Giving Birth for the First Time

I wish I knew that I would bleed for MONTHS after, and that it was normal. I also expected the weight to melt away, and it was something I had to work at.

Good chance you will poop during delivery.

Buy pads in case your water breaks, plus you will need them after birth. You will bleed after delivery for a week or more.

If you nurse, you have to wear a bra constantly.

Everyone told me the baby was easier out than in, I just wanted her out, but yes, it was easier with her in.

Let people help! Swallow your pride, if someone offers to clean or cook a meal, let them do it.

Sleep sleep and more sleep.

I let my baby go to the nursery during the night when I was in the hospital. I know lots of moms want the baby with them, but I also knew this was my only chance to sleep. They brought her in when she was hungry so I could feed her. It is ok to use the nursery and the nurses, that is what they are there for!

If she's getting induced, don't try to do it naturally because it hurts about 3 times as much than letting your body go into labor on it's own. So definitely ask for the epidural too if you are getting induced! Also, your first baby is always going to be harder than the other ones because your body hasn't done it before.

To have some source of pumping breastmilk at first if she's going to nurse because it takes a few weeks to get baby and your boobs on a schedule. When the milk comes in your boobs get really hard and it's hard to latch on, so you have to pump so they can.

Get the Bumbo seat -- wonderful "babysitter" as soon as the baby can hold up their own head. Especially good for those babies that don't like swings.

99% chance you will get hemorroids -- take slippery elm once a day until goes away. It heals and fixes that whole system.

Your boobs and your butt will hurt for a couple weeks but it does get better and it's so worth it! ENJOY!!

Oh... the things you wish you had known before... I think some are the same and some are different for every body, but here are the one's I wish I had known going into it...
- Trust your instincts and don't let anyone try to tell you that you're wrong. I was in labor (dialated to 6cm and fully effaced) but I wasn't in any pain and my contractions weren't regular so they told me that it wasn't real labor when I called to find out what to do. We went in anyways and it turned out that I wasn't in any pain at all (just unfomfortable) all the way through until they broke my water at 8 1/2cm and then I started pushing 30 mins later. Had I not followed my instincts I might have still been sitting on the couch wondering if I was in labor when the baby was ready to come.
- Make sure your Dr. knows what you want and is willing to help you get it. If she wants a drug-free birth then her Dr. should be willing to help her make that happen if at all possible. If she wants an epidural then the Dr. should know that ahead of time.
-Trust your body. Women have been having babies since the beginning of time. Even if you feel like you don't know what to do... your body does. Don't try so hard to control everything because you'll just be defeating yourself. Just let it happen.
-Be flexible. Know what you want going in to it but remember that sometimes the unexpected happens and you have to be willing to adjust.
-And Remember that no one was ever in labor forever. When my sister had her first I told her "Worst case scenario... it's over in 24 hours. That's one day in the grand scheme of things and then you have your baby forever. You can make it through one day." She had a nightmare delivery and she said the whole time she just kept telling herself that it was just one day... no matter how bad it got it wouldn't last more then one day.
-It's normal to throw-up... it's normal to poop... it's normal for your legs to shake uncontrollably... so don't freak out and don't get embarrased. The doctors and nurses see it everyday.
-After the baby is born... trust his/her instincts. My daughter came out preprogrammed. She knew exactly what she needed to do even when I didn't. Once I let go and stopped trying to control the situation and just let her do her thing we had no problems nursing.
-The first time you pee after you have a baby is WAYYYYY worse then labor ever was. Take your time... use the squirt bottle thingy they give you with cold water (that thing will become your best friend) or pee in the shower. Trust me, it helps!
-You're gonna feel like you're walking around with a tiki-torch in your pants for a week or so afterwards. It's normal. Take it slow... don't sit down too hard... and Tucks Unmedicated Pads with witchazel are your friends!
-Hemmoriods are normal after you have a baby. Don't freak out over them... they'll go away.
-Invest in the following before the baby gets here... a boppy pillow, a baby papasan chair that vibrates, in itzbeen timer, a snugli or sling, and a co-sleeper. I couldn't have lived without those. Oh, and buy stock in milacon gas drops and lansinoh (breast cream).
-Colic is horrible because there's not much you can do. It's really hard to listen to your baby cry and not be able to fix it. If you get to the point that you can't take it anymore... don't be afraid to put him/her down in a safe place and take a minute or two by yourself to regroup. You're not a bad mom and it happens to the best of us.
-They may be small but their not a fragile as they look. Don't be afraid to move them around. Sometimes gas bubbles have sharp corners and it takes more then a gentle pat on the back to get it out.
-Every question I ever had with my daughter was answered in "What to Expect when Expecting" and "What to Expect the First Year."
-And if you have a question that you can't find the answer to don't be afraid to call and ask someone... even if it's midnight. They will understand and you won't sit up all night worrying yourself into a tizzy.
-And, most importantly, everyone has their own way of raising a child and everyone will tell you that if your not doing it their way then your doing it wrong. Don't listen to them... and don't let them upset you. You're the mommy and you know what's best for your baby.

Good luck! I'm sure she'll do just fine. We were all first time moms at one point and we'll all made it through. She'll figure it all out. :)

i remember having my first, and being furious that no one told me what it would be like afterwards, the cramping, the bleeding, how it hurt to cough, sneeze or move, that i wouldn't be able to sit on a hard surface for weeks, and that nursing, while the benefits are wonderful, hurts in the beginning. also, i would want my family to tell me the difference between having the baby blues, and having post partum depression, how scary that can be and how being a parent in itself is scary, but that it's ok to make mistakes and want some time just for yourself. i wish your niece well.

You might look into hiring a doula for her. A doula is a labor support person. Sometimes hospitals even have volunteer doula's.
Ultimatly from my experience I would tell her to give in to the process especially if she is birthing naturally. As strange as it sounds the hardest thing to do will be to relax. She just needs to let everything go and REALLY focus on relaxing.
Tell her not to be scared, millions of women will be giving birth with her on that day!
HTH,
S.

Tell her you love her. Tell her what you remember about her being born. Tell her that no matter how painful labor is, it is only 1/1,000,000th of the joy she will feel holding her baby for the first time. Tell her she will miss her mom, and that you will be there to listen to her when she does, and to help her. Tell her you know she is strong and you believe in her. Tell her she will be a great mom. Tell her what your heart knows.
S.

I agree with Lori W. let her know there is no shame if she decides to have an epidural. I did and thankfully. Once the hospital administered it my husband and I were able to enjoy the rest of the time.

K.,
I would give her these few bits of information. 1. If you poop while pushing the baby out, it is okay and normal- nothing to be embarassed about. 2. After baby is born, the nurses pushed on my stomach about once an hour to get my uterus to contract and that hurt,(second daughter born), but my first one they didn't and when she latched on to nurse, that caused my uterus to contract and that hurt too.3. If she has a little girl, it is normal for the baby to have a little vaginal bleeding. It is left over hormones from mommy, usually only last one or two diapers!
4. I would say to relax and enjoy the whole experience.

Two things I would tell her. One: every question I ever had was answered in the books What to Expect When You're Expecting and What to Expect the First Year. Literally never had to ask a person for any advice.

Two: Tell her that when she's ready for the epidural, it could take as long as 45 minutes until the doctor is ready to administer it, because there might be women waiting ahead of her. Those will be the longest 45 minutes of her life! So ask for it early as opposed to waiting until you can't bear the pain another moment.

I would let her know that it's normal to feel sick to your stomach and throw up and that it's also normal to have a bowel movement during labor. That it's normal to be absolutely and totally wiped out after the birth. That it's absolutely normal to not feel an instant and immediate connection with the baby - sometimes it takes awhile for that bonding to take place. That your boobs hurt horribly while you're waiting for the milk to come in. And that motherhood is an absolutely scary, frustrating, WONDERFUL experience! Congratulations!

I only read a few of these but some advise that I had not seen was to make sure you have enough pads afterward, both breast and sanitary napkin. Get the monster nighttime ones for the first few days home. Her hubby may not know exactly which ones to get since there is such a huge selection.

Find her a doula!!!!!!!

If she will be all alone then she could request a douls. This is a person who is there only for mom and to support her in any which way that she can. This would be great because a doula is not emotionally connected. So is 100% to help you.
Ask for help if it not offered!!
Take any and all help if it is offered.
Have a basket with you at all times. (or purse) in it have bottled water, snack you like(granola bar), pad & pen, cordless phone , any meds, extra pad,!!
These are all the little things that you forget to grab when you take a shower , go potty and sit down to nurse, but if it easy to carry on your arm you will need it.
Stock you freezer with convience meals, frozen veggies and fruits so you can still eat somewhat healthy. Also stock your pantry with can goods , pasta sauce and pasta.
Remember to drink enough water.
When labor starts and it gets painful put a chair in the shower and let the water hit your mid back as hot as you can stand it . This will ease some most of you pain.
Stock up on pads so you don't have to send you hubby out.
Make lists of what you want and expect of you parnter to do. They usually lose all their common scense.
Have a call list and pack a disposable camera.
This is your body and your baby
ask all the questions you want and don't feel like you are bothering anyone, because it is their job and they are getting paid thousands of dollars to take good care of you.
Take care and good luck
god bless

Take the drugs!!! My doc was wonderful and reviewed all the options with me when I was 8 months along. It was very, very popular then to give birth naturally. I went for the drugs! I heard screaming I couldn't believe from the women who didn't have any anesthetic (small hospital, busy day!). Pain meds do not make you a wimp!

Send her flowers! A big, gorgeous arrangment. She'll feel special!

L.

hire a doula! she will help her through, help her stay drug free, and provide a ton of support.
Stay away from the drugs. I know I'm venturing into "start a fight" territory here but, each and every time the docs touch you, you significantly increase your risk of C-section. But its so much better for the mom and the baby to stay drug free that if you can handle any pain at all, to suck it up (although I do remember shouting at my husband, "who's g...d..., f..., stupid a.. idea was this?" - he wisely kept his mouth shut, since it was mine). but in the end, it was well worth it. my first required oxygen, didn't figure out how to nurse for days, my milk didn't come in for days (all are side effects of epidurals and medications) but my second (all-natural), nursed w/in 2 minutes of birth and my milk came in 12 hours after she was born.
prepare for nursing to be a horrible, awful experience the first couple of weeks. And that if she just "sucks it up" (pun intended), it will get easier and turn into a wonderful thing that she wouldn't trade for the world. It will also help her lose the baby weight and makes her baby SO much healthier throughout life. And to ask questions of a nursing line, lactation consultant, doula, whatever to make that intial nursing period go at least a little easier. She needs to make the mental decision now, that this is what she wants and will work for it, or quite frankly, it won't happen.
also, despite what ANYONE tells you (nurse or otherwise) - do NOT give a pacifier before the baby is a month old if she's going to nurse - I've heard so many horror stories of how it screwed up nursing. Yes, it would temporarily make your life easier but oh, the pain of getting the baby to start sucking right again to nurse.
The baby will have a growth spurt at about 3 weeks, 6 weeks and 12 weeks - and the baby will nurse non-stop for a day or two. No, you haven't lost your milk and yes, your baby is just fine and your body will adjust your supply w/in a day or two. My oldest chose his first growth spurt on a day my husband worked 15 hours - thank goodness someone had warned me or that horrible day would've been much worse.
And lastly, its totally normal to hate your husband and your husband to hate you and to scream at each other - let's face it when no one has slept more than 2 hours at a stretch for a couple of weeks, you hate everyone! reach out to friends and family so at least someone gets some sleep (although that usually ends up being dad - that's okay - they don't deal as well w/sleep deprivation).
Ok, one more "lastly." Trust HER instincts - no one elses. As a mom, you will almost always be right - and when you're not, its usually because you listened to someone else against your better judgment.
She's embarking on such a wonderful journey that no one in their right mind would chose, if we knew then what we know now and yet, wouldn't give up for anything!

I think that no matter how prepared you "think" you are, it's never enough.

We took the childbirth prep classes. They were kinda helpful, and I'd recommend she do them. The thing was that they never tell you that there comes a time where you just have to let go and let your body take over. Things are new and scary and all of a sudden, your body has a mind of it's own!! I panicked!

Also, no one told me about the possibility of passing clots after birth. The first time I got up to go potty, I passed a HUGE clot. It freaked me out! I thought I was dying! Luckily, the nursing staff wanted to check my "output" and were totally unconcerned by this huge clot - that was the only thing that saved me!

Also, after birth, to help your girl stuff shrink back to "normal" size, they will mash on your tummy. They start this pretty much right after delivery. It wasn't the most fun I've had. The first time or 2 was almost more painful than the delivery. They REALLY mash! I had NO idea what they were doing.

Those are the things I remember from my first time that it would have been nice to be warned of before.

There is so much good advice here. I hope it's not new to her, though, because that's a lot to take in with only a short amount of time. I actually wasn't surprised at anything. I had prepared well by taking a Bradley class and going to La Leche League ahead of time. If she has not toured her hospital yet, try to do that soon! It will make her feel more comfortable going there for the real thing and it will help her know what types of things are standard there.

You may poop on the table- and that's good! (They won't tell you either.)

Epidurals don't ALWAYS "take". Be mentally prepared.

It's ok to let the nurses take your baby to the nursery during your stay there, at night especially, so you can get a little more rest. Don't worry, they'll wake you when the baby needs to eat.

It took me a solid 6 weeks (to the day) for the breastfeeding to finally NOT HURT. It's definitely not easy or painless. It's so convenient and cheap after that though!

Women have been giving birth for hundreds of thousands of years before all the 'civility' that goes with it now. We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

It only hurts as much as you can stand, then it's over. (REALLY, one more contraction one more breath---ok I think I can do one more contraction one more breath...)
Weight doesn't magically go away, some effort is required.
It is the new mothers birth experience and no one else.

I know this is late in coming, but I wanted to throw one more thing out there.

I agree with the moms to let her know delivery is messy and not to be embarrassed. Epidurals are wonderful and there is no shame. But the less talked about stuff is that you may not always have the love at first sight moment with your new baby ( I didn't experience this but know several moms that had this happened and have felt guilty) It is natural to not know or recognize what each cry means ( you have to get to know people) You will be so tired you wont see straight so sleep when your baby sleeps and never mind what needs to be done around the house. Baby blues is normal, but if it gets too bad or if you have strange thoughts dont be afraid to tell someone because you are not crazy or alone. Motherhood is not a competition and no one should make you feel bad if you are doing the best you can. Its ok to miss your old calm life. It may be hard to enjoy motherhood at first
( my payoff was when my little girl started to smile at me). Babies will change your life and they will make you grumble and smile and laugh all at the same time. Enjoy the little moments they grow fast. Lastly you will love and be loved like never before and watching life from your child's eyes can bring so much joy. Good luck to your niece.

I would have her check into classes done by hospitals typically to prep her on what to expect in different delivery situations and basic baby care.
I know I lost both of my parents and didn't have them with me during delivery. There were a million things I wanted to ask my mom but couldn't.

You just supporting her and letting her know you are there is huge. No labor is the same, no baby is the same and nothing is the same for everyone so it is kind of random. You can give her the basic of expectations but neither of my pregnancies or deliveries ended up the way I had anticipated.
Just keep telling her she will be a great mom.

Send her the book what to expect when expecting and what to expect in the following years, I am not sure the title of the second. Those books helped me tremendously!!!!!

Basically she needs to know that it will be trial and error however she will have great instincts and she will do great.
I just wanted reassurance I could do it. Once that baby looks into her eyes she will instantly become a mother and have that unconditional love!! :)

One thing that hasn't been mentioned yet :

If she's having a boy, she should do some research and get several opinions on both sides of the argument about circumsizing him. Both sides have valid points, and ultimately it is up to the mother. They will likely ask in the hospital if she wants him circumcized, and it will be much easier if she already knows instead of trying to decide during the emotions of labor/delivery.
(BTW, I had both my boys circumsized, but not at the hospital. I took them to the pediatrician and was right there with both. That is one option many parents overlook.)

I guess I would tell her that breastfeeding is HARD for the first several weeks--hang in there, it gets better! And it hurts when you b/f because your uterus is contracting. Again--hang in there.

I was also a bit shocked with how hungry I was after--I think I ate like 5 full sized meals that first day!

It is good to know that it is normal to puke and have diarrhea during labor, and to feel like you can't make it through!

Also--tell her that getting to meet baby makes it all worthwhile. I agree with others that a doula can be very helpful in labor. Hope she has a beautiful birth.

Afterwards, someone advised me to put honey on my sanitary pads while my perineum was healing. I thought it sounded totally strange (and gross and sticky!), but it worked wonderfully! I had a bottle specifically for that, and the honey was wonderfully cooling and soothing. There are antibacterial properties in honey that also aid healing--in addition to just feeling nice.

Warn her that she will still look 6 months pregnant when she leaves the hospital.

Hi K.-sorry to send this personally. Going to share some things that people that know me-do not need to about me ;0)

Things I would tell her...

You may poop during delivery. ( I didn't but I peeped all over!)
You may throw up during labor ( I did ALL over the nurse!)
You let the nurses take the baby through the first night-get some sleep!
You WILL CRY often for the next few weeks for no reason!
Your boobs will hurt and breastfeeding can be VERY difficult especially the first 2-3 months.
You WILL NOT know what to do but you will do great and only do your best. YOU WILL NOT BE PERFECT.
You will have LOTS of people looking at you during labor and delivery!
You will make a mess when you get from your bed to the bathroom but DO NOT WORRY. My last baby, I made such a mess and the nurse cried with me ;0)
There will be so many unknowns and labor/delivery will not last weeks. It may last a number of hours-but the end result is priceless!
If you have to ask for a hand to squeeze and USE AND EPIDURAL! It makes labor and delivery so much better!

So, I could go on and on. Good luck to her, good luck to yoU!

All the advice has been really good... One thing I have not seen though, is this... Make sure you like and get along with your pediatrician. I went to the first one I saw, and hated her!! Make sure you are on the same level for everything. My dr was very old fashioned... and I was not. I agree breast is best however it just isnt for everyone, so I chose not to. My dr was mad at me!! So, thats when I decided to find another one. Tell her you love her... and to trust HER instincts. Oh, dont forget to tell her that random people will come up and touch her child in the store, its annoying and dont be afraid to tell them to quit!!