Is it ok/acceptable for a 21 year old man to go to the bathroom/sit on the toilet and have a normal/extended conversation with his mother, who is standing in the open doorway of the bathroom? (This is not a one-time thing, but a common occurrence.)
A big thank you to everyone who has responded so far. Further clarification, based on questions raised: the person in question is African-American and gay. He says he is comfortable with having his mother standing in the doorway conversing with him because, after all, she used to change his diapers. His best friend, a 30 year old African-American, also gay, thinks it's normal/ok/acceptable, but he is used to helping his elderly, disabled mother with her bathroom needs. (Just to set the record straight, I am also gay -- 61 and white, and dating the best friend -- and I don't believe the "gay factor" has any bearing on this issue, and don't wish to hear any ugly anti-gay remarks or insults leveled at any of us.) I'm wondering, based on questions raised, if this is perhaps a cultural or age thing, since both men are African-American and much younger than myself. Further comments/recommendations?
I suggest this is neither normal or not normal. It is what it is for the people involved. They are comfortable. If someone is uncomfortable with it they should leave the area. How this son and his mother relate with each other is their business only.
no. no. no.
and this is from the resident nude-nik. my kids grew up with an undraped mama and have no illusions about what a middle-aged woman looks like.
but pooping is a private act. no audience. ever. at least short of bedpans or hospice situations.
khairete
S.
I have two adult children, nothing on earth is so damn important that I would converse with them while they took a dump especially with the door open.
Oh, you are gay, yawn. That has kind of become a non issue.
As I said before children, one boy, one girl, well and a younger boy and girl but that is not relevant. Regardless of gender it is a personal space issue.
Have you considered disorders that effect social observations like autism spectrum, ADHD to some extent. Someone with spectrum cannot figure out social norms like a "normal" person would. They must be taught so if all he has ever seen is bathroom discussions he would see that as normal and have none of discomfort we are expressing.
Lol are you talking about my brother?
Some people aren't particularly private. Is it normal? Well it's certainly not common, but I don't know that I'd label it abnormal. I guess they are just really earthy, natural, uninhibited people.
Almost nobody on this site is homophobic. Some people, however, might question a 30 year age gap in people who are dating.
Welcome to mamapedia!!
Can I call troll??
Reston, eh?? I can recommend a therapist for you and your mom to go to...you need it. Sounds like "Bates Motel"
NO. It's NOT normal. It's NOT right. PRIVACY.
Were I that person or the mother, no. But since you indicate that the 21 year old man is fine with it (I have no idea what being black or gay has to do with the question - at all!) and apparently the mother is fine with it (because why else would she be there), then I guess it is 100%, unequivocally, without a doubt, absolutely none of your business.
I'm with Rosebud, though… I happen to think a 30 year age difference in dating partners is no less weird and icky.
And what's even ickier is that you've sought out a parenting website called "mamapedia" to post this completely off topic question. Go troll somewhere else.
If they are both comfortable with it, what's the big deal?
It's normal if that is how they do things in their family.
Some people have no problems with it.
It wouldn't be ok for me and my family - we like some privacy when using the bathroom.
We also don't talk on phones in there either.
I'd say it's not "normal", but if that's how it's done in that household, then whatever, not all households are "normal". It's not for me to judge if it's "ok/acceptable". It's an interesting choice for them, but if it doesn't affect me, then I couldn't care less.
My son will absolutely conduct a conversation like this, non-stop. But he is 9.
Why does it matter? The fact that you are asking for recommendations on the subject leads me to believe that you have a control issue.
I don't think it's a gay, cultural or apron strings issue.
I think it's the overall comfort level of the family. If bodily functions have always been treated as something normal and no big deal ... then it's always going to be that way.
I have left that up to my kids and THEIR comfort level. I mean they don't have anything I haven't seen before.
I have a hard time going if someone is even standing in the hallway behind a closed door waiting for me. Using a public restroom with stalls requires some dissociative meditation. Going with another person in the room that can see me, even one of my kids, just isn't going to happen.
I suppose if this is someone's habit and it happens regularly, it is their version of normal. As long as they don't want to spend toilet bonding time with me, I'd say it was none of my concern.
At 2, yes.
At 21, no.
What ethnicity is this family? I've seen this occur in Middle Eastern families.
Some homes are really open about that kind of stuff. I personally don't want anyone in there with me, no matter gender or relationship, but that is just me.
I would think most adults would want privacy.
Odd, to me anyway.
To some probably so but not for me . lol I close the door ( both #'s ) and expect anyone in our home to do the same when they use the bathroom.
:)
personally, I'd find greater issue if she were sitting up on the vanity/side of the tub....at least in the doorway she can lean out into the hall/other room & catch a breath of fresh air.
:)
I guess it depends on your comfort level. For me, absolutely not! I like to pee and poo in privacy and i certainly would never hold a conversation with someone who is trying to pee and poo. Gross!
Honestly, what people do in the privacy of their own homes (so long as it's not hurting anyone) is their own business. I actually find it more odd that someone would care enough to ask a bunch of people on the internet. What does it matter?
It's not something I would do (with my mother or my kids). That doesn't mean it's not acceptable or "ok".
I don't think this has anything to do with being gay either. I doubt that it has to do with a cultural or age thing - more that the "apron strings" haven't been cut. Perhaps they won't be, and that's probably going to end up ruining the relationship between the son and any boyfriend he has at some point. (Not specifically the bathroom thing, but being a "mama's boy" thing...) I think there's probably a degree of co-dependency between the mother and son.
It might be normal in some cultures. It is not normal in mine. My son is 20 and if I stood in the doorway while he was going to the bathroom he would push me out lol. I have not been in the bathroom with him since he was maybe 8 years old.
