like he's got you into a routine that he created! Babies can train their parents, and it sounds like he will have to learn to soothe himself. I would suggest continuing to nurse him before bed, but stop using the other ways (which are clearly causing you stress to have to repeat) and let him learn that he can calm himself. This will help reassure his own growing independence.

You may try developing some things for him that will allow him some time of his own - such as placing a few baby books/toys in his crib (change them out so he doesn't get bored) so he can play until he falls asleep. Maybe changing the music to a white-noise machine such as running water - which is repetitive and less stimulating. Lavender oil on his bedding, and a darkened room can help too.

Good luck!

Wow. I have had times when my baby doesn't want to go in her crib so I have to hold her for her naps or bedtime, but only when she got her first tooth and now she is about to get a second. I can not comprehend how tired you are, although I can sympathize a tiny bit.

My baby doesn't have trouble now, and she never did as severe as your son, but she did have a little. The swing worked for me for a long time, but then she outgrew it at six months. That's when I had to establish a naptime routine so she would sleep in her crib. It took about three days before she caught on. Around 12:30 every day, I read her a small book. Then I rock her and sing her three songs. Then I lay her down. She plays for a bit and then will fuss. When I come back, I get her and rock her and sing. By the end of two songs, she is out solid and has no trouble being put into her crib. She can't put herself to sleep, but at least she goes to sleep pretty easily and stays asleep for about two hours. So I agree that routine is very important for nap time. I also have one at bedtime and before I started it, she went to bed anywhere from 8:30 til 10:00. Now she is always asleep by 8:30. So I definitely recommend starting a routine, but it will take at least three days before he starts to catch on and then about a full week before it starts to feel comfortable and normal for you both. It is well worth the effort though.

And the advice on the soothing of the nerves, I'd never heard but that is so awesome that it worked. It sounds so peaceful and natural. I almost wish I was a baby so somebody could soothe me like that. *sighs* But being on the other end where I can be the soother is far more rewarding I think.

So hang in there. Try lots of things and you'll find something that works for you.

If your son likes riding in the car maybe the vibration is soothing to him. If he still fits in a vibrating bouncy chair, try that. If he doesn't fit, try an adult size vibration type back massager. They are basically seat covers that vibrate but you could lay it flat in his crib, under his mattress pad and lay him on that. Just a thought, I've never tried it.

I second Heather's suggestion of trying maybe to let him sleep on his tummy. My daughter did from day 1, and we've never had sleep issues with her. She even slept at least 6 to 7 hours through the night starting at about 5-6 weeks old!! I freaked when my mom first put her on her tummy in the hospital, but she calmed down right away and went to sleep. I noticed each time a nurse tried putting her on her back instead she would get upset and cry and wouldn't rest. So I relaxed, especially after my mom pointed out I was a tummy sleeper, too, when I was a baby, and I turned out alright. So I decided it was alright to put her on her tummy, too.

I know that people will tell you that you should try cereal just before bed and all sorts of other feeding ideas. I've said this before, and still stand by my advice.

First, go to Target and get a heartbeat bear. Sounds like your heartbeat. You can put it into the crib - it has velcro straps so you can "tie" it onto the crib, but out of reach.

Also, try to put him to sleep on his tummy. Some babies sleep better on their tummies. Give it a try - do it for a nap, and see how it works. Feed him, and when he's full put him on his tummy. If you try this at a nap time, you can keep and eye on him and see how he is doing. If you try this a few times and are comfortable with it then you can transition to the nights.

People freak over the idea. But, it frequently works. I have a 6 year old daughter who I put on her tummy at about 2 months. I also have another daughter who is 10 months and I put her on her tummy pretty much from day one. My second has never had trouble sleeping.

I tell this to people because it was the norm about 20 years ago - you were supposed to put babies on their tummies so they couldn't choke on their urp. It was VERY rare to put a baby on their back at that time. (I remember - I have a sister who is 9 years younger than I am.)

Give one or both of those a try. Good luck! Let me know what you do and how it works, k?

T.,
I had the same problem. I have three boys, my youngest is now 2 1/2. I could not put him to sleep without nursing and rocking - the process taking 45 min to 1 hour. Then I found a book: Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. I used the processes she suggested which are in-between the Farber method of letting your child cry themselves to sleep and the 'no cry sleep' method which entails all the nursing and rocking. Within one week, my son went to sleep on his own, only waking once at night. Within 2 weeks he slept through the night. I cannot recommend this book highly enough! Good luck!

Hi T.,
My son used to not want to fall asleep in his own bed, he would fall asleep with me because I too was so exhausted after having to go back to work with a newborn baby still at home. That would be the only time that I got decent sleep when he was in the bed with me. However I had to break that so what I did was talk to him and tell him how exciting it is to sleep in his own bed about 6 hours before it was time to lay him in bed and for the first couple of weeks he screamed for about 15-25 minutes and then would crash and he worked himself up so much that he stayed sleep the whole night. As time went on his crying was less and less and to this day i can just put him in his crib and sometimes he will cry for about 3-5 minutes and then crash and sometimes he won't cry at all. The out come is you get to sleep peacefully the whole night through. I also used a relaxing cd that I got from Infinate Mind, ###-###-#### heres the number the cd is about $15, but it works like a charm for my son. It may help you with your son. Good luck to you.

S.

T., I just wrote you a very long email and then it didn't go through. You must be exhausted, desperate and frustrated. Some quick thoughts: Get on amazon.com and check out books on sensory integration. You may need to find ways to calm your sons' nervous system especially if he was a preemie or has other health issues. I had preemie twin sons who are doing great now (3yrs) and a 19 month old. We have had our share of sleep issues. Calming techniques for the nervous system are things like deep pressure from being swaddled (not too tight but snug like a burrito). Also your body language/tension/stress/voice will calm him or cause more stimulation. Model the behavior you want him to follow. the NICU nurses taught us to do a warm bath in a certain way. Use a baby tub, place 1-2 folded receiving blankets under him in the water with 1 thin blanket on top of him in the warm water. this is to keep him warm and the weight of the blanket is also calming. Keep his head out of the water of course. slowly and calmly/quitely wash each body part one at a time only removing the one limb that you plan to wash in order to keep the rest warm. place that limb back under the blanket and then do the next limb. the other thing that was critical for us was a consistent routine of eating, playing and sleeping. Follow it everyday! He needs to learn a schedule/routine if he is not already on one. also you may want to check out books or classes for infant massage. This worked for us too. Good luck! A.

Hi T.,
I was in your same boat 5 months ago. I agree with sleeping on the tummy as long as your son doesn't have any health issues. If you can, read this book: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It saved me. It took 3 nights of doing Dr. W's method and my then 5 month old slept through the night in his crib by himself for the first time ever. When I laid him down the fourth night he rolled over onto his tummy and was out. I cried I was so relieved. Since then we've had a few issues here and there with teething and developmental milestones but he eventually gets back to his own sleep rhythm. Consistent Naps in the crib are very important for night sleep as well. You may need to adjust your schedule a bit to make sure he gets at least one nap in his crib every day. Mine napped for ten minutes at a time too and now he takes two solid 1.5-2 hour naps per day.

Whatever you decide to do CONSISTENCY will be the key. Your baby has to know the bed is for sleeping, not the car or the swing or whatever. Also make sure you have a consistent bedtime routine in place that starts at the same time every night. Message me if you have any questions or want to know exactly what we did.
Good luck - the sleep fairy will visit you soon.

I have the same problem with my 9 month old she has to be bounced to sleep and then I can lay her down to sleep.