I've got two kids, 12, soon to be 11 and one on the way. I'm a stay at home mom, so I have nowhere to be in the mornings, and I am not a morning person. I've always made it a point to get up with the kids while they're getting ready for school, but now that I'm expecting our third in two weeks, I know I will need sleep whenever I can get it and won't really want to teach the baby to be awake at 6:30 and the older two are sure old enough to handle things on their own, I'm considering just letting them get ready and staying in bed if I can.
So how long did you continue to make it a point to get up with your kids every morning once they no longer needed your help to get ready?
Thanks for all the advice, I'm surprised to see such varying opinions. I will probably get up if I wake up or if the baby is awake, but not set an alarm to be up with the kids (the alarm is what I was referring to when I mentioned teaching the baby to wake up). I don't really like just letting them fend for themselves either, my mom did that with me, but I don't have to worry about them missing the bus, and I don't intend to never get up with them, I just think if I can sleep in on occasion I will. Unfortunately going back to bed doesn't work very well as there is an hour and a half from when one kid needs to get up and the other leaves for the bus. And I'm afraid it's a little difficult to see them not seeing me first thing in the morning as a horrible thing. I love to see them off, but they just think I'm a grouch. :) And I probably am.
I will always get up with my kids- (right now ages 5,10 and15). Its just a short time to spend with them in the morning before they start their school day. Like others said- you can go back to bed or nap when the baby does.
Wow I didn't even know this was an option! I thought there was some sort of "Mom's Law of Mornings" in effect. :P
I would still want to get up with them, especially with a new baby, so that we stay connected and they know that they still matter to me.
Good luck with the baby - congrats!
My two oldest are in 8th grade and don't need me to get up with them, but I still do. I think it's kind of sad for a kid to start the day with no one there to say good-bye and wish them a good day. They're only with us so long and I'm sure I'll miss seeing them in the morning when they're in college or move out.
If I were you I'd get up with them, see them out the door and go back to bed. I sometimes do that anyway even though I have two more that I have to get to school by 9 (the older ones start at 7:30) and I then have to go to work. Sometimes a quick 30 minutes back in bed is just what I need to then feel energized enough to get through a long day. There's no need to wake the baby when they get up so that should have no bearing on your decision.
I know those last few weeks are totally exhausting so I'm sure that they'd understand if you were only up with them for a short while during the next few weeks but to permanently decide to sleep through their mornings? That just doesn't sit well with me.
DH at least still makes sure that SD is up and hasn't hit snooze for the elventybillionth time. It's easier than getting *knock**knock* "Can you give me a ride? I missed the bus." He has to be up for himself around that time anyway so he just grabs coffee (we have an automatic coffee maker) and muddles through. One or both of us was up when the kids were 10/11 and getting ready. It's also nice to spend a few minutes with the kids before they start their day, make sure all forms are signed, etc.
As for the baby, he or she will have his/her own schedule for a while. When I was home with DD as a newborn, it didn't seem to impact SD's schedule. We half-woke DD at 6 for a feeding before I worked, but other than that, DD could be dressed in her sleep. You can also get the ball rolling and go back to bed. DH doesn't follow SD around and hasn't in a LONG time, but he feels he still needs to ensure she's started.
I would want to be up with my kids just to be with them before they leave for the day and to tell them bye. Then go back to bed. You won't be "teaching" your baby to be awake at 6:30 - it doesn't work like that. Especially with the new baby coming, you want to spend every bit you can with the older two and make them feel loved. Even after the baby is born I would still want to get up and be a least a little part of the kids morning routine. You don't want them to feel rejected or all on there own just because of the new baby. And you're SAHM so you can nap later.
Well, my daughter is a senior and I still get up with her, but at times hubby will take her to the busstop so I can get maybe 10 more minutes. :o) One of us is always up with the kids.
I always say I love you before she gets out of the car and on the bus, or if I drive her to school, like this morning.
I will continue to do it until my youngest graduates.
When I was in school and lived at home my mom would always already be at work and my dad would be sleeping. I always wished he would get up with me and spend time with me. It didn't matter that I was able to get up on my own and get myself out the door, it would have been nice to spend that little extra time with him. My parents divorced when I was 17 and me and my mom moved out and then I saw even less of him. I think you can get up and spend time with them and then go back to bed.
As a working mom, I have to get up anyway. My daughter is 12 and she still needs that extra push from mom/dad to get going and to keep things moving along. She is not a morning person and getting her up is the battle. As a SAHM, you have more options to enjoy a nap later. However, in your third trimester, I can see how you would be extra tired. How long does it take to really get the kids up and out the door? Take a nap after they leave. They will appreciate you seeing them off in the morning.
My husband was getting himself up, having a bowl of cereal and getting ready for school (and making it to the bus) from kindergarten.
I always thought that was a bit neglectful of his parents.
My Mom worked and had to be up and out anyway, and it was middle school when my sister and I transitioned to being more self sufficient.
My son turns 13 today, we all work (son has school - 7th grade) and have to be up and we just do it all together.
The baby is certainly not going to be on the same schedule as the older kids.
You can get up and not wake the baby, (or the baby will already be up and you'll be anyway).
Some teens/preteens desire more independence while others are not so into it.
It's fairly common for older kids (and even a husband sometimes) to feel like chopped liver when a new baby comes along.
You'll have to strike a new family balance.
While you are very pregnant and when you have a newborn I think it is fine to try to get some more sleep. At 12 and 11 your children will be perfectly capable to get themselves ready. Being in a family sometimes means compromises for everyone, including kids. It won't go on forever and you can explain to them why you need the sleep. They can pop into your room to say good morning etc without disturbing you too much. I say go for it!
Ugh, I hate the mornings too, I always have. However, I want them to know that I think school is important so the least I can do is get my butt out of bed to see them off. Heck, seeing them off to the school when they are older is just as (or more) important than when they are younger. I want to make sure their butts are going to school. I never want them to think, "Phhst. My mom never gets up" That's just my paranoid way of looking at things I guess lol.
And I almost always go back to bed. I have a two year old so we hang out until about 12 then we go back to sleep. He likes to sleep too so it works out. We are both horrible night owls.
I think that getting up with the other kids, lets them know that you are still there for them. At least just sitting there with them and being there with them shows that you are trying. When they leave for school, you can sleep till you heart is content...
About the teach the baby not to be up at 6:30? He or she may aleady be up for a feeding or going through a feeding.. I know its hard, because I went through the same thing myself, but we as mothers need to do it for our kids...
I have to admit that I did it until my older son was in high school and my younger son was in middle school. It was a conscience decision on my part because they weren't working hard enough to catch the bus. It seemed to be ME who was doing all the work.
Years before they found out how inconvenient it was to have to ride the train in to school (we were living abroad) and I think they had forgotten that. So I decided to let them learn. And after having to take the train twice because I didn't get up to help them, they did.
I hope your children can do this, but they may end up missing the bus. If your husband can't drive them in, you'll be miserable.
Good luck!
Dawn
My 10 year old gets up and gets himself ready every morning at 6. He is in 5th grade.
It is just part of motherhood. I always got up. I wanted to know what my children wore to school that day should something happen to them. I also thought it was nice to be up while they got ready so that they could talk to me or ask a question.
You only get one childhood and it is nice to have good memories of mom being there in the morning as well as being home in the afternoon.
As another poster said, take a nap after the kids go to school. Besides this new baby will have a schedule all its own and could have you up all hours of the night and day. So don't start counting the chickens before they hatch and get up with your kids!
Welcome to motherhood! We do things we may not want to do for our children.
The other S.
I had somewhat of the same situation as you, except my older kids were older than yours currently are. I was VERY pregnant with my 5th child when my oldest daughter graduated from High School. I always got up with my children...until they started in High School. The ninth grade was the "cut off" for me. I think it's different for everyone however, I think we are all in agreement that we are on borrowed time with our children and we need to try to spend all the time with them that we can. I think you should try to force yourself to get up with them in the mornings and then go back to bed when they leave for school. Just my thoughts. Congrats on the new baby!! God Bless, B.
I can't imagine not getting up.. kids grow so quickly. I don't want miss a moment IF I can help it. Not to mention, I would want an older sibling to have time with the new addition. To me, the morning is rich bonding time, time you can never get back nor can your kids. In my case, I would take a nap when they are at school. There is going to come a time when the kids won't , I mean don't want your help.. Oh sure ,independence is nice but so is breakfast with the kids and kisses goodbye..... Relish those precious times... sleepy or not, it all passes and oh so quickly..
good luck with whatever you decide.
I think it's all a preference.. my girls are 14/17 and I still get up with them every morning but I take them to school so I could just jump into something and go at last minute but it's become a habit to be awake anyway.. But then I agree you are gonna need sleep so take it while you can you are still in the house if something happens & they can come get you.. I say sleep.. congrats
My 6 and 8 year old get themselves up, get dressed and come down to get their breakfast. I get up with them but they do get started without me. I am not a morning person either. My thing is once they step outside. I would never make it through the day if I didn't see them get on the bus. I want to know that no one snatched them. :)
