Girl with Serious Senioritis

You sound like a great teacher to be this concerned. I don't have any experience with teens, but this sounds like a lot more then just senioritis to me. What does her guidance counselor think is going on? Is it possible that she is depressed?? Does she have friends, if so who are they? What is going on within the family. I can see goofing off after being admitted to college, but this sounds like a lot more then that. Also, does she have any undetected learning disabilities? Is she ADD? Perhaps attention deficit w/o hyperactivity which is hard to detect, but so tough to live with?? I think all of this has to be addressed first before choosing a "gap" year or job etc. However in general I think a "gap" year is a great idea for the right kids if it is constructive and involves a real life experience, not just goofing off. Maybe some type of foreign life/volunteer experience. However the parents have to get to the root of whatever is going on before deciding on this.

It sounds like she is depressed. Is this level of resistance new? I would discuss it with her parents first. Mention that you have seen a marked change in her mood and activity level. Ask if anything has changed and offer to speak with her directly.

There may be a romantic relationship component going on here, so be prepared to hear about things that you may not want to know!

Talk to the parents first-

What's the boy's name? What are her peers going to do after high school?

My 11th grader is starting to fall into the same gap. He doesn't care about his grades either or going to anything but a trade school or the military now when he had hopes of attending Vanderbilt or USC.

Just remind her that only a handful of friends she has now will be with her throughout her entire life. She needs to do what's good for her in the long run and look at the big picture. I wish I would have at her age.

Hi B.,
You sound like a great, dedicated and caring teacher. It is very touching how you want to help this young woman. However, truly I believe that this is a parenting issue, and that you should take a step back from looking for solutions for her. She needs to step up and take responsibility for her work, and her parents need to be clear with her what their expectations are and what they are willing to permit her to do next year (financially support her if she is not going to college or really working?). I really think the decisions you're asking about are family decisions and need to stay within the family. I'm also sure that her HS guidance counselor knows what other programs there are. You cannot force this girl to do work, and if her parents want her to get it done, they need to sit on her (figuratively of course!). I know that you are involved because you care, but I hope the parents are not passing the buck in terms of their responsibility on to you - as the parent of a high schooler, I know that you can't force them to do their best work or sit and work with them like you can an elementary school child, but it's up to them to determine consequences if she does not get into or opts not to go to college or can't graduate because she is failing. You can't force motivation into your student no matter how you try, at this age, it needs to come from herself. If she doesn't care about anything, I also wonder if perhaps she is suffering from depression, and if that's the case, the parents need to be the ones who recognize this, and take action in terms of some counselling.

Good luck to your student and to you in dealing with her, the community needs more caring teachers and tutors like yourself.

She might be scared of the future. SO if she fails, then she cant graduate and wont have to face anything new. Going off to college is very scary for some kids. Is there a community college she can go to? Some people put down community colleges but they make a lot of sense. The first 2 years of college are spent taking core classes and its a whole lot cheaper to take them at a community college, then she could transfer to a 4 year school. This would give her a chance to mature and get used to meeting new people without having to leave home.
The other thing that might be happening is drugs, not caring about anything hints of drugs. Or she might not want to leave a boy friend. good luck and its so nice of you to care so much.

Thank you so very much for caring. It does take a village to raise a child. There are too many people that don't put their input into the lives of children and let them wander aimlessly. Thank God you are not like that.

Ultimately it will be the decision of the child and the parents to determine what path is best, your voice is important too. You really don't have any vested interest in this child other than seeing her thrive instead of just survive. I took a year off between highschool and college. I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up and all of my friends were still going to be in highschool. It would have been nice to have a friend who was already in college so I could have saw that as an immediate option. Not going to college isn't the end of the world but you will need some natural skills, talents and abilities harnessed in some kind of trade license to truly make it in this world.

She may also be suffering from depression or just future thinking overload. Dig deeper for answers to these questions always letting her know just how much you care about her and her future. This may make all of the difference. Keep up the great work and the encouragement.

At the risk of repeating what someone else may already have said, it sounds like this girl has something significant that is bothering her. Have you tried to talk with her, not so much about college but just have a conversation with her, see if you can draw her out? Have you tried speaking with her parents, seeing if they would be willing to get a mental health counselor to talk with their daughter? It sounds like there is a lot going on that they are not telling you.

If you have a good rapport with her, and do not mind keeping a positive connection with her (whether or not you continue tutoring her) I am sure that can only help her.

Hope this helps a bit. Good Luck!

J.

Hi B.,

I am wondering if there is an underlying depression going on. I went through something very similar with my son in high school. His guidance counselor took such a liking to him because she knew his potential and wanted so much to help him through. Also, I was very much in contact with her regarding my sons grades and future so she knew he had strong family support. He was also very bright, in the gifted programs at school, straight A student and all of a sudden everything came to a halt. It was heart wrenching to watch my son go through everything he did but with support from my husband and I, counseling, and gentle pushing he made it through. I think all of the pressure for him and questions of what do I want to do with my life just got to him. His graduating class had a huge amount of very bright motivated children and I think he always felt he couldn't measure up so he gave up. He was extremely popular, well-liked but unfortunately he just didn't see things that way. Trust me it was truly the most difficult time of our lives. I think you are a wonderful and caring person for getting so involved but I am not sure you are the one who can help her. I think her parents need to really get involved and be proactive about getting her outside help. It is tough to take a hard line as a parent if depression is the issue because the last thing you want to do is push them completely over the edge. So for me the choice to go easy or as others suggested tough love was extremely tough. We chose to support him and help him through but my husband and I continued to push he go to college and told him we would help him in every way possible. It took three counselors for him to finally open up and get to the root of what was bothering him. Being a teenager is not easy. There is so much competition and so many decisions to be made and some kids just can't handle it all. I think I would sit down with the parents and suggest counseling and let them take it from there. Good luck!!

Does sound like some depression. I find most kids her age are very depressed and confused about college and life. She may need some professional help. ITs more than senioritis.

Is she depressed? I would talk to her and her parents about this before I conclude that she is having senioritis.

B., there is a woman who is known as The Education Dr who is phenomenal with working with children who range in age infant to graduate college bound. She deals with transitions b/c of trauma or death, she helps to decide what schools or colleges are best for your children and whe works through the emotional stuff to get to the root cause. She has a firm grasp and network with all schools, including college preporatory (Andover), ivy leagues, and local colleges within the US. She also specializes in at risk boys to get them on track. She is absolutely amazing. Here is her website:

http://www.compasseducationstrategies.com/blog/

I agree with the mom who asked - what are her friends doing/not doing next year, because this may be at the root of it. Or, if no close friends, this provides an explanation as well.

I would try to figure out what it is that she DOES get excited about or have a passion for. Everyone has a passion for something - even if it is a secretly held passion. Then, the gap year program or internship should be related to that. It doesn't have to be a job, or a program she has to pay for, it can be a apprenticeship/internship that she neither pays for nor gets paid. As someone who does a lot of hiring, I often see these life experiences as even more important than the college degree. For example, does she like kids? She could be teacher's assistant or help at a daycare. Science? Volunteer at a museum and train to be a museum docent. There are lots of places that will take an untrained volunteer and give them significant experience. But she would need to be responsible, on time, etc. Which is why she needs something that she is truly excited about, to motivate her.