Good or Bad Etiquette? I Want Your Opinions!!!

Updated on September 18, 2006
S.F. asks from Charlotte, NC
26 answers

I have a question that's been on my mind for months now... Is it good or bad etiquette to take a small child with you to the doctor for your own appt's? I've wondered about this now because I'm a SAHM, working from home, and I have a 7 month old and a 7 year old. The 7 year old is usually in school when this would occur, but say for instance I had a regular type of doctors appt, like a eye doctor, or allergist, and he was in his stroller or infant seat and happy - is this poor etiquette? I have no family close by, and have a few friends who could stand in if absolutely nec., but most of them work or have very young children of their own!!! Just a question, thought I'd toss it out there for opinions...

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A.M.

answers from Norfolk on

I don't know if it's bad etiquette, but I really don't care either. I'm not putting my kids in daycare for dr. appt. My kids go every where with me, a little nerve racking sometimes, but they do.

Alisha

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J.S.

answers from Fort Wayne on

GREAT etiquette! I think you're fine. I have never heard anything negative about a mom bringing in her children. If anyone HAS children, they know schedules and help don't always work out with common day appts. Now a specialist issue -- maybe find a sitter. ;)

J.
SAHM of three boys :)

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D.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

As long as it is not "the appt", I have taken kids to my appts. If you have no choice you do what you have to do.

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L.W.

answers from Charlotte on

I am a SAHM with 2 kids and I have learned that you have to do what you have to do sometimes to make things work in your daily life. At this point I would throw your etiquette out the window. Do what makes your life a little easier throughout the day and forget about what the staff at the doctor's office (or whomever) may be thinking. You'll lose your mind if you don't!!

1 mom found this helpful
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K.S.

answers from Spartanburg on

I am a SAHM with a 2 1/2 year old and a 16 month old.. you do what you have to do! I just took them BOTH to my eye doctor appointment and although it would have been nice to have either someone with me or a babysitter, which I had neither.. the doctor's office understood. Even though I probably said "sorry" too many times to count... it wasn't a big deal!

So much for etiquette! I try to plan appointments when my husband is home, but of course that isn't always possible.

K.

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N.G.

answers from San Diego on

If your 7 month old is content with staying in the stroller for extended periods of time I would say yes. I take my 5 month old everywhere. The only place I would draw the line is for a pap or something of that nature. As long as your baby isn't strapped into the stroller and screaming his head off I would say it's fine.

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A.S.

answers from Fort Wayne on

I don't see this as bad etiquette at all. I took my daughter everywhere with me. The nurses loved to see her as well! :) I did however ask the nurses to keep an eye on her for 5-10 minutes on any appointments where I had to get a pap or something extremely personal like that. I always thought it was silly of my considering she came from there, but I just didn't want to raise any weird questions or anything else that may have came with that. :) Just a little about me, but I think it is good that you take them out and about with you, Dr or no Dr. :)

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L.D.

answers from Waterloo on

Sarah,
My husband is a doctor, and I know how frustrated he feels when moms bring in children for their appointments. You are taking the doctors time and you need to discuss health issues, otherwise you would not be there. Many times, the child may do well at the doctors office, but you can't count on it, so if at all possible, find a friend and swap babysitting for things like hair cuts, doctors appts. etc. You will get a lot more out of your appointment and you'll be more relaxed.

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A.D.

answers from Charlotte on

I have 5 children and no family near (3 states away). Only two go to school, so I understand your dilema. You as a mother have to do what is necessary, if your Doctor and staff are not understanding then it's time to find a new one. If you can find a family doctor and start taking everyone there it will work really well because the staff knows you and your children, including the Doctor. For your Gyn yearly appt. though try to coordinate that with your husband, mine usually meets me in the parking lot and sits in the car with our children during my visit. More women are taking the job of staying home and it seems more and more places of business are taking note and trying to accomidate these needs. I wish you the best and hope all works out! Good Luck!

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L.

answers from Indianapolis on

NO WAY is that bad etiquette! You have to do what you have to do. And doctors should and will know that your other child is a future patient and certainly wants to keep your business. I have three children (youngest is 7 weeks) and I'm going to the dentist with everyone today. The office manager agreed to hold the baby while the rest of us are getting checkups. They know that the baby will need a dentist eventually and of course wants to keep our family as patients. So don't feel bad at all!!!

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L.S.

answers from Indianapolis on

I think it's fine to bring the kids - especially if you don't have a choice! It depends on your comfort level though - there may be times (like pelvic exams) when you don't want older kids there, but babies are fine if they are content entertaining themselves. I really wouldn't worry about the etiquette. Doctors are there to serve you, and you pay them well to do just that. If they can't deal with the choices you make (like being close to your children), then it's time to find one who can. I feel pretty strongly about that, especially since so many doctors out there seem to be the old stuffy kind who don't listen to or respect women. I always try to find younger women doctors, because they seem to be more likely to relate and to truly listen. But I digress... :)

Good Luck!
L.

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J.F.

answers from Elkhart on

Sarah, you have to do what you have to do.
I would try to make the trip as uneventful as possible for all concerned including others in the waiting room. Make sure the baby is well fed before-you go, and wont interfere with your time with your doctor. Put the car seat or stroller in an out-of the way area in the exam-room, so he doesn't distract your doctor. I'm sure your doctor has other mothers who have to bring small children with them too. If the doctor is not graceous enough to understand, find another doctor. As moms we have more important things to worry about, I'm sure you are well mannered enough to monitor the situation, don't let others tell you what "etiquette" is.
Take care and God bless! J.

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B.D.

answers from Columbia on

I would use descretion, not for the etiquette but for your advantage. If you are thinking you will have to listen to instructions or do something involved I wouldnt take them for your comfort not the doctors office or if teh child is not in a good mood, wont sit etc.

The etiquette doesnt come into play in my humble opinion as to whether it is OK to take them or not, it comes into play as to how you handle the child. It would be poor etiquette to let them run around teh office distroying things and disturbing everyone or to assume the staffs job to babysit. But on the other token if a doctors office didnt allow children to come I would switch doctors (and actually did switch OBs b/c theyr werent family friendly amoung other things). It is wrong for them to assume that all kids will be badly behaved and it is wrong to discriminate against kids.

That said I do have 3, soon 4 kids. Oldest 2 are in school so I try to make not only my appts but their appts during that time so I dont have to take all of them to even a pediatricians appt as I want to have my head with me to discuss, pay attention, etc My husbands job is flexible enough that I usually can leave my 3rd with him even, go in late, meet me, long lunch, leave early, etc But if he is out of town or has a meeting I take my 19 mo old with me and dont feel bad about it at all

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B.S.

answers from Greensboro on

Three weeks after having my little girl, I took her to a follow-up ob appointment. I got there early so that I would have time to nurse her before i had to get on the table. They called me in right away, and while I was answering the nurse's qustions, I nursed. She said, "Take your time, I'll be right back," but five minutes later, she popped her head in and said, "Aren't you done yet?" I said no, I'm not (like I could rush?!?!) I couldn't believe my OB appointment was such a problem!! So, I found a pediatrician that happens to be affiliated with a family practice, right next door. If a doctor is too self involved that he/she gets annoyed with you bringing your children, find a new doctor! It's not your etiquette that I would question! Good luck!

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C.M.

answers from Charlotte on

I would say that you need to do what you need to do. I am in a similar situation. My older son is in the 1st grade, and so he is in school, however I have a 10 month old and I am preg. I go to lots of dr. apptments and I take my 10 month old with me. I dont have any friends in the area nor any family. Which leaves me with no choice. However on those few apptmnts that I know are going to be a little more "involved" shall i say, I get my husband to try to accomodate. He goes to work early that day, takes a long lunch, stays late... whatever he can work out. I dont see a problem with it. Most places are great about this. The dr. that delivered my 10 month old, his entire office, loves to see my son. And if i have to do anything that is "involved" the staff often takes over and watches him behind the desk until I am done. (unfort. we are no longer in Oregon! ) But they accomodated me whenever I needed it.

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J.P.

answers from Wheeling on

TAKE YOUR CHILD WITH YOU IF YOU WANT. IF THE DOCTOR IS KID FRIENDLY THEN IF POSSIBLE CHANGE TO A NEW DOCTOR. OR JUST LET THE DOCTOR KNOW THAT YOUR CHILD WILL BE WITH YOU ON ALL OR MOST APPTS. IT IS BAD ETIQUETTE FOR THE DOCTOR TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. I DONT MEAN BE RUDE ABOUT IT....KEEP YOUR CHILD QUIET AS POSSIBLE BUT KNOW ITS OK WHEN YOUR BABY MAY JUST DECIDE TO BE FUSSY TOO.

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D.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

Dear Sarah,
No, it is not bad etiquette at all. Before I became disabled 3 years ago I was a nurse for a internal medicine office. There were a lot of times where mother's brought their children with them for their appointments. We really liked to see the children and joke with them, give them candy etc... I take my own child to my appointments. I think doctor's and medical staff expects this when a mother stays home with children. Don't worry at all. Have a good day. D.

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D.A.

answers from Charleston on

I just recently brought my 19 month old son to the eye doctor and it was not the best experience. However, in my opinion, you have to do what you have to do. They were very understanding and I just brought a lot of snacks. Good luck!
D.

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T.P.

answers from Charlotte on

No Way! I've had to take my son with me to nearly every Dr.'s appt. including eye appt.'s. He's a very good baby but very wiggly in his stroller. If your son entertains himself while you are there that's even better. Do what you have to do, that's what mommies are good at.

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P.L.

answers from Charlotte on

Sarah,
I agree with the others. I wouldn't worry about "etiquette". You have to do what is best for you and your family. Sounds like you have lots of good advice, feed them before going and bring things to do, schedule appts. at naptime if the baby will sleep in the carseat/stroller, but I'm sure you are already doing that! Maybe another mom would be willing to trade sitting with you, ie. you watch her kids for a certain appt. and she'll watch yours. Just an idea. We are currently in Michigan, but will be moving to either C. area or Greenville as soon as our home sells. I am not sure if I'll be working or not yet, but I hope to meet other moms to help each other out, as we will have no family in the area either. Hubby is already working there. Good Luck!
P.

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B.L.

answers from Norfolk on

Hello Sarah,
Don't worry or sweat. I wouldn't even give it any more thought. Your son is a part of you and if their are places that don't except him they don't need your business. I have always taken my sons with me everywhere I go doctor and all. I even take them in the ladies room with me. Let me share a little story with you and I will sign off.

My husband and I with the two boys went on a trip. And the boys needed a potty break. Well my husband didn't have to go so I took them in the ladies room with me. One lady was in the restroom and made a funny face at the three of us in the ladies room. I smiled and nicely told her if you loved your kids like I loved mine this wouldn't even bother you. She put her head down and left the rest room. So if you have to take them you do you and do not worry about it. Good luck.

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J.W.

answers from Charleston on

Hi Sarah,
I think that it is fine. I am a doctor and have no problems with people that bring their children. I understand and often have to take mine to appts. I have even accidently ended up with my 4 year old in an OB appt just before my daughter was born that involved checking me.
A baby is especially fine bec they just sit in the stroller.
Don't feel bad - although be prepared bec here and there you will run across the few that aren't into kids and don't appreciate it. Those are usually the stuffy people without kids themselves!! I still wouldn't let it bother you. Good Luck!!
J.

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S.D.

answers from Indianapolis on

I would ask the doc when making an apointment. "Would it be ok if I bring my baby with me with some toys to keep him busy?" Many nurses will be thrilled to take him off your hands for a short time!

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J.H.

answers from Charlotte on

I've had to take my son to several appointments since I don't have family or friends nearby to watch him. In fact, I had to take my son to my six week postpartum appointment. Luckily he slept through the whole thing. Right now my husband has one morning off during the weekday and I try hard to schedule appointments then. If I can't, I just know I have to bring my baby with me. It's my opinion that most doctors understand and won't mind.

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K.H.

answers from Indianapolis on

Hi Sarah. I personally take my 4 month old to my docs appts because she just sits in the car seat while I am having an exam or something, so that I dont have to worry about leaving her with a care taker, and burdening her, because she has three children of her own. Now, my 2 year old is a different story! I would not take her because she has bad seperation anxiety, and is very curious at this age, so I cannot keep an eye on her if I am being seen. I know most doctors do not care if you have your children with you at appts, they understand that you may not have a sitter. My old OB's office has a sign posted that says no children are allowed in other than infants, but this is just unrealistic, because if you have to be seen, you sometimes may have to bring your children, as you have no other option.

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A.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I don't think it is bad etiquette at all to take your children to your appointments. Sometimes it makes it a lot harder on you, but if you don't have someone who can watch them, everyone will (or should) understand why you need to have your children with you. I have taken my children to many, many doctor's appointments.

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