Go for a 2Nd or Not?

Have another one! They will have completely different personalities, and you will love the second just as much as the first. Siblings are great when you are little, but I think they are even more important when you are grown! Someone to lean on that comes from the same world as you. 2 is a little more work, but totally worth it!

I didn't have time to read what everyone else wrote, so sorry if I repeat sentiments expressed by others. I have three children and my decision to have them had nothing to do with how "hard" it would be on my current lifestyle. I think there are plenty of families out there who have one child and feel very happy that way. Just reading what you wrote, it sounds as if you really don't want another child. So I'd just not have one if I were you. You already think it was rough for you to grow up with a sibling, your husband had none so we know where he's coming from, you don't appear willing/able to change your current lifestyle and you consider your child perfect and we all know that no child is perfect. That's a tough situation for a new little soul to come into. Don't let anyone guilt you into having another child. Some families need just one. Mine needed three. There's no judgment here. Just read what you wrote. You have an answer in your own text. Love the sweet child you have and keep your lifestyle. Sounds as if you just need the one child.

Smiles,
A.

A.,
All children are perfect in God's eyes, so #2 will be perfect too, if you choose to have him/her. I am a mom of 2 college-aged daughters, and having done most of my "mothering" will say that I would not trade it for anything in the world!
I think the decision you need to make is where your priorities are: are you happy with the time you have with your family now? Is your job that important to you (or your family's income level) that you must continue working? would you be happy staying home with your children and doing without some "things"? Some people are not cut out to stay at home...I get that. But YOU need to decide. If you have another child, God will give you the strength, stamina, patience, etc. needed to handle whatever it takes. But your husband DOES need to be on board with you for your relationship and family to stay strong.
J.

As a full-time working mother of 3, here is what I can tell you. I love having 3 children, for all of the challenges of making sure I have enough time w/them, juggling schedules, etc. My first daughter, who is now 13, was a similar baby as yours . . . easygoing, slept well, generally very happy! My second daughter, now 9, was a more challenging baby. She slept and ate well, but was much more tempermental! And I won't lie to you . . . the transition from one to two was tough. As long as you have a husband who is actively involved, it will work . . . you can't do everything! And my daughters have a great relationship and I really believe children miss out on something if they don't have siblings. I was 38 years old when we had daughter #3, now 18 months old. I love having my 3 beautiful daughters, for all of the challenges and stresses of balancing work and home, and would do it all over again!

Good luck with your decision and, if you decide to go with it, I hope your fertility issues don't stand in your way!

There was a long post on this topic a week or so ago. I was surprised/somewhat offended at some of the responses and how only children were looked upon by some of the mamas here. Some of the responses were sick and rude. I will address that point as far as my opinion. I am sure I will get my share of hate mail from those moms.

We have a 13 yr old girl. We knew after we had her that our family was complete. Only you know if you feel your family complete. For some families that is 2-6 children. God Bless you if that is for you.

ALL only children are not spoiled brats, self centered and bossy. There seems to have been a generalization from some who thinks if they have observed 1 only child misbehave then they are all that way. NOT TRUE. I have a brother 6 yrs younger than me and we have never been able to get along well. We purposely moved a plane ticket away from any family.

Our daughter has a very good life. If you ask her if she wants a sibling you will get a "no thank you". We have 3 dogs who are also great companions and a part of our family. She is a very loving child. We are a very close family, wide open communication lines. My husband provides a very nice lifestyle for us. My daughter is able to participate in multiple activities (if she chooses), world travel, and yes, she has pretty much anything she would want. She has no worries about her college and obligations that we as parents owe her. We were married about 6 yrs or so before we decided to have a child. This year we will hit the 20 yr mark. She lives in a nice, stable home knowing that she will be taken care of as parents should take care of their children. We do not own her, it is our job to raise her as best we can and provide the obligations we have as parents (college, getting a good start in life, mental and financial support, etc) so that when she starts her own life she does not start out struggling.

She is well rounded, Black Belt in martial arts (06), accomplished violinist, cheerleader, social butterfly with many friends.

Our home is the one where her friends want to come. I have girls here every weekend and this summer it has been more. Some girls are in split families with no support, some are in families that probably should be split with all the parental fighting, etc that goes on and obviously begging to get away from their home even if it is just a few hours. Others just like to hang out at our home. One friend said to me that she likes coming here for dinner because she gets real food. I don't know exactly what she means except that I prepare dinner for my family and maybe her family does not.

A couple of posters on the other thread attempted to put a guilt trip on those of us with one child. That post was that the only child would be left to take care of the parents when parents get older and have no one else to share the burden.

If you are having children to secure someone to take care of you when you get old....you are SICK. That is a very selfish reason to have a child. Our daughter will not have those worries. There is such as thing as preparation for those things.

Other posters mentioned that it was cheating a child to not "give" the "gift" of a sibling. Another selfish reason to have a baby.....

Bless you to whatever you choose is right for your family. I realize some families are not complete until there are 2-6 children and that is great as long as those children have the love and are provided well.

Everyone is different. Having an only was the right thing for us.

Best wishes.

Dear A.,
my advice to you is think about your daughter there is nothing like having siblings.you don't know if the 2nd one will be difficult, and if she or he is you will adapt and learn how to deal with he or she. they may have a great relationship and they may not but when you and your husband grow old and pass away they will have each other and the memories of growing up with wonderful parents. I have three children and after the first one we knew we did not want her to be by herself. now my daughter is 11 my two sons are 9 and 6 they all play together well and sometimes they fight.we always tell them to be their for one another familys stick together. My dauther still wants a sister but i think im done.take care

Deciding family size is deeply personal. You just have to figure out what is right for you. I don't think any reason for having children is selfish - in cotrast, it's probably the most "selfless" thing you can do. Think of the amount of time, love, attention, money, sacrifice etc, goes into raising a child! I remember being pregnant with #2 and wondering how I could bring another child into our "perfect" family - or how I could love another as much as I already loved our first. Someone said to me, "Your first child teaches you the depth of your love. Subsequent children teach you the breadth of your love." That was such a true statement, I have never forgotten it. There is enough love to go around, that is for sure, so don't worry about that if you decide to go for it.
Just go with what your heart tells you. Obviously, as another post mentioned, with one child you have the ability to devote more time, attention, and money toward that one child and their activities, life experiences etc. When you have more children, that time, money etc is shared. Yes, they might lose out on some "things", but in exchange there are benefits gained from the sibling relationship.
The bottom line is that with every choice in life, something is gained and something is given up. That is just a simple fact. Your job is to figure out which way you want to go. Consider what your values are and what your gut instinct is. Family relationships are important to me and I wanted my children to have the experience of siblings and all that is gained from that. So, my husband and I are in the category that has to spread our time, money etc. It's a give and take. We are still able to provide nicely for our family. We will afford for our children to attend college, we go on great vacations and they do the activities they are interested in. Are there things we give up because we have 3 children instead of 1 or 2? Of course! But on the up side, we watch the interactions the children have with one another and the "friendship" or bond they each have - and we feel very blessed. So I guess we'd say that for us, the trade off is worth it. I wouldn't give up those relationships for more elaborate vacations or toys or whatever. I know my children wouldn't give up each other either! That's just my example. Everyone has their own experience and perspective. You have to decide which "trade-off" is right for you. There is no right or wrong. You just have to figure out what makes most sense for you and your husband. Best of luck as you go through this decision-making process!

That's a tough decision. My hubby and I are both only children. I always felt like I missed out on something great by not having a sibling. But I saw friends with siblings fight all the time so I wasn't sure about having two kids. We decided to go for the second one and had our girls 15 months apart. First of all, two kids is 4 times the work that's for sure! It was very hard in the beginning. (We both work outside the home full time.) We work very much as a team - he gets them ready for school and drops them off, I pick them up and get them organized for the night and the next day. He is a night owl so he addresses any issues that come up (nightmares, bathroom or water requests) at night, and I get up early if there are any early-morning issues. We split sick time for illnesses. I cannot stress how important it is to have a hubby that is fully invested if you have more than one kid. The girls are polar opposites. One is prissy and dainty while the other is full throttle. One is verbal while the other is visual and physical. One wants to be a ballerina while the other wants to play football. And they know exactly how to push each other's buttons. We spend a lot of time teaching the appropriate ways to relate to each other and I simply do not allow any touching that isn't about love. I've told them God gave them hands to create beauty, not be hurtful or destructive. So far, they are best friends. Example, the younger was sick, laying on the couch and the older read her a story from the floor next to her. When they watch TV they look like Forest Gump and his son because they sit so close together. They enjoy spending time together and miss each other a lot when they are apart. So even though it is a lot more work and we have to make a major effort to each spend even a little time with them individually, it was the right decision for us. I can't imagine life without one or the other, and they probably can't either.

Imagine the love you feel for your first child and then double it! Not as in more but as in twice! It IS challenging and the second will NOT be like the first, but I can assure you will be blessed in ways you can't even imagine just like you couldn't before you had your first.

Don't be afraid - it is worth it! Don't expect it to be easy - but remember you know alot more now than you did the first time. My daughters are 26 months apart and play constantly! I can't imagine what my first child's life would be without her sister.

Good luck with your decision!

Hi A.,
I knew I wanted a second child, right after the nurse handed me my first. However, what really sealed the desire for a second is that since I was already 39 having my first, I didn't want my son to be left alone to make decisions about me or my husband's care, other difficult decisions that come with having older parents. That may sound strange, but my father died when I was 30 years old and my mother is a 3 time breast cancer surviver. During these life challages, my brother and sister and I leaned on each other and took turns caring for mom. In today's world, extended family is often out of town, or state, so it's nice that my boys have each other. Oh, BTW, the second child WILL be different than the first! You can count on that. But at 17 months age difference, they are the best of friends! Pray about your decision. God bless in what ever you do.

I just have two little ones - 16 months and 7 weeks. I'll say that I am a MILLION times more tired than I was the first go around. I was also more tired during the pregnancy because I couldn't nap whenever I wanted and sleep in as much because I had a baby already. I'm 28 and can't imagine trying to do what I'm doing in 10 years. I stay home with my little ones so I don't know how working compares to full on child care for 12 hours a day. However, it is SO sweet to watch my oldest interact with the little one. I know they will have their ups and downs throughout life just like my brother and I did. I can't imagine not having a sibling. Another thing, my two are total opposites already. The first was colicky and a horrible sleeper. She cried the majority of the first 4 months of her life. This one is an awesome sleeper and much more laid back. So, don't count on the next one being as "easy" as your first! :-) Good luck!

If you do not have another one you may always think, "I wish I had another baby." If you do have another one, are you really going to say, "I wish I never had this baby?"

Hi A.,
I was as only child who, as a child, was very complacent and perfect (so my mother says). Listen, if you both are not at peace with the decision to have another baby and you work full time, I would cherish the moments you have with your baby girl. Do you have family around? I had cousins and friends when I was growing up so even though I was an only child, I had other kids to play with. Honestly, I would just focus on her and your family right now especially if you plan to continue to work. A second child may only bring much more challenges and more sleepless nights resulting poor work performance. As an only child, I turned out just fine :)
Hope this helped..
Blessings,
M.

You are right that nobody can make this decision for you. That being said, I'll give you the short of my story.

I've always wanted to be a mom, so when I met my hubby before we were married I let him know how I felt about kids. After 4 1/2 years of marriage we welcomed our baby girl. She was a good baby, hardly ever cried and when she did shw wasn't loud and she was easy to calm down, slept through the night early, easy during all transitions, traveled well, shopped with us well, everything was "text book" perfect.

I wanted another baby, everybody warned me that if I had it so easy with the first, the second would not be so easy. He isn't!! I had my son in March 07. I was 34 when he was born. No resting ability during the pregnancy with my almost 3 year old daughter running around and wanting my attention (and she deserves my attention) so I was very tired. After my second was born, I couldn't nap when he did cause my daughter still needed to be cared for. My son didn't sleep through the night until after his first birthday, don't get me wrong, he would every now and then, for several nights to a week at a time, but then he'd start waking at night again. He is a very needy boy, whines over the smallest things, cries for any reason, we call him our Drama King!!

After he was born, my hubby told me he didn't really want another child and that he never actually wanted to be a dad. This was a bit of a surprise since he never told me. He said he agreed to the kids because that is what I wanted and he wanted me to be happy no matter what.

So, would I do anything differently if I had it to do all over again. No, I wouldn't. I love both my kids more than anything, even when my son is a total grouch! My kids make me smile even on my worst day. I love watching them together when they are playing nicely, but I hate when they are getting on each others nerves.

There are pros and cons of having one child and there are pros and cons of having more than one. I always wanted two and I wouldn't change it for the world.

I also had fertility issues with both and know the timeframe and the pressure that puts you in. I don't know if my story helped. I hope you are able to come to the right decision for your family. Good luck and God bless!

When I first started dating my husband, I told him I didn't want children. #1 was a huge surprise. However, once #1 was born, I fell in love and couldn't wait to have another one. Fast forward 16 years after #1 was born, and I was having #8. I know many people think it's crazy, but they are the eight best things I've ever done. I cannot imagine my life without each and every one of them.

I can give you perspective of having been through a lot of mothering---#1 is now 24 and #8 is now 8. You bring up a lot of concerns about things being hard---yep, they are going to be hard. Even though #1 seems perfect, she will be hard at some point. It's just part of of the process.

I worked full-time until #3 was born, so I know it's hard to get out the door in the mornings. Looking back I would change how organized I was so that I could have made that time with my children more enjoyable instead of rushing them so much.

Please don't rob yourself of the joy of another person in your family. When I meet people, my large family always seems to come and WITHOUT EXCEPTION older ladies always say, "I wish I'd had more children." I've never had one single person say they had too many children and wish they would have had less. I know your friends have voiced this, but the people I'm talking about are retired folks who have a little more experience in life.

I can't adequately express how important family is. It's really about the only thing that matters. When you pass away, you will be leaving your daughter alone without siblings. Don't allow the sibling fighting---teach them to love each other. There will be a little bit, but it should NOT be the main point of their relationship.

I'm rambling, but feel heartbroken to think where we'd be now if we'd decided to only have one. I hope you'll pray and seek some input from the Lord.