Getting up at Night

It sounds all too familiar for a lot of us here on Mamapedia.....especially over the past few weeks.

Our soon-to-be 4 year old son has been doing this consistently since he moved out of his crib almost 18 months ago. Almost all of our friends have the same issue with their kids around the same age. We don't know why it's happening that they're waking-up.

We bribed our son with a reward system to get a prize for staying in his bed for a week. If he made it 6 days and not to 7, we started over. It worked great until this week. Something happened, and he's ended-up in bed with me the past 3 nights.

A lot of people are putting sofas, air mattresses, sleeping bags in their rooms with the condition that if the kid comes in, they have to sleep there and not in bed. Seems to at least give everyone a good night's sleep - but, no one has any idea how to stop it permanently.

It's insanity to you, but to her, she is frightened or lonely. This is one of many issues addressed in a wonderful book called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk.

The authors have years of experience leading workshops, teaching parents how to help their children identify and communicate their feelings and needs, and participate in finding their own solutions. They point out that kids need to know their issues are important and respected by their parents, and that once they are confident about that, they can much more readily take responsibility for their own feelings.

This book further teaches how parents can establish their own needs and boundaries in a clear, understandable, and respectful way. I use these techniques with my grandson, and am continually astounded at the original, age-appropriate, and customized solutions he finds for his own problems.

I got a nightlight and a new stuffed animal to sleep with for my daughter. Seemed to help!

I chalked this up to separation anxiety when my kids went through this. I fought it with my first child, and think I ended up prolonging the whole episode with my 'tough love' approach. I also think my approach led to long term separation anxiety issues with her and a lower sense of self-security. By the time child #2 came along, I recognized that they wouldn't be reaching out for me if they didn't need me. I worked outside the home and realized they probably were not getting enough time with me. Think about it this way: why wouldn't a child get lonely at night? after all, we get to sleep with the person we love everynight. why wouldn't our own flesh & blood crave that same connection?

I nurtured child #2 through this and he got over the phase much quicker and with no heart ache like child #1. And though I'm not sure if it's just their individual personalities, child #2 is a much more secure person today, without the separation anxiety issues #1 has.

Ask her why she is coming in? Is she afraid of something (dark, dreams)? Then work on calming her fears - night light etc. The good news is at this age, they can tell you why they are doing it. My daughter does this as well -she's 3 1/2. She tells me she doesn't want to be alone. We've decided to let her come in with us - not the answer for everyone. I have a friend who will just keep walking her child back... and another who put a small bed (blanket or sleeping bag) on the floor in the parent's room and let the child know he could come in and lie there, but couldn't wake mom or dad. He did that for short while, then stopped coming in... good luck!

Dear Sylvia,

Bribes = dishonest, fraudulent, dishonest (In addition lets a very young child know that her parents can and will be manipulated).

I suggest a talk with your child just before bedtime. Before the “TALK”, make sure she has gone to the bathroom, had her story, drink of water, prayers (if you are a praying family). I would also leave a small glass of water (juice glass filled ½ full) by her bedside. If she has any fear of the dark, a small night light can be placed in her room. Install a baby gate, so if she gets up she cannot just come into your room. Just before the kiss and hug goodnight, tell her that you and dad will see her in the morning. If she wakes up and needs a drink there is water at her bedside; she should take a drink and go back to sleep.

Remind her that she is a big girl with her own room and bed. Assure her if she is sick or really needs to go to the bathroom it’s OK to wake mom or dad. Still, emphasize that it is not OK just to get up if nothing is wrong.

Keep us posted.

Blessings…..

Hi, Sylvia,

You are just a short drive away from me! Hi! ;o)

I'll bet you are having the same issues I am: Roasty toasty Missouri weather. My youngest wakes up (or can't seem to fall asleep) because it's too warm to sleep! We had all that nice, unseasonably cold weather and rain here in MO...and then jumped up 30 degrees in 2 days! ICK!

Both of my boys sleep in an upstairs bedroom, but even MY room is warm...with the AC going!

Here's what I suggest:

-If you don't already have a ceiling fan in her room, put one in. You can find good deals on them at Walmart or Lowe's.

-Also pick up a fan. I have one that oscallates in my room, but I put a big box-fan in my boys' room. I put theirs right in front of the AC vent (with a little space so it can suck the air) and I let them spread a blanket on the floor so they can sleep there if they want. They like it cranked all the way up to the highest setting, and it helps to blow the AC around the room (along with the ceiling fan). You could also just put an oscallating fan on her nightstand pointed at her bed.

-Room darkening curtains. Seriously. My kids are up with the birds. Room darkening curtains (another Walmart purchase) are gifts from the gods. They also help keep her room cooler during the day (the "out" side should be white, the inner side will be a colored fabric).

-Switch out the blankets on her bed. Just her sheets and one light blanket ought to do it.

-Let her sleep in her undies or very light PJs. My boys sleep in their underwear, but know they have to put on clothes when they come downstairs (to avoid scaring the cats...hehe!).

-If she reliably uses the potty and does not wet the bed, allow her a BPA-free water bottle by her bed...with all the fans, sometimes a drink is needed!

This is what works for me....Hope it helps!

C.