Getting Used to Pre-School

I think perhaps you are prolonging the agony. Children adapt very well, and at the drop off you should try to avoid lingering. He will adjust far quicker if you let the apron strings out a bit. I did it with three boys and they fitted in just fine without me hanging around, looking like an anxious mother.

Picking up early is just telling him that fussing will get you to come early. He will get used to it when you leave him be and let him work it out. I know you just want to help. But you aren't helping. Staying with him in the early days too just derailed the natural process he would likely be mostly through by now. It's okay. Crying will NOT hurt him. He'll be so happy and confident once he realizes that it's OKAY. But right now you are sending him a message that it's not okay.

Barring illness, under no circumstances should you pick him up early. Honestly I'm surprised the preschool allows it or that they allowed you to stay it's disruptive to the teacher and the rest of the class not to mention unfair to the rest of the kids who don't get picked up by their parents. He will adjust. Take him to his class get him settled where he needs to be, give him a kiss and say goodbye then walk out. Do not linger, peek in the door etc. It is far harder on you than him and you need to let him develop some independence.

Let him stay. The drop off is the hardest part. Its the transition away from you that he doesn't enjoy and may take a long time to be comfortable with. Once he's in the groove, he's probably having a blast.

I am going to agree with the other posts on here and say that always swooping in and "rescuing" him is not going to help get used it any faster - he will keep expecting you to come in the minute he starts to get upset and will never learn that to cope with being upset and realizing that he's still fine, he can handle it and it's not the end of the world. All the other kids get dropped off and picked up at the same time and none of them have moms that keep staying. He will adjust more quickly if you just drop him off, keep the good-bye short and sweet, don't linger, and let him know you will be back when school is all done. Why come back to pick him up early if he's having fun?

You are a good mom and based on some of your other posts, you sound like you tend to coddle him and be a bit overprotective and stress out about things easily. This is not meant to be a criticism, just saying that if you want your child to grow up happy and confident that they can handle anything, you need to give them the opportunity to do so. Start encouraging him to be more independent and let him know that you know he'll be just fine. Children will not have confidence in themselves if they are getting the message from their parents that they are incapable of managing on their own and need Mommy and Daddy to "save" them.

I think this is simply a transition period for both of you.

It sounds like you have already done things to ease him into this new situation - teachers, kids, schedule, etc.

I think you should just drop him and go at this point. The teachers will let you know if there are any issues like long term crying, anti-social behaviors or major meltdowns during the day.

This period is as much about him learning to adjust to his new schedule and environment as well as it is for you to learn to let go and let other trusted adults handle things.

I know it's hard for you both. But I sincerely believe the longer you linger or don't stick to the same schedule the rest of the kids are on, the more he will fuss and look for you. Afterall, YOU are creating a pattern for him where you show up early, before the other moms. Preschool teachers usually say something like, "Mommy will come back after storytime," (this is a common answer for anytime the kids ask for "Mommmy".) This teaches them that there is a schedule, and that the teacher is telling them the truth...Oh look, it's after story time and there she is!!!

The more you linger at drop off or show up early the harder this transition is going to be for him. Try "talking up" preschool on the way there. Like "I bet you're going to have lots of fun with your friends today!" Then when you leave give him and hug and kiss and say, "I'll see you after storytime, have fun!!!" Be upbeat and happy. Wave goodbye and LEAVE.

I WAS guilty of doing the same thing...swooping in and rescuing (as dvmmom put it). However, my son is independent and can be away from me. I couldn't imagine if he cried when I left him in PreK, I would have been a wreck. IF I could turn back time, I would have done things ALOT different. I would have let him figure things out more himself, instead of constantly rescuing him. I had a few issues to overcome when I finally chilled out. He was VERY shy and had a hard time making friends, because he had to work at it and not always get his way. I thought something else might have been going on, but once I gave him the opportunity to figure things out HE DID! I know it's hard, but it will benefit him in the long run, I PROMISE! He's got to go through it. Hang in there.

I honestly think that you are going about this the wrong way. I wouldn't ease him into school and separation. He should not associate school with you, school is not a place that mommy's belong. Leave him at school for the entire school day. If in a week's time, he doesn't get over the crying, then I'd say that he is simply not ready for preschool. Not all 3 year olds are. You can take him to playgroup for socialization, use sitters more regularly and try again halfway thru the school year. Some kids may need to cry, and it's okay for him to do that as he adjusts. The goal doesn't need to be for you to stay so he doesn't cry at all, but for him to cry and get over it.
When my son started preschool at age 3, there was another boy who cried nonstop when dad left him there, and after two weeks of it not getting any better, they pulled him out. He came back again for the 4 year old year, did fine and is now a very typical 12 year old who goes away to baseball camp and on vacation with family friends :)
Good luck

I am a preschool teacher so I see this all the time. They know how to push your buttons. He will get over it. Give it about a month and then if he is still doing it then find another preschool. I have 2 children of my own and it was very hard to see it. And they were in the same building with me. They are now both in middle school and they are just fine. They come back to say Hi to their old teachers all the time. the ones that are still here.

Every other day will make is SO much harder for him to adjust, please dont do that to him.
I agree with SLM you are sending him the message that preschool is not OK
stop lingering, stop picking him up early. Tell yourself that if things arent better in two weeks you'll rethink things but in the meantime you'll allow him to cry a little.
Read him the book The Kissing Hand, and every other book (Spot Goes to School) about children going to school to send the message this is what kids do.
Dont ask Did you like school today? or Were you happy today? or Did you cry? or anything like that. Ask what book did the teacher read to you? Did you go out on the playground? (doesnt matter if you already know the answer) Did you play with blocks? play dough? Did you see Joey? etc to help him focus on the good points.

Take him in, give him a hug, then leave. He'll never get used to you leaving if you don't leave. I can honestly tell you that kids will adjust much quicker if mom isn't there. Don't even go in the classroom with him, just leave him at the door with his teacher then walk away. Give it 2 weeks of consistently doing this. If it's not working by that time he needs to stay home.

You need to let him go, and don't linger, and don't save him. He is working you, point blank. He will be fine. This time is good for him & you. Anyone who's been through this, and teachers, especially, will tell you that the quicker the goodbye is, the easier it is for everyone to get on with their day & get into the routine. Parents often make things worse, not better. You will prolong the difficulty by continuing to save him.

I know I sound tough, but I've been there. Good luck :-)