In an overtired outburst of emotions, my almost 5 year old shared that people are mean to her at school and one particular little one who was one of her good friends doesn't play with her. I always thought my little girl was part of a trio of friends. All three parents know each other and do some outings together. My daughter told me her best friend is another little girl whom I just met on Friday.
Birthday invitations are ready to go out and I thought I was doing the right thing by inviting what I thought was the trio and and a very small amount of the other friends from her school. I am doing the best I can to keep it limited, as the place she has her party allows 18 children and then I have to pay extra per child after that. I have heard her mention issues before, but never took it too serious.
Should I invite the child anyway? Should I invite who she says is her knew best friend? Is this just girl drama? I think whatever direction I go, I am going to hurt some feelings. HELP me please.
PS...she has several cousins and friends outside of school who attend her parties too. It doesn't take long for us to hit 18.
As we reviewed the list of invites, our little one never mentioned the new best friend again and gave a small hesitation in inviting the little girl she has had issues with lately. We invited her anyway. It seems the trio is back on, since there was an outburst from the other two upon her arrival at school on Monday. We did not invite the entire class because this is not a school function it is a private party, however all invitations were mailed and not handed out at school. We didn't invite the other little girl because we were already beyond our limit and will have to pay extra for about 10 kids already. She has a sister who I would have invited as well, which is the case with many of them already. We plan to bring treats for the class to celebrate her birthday at school. Thanks for all of your wonderful suggestions, it did help me through this moment of drama.
One of the best things my mom did when I was in first grade is invite the mean girl to my birthday party. I remember being horrified that she would invite her to my birthday party because she was not my friend and she was not nice to me. But that party changed everything. After the birthday party she was always very nice to me.
Girl drama is correct. I imagine that by the time you read these posts the scene will have changed. Listen and empathize but never assume that your daughter's feelings about her friends will be the same an hour or a day from now.
My granddaughter frequently complains that "people" are mean to her at school and that so and so who was her best friend last week is now her enemy, etc. She's been doing this since Kindergarten and now she's in the 5th grade. This is just the way kids are.
By the way, I volunteer at school and see first hand the reality of my granddaughter's drama. lol
Invite the girls you'd planned on inviting and include the new friend. With 18 kids everyone will have someone with whom to connect. I wouldn't worry about it.
oh the drama of it all! i would invite all the girls, the situation will probably change 15 times between now and the party, probably between now and the end of the week!
Is it possible to just invite all the girls from her classroom? Hopefully there aren't more than 18 girls, but that's the most fair way to go as far as the kids' feelings are concerned.
If the little girl is being mean to her, not inviting her wont help the situation! school just started, so it's normal that she is making new friends. Invite the new friend. I would ask your daughter if it's ok to invite the mean girl even though she was mean. It could be just drama and they will be best buddies again tomorrow. But snubbing on an invite will surely upset the mom that you have a relationship with and the other 2 of the trio. I know you don't want to escalate it from kid stuff to something more.
Welcome to the world of girls. There are all sorts of drama. I love the book Queen bees and want a bees (the a should be attached to want but the iPad won't let me). It describes the relationships with girls. Your daughter will have girls who are mean to her during her years in school. You as the mom need to stay out of it. You help your daughter in how to deal with the hurt. Invite the girl in question. Soon she may be the best friend. Or it maybe it will be her who is mean.
For those who think you need to invite the class. I know that feelings can be hurt when a child is not invited, but it is part of life. These days people don't always have the money to invite everyone. Should they really not have a birthday party because they can't afford to invite everyone? How's that fair to that child? They can't have a smaller celebration, instead they get none. I think this is one of those things that needs to be re-thought.
As you can see from the comments that you have already received..."drama" is always a "work in progress"....one moment they HATE Suzy...the next minute Suzy is their BEST FRIEND!!! That is just the way these little ones are. I would invite the "mean girl" AND the new best friend...and then just sit back and enjoy the day.
By the way...I would also use this as a learning situation for your own daughter to talk about how it made her feel when this friend was not kind to her and how she can avoid hurting other peoples feelings by being unkind herself!!!
invite the former best friend and the new best friend, and pay extra if you have already reached the limit.
reason: you will teach your daughter what's right, and that in no time she will be best friend with the 1st or 2nd or someone completely new.
my daughter didn't get invited to her friend (not best but someone she plays with most of the time) because (heard through the gravepine) that child had said: i don't want to invite her because she was mean to me the first day of school. this was a year ago. my daughter in school heard why she was singled out, had her feelings hurt, i talked to her about how kids say things they don't mean and that things like this happen all the time but she should just not pay attention to what other kids say. the birthday child and the mother had the comment backfire because other moms who heard why my child was singled out decided they were 'busy' that day. they didn't do it for us, or to make my daughter feel better, they didn't attend (not all but a lot) because they thought someday this will happen to their child since the birthday child's mom gave into the child's comment. lesson learned is be the bigger person.
I know its hard to invite everyone. But personally, I wouldnt just invite some people from her class, if you cannot invite them all, then I wouldnt invite any. There is a lot of hurt feelings when everyone isnt included,
I would agree that it sounds like typical "girl drama", and the girl that she is now on the outs with could be back to being her BFF tomorrow. Excluding the girl from the party could just make things worse. This can be a teaching moment for your daughter on how we treat others the same way we would want to be treated.
I've also read that it is harder for kids to function as friends in groups of 3 than as a group of 2 or 4. At that age they are better at one-on-one interactions, which means in a trio, somebody ends up being pushed to the side. If you are good friends with the parents, is this something that you feel you can discuss and come up with some solutions?
