Going Back to Work - Rhome,TX

K.,
I've always been a working mom - went back 6 weeks after my first was born, and was able to take 8 weeks after my second was born. It was hard going back both times. Life felt so wonderful and so easy when I was on leave, and going back into the corporate grind was hard. But by the same token, I also enjoy my work and then had the feelings of guilt for enjoying my work... it's just hard making the transition back to work. I know how that goes. =)

I think the #1 thing you can do for yourself is to get the best child care you can possibly afford. As another mom already said, as long as your baby is receiving loving care from someone, she will be fine! We ended up hiring the most fantastic nanny and to this day, I am so thankful for all that she taught us about parenting! (She had 7 kids of her own and a whole bunch of grandkids, so she knew a thing or two about babies!) Honestly I think she was a better mom than I could possibly have been, since she had sooo much experience doing it. My daughter loved her and so did my husband and I. That made it easier getting in the car every day and going to work. I knew while I was at work that I didn't have to worry, Rosa was taking great care of my baby girl and they were having a great time together! So if you are totally comfortable with your daycare situation, that will really help.

And, as obvious as this may be, put a nice framed picture of you and your baby on your desk at work. Every time you get an e-mail or go to a meeting that makes your head want to spin off, look at the picture and remind yourself that you are at work to make a better life for your family. I had to do this about 50 times a day at first, and now that my kids are 7 and 4, I still look at their photo all the time.

As your daughter gets older, remember that you are actually setting a great example for her as a mom who has it going on! I work in an industry (construction) where there are not many women, especially not in a management role, and as such, my girls know for certain that there is NOTHING in this world that they can't do. Doesn't matter if they want to do something that is typically a "man's job," they see me doing it every day, and they know they can, too. I am proud to have modeled that for them. So keep your chin up, I know it's hard but you will do fine and so will your baby! =)

I've said it before and I'll say it again - children thrive when they're loved and cared for, and however you make those two things happen, it doesn't matter.

Also, try to let go of the guilt. Your husband doesn't feel guilty about going back to work, right? And you know that your little kiddo will still love dad lots, even though they're not together all the time. The same is true for you, I am 100% positive.

For practical advice, I recommend starting on a Thursday, so you have a couple of days to get into the swing of things and then to get a break (if this is possible). Also, keep yourself really busy those first few days so that they fly by. Make sure to have lunch with friends, if that's possible. I recommend calling the center to check in, but not until after lunch, so that its a shorter time between check-in and pick-up. Finally, the center is no doubt very used to crying moms the first few times - it's okay to be upset, but try not to linger too long - it actually makes it worse.

Good luck. I'm sure everyone will do great!

.

I did it and what can I tell you, my daughter is 2.5 now and it still SUCKS/ Like you I don't have a choice - mine is our only income.

When she was really little I pumped breastmilk for her. Even though I hated pumping itself, being able to continue breastfeeding and being able to dedicate this time to her during my work day was very helpful for me.

Other than that I only do the most necessary housework during the week - yep our house gets cluttery by about Tuesday but taking my daughter to the playground or stuff like that is more important to me.

Other than that I have no consolation for you. This morning my daughter asked me to stay home with her - it was heartbreaking, but I had to leave.

I hope to be a student next year so I would have more time with her, so at least I have something to look forward to...

Hugs and good luck!

Dear K.:

An interesting suggestion I read was to schedule your return for a Wednesday or Thursday. That makes your first week shorter and a littler easier to get the new routine going.

Make sure you give yourself enough time in the morning and stick with a schedule, both for you and the baby.

Hang in there. It does get better.

L. F., mom of a 14-year-old daughter

Having just read your follow-up, you've thought it through and will do great. Starting daycare before you go back to work full-time is extremely smart.

Although your work is a ways away, how far is the daycare? Perhaps you could make it a point to visit during lunchtime. Not necessarily every day, but maybe two days a week? The other thing I'd recommend is just getting really, really comfortable about the daycare setting you are leaving your child in... Go for a few "extended" visits before you have to leave her there. Watch the other children interacting with the caregivers. Maybe bring a book or two and actually read to the other kids. You will get to see how much the children love their caregivers, and trust me, you might feel a little weird with your infant reading a book to the toddlers, but the caregivers will/should appreciate the "break" and the kids will appreciate it too. If you think the place is lacking anything and you can spare it, offer to provide it (for example, my daycare gladly accepted the seedlings I bought so they could plant a garden with the children). I know it sounds like we're talking about kids that are light-years apart in age, but mine is only 14 months, and yours will be that big before you know it, too. Does your child have his/her own designated crib at daycare? Maybe you could get a big framed photo of the family (it sounds like this is your first, so you and your husband, maybe the family dog?) and have it displayed where your baby can see it? Before you know it, he/she will be able to point at the picture and say, "Mama, Dada, Doggy." I know most of this is for your child's benefit, not yours, but just knowing that he/she is with people you know better and trust will make you feel more at ease. The first two weeks will be really hard, regardless, but it will get easier, promise. Eventually the child will probably get excited to go and see their friends (mine does-- I ask, "Want to go to school?" and he races to bring me his shoes, because he knows he has to put them on before we leave! So funny, he sprints inside the class now and immediately says "hi" to everyone, high-fives the teacher, etc.-- at 14 months! Just imagine by the time he's 2! I can't comprehend it.) Good luck!

Are you jumping in to a full work week or easing back part-time? That might help if you have any flexibility. If you are nursing, sometimes taking the extra time for your pumping breaks and just relaxing, maybe calling your caregiver or someone might help. I went back to work after 6 weeks with both of my boys, so remember what that was like. Bring pictures, talk to your child's daycare teacher about when is a good time to call when it won't be too crazy if you want to talk to her and see how things are going. Take enough extra time in the mornings, too, that you can nurse (again, if you're nursing) or just cuddle and ease away. Caregivers of infants know that the moms need as much support as the children at first. I still miss my boys when I'm at work, and my youngest is almost 2, but as your situation, not working is not an option. Depending on your programs picture rules, you could leave a disposable camera at the daycare, too. When I worked in child care, we had parents who did that so we could take pictures they could keep for their child's scrapbook and see what they "did" during the day, in addition to a written report. Pictures are nicer than just a diapering and feeding record. Talk to other moms where you work, too. Enjoy the rest of your leave.

First of all, don't apologize for the decisions you've made for your family. I recently read a book I found helpful called "What Happy Working Mothers Know." I read it while I was pumping at work.

Also, one of my friends told me something that really helped me a lot: "As long as your baby is in a safe place, she will be fine." It helped me just to remember that.

Another thing I was able to do was to use vacation days to take a Wednesday off during the last week of the month. This made it seem like I was working part time, for at least a week. And if there is ANY possible way to go back on a Weds or Thurs, try to do that. Otherwise, that first week will be torture.

Best of luck. Expect to be emotional, but know that it will get better. And now, enjoy the rest of your leave!!

I've always been a working Mom. Went back to work at 8 weeks with my first child and at 9 weeks with the other.

My best advice is honestly not to be tempted to go visit your baby or to look on the webcam - the only reason is that it makes it SO much harder if you're struggling with the separation as it may make it much harder.

We had a different situation because I was travelling and on the road 100-200 miles/day, so visiting wasn't an option.

We did take the kids into day care for a few days prior to actually going back to work so I could see how the staff at Day Care interacted with them and how my children took to the workers.
Our day care was VERY good about calling mid morning and mid afternoon during the first week to give us updates on how we were doing. My employer was also very accommodating and understanding that the first week back can be tough - I was instructed to go home early to make the transition easier - I don't know if that's an option for you.
she wasn't
Our son had a sitter come to our house for the first 18 months. After his sister was born we moved him to a traditional facility. Infants adjust much easier, and I never felt she wasn't being well cared for. We were very comfortable with the facility we selected, and I hope you are, too.

Our minds were at ease when we saw other kids coming in and smiling at the teachers (even in the infant room) and not crying at drop off.

The best thing you can do is bring your child in and leave without trying to comfort them. They need to get to know the mannerisms of their new caregivers, and we found it easiest on all of us just to leave quickly and go about our days.

The first day is hardest - it gets much better from there.
Good luck!

The best part of your day will be when you go to pick your Little One up, and they can't contain their excitement to see you.

K.,
It's hard, but once you get back into the swing of things you may actually enjoy it. You've done your research and chosen a safe place for your child. Often children that go to daycare are more independent adults than those that stay home. So in the end it all will be good!

If you have interest in earning a part-time income from home that could allow you to stay home when it grows contact me and I'll send you to some links for you to look at.

Best,

P.