Going Back to Kinder!!

Is there anyway that you could spend sometime observing him at school?? You may need to talk to the counselor for suggestions and/or have him evaluated by the school psychologist to see if he is having difficulties with the tasks themselves or the instructions, etc.

J.

I know this is a hard decision to make so I wish you all the luck but here is my story. My daughter who is now 9 had the same problem in school, each teacher she had told me she didn't really pay attention and she bsically had to be pulled into group activities. I held her back and really think this helped her in many ways. It is better to be held back now than later. Her being held back is not even an issue anymore. I do think I made the right choice to hold her back but I did struggle with it for awhile. In the end you need to do whats right for both of you.

Hi S.,
maiby this teacher doesn't have enough patience. i remember when i went to school i learnd some things better with one teacher than with another, even, if it was the samw subjekt.I also heard from some parents tell me, that their kids were doing better in school, cause of changing teacher. This is your childs future, and you would have to insist in getting another teacher. But make shure, you don't put your teacher down, just make the principal understand, that your child needs another chance with someone else.
A.

S.,

Have you thought about having him "tested" for ADD? Bring him to his dr. and explain what the teacher told you and ask the Dr. for Vanderbuilt Forms for you and the teacher to fill out. Once they are completed, bring them back to the Dr. for his reveiew. He will be able to tell you if your son struggles with inattention. It took me to the end of my daughters 4th grade year for someone to tell me to check into ADD. She struggled for all those years and I did not know how to help her. She is now in 6th grade and we are are still looking for the right medication for her inattentiveness. She had been correctly diagnosed for her anxiety and is on the right meds for that.

M. V

S., Don't worry about putting your son back in Kinder. It is not unusual for the kids to be a little older these days- especially since your son's birthday isn't until next year. My son is also a January baby and he repeated kinder because he was immature for the class and he was one of the smallest boys. The teacher worried about him being bullied too at the time. Reluctantly, we let him repeat just as school started that year. Best move we ever made 13 years ago, and next week he leaves for UCLA to study Aerospace and Mechanical engineering! I don't think he even REMEMBERS repeating kindergarten... Good luck to you.

I am suprised that a teacher is making this recommendation this early in the school year. I say like others that this is a personal decision. If you feel he is struggling socially and developmentally then one more year in Kindergarden will not hurt anything and may give him the confidence he needs for the rest of his school career. However, if you don't see the problems at home and her only concerns are the ones listed I would have the school set up a meeting regarding special ed services (ARD) where a behavioral specialists can watch him and report on his behaviors. I am a trained special ed teacher and while I no longer do case work I still teach but at the HS level. There are a few facts I would gather. First, I would see how much experience you son's teacher has. I would also be interested in her experience with classroom management. Just based on what you said and knowing nothing else I feel like this should easily be handled in the classroom. You really are the best person to make this decision since you know your child best. If you need any advice on your rights or how to proceed or even ideas to help him during the classday send me a message and I will do my best to help. As far as testing for ADD or ADHD, I think personally it is a bit premature. He is so young and even if he does have a disorder there are many behavioral treatments that do not use medication. Don't let the teacher off the hook with being overworked or having too many kids. Experienced teachers can make the difference and we do deal with it every day. Just like parents we some times have different ideas on how things should be handled. Hang in there and make sure his school experience is positive. Let me know if I can help.

S.

Hi S. -
I just wanted to tell you that its totally up to you, but take the teachers suggestions into consideration b/c she is with him everyday and sees if he really has difficulty or not. My best friend's son was born at 28 weeks and he had to be held back in kindergarten. It was a very hard decision for them to make, and he was doing well in some aspects, but not others. They were more worried about him struggling to keep up and then feeling bad about himself when he just couldn't. The same thing you said, if you need to do it, then now is the time to do it.
Now my friend's son is in the 3rd grade and he is doing WONDERFUL! Keeping back that one year just did exactly what he needed, gave him one more year to catch up with everyone and learn the drill of school. He did fantastic his 2nd year of K and ever since.
I just thought I would share that with you b/c my friend had been through the exact same thing for the same reasons. Babies that are that preemie, certainly are not 'slow' per se, but in some cases it does just take them time to catch up on things, I really think its just age wise. She says that sometimes still he's a tiny bit behind his friends, but not noticeable for anyone else. It took him to about 6 years old and then he really caught up with everyone his age, with learning and his size and comprehension.

Best of luck in your decision!

This is similar to a post from a few weeks ago - but my answer is still the same - I think kindergarten (or T-1) is an excellent idea. Some kids, esp. boys, just aren't ready for academia when we think they should be. Add to the fact that your son is significantly younger than his chronological age - another year of development will likely pay off for the next 12 years, versus struggling because he's just not quite there - and missing the basics beside.

S.

Hi S..
Your son sounds like he is having the same "problems" as what some refer to as "Summer Babies" or children born in the summer then having to start Kinder immediately after turning 5, when most of their classmates will soon be turning 6. Our son is a "summer baby" and I did not know that I could start him the following year but luckily we are in a school district that offers a program called "Pre-First". He completed Kinder but was still not fully developed in his motor skills and his emotional IQ was not even with his academic IQ, so we opted to place him in pre-first where he'll be able to do first grade work but at the kinder pace. You may want to find a school that offers this program. We live in New Braunfels. Some schools may call it a transition program. I, personally, would give him the "gift of time" rather than continue to not succeed in school.
We did have some concerns about him missing his Kinder classmates but thankfully he has made new friends and has kept in touch with his "old" friends and is doing very well and having a wonderful time.
Ask for a meeting with the Teacher, Counselor and Principal to see if there is such a program. If not, maybe they know of a school that does and can help you get your son into that program. Now, if your son did not do well in Kinder then maybe he should be allowed to "redo" kinder but if he did well then I would question the benefit in doing the same work without expounding on it.
Good Luck and just ask tons of questions and set a meeting ASAP.
Take Care!
D.

Going back to school for these little guys seems to be particularly hard especially when considering the prematurity factor that we already have in place. The school counselor in coordination with the principal and yourselved should do an assessment meeting to rate the pros and cons of what programsa at the school are best meeting your childs needs. You migh find yourself amaxed the the school would be willing to accommodate your child with a different approach to learning the same things in a different environment within the school's capabilities. It has worked very well for us, but involved counseling, teacher, and principal working on making a great fit for our needs. Manytimes the explanations of the different levels and expectations that are going to be required as we map out the year in school with a professional group, you can see whether it will be something that creates excitement within your child, or a need to make a much better change within their capabilities or those around you.

I'm sure this is a very difficult decision to make. Maybe he just needs a little more time to develop socially. I would try to get a second opinion, maybe ask the school counselor or research if some of the other teacher's have a different teaching style that may better suit your son, before making a decision. In the end if you decide to hold him back, I think now is the best time to do so. Maybe all he needs is a little confidence and he may get that from being in familiar territory (kinder).

Good luck!

Hi S.,
You can not always take the teacher's advice as many have said here. HOWEVER, if she is frustrated with him after only 2 weeks...she will continue to be frustrated with him & this can make his year uncomfortable. You will hear that teachers don't do that kind of thing but YES they do.
- You could ask for a change of teacher but that is difficult to get done
- You could go through testing but that takes time & during that time your baby stays in the class where he may not be thriving
-I would suggestion in this case to go with the benefit of the doubt & have him go back to kinder.
-Is it a hard decision to make...you bet! But what is best for him? ...go to back now & make absolutely sure he is ready for 1st grade next year or have him struggle othrough the year & become disillusioned with school all together.

My youngest repeated 1st grade AT MY REQUEST. Her reading level just did not advance during that first year of 1st grade.I was the one who determined just by observation that she might have dyslexia. I had a meeting with the counselor, teacher, vice principal & the dyslexia teacher (asked to attend by me). They wanted to send her to second grade with only a C level of reading (they go a- z)when most of her classmates were already hitting level F & G. Imade them keep her back, I made them test her for dyslexia the following year. Not only does she have dyslexia...but SEVEER dyslexia. Now she is doing wonderfully. Socially it was a bit hard but we talked to the 2nd grade teacher who talked to te other kids who had moved on & everything is fine.
She wasn't happy about staying behind but she understands why & loves the classmates she made & is moving on with now. It all works out in the end & for the one who is most important...the child.

Wow... School just started. The 1st few weeks are excited and getting structured. How long has this teacher been teaching? I would question the teacher before questioning your son's abilities. Has the teacher suggested your son see the counselor to discuss his "wiggles"? It sounds like she may be a little frustrated, if your best option is to repeat kindergarden then do so after discussing others, but remember, the kindergarden teacher sent him to 1st for a reason. Some children need redirection or positive reinforcement to establish good school behavior. This is only his 2nd year of school and really his first year of no nap time. He's 6! His teacher should be recommending a behavior plan not kinder again.

I think that is a personal choice for you and your husband to make, though if the teacher is saying this it might be a good idea. He is only in the begining of things and going back now might not seem so bad to him socially and who knows might be able to catch up later.

I repeated first grade twice and did just fine through my grade school years even graduated a year early from high school.
Good luck

I would actually go with the teachers advice. He is still young and won't feel the pressure of his peers for being held back. I know from personal experience. I was held back in 3rd grade and til this day I'm self-conscience about it. I say only b/c my son is in the 3rd grade and I'm so scared that he will be not be able to cope with it. The TASK test and all the work. My family and friends have dismissed my feelings saying his not you but you know it's always in the back of my mind. i'm not saying his not smart but he does have a speech problem which he does go to therapy for but you know as parents we are always second guessing ourselves.
Maybe get him tested first for other learning problems. Ask the teacher for a referral to the counselor and talk to them. My son has been in school since he was four and he recieves help from other teachers and learning lab.
Do you think it's the teacher? If you do, Go talk to someone at the school and ask for him to be switch to another class.
If that's not the case you have to ask yourself is this best for my son. Only you can answer that question. Mothers know is their gut. What is your gut telling you? I knew my son needed help even though all my family thought I was crazy sending him to speech therapy at 3 and helping him learn sign laugage. You have to do what feels right for you and your son.
Yes him being premee may play a role in it but even if he was born in April he would still be in the same grade.
Okay I could go on but I have to get to the school...
Hope this helps and if you need anymore advice write me...
~L.

Have you tried to look into tutors or like the Sylvan learning. They do one on one tutoring. He might need some one on one tutoring so he can catch up. Teachers are very overwhelmed in the classroom and his teacher may not have enough time to devote just to him if he is needing that kind of attention. I hope this helps.

S.,
Talk to the principal or counselor and voice your concerns...the teacher is not a specialist and is only making an assumption based on her observatation...she may be correct, but she could also be flustered because she is working with other little ones as well.

All school districts have specialists who will test and make the appropriate decision that is best for your son, and not his teacher!!!

Good Luck,
J.

You will never be sorry that you gave him more time to learn and play. You will be sorry in High School that he is one of the youngest or least mature and not doing as well as others. NOW is the time to step back. We all get excited to see the next step with our kids; when will they crawl, walk, talk and go to school that we enourage them to move forward. This seems backwards to you but really it is all about letting him move forward when HIS MIND and BODY are ready just like he could not walk or talk till he was really ready. Give him the gift of time!

Hi S.. I don't know much about premie babies and their development (for example, is he really comparable to an April baby or a January baby, etc), but if it's any consolation we kept our May birthday 6-yr-old back in Kinder again this year and I think he's got a good handle on things. It's so nice to see that after questions about his social readiness for the classroom. Like you, we know our son is bright and able to keep up with the curriculum; he's just a goofy little kid with less self control than a first grader. I hear it's pretty common these days to hold kids back at this stage of their school career. We're glad we did. He's a star in Kindergarten now and I see that he will be a leader in his class as he goes forward. The confidence he's gained in the past couple of weeks has contributed to mastery of his quirky impulses and he's smoothly adjusted to making new friends. Hope that helps, whatever you decide.

Ultimately it is your decision. You would have to approve the move back to Kinder. However, you should definitely consider observing your son at school so you will have an idea of what he should be able to do. Sometimes parents are very surprised to see how rigorous the academic standards are in Kinder and 1st grade (thanks to No Child Left Behind). If you are concerned about his learning, talk to the teacher about your concerns and ask her for suggestions beyond sending him back to Kinder. Premature birth can absolutely be a factor, and you should mention that to the teacher and possibly administration if you feel like you might want any diagnostic testing done.

We just retained our son in the 6th grade. It had nothing to do with intelligence and everything to do with maturity and accepting personal responsibility. He shed quite a few tears when he told him of our decision (and it was ours, not the school), but now he's happier than I've seen him in the two years since we moved to San Antonio. We also changed schools this year (public to private) so no one even knows he was retained unless he chooses to tell them.

If you and/or the teacher thinks your son has a maturity issue now, it may only get worse. Put him back in kindergarten and consider this extra year a gift to him. One day, most likely when he has children of his own, our son will realize what a gift we gave him.

L.
Mom to Trey (12) and Catherine (2 3/4)

I know exactly what you are going through My son who is now 6 and in first grade had a preschool teacher and a kindergarten teacher who were just like that and even suggested that he might have ADHD but I told them I was not putting my son on grugs to make their job easier becuase he did his homework and other learnig activites fine at home. Teachers are busy with overcrowding in the schools but it is no excuse for not being able to handle a child in their care they chose to be there. Any how I would find out if she sends him to another teacher when he will not do the work for her and if so talk to that teacher and see if he does better with her and if so see about getting him moved to that classroom mabey him and his regular teacher are just not a good fit, my son did better with another teacher and she helped him alot more after I talked to her and we could see that he did a wonderful job with her. But since he was born early which my son was also it may just be immaturity in his little system and not a learning disability. Talk to your pediatrician about it also. I belive the problems my son had with sitting still and such was just that immuturity because he is smaller than most of the other kids. Tutoring for him may help to which they should offer soon at the school. My son is in 1st grade this year and understands the school system a little better and mutured a great deal over the summer But if you and your husband decide to hold him in back now would be the best time because it will be less hard at this tender age and maturity level than in 3rd or 5th grade. I hope this helps and you can write me anytime you need to talk or have a question because I went through it all last year to.