Gift Questions

I think if you weren't invited to the wedding, you don't need to give a gift.
I also think it's pretty tacky to invite you to a shower and a bachelorette party and not invite you to the wedding!
I was given some gag gifts by my bridesmaids for my bachelorette, and did the same when I was a bridesmaid for my friends' weddings. Again, since you're not a bridesmaid, I don't think you need to do anything gift-wise for the bachelorette. Maybe buy her a drink.

If they are having a small private wedding I think that a bridal shower and Bachelorette party are a little inappropriate and poor etiquette. Its like buy us gifts but sorry you wont be invited to share our day. So my answer to your wedding gift answer is no, you shouldn't feel you need to get them another gift. Bachelorette gifts are usually wedding night type gifts!! But I don't think that you should have to buy something. Sorry if this was a little to the point... proper etiquette is one of my sore spots.

As for the wedding, that is up to you. i do not think your friend is expecting anything if you are not attending, but if you want to get her something that is up to you.

In regards to the bridal shower, I have never taken an actual "gift" to the shower but sometimes have given fun gifts. Basically a game for the bachelorette to play through the night or something for her to wear. I had a tiara and a white feather boa for mine instead of the usual veil. I would check with whoever is coordinating the event to see what you can help with or bring. We also did a fun cake.

Personally, I wouldn't worry about getting anything for the bachlorette party. If you wanted, you could always buy her a few drinks or shots throughout the night. For the wedding, I wouldn't buy a gift. You said your shower gift was generous. We had a destination wedding, so it was pretty small. We invited everyone we would have to a traditional wedding, but didn't expect gifts from any of them. I do think some of my shower gifts were a little "bigger" than they would have been had they also planned to buy us wedding gifts.

Ohh my J. -

Giving shouldn't feel this way ... if you'd like to talk - you are invited to connect. My career and life have been about supporting the 'gifting' and 'receiving' spirit in all of us. Blessings, M

I have been to several bachelorette parties. Some included gifts and some didn't. Usually the invite will indicate if a gift is expected. It will usually say something like bring a sexy gift or a pair of sexy underwear. Since it isn't stated to bring something it is up to you. Usually these gifts are strictly novalty and inexpensive. Suggestions: edible underwear, lubercant, books on sex positions, nighty, sexy undies, body paint.

Wedding gift: My opinion is if your not invited to the wedding you don't need to buy a gift. If she is a good friend you may want just because. I think it is odd that she had a shower to include friends that aren't invited to the wedding. Since your friend is a wedding "rule" breaker anyway, I say anything goes in this circumtance.

For the bachlorette party, you could do gag gifts but that is all. As for the wedding gift, that would be up to you. If there is a party, I go and bring a gift. If not, I do not. In this case, it would be completely up to you and I think either way would be fine. Or what you could do is take pictures at the bachlorette party and make a photo album for her for the wedding. You could also chip in with everyone at the bachlorette party to get her something personal like spa day or to get her hair/nails done for the wedding. That would be your wedding gift and a nice way to be personal.
Tam

I've never been to a bachelorette party either (and didn't have one myself) so I'm going to say you're not sad. :)

As for the gifts, no, I don't think you need to give any more. Frankly, I think it's strange to invite someone to a shower and backelorette party when they're not invited to the wedding...it's poor etiquette. I'm a stickler for those things.

It sounds like you're being a wonderfully thoughtful and supportive friend and after the shower gift, that is a wonderful gift in itself!

Usually bachelorette parties are funny informal events where girls just have fun and spend quality time together, like you said, especially if they don't see each other as often as they used to. It's more like a catch up on what they've lost while living their lives independently.

So to answer your question, the right gifts for bachelorette parties are usually funny and original gifts, I wouldn't consider this occasion as one for which there would be any etiquette required.

For example you can have a 100% hand-made painting from the best photo of you and your friend from some time ago, when you used to spend more time together. I guess this would be both sentimental and funny to offer and I say this because this is what I offered to my sister to her bachelorette party last year and she was really thrilled and moreover, also started crying for nostalgia.... Here's a source to use http://www.paintedsouvenirs.com

I wish you the time of your life at the party and remember these events are just for fun....

Hi J.! I would say that you are not expected to give a wedding gift. Often gifts are given at batchelorette parties but it's not required.
So, I think, given your relationship and that you were not invited to the wedding (ettiquette generally requires that a person invited should send a gift even if not attending) that you are okay with just a shower gift.
If you would still like to be included in giving a gift for the party, ask a friend to share the cost of a gift, but don't feel obligated! Have fun!

When I had my bachelorette party the girls got me gifts (mostly gag gifts, nothing expensive).

Since you are not invited to the wedding, I would think that she would not be expecting a gift from you. However, since you have been friends for so long, it would be up to you if you wanted to get her something. I doubt she would be offended if you did not get her a gift.

I know for my bachelorette party I got gag gifts and lingerie. One of my friends got me a really big flannel night gown (from a 2nd hand store) and when I unfolded it there was $15 on a Victory Secret Card. I thought that was pretty cleaver! Then there is the edible underwear, which I never wore and ate them that night (they taste pretty good when tipsy!). As someone also mentioned if you are going out bar hoping or just to one place to drink you can always buy her a few shots, drinks whatever and that is more then enough of a gift!

Regarding the wedding gift, you went to her bridal shower and got her a gift so since you are not invited to the wedding (good friend or not) you are not required or expected to give them a gift. I would not give them a wedding gift.

Hi J.,

I agree with most of the other posts. If you are not invited to the wedding, you are not required to give a wedding gift. I also find it strange that she planned a shower and a bachelorette party and invited people who are not invited to the wedding itself - that seems to me like poor etiquette.

Regarding the bachelorette party, I've only been to a couple myself. I've never taken a gift but have bought the bride-to-be a drink or two. I've seen gag gifts given, and I guess in my opinion, unless your friend is wild & crazy, that would just be a waste of money.

In both cases, if you want to give a gift, go for it. However, neither situation requires one. Have fun at the party!

I agree with most of the others. If you're not invited to the wedding, you're not obligated to give a gift.

As far as the bachelorette party goes, I usually bring a gift card to a store like Victoria's Secret. It's not embarrassing because it can be tucked into a nice card. Also, she then doesn't have to open up something that makes her uncomfortable; she can simply pick out something herself.

Have fun at the party! Hope that helps.

-L.

Hi there,
I've been in 10 weddings and have participated in many bachelorette parties! So, here's my opinion: I don't think that you need to send a wedding gift. Since you're not invited to the wedding or reception, you're not obligated to send anything. Of course, it would be a very nice gesture, but you're not obligated. It sounds like you got her something very nice for her shower :) But, I do think you should take something to the bachelorette party--it doesn't have to be big--some fun body lotion or something else cute in the whole theme of the celebration of the marriage. Have fun!

The wedding is easy, you do not send a gift for that. You only bring one if you are attending, or if you can't make it and were invited, but didn't do a shower.

I have no idea about bachelorette parties, but I would think that there are no gifts involved. I didn't have one and have never been to one.

As far as the bachelorette party, you do not have to bring a gift. Some people give a gag gift or some lingerie or something, but you don't have to. A gift for the wedding? That's tough. I think the shower gift is enough, but maybe it depends on how good of friends you are. If she is one of your best friends (well, you would probably be invited to the wedding, along with family) I would get her a gift. But I think NO. You gave her something for her wedding at the shower. That is enough.

I agree w/Elizabeth 100%.

i don't think you are obligated to bring a gift for either occasion, but for my bachelorette party, most of my girlfriends brought lingerie. Maybe send a nice card with a check for the wedding- whatever you think is appropriate.