Girls' Weekends and Men

How is it a women's weenie roast (that makes me giggle) if there are men along? And why would he want to be there?? Yeah… no.

No it wouldn't be a ladies only then , would it? Why not suggest another activity scheduled with spouses, signicant others ,etc ? How would a man feel about bringing his lady along on a boy's night out? C. S.

If it's a women only event, where no one was invited to bring their spouses, then the answer should be no. This is no different than your other events. Sounds like maybe there is a jealous husband who doesn't believe that this is a women only event. It will feel uncomfortable to the women, and it should feel uncomfortable to him, to be the only man in a gathering of gal pals. Also, it sets a bad precedent, where if he comes to this, he will be brought along to any other event, and other ladies might bring their spouse or S.O. Maybe you need to set a yearly or twice yearly event, such as a holiday party or summer bbq, where spouses/SO's are welcome.

My book club is just us ladies, 8 of us. Our spouses do not come to the meetings, to our holiday party or when we go out to see the movie of a book we've read. But we have a yearly summer BBQ where spouses and kids are invited.

I would say "The Many Cultures of Women" by definition means it should just be your group of female friends. However, I see nothing wrong with an occassional gathering that included the significant others as long as everyone agrees. Maybe you tell her no this time and than work to plan a dinner that includes everyone.

no no and no.
men are lovely. i adore them, appreciate them, and love spending time with them. i've got 5 brothers, 2 sons and a nice husband. i'm all about men.
but they have no place on girls' weekends. women need no-man time.
i used to take wonderful women-only bellydancing lessons. one gal was sooooo insistent that her husband be allowed to come in and drum for us because he was 'such a great drummer.' and he was. but having a man in the room totally changed our yummy female energy flow.
post a message to the group kindly emphasizing the importance of women's bonding time, and suggest to everyone that hubby time be spent individually or in smaller couples groups.
khairete
S.

I'm in the camp for saying no. If she brings her hubby then you don't have your ladies group.

I hope this person is not so insecure that she feels she has to have hubby with her all the time. It sounds like she needs a weekend without him in order to gain her own self confidence.

NO, a girls weekend is a girls only weekend. If she can't handle that, then she doesn't need to attend.

No.

At this "meeting" perhaps y'all could discuss an event that includes significant others, but since this one was not originally planned to include them, I'd say no.

If it's a club for women and a time for women to bond and make friends I wouldn't let him come. I have a moms club group where the dads aren't invited to our moms night out, daily play dates etc. But we will do special events where the entire family can come.

I'm not sure why (?) a man would want to come hang out with a bunch of women, but maybe he just wants to meet his wife's friends.
Have you asked her why she wants to bring him?
If that's the case I'd organize a couples activity some time in the near future, for those who are interested in meeting each others' significant others.
But regular events, remind her it's ladies only.
Some women look forward to their time AWAY from the men and kids.
ETA: if she brings him anyway start talking about menstruation and menopause, that'll send him running!

no, this is a W.'S club. It's a time for women to get together.

If it's supposed to be a "FAMILY" get together - do that quarterly - or whatever works for the group.

Otherwise? No.

I would say no to this occasion, but make a point of once a month or so having family events, where each woman can bring spouses, kids, boyfriends, whatever.

There is no way in heck my hubby would want to come to "The Many Cultures of Woman" gathering....especially for a "wienie roast". Kind of ironic a man wants to come to an event where a bunch of ladies are gabbing and roasting wieners. Made me snicker.

I am wondering if this particular woman might be the Muslim lady?? She might be dealing with some culture war issues in her home with her spending a large amount of social time out of her home with such a diverse crowd. I could be wrong....but I have witnessed it myself. Muslim men are trying to find their place here in the U.S. and hold strong to cultural norms among our very liberated society.

You are all simply one vote in this democratic "club". I personally would vote "no". How about you host one event next month and everyone can bring their partner. So state in a response to the email that you think this event should just remain as planned, just for the gals, and how about next month we do something for the gals to bring their partners to. Worth a try.

What a great "club" this is to include everyone from your work. Makes work more fun and just goes to show that women need women relationships no matter what our background is. Female relationships are grounded upon such stronger themes than sexual orientation,marital status, religion or ethnicity.

Enjoy those wienies!!

Nope. Girl time is girl time. The husband doens't come - and the one who asked should know better.

You clearly said it's a women's group so why would a man even want to go? He can roast wienies at home. lol However, on occasion you can have an "invite your partner party". I think it should be planned as such ahead of time then there isn't any confusion. For this time I would probably say no and then plan another co-ed party for another time. Good luck.

Men don't get to come to girls' weekends. She is breaking 'the code' by even asking.

That said, if the rest of you are up for it you can plan an additional event and make it for families or couples.

I used to attend a third friday our thing. Women, co- workers, friends, female family could all meet at X bar/ restaurant for happy hour. The men in their lives were welcome to join after 8pm, should they so choose.

Best,
F. B.

If this is truly a women's day activity it's not appropriate for her to ask her husband or to ask the group if he can come.

BUT

Many cultures dominate their females. Her husband could be telling her she can no longer attend if he doesn't go and see for himself what goes on. He may be an abuser and dictator to her. So, I'd make sure that everyone was agreeable to this before because if he comes one time he may not ever let her attend without him again. This may be her ONLY opportunity to be away from him. She may really need this girls time out.

SO I'd talk to the people that organize the activity. Voice your concern. Ask them if they allow this one man to attend if that means your hubby can come too? That by allowing this man to attend that is opening the door for any hubby to attend...

Ask them what their thinking is. As you said, your work moves you around so in the long run this isn't something that matters to you, they'll still be here when you move on.

Not that while you're here it doesn't matter, just think about it in the long term. I'd want to make sure they knew I didn't care for the idea just so they'd have someone who is outspoken and influential that might help them to see it's a mistake.

I would say no. Sometimes my husband tries to come upstairs to talk to us during our ladies only craft nights and I shoo him back downstairs or to his room.

Why would he even want to go to a girls afternoon?

You could make a one-time exception for hubbies. They will probably find they are bored out of their minds.

In my "group," we occasionally invite the husbands. It changes the tone of our get-togethers, but it's fun in its own way.

I would say let the majority rule on this one - maybe have it be a "Family" event for this time and suggest that the group have those every so often or even "Couple" events as well.

Do you ladies have someone who would be considered your "leader"? Have you ever spelled out any terms for meeting, like "ladies only"? Is there a majority vote process?

If the arrangements are being made in an online forum, I would express that "I strongly prefer that our gatherings remain a women only environment." Let them do with that what they will. Once you know if he'll be there, then you can decide if you're willing to participate.

PS. I can't stand for women to bring their men to girl stuff. My husband and I were partying one night, and one of the stops was my girlfriend's birthday celebration at a club/lounge. When we got there, he and I kissed goodbye, and he walked in a different direction. He came over at some point to wish her a happy birthday, and then he disappeared again. Men understand when they need to stay away. It's usually the women who want them to stay. If he shows up and you're up to it, just start talking about panties and periods. Maybe he'll run and jump in the lake, leaving you ladies to take care of your lady business.

Ha ha ha - I would let him just so you get to watch him squirm =) Heck, you are "roasting weiners" ;)

Heck, maybe you would be doing him and her a favor so he can get some insight into "how women think."