Girl Scout Xmas Party--should My Jewish Child Attend?

Good morning. Personally, I would ask her if she would like to attend or not. If she would like to attend, maybe you can talk to the troop leader about allowing her to tell the girls about her religion and what Hanukkah is all about. Then, maybe bring one tiny little gift (like a pencil or something) to give all of the girls.

Friendship and comradrie should not follow religious boundaries. I would let her attend. Explain the parts she may not understand. How could she not have fun? I think maybe we are over thinking the Five year olds wants and needs. She wants to be with her friends like the other girls.

I don't think she is too young to make the decision. Tell her about the party and what is going to happen. Gingerbread houses are not Christmas-exclusive, but rather holiday-related, so anyone can have fun doing that. She can hang her ornament on her grandparents tree or you can regift it after the party.
As for Santa, explain to her how much it would upset the other kids if she said he wasn't real. Tell her she just needs to pretend or just to not say anything at all.
If it was my daughter (and I am Jewish), I would want her to go to the party so she could have fun with her friends.

K.
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Hi Rebecca, I'm a Christian. As a parent I certainly would never disallow my kids going to a celebration of the Jewish faith. I think we should all celebrate each other's differences.

Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas!!

:)

Honestly, I doubt anyone would send in a religious ornament, especially for such young children. The bulk will be snowmen, snowflakes, gingerbread, etc... with a few Santas here-and-there. Christmas is really interesting b/c there is such as divide between the Christian observance and the secular celebration. It sounds like your daughter's troop party will be the latter.

As a child, my best friend was Jewish. I spent holidays with her and vice-versa and I am so thankful that our parents encouraged us to do so. Because our parents (both deeply religious families) saw the value in understanding and respecting other religions, we learned a lot about eachother's traditions.

If it were me, I would have her attend. It's probably going to be a lot of fun and not focused on the Nativity. Check with the troop leader if you really don't want her exposed to that aspect of the celebration and ask them to be respectful of your religion.

Not sending her b/c it's not "your holiday" seems a little closed-minded to me. Next year, offer to contribute to the celebration by having the troop make dreidels and play with the chocolate ghelt. Rather than either-or, help the children see the fun aspects of both. If it's not too late, do it this year!

I would ask her if she wants to attend or not and go with that. Since your children do participate in some Christmas activities I would just consider this to be one of them if she wants to.

If she is going to attend, I would talk to the host and see if they would have whomever is exchanging an ornament w/ your daughter to either do so w/ one that is Jewish or at least not overtly Christian (maybe you could give them guidance). Maybe they may be willing to incorporate a Jewish tradition as well or have you explain your holiday celebrations and use it as a learning experience.

I'm trying to figure out why there is no mention of learning about Hanukkah with the troop? If there ever was a time and a place to learn about the holiday, this is it!!

I went to a school which was pretty evenly divided between Jewish and Christian faith. I *always* found the idea of Hanukkah fascinating. The latkes were always to die for.

Why not offer to bring some dreidles, make some latkes and talk about the two faiths and how each chose a different piece of the Bible to celebrate in December. There's no reason it needs to be exclusive. And my guess, the other girls will be equally fascinated!

My 5-year old is a Daisy too and this week she is going to one of the other girl's houses where she and her mother will be hosting a Hanukah party, playing the dreidel game, making latkes, etc. My daughter is not Jewish; we celebrate Christmas though we don't identify with a strict religion per se. It sounds like your daughter wants some more incorporation of her religion and her identity, so why not suggest (or host yourself) a gathering like the one my daughter's troop is doing? At this age, they are sponges and they love to learn about new traditions and what other families do around the holidays. My opinion is that she is too young to decide not to go to the party; she'd be basing that decision off of fear or frustration without really working through the feelings first. I think it's our job as adults to guide our kids through times when they feel insecure and give the tools to work it through effectively... like saying, This isn't your type of holiday celebration but it's fun to learn what others do at this time of year. Then absolutely validify her feelings with a follw up that she is just as valued and important to her friends and community. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for your family!

I would reach out to the leader on this one and see if you can have 10 minutes during the party to discuss a special custom of your faith. I have a brownie troop and 14 of 15 girls are Christian. We are meeting this week with the main purpose of learning about the festival of Hannukah. We will spend a little time at the end discussing Christmas customs around the world. I think your daughter should attend, but have the opportunity to share something special to her. Or maybe the snack - is there a special snack you can provide?

When my son was in preschool, I think every major faith was represented in the students who attended. They tended to celebrate them all. The kids/parents/teachers did little projects to explain various holiday traditions to the whole class and it was fascinating to learn about different customs from around the world for all sorts of holidays.
Christmas parties these days tend to be more party than anything else (unless it's a church function).
As for an ornament exchange, a lot of ornaments are not religious at all.
Snowflakes, snowmen, toys, etc.
Or maybe should could opt out of the exchange but still go to the party?
You could talk to the leader and see what she thinks.
If your daughter wants to go - fine.
It's fine if she doesn't want to go, too.

If your not opposed to her going then I would let her make the decision. Sit down with her and explain to her that they will be doing the gingerbread houses and ornament exchange. Unless all the other children are "overly" christian I can't imagine them picking ornaments that have too much of a christian meaning if they are allowed to chose for themselves. My DD would definitely pick something princess, something girly or something she just knew her friends would love. I also know that my DD who is also in kindergarten would be more than capable of making this decision.

Hi,

I think that since they are doing gingerbread houses and making an ornament, there won't be any harm in that. I would leave the decision up to her- ask her how she feels about it and if she would like to go. I highly doubt that all of the girls in her troop are extremely christian or religious, so she really won't be alone in the way that she is of a different faith- Most likely the ornaments will be tailored to snowmen or rudolf the red nose reindeer etc. Good luck!
Molly

I would leave it up to your daughter. If she wants to attend so that she feels included in the group activity let her. If she feels like staying home, that's fine too.

If she does attend and makes an ornament, just have it be her gift to your parents. Grandparents love homemade gifts like that!

M.

First, I would give your daughter the option of going. If she is interested in going, I would call the Leader is see if she would be willing for you to bring a craft that is Hanukkah related. I think it would be a good thing for the girls to learn it's ok to have friends of all races and religions. I wouldn't prevent her from going without speaking to her first. Also, about the messages on the ornaments, I doubt they are going to have a bunch of religious messages. It will most likely be Happy Holiday, Merry Christmas, etc.

I would give HER the choice whether to go or not, but to not be offended if someone tells her merry christmas or gives her an ornament or whatever the gift exchange is and to not mention santa or protest if a santa shows up. she can be as much of the party as she wants but to respect the other girls at the party

and i like lynns' idea, see if they will agree to incorporate a jewish tradition in the party so your daughter wont feel so left out

Suggest doing a Holidays Around the World theme and let each girl discuss their traditions - instead of a gift exchange each girl could contribute to an organization that is nondenominational. I think it important to bring cultural awareness to all especially at a young age. I would also remind your daughter not to spoil the magic of Santa - it is ok for her to not believe but not to spoil the magic for others in her troop. I teach school and each year deal with this at this time of year - it is a hard thing to explain! Good luck!

Tough situation. I can say this...I live and grew up in a primarily Catholic area, although we had a strong Jewish population as well. I am not Catholic, nor Jewish, but Greek Orthodox, so I can actually relate well to both religions, but I understand what it's like to be "different". My brother and I were the only Orthodox in our school/neighborhood and nobody got it...we celebrated Easter on a totally different day and our church was "weird", etc. But, my close friends,and my girl scout troop ;) knew about it b/c we told them. Plus, we learned a lot of Jewish traditions and things b/c of all our other classmates. Even as an adult I feel like I have a better grasp on Jewish culture than most of the other people I know, and honestly, I think it's a life skill to know about other cultures besides your own, so I guess my point, after a long story is this...have your child go, but maybe have her bring something about Hannukah. Maybe you can make latkes (I know it's labor intensive!) or a menorah or a story about Hanukkah or whatever...maybe you could go to the party and teach the kids how to play dreidle. I used to teach 3rd grade and I taught them every year and they loved it, so it could be fun. I say embrace it and have your daughter be the educator. I would call the mom hosting in advance of course and ask if this is okay, but she deserves to feel validated too, even if she's the only one!

Hi Rebecca,

I didn't read all the other posts, so if I second an opinion, I apologize.

One of my most precious memories of growing up is being invited to my friend's Hanukkah celebration with her family. I loved the idea that she got presents for eight nights and thought that spinning the dreidel (sp?) was so cool. My own daughter was invited to our neighbors' home for Hannukah last year and I was thrilled that she also got to experience this.

I would suggest having your daughter attend, and maybe bring the dreidel or menorah and telling her troop a little about how your family celebrates. Maybe if she has a special friend in the troop or at school she could invite them to one night of Hannukah at your house.

This way, she learns to share in others' traditions while sharing her own. I hope you and your family enjoy the holiday season, S.

I would first pick up the phone and give your daughter's leader a call. (I am a Girl Scout Leader and that's what I would appreciate.) Talk over your concerns with her and see what you think. My bet is that there will be nothing religious about the Christmas party. My guess is that they'll just do some crafty things and really decorating a gingerbread house is a lot of fun to do regardless of your faith. And.... as far as your daughter "spilling the beans" about Santa, she could do that at anytime..... in the classroom, at the lunch table, at recess, etc... But if she did say something in regards to it while at the party, I am sure the leader would just say that would put their minds all at ease and move on to another subject.
I would also ask your daughter if she would like to attend. (If you feel comfortable with your conversation with the leader.) Since it really just seems like a fun time for friendship over some crafts and food, empower your daugher to make the decision in regards to her Daisies Party.

What is the tone of her Girl Scout meetings? Are they over religious? I would imagine not since she's still attending them. I don't think you have much to be worried about.
I've noticed that almost every party this time of year has "Christmas" tacked on the front of it. Very few of them have anything to actually do with Christmas. I've never been to a party, adult or child, outside of church that is religious in nature. It's probably just an excuse for the kids to get together outside of school and have a little fun. I don't see the harm in letting her go.
You had said that she decorates a tree with her grandparents, so let her hand the ornament she gets on that tree. Have her take in a little cutesy ornament. I would bet that's what most of them will be like.
I would definitely tell her that there's going to be a party and there will be an ornament exchange and ask her if she wants to go.

Oh, I hope she goes! Can you talk to the troop leader? I'm sure she would be very welcoming to your daughter and try and make her feel included. When I was in kindergarten, we celebrated all the end of year holidays and learned about each one, and our end of year party, it was fascinating. Perhaps she can make a special Hanukkah type ornament and maybe even a little special treat especially for your daughter. Maybe your daughter can bring a traditional Jewish item to show the girls, so everyone can learn something. :)

I will give you my take from the perspective of the troop leader. I have been a troop leader both at a Catholic private school (for grades K to 4), and then later for a group of girls from all different schools (public, private, and Catholic) (grades 5 and 6). It would never even have occured to me to do anything "Christmas-y" for the latter group -- I did not know the religious orientation of each girl, but because the group was not exclusively from any one religious school, I did "Winter" crafts and games etc. (making card board snowmen and things like that) for our December meeting. I did not do any Easter crafts either; I did "Spring" crafts. (And - I am fairly sure your Girl Scout regional leadership would not be happy knowing the religious slant for a public school group meeting either (not that you were going there, I am just saying, I think they would not approve and I know mine would not have allowed that). On the other hand, when I was a leader at a Catholic school, we did lots of Christmas themed crafts, because in that forum it was appropriate.

All of that does not really answer your question, other than to give you the perspective that I think your leader is wrong (or just not thinking) here. But, I also think asking her to change the party completely would not go over well, so I would let your DD go (if she wants to), but explain to the leader that she is not Christian and knows that Santa does not exist etc. so the leader can head off any discussion of that. Also, ask her if you could co-lead that party and do some craft or song based on the Jewish holiday so the theme gets broadened. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, she may just not have even thought it might be offensive to you or a problem for your daughter and would welcome the addition of a new activity and teaching moment (I hope!).

I have not been in this situation, but I find it appalling that the mom hosting the party knows that your daughter is Jewish, and didn't discuss this party with you. Since the troop is from a public school, she could have easily called it a holiday party and incorporated aspects from everyone's faith. If she is not familiar with the traditions and celebrations of the Jewish faith, she could have asked you for some input. If I were you, I would call her and ask her if she would consider incorporating a couple of Hanukkah traditions into the party. If not, you should talk to your daughter and let her know that it will be a Christian party and give her the option to attend or not.

If she wants to go, I would have her go. You can tell her at the ornament exchange she might get an ornament that she does not like, but she should still be gracious about it.

She will have fun doing the gingerbread house, because what kid doesnt like to play with icing and candy?

Mention to the troop leader that your daughter has been feeling a little left out and ask if she can think of anyway to reference/mention Hanukkah at the party. Is there Hanukkah candy? Maybe you could provide some of that for the gingerbread house....

Hi Rebecca,

I would first contact the troup leader and find out more details about the party. I would also let her know in a non-offensive way your concerns. Rebecca, I am an extremely devout Christian, but honestly, I am surprised that she didn't take this into account BEFORE the party was planned. My guess is she probably just didn't think. It would have been so easy to call it a "Holiday" party and incorporate different cultural traditions which would have been a learning opportunity for all involved. But hindsight is always 20/20. Once you are better informed, I would then let your daughter know more about the party and let her decide whether or not she wants to go. She will most likely be dealing with this the rest of her life so now is a great opportunity for her to start practicing making those decisions.

I think she should go. It's just a party and hopefully the ornaments will be on the more fun theme than religious.

We are Catholic but my mother sent me to a Jewish Community Preschool. I loved it. I loved everything we made that celebrated the Jewish faith. I remember making the bread and making a dredel and I am 41!

The several years of exposure taught me (even at three and four) that other people's beliefs are beautiful and they added to my own understanding of my faith.

As you already know, people of other faiths are confronted by Christmas every December. You can't go outside without a reminder. Understanding this holiday is not believing in this holiday. Tell her to go have fun and not to concentrate on the serious side of this issue. If she goes with her heart open to her friends' beliefs she won't ruin Santa for them.

By the way, as Christmas becomes more and more commercialized, I have had to 'break' this holiday up into two pieces, the religious side (more important and really why the day is celebrated) and the make believe side/ store frenzy side.

Good luck!

Most of my son's friends are Jewish. We're lucky enough to be invited to celebrate many of the high holidays with their families as well as relatively unimportant ones (like hannukah... he just won some major gelt on Friday).

It occasionally bothers my son that he doesn't know all the words at Sedar, or what to sing when at any time during the year, or that we don't always get to see the Torah rerolled every year. Or, or, or. All the little things that come along with being included in something that we're not actually a part of, since we're not Jewish. Although he absolutely *glows* with pride whenever one of the little ones says "Kiddo... he's a Jew!" -typically after kiddo does something especially kind or brave / a mitzvah. <grinning> You just KNOW it's the repeat thing that small kids do. They're repeating what their teachers (in private Jewish school) say to them when THEY do a mitzvah. (Kiddo HAS informed me that he *gets* a manhood ceremony or I'm disowned, because it's not fair if all of his friends are considered grown, and he's still a child).

So there's occasionally some uncomfortable moments when kiddo feels left out, or doesn't know all the words, or can't read hebrew as quickly as his friends... But MOST of the time, he's just very very happy to be included.

I think that as parents, regardless of our religious background, we are to teach tolerance! Your daughter must learn to understand that we live in a diverse world, much like your community! And you are right no harm will come of her going to the party. As for your concern she may tell others that that Santa isn't real...you must communicate to her that some parents want their children to believe and that every person figures it out in their time and it is not right or nice to her to crush that fantasy for another child. As for her being annoyed with the "hubhub surrounding christmas", the question is where did she get that from....it is a rare child that feel so about Christmas....is that something she is picking up from the adults in her life. If she is truly insulted by the fact that she feels her religion isn't recognized , than I would suggest explaining to her the reason that is...Christmas is for me, as a Christian, about the celebration of the birth of Christ. For some, it is about the fantasy of a jolly old man bringing gifts to children...Those that don't believe what i believe might feel they aren't recognized, but the same could be said for me when the time rolls around for the many Jewish holidays....but we must learn to accept the differences and celebrate the joy and traditions of others...

Tough question and unfortunately there probably isn't an easy answer. Since Daisy Scouts are about respecting individuals, is there any way your daughter's religion can be incorporated into the party? I wouldn't want her to be singled out, but it should be possible to mention that different people celebrate different holidays at this time of year. The other girls in the troop might not know there is anything other than Christmas. My daughter is also a kingergartner in Daisy Scouts and I think she would be really sad if she missed an activity or party. Good luck with whatever you and your family decide!

I would have your daughter attend the party. First I would sit her down and explain that it would be very sad if she said santa was not real because that would take away from their holiday.
Maybe you could have a get together at your house and the kids could make dreidels? You could serve a traditional jewish food. It might help your daughter share her religion around the holiday. I dont think it matters that the other girls are christian its a nice thought.
If these are the girls that she is friends with and if she is going to be the only not attending it might make her feel uncomfortable.
There are lots of jewish people around were we live. Thats a shame your daughter is the only jewish child in the whole kindergarten. We reside in the Northeast so if your looking for a big jewish community you could probably find one out here in many of the Northeast states.

it sounds pretty non-secular
explain to her not to ruin the whole "santa" thing and that she should just play along and she can leave if it gets too bad
idk, but it doesn't sound that bad
let her leave if it wants to, but it'll be fine
i mean, it;s still da holidayys
~~M. K STRIKES AGIAN~~~

I would let her attend the party. When I was young my brownie/girl scout troop had a jewish troop leader although there were non jewish kids in the troops. I remember one time we had a party and had a story about the draydel (sorry for sp) and it was very interesting. We even got to spin it on the floor. So let her learn about other religious beliefs so that they won't seem so foreign.

Happy Hanakah.

The other S.

There may be more Jewish kids than you realize around you. I would get her a dreidel or other ornament that symbolise Hannukah and have her share it as a teaching moment for all the girls. They and the leader need to be aware that their beliefs are not the only ones around. Make sure the leader knows that she might be a bit awkward with this. Certainly gingerbread houses are not religious, so that is a non-issue. The Santa issue is probably not much of an issue since this is the age when children start to question it anyway. Give her the choice and decide together.
When my daughter was a scout we were always careful and respectful of the beliefs of the Hindu and Atheist families in the troup, even though the majority of us (including my family) were Christian.

morning
I have been in a similar situation but NOT because of religion, but rather growing up a foster child, I was the one who was referred to as NOT having a "real" family. so I know what it's like to stand out and feel different. However, it also taught me social skills.. being different than my suburban friends (I was also from the city) taught me that I needed to hone my skills of getting to know others. Even if it meant my making the first steps...

There was and I am sure still is to a degree, a lot of stigma that is attached to being a foster kid, let alone being "different" from others. I have learned that differences exist in life and we can help people better understand those differences or just not participate in life... I do think that it would be nice to have a "holiday" party to celebrate everyone.. Really, Christmas overall is about that.. it's just that commercially it's taken a turn in the opposite direction. How about you very nicely asking to speak to the troop leader in private and suggesting that next year, you also celebrate Hanukkah? why not help to open other peoples' eyes to it.. I am sure the troop leader would be open to it as part of the Girl Scouts training is to discover other cultures... as for your child, personally I would let her attend.. why? because children don't see religious boundaries or race, that is something that is taught. I would let her go and have fun . because truly that is what it is for kids. FUN...

best of luck in whatever you decide

This would be a good opp. to do something fun with the girls and learn a little more about other traditions. Maybe your daughter can make little cards or take small trinkets for the girls and tell them about Hannukah and teach them about her faith.

Her comment about the hub ub being "annoying" is quite mature. She might have come up with that on her own, or she may have heard it from a family member and now takes that attitude just because she has heard it.
I know this b/c my FIL is quite opinionated and spending time with him taints my kids' perspectives on a whole lot of life. We have to be careful about what the kids hear, for he seems to have no filter.

So much of life is about learning and respecting other people's culture and tradition!! Kinderg. is a great time to start learning that.

I feel your pain! Before going to friend's houses I have to remind my girls to not mention the tree and santa. We had Hannukah with my sister's family for the first time this year and the girls really have enjoyed it, including TWO sleepovers!

We have been getting together with my husband's family for Christmas but it's always been a problem because we don't agree with it religiously speaking and the last two years we were asked not to attend because they felt uncomfortable around us knowing we don't agree with the holiday. This makes us so sad because we love this side of the family and it crushes us that our religious differences create such a rift. We were even told we were tearing the family apart! By the way, these family members are not Christian.

I would speak to her troop masters about including other winter holidays as a multi-cultural holiday party. I realize, though, that there's a big deal being made right now of winter holidays vs Christmas and offends a lot of people, so it might be better to just ask your daughter if she would like to attend (that is, if you are ok with her going.)

S., Messianic Jew and mom to 4 little girls

I didn't have time to read all the answers below me so I apologize if I am repeating someone.
Here is my take.
For starters, I think you should maybe talk to the woman hosting and let her know that your daughter is feeling a little uncomfortable with the whole thing, just so she knows and maybe she can talk to the other girls and let them know that your daughter is of another religion and what that means. And ask if maybe your daughter can share some Jewish traditions and such with the other girls.
And of course, most importantly, ask your daughter if she wants to attend! Don't make her go if she really doesn't want to.
I would also suggest to your daughter that this might be a good time for her to show others that having a different faith doesn't mean we can't all get along and have fun together. Give her the idea of maybe sharing the dreidel game with her troop. And explain to her that other children do believe in Santa, and ask her to please not "ruin the magic" for the others.
Just be open and honest with her and let her make the decision.

I would give her the choice whether or not she wants to attend this party. I come from a Jewish family, my kids decorated gingerbread houses in school when they were in kindy. If she does go, I'd pass on the ornament exchange. As for her telling other kids there is no Santa, this party isn't a factor - she has plenty of opportunity to do that in school! If you haven't yet told her not to spoil it for the kids who believe, the time to do that is now. Kindy kids (and older) do talk about santa in school, in some schools Santa comes to visit.
Honestly, I think that knowing there is a Jewish child in the troop, something should be done to make her feel welcome or accommodated. The majority of the kids who celebrate Christmas should still have their traditions, but I would have made it a holiday party, with a Secret exchange that didn't need to be a Christmas ornament, and what is more fun than playing the Dreidel Game at a party?

I grew up not celebrating any of the traditional religious holidays (only the holy days in the bible), and I did not feel left out when I didn't participate in the celebrations. I just felt like I did something different. Like your daughter, I was annoyed with some things that were said and done...and sometimes forced onto me. (I still am.)

If it really doesn't matter to you one way or another, I would ask her how she feels about going, since she seems to have definite opinions about it.

Rebecca

I think you have an opportunity here to expose/teach the girls about different religions/traditions. Reading your post brings to mind a our Girl Scout council's (Greater Chicago and NW Indiana) badges. Although it's for Brownies, our council has a badge called "Passport to Religions" that can be earned. Here is a link to all of the "Uniquely Ours" info.

http://www.girlscoutsgcnwi.org/Default.aspx?PageID=565430...

Click on the "Passport to Religions" for the requirements towards that particular badge. There are Daisy badges also that are a bit more general addressing diversity issues.

I hope your leaders are receptive to any suggestions you bring to them.

Best of luck. Let us know how things work out.

I am Jewish and grew up in Brownies & Girl Scouts. I went to all the functions and LOVED them. There was only 1 other Jewish girl besides me ;-) Hope that helps!!

I agree with her bringing an ornament that symbolizes Chanukah and or bringing a dreidel and teaching the other girls how to play. I don't think it would do any harm in attending. Growing up I had a jewish friend whom I would get a Christmas present for every year she thought it was great. She even helped decorate my tree one year and I attended temple with her a few times. We had a lot of fun at her Batmitzfah. I thik education and acceptance is more important she may feel differently if she is able to share her holiday with others and then maybe she won't feel so bad about participating in a "christmas" party.

I have a muslin friend at work who actually celebrates Christmas, she loves it, but I'm sure for her it's more about family and giving then religion.

My sister celebrates both Chanukah and Christmas, she attends a Unitarian church and they celebrate everything, which I think is really neat.

As far as Santa, just tell your daughter not to tell anyone the truth because they may still believe. Most kids respect that, I know my son was pretty good about not spilling the beans!

I would call the mom and ask if perhaps her child can exchange with your daughter, ie. a Hanukkah ornament or one with a winter theme. And as other mentioned, bring a dreidel to share or other Jewish food item.

This is a great opportunity to teach your children about other religions. These types of situations will ensure she becomes sensitive to others that do things differently from her as she grows up and throughout her life. I think it is perfectly ok if she doesn't do the ornament exchange. It you don't want her to feel bad and leave the party emptyhanded then leave a small gift (something symbolic of your religion) with the host to give your daughter as she is leaving. Do what you feel is right in your heart. Best wishes!

i grew up as a minority (terms of religion).i never felt excluded from my friends of another faith. in fact, it was great.
i screwed up only once but no one got mad at me. i would have felt so lonely if i had not been invited to different holidays parties just because i am of a different religion.
so, if i were you, i'd let my daughter attend.
in fear of her saying something about santa, just have a conversation with her prior to attending, and tell her that it's a secret between you and her and that no one else is allowed to know. but you guys do. that way she feels special, AND doesn't freak out other moms by telling the truth
:)
ps she will be dealing with this for a long time in years to come. might as well enjoy friendships and life.

First, ask her if she wants to go. If she does, let her know what may happen. This is most likely the over bearing commercial Christmas and not the religious one. I, too, get annoyed the the commercial Christmas, and I am not too devout of a catholic.

Then, ask her how she plans on dealing with all of it. She is old enough to have her own thoughts on the matter. Does she want to participate in the ornament exchange? Ask the leader if overtly religious images are going to be allowed. A simple star is nice and generic.

If you talk with her and work it out, I am sure the two of you can come to an agreement. But I would not just not let her go.