Grandma and Potty Training

T., you have to respect her parenting decisions, children have been potty training for thousands of years withoug pull-ups or potty chairs. In my opinion, pull-ups are just a crutch that drag out potty training. I just bought one of those soft seats for the toilet and a stool, that she will continue to use for brushing her teeth and potty for a long time.

Get a potty chair for your grandchildren yourself. I know that seems a bit harsh perhaps but this way the younger child can choose what she would like to use and perhaps the older one would also try too? This way you are not butting in to ask her yet again to bring a potty along and perhaps they will be grateful you are actively trying to keep up with the grandchildren's needs.

Talk about a hard place to be! The best thing you can do is to not be that "not but in Grandmother" that you are trying to be. That helps everybody, but especially the child. I would keep that in mind when ever you think about trying to suggest something.

I agree with the idea of buying a small seat that can fit inside of a regular toilet seat. This makes a lot of things easier. If your daughter/son sees it, perhaps they will use it too.

Good luck and tread lightly.

Hi T.,

Do you think you could manage to balance on that line of "available Grandmother" as opposed to "interfering Grandmother"? As someone who works with children, I'd have to say that Pull Ups are contradictory to children "feeling" they are wet.

My suggestion is to Google "Toilet Learning" online. There is some great information that is respectful to the child, and their parents, that is designed for child care providers. Toilet Learning is a philosophy that respects the child's desire to use the toilet, and offers good, solid advice in how to support it. One of the first steps is to honor where the child is in this process, and to let the child lead. Each kid has their own schedule.

I understand your concern regarding the five year old. Most children at this age are pretty regularly using the toilet.

Being a grandmother is a unique situation. You are concerned for the children, but not in a position to change things wholesale. Remember that how your children remember you as a grandmother and how your grandchildren remember your grandparenting may be two different cats, so to speak. If it were me, I'd make a potty available, and offer naked time as the summer progressed. (Make sure there's a potty in the backyard, or wherever the kids are playing.:)) Ask your child (the granddaughter's parent) if it would be okay to offer training pants at Grandma's house, and see what happens. If your child says no, then you can back off and let them do the work of helping their child. If they say yes, and your grandchild agrees to wear them (this is important to have the underpants be their choice), then just proceed.

I've been encouraged by the information that's out there about toilet learning. Children learn best when they are allowed to prompt their own progression. I hope you find some information out there that works for you and your family!

I'm a granny of a 3 1/2 yo grandboy, and I share your concern about butting in and the risk of annoying or insulting my daughter and son-in-law. Cooperation and consistency among caregivers are important values.

BUT, if I were experiencing this conundrum, I'd be inclined to buy a potty chair (maybe from a thrift shop), and a box of pull-ups that the little girl can pull down herself when the urge hits. I wouldn't make a big deal of it, but if my daughter asked why I did it, I'd just say I wanted to experiment a bit to find out what works best at my house. And it may be only a temporary situation as your granddaughter gets more used to the whole challenge of potty training.

That's quite different, I think, from butting in - your relationship, patterns and techniques with your grandgirl are not an identical copy of her mother's. Nor should you expect them to be. You bring unique and valuable differences into this little girl's life, and children can benefit immensely from this richness if it is thoughtful and loving, and shares common goals with their parents.

So, if and when the subject arises, express your need to find the solution that works best for you in a happy, matter-of-fact tone, and ask your daughter whether she has any problem with your approach. If she says yes, ask her to explain, and listen closely. She may have a good point that you can honor. Or she may discover she doesn't have a good reason to object to the potty chair. Either way, she's not likely to fire you for trying, is she?

Good luck. I'd love to hear in a week or two "what happened."

Get a little potty seat that fits on the toilet for your house. Then she can use toilet just like Grandma! I didn't like the chairs for my kids either. I didn't like the idea of it sitting there if I was busy and couldn't clean it that second, and then how do you clean it, and trying to keep the other kids, dogs, ect. away until I could. I just didn't want to deal with that. With the seat on the toilet, you just flush! So much easier! My mom was "pro-chair" also. When you are finished with the chair you have to throw it away. No thrift shop or donation place will take them.
I give you kudos for understand and being aware of not "butting in". Good Luck

Your grandaughter is only 2 1/2 and being potty trained is probably right around the corner. I used a small potty chair and pull ups and my daughter didn't want anything to do with it until around 2 1/2 anyways.

What really helped us while I was at work was a caregiver that was VERY consistent and did the same things we did. Just communicate and stay on the same page with what your daughter is doing.

Nothing is more irritating than having a good plan and wanting to see how it works, but other people who care for you children have their own "ideas" about how it should happen. That is not only confusing for the child, but may just prolong the potty training.

Try to be supportive and get lots of details about how they want it done.

I don't know enough about the situation to tell you what to do, but I agree that pull-ups are a bad idea. Statistically, they make potty training take months longer.

Still, you might consider getting a potty seat that fits into your own... they are only $10-$15, and they will work with her for years. Both of my kids felt much better using them, especially when they were little, and then all I had to do is wean them of it. If you keep the seat at your house, no one need complain, but if it helps your granddaughter go when she's with you, it's worth it.

i know it's hard but please don't butt in. your stepdaughter will only take it as a criticism. you definitely get points for asking before doing tho!

you'll have to either support the way she wants to do it or do nothing at all. it sounds like she wants to avoid a potty chair because she wants them on the toilet so perhaps she would be open to getting a seat you can put on the toilet so they don't fall in, and a step stool so they can get on it themselves.

i also agree on the consistency part. it will be much easier on the kids if they have the same requirements at everybody's house.

please also remember that kids develop at their own rate. some kids are physically unable to stop wetting the bed until their body catches up. it can also be a hereditary condition. they grow out of it eventually.

Way to go for asking for insight. I was a nanny for 15 years and daycare teacher for 3. I've potty trained more kids than I can count.

From experience I can say make it as simple as possible. If your daughter isn't using a potty chair don't use a potty chair. As with all other parenting 'issues' consistency is key. Since she has a multitude of care givers this will be even more important.

I potty trained my daughter starting at six months w/o using strict elimination communication. Due to some previous medical issues I couldn't nurse but could tell when she was having a BM (because of the goat milk) and would take her and hold her on the potty sitting so that she could have a BM w/o falling in.

When we were ready to start the urine part of training I bought one of the padded seats and a stool. When it was summer time I did the bare bottom method so she could see what was happening and put the pieces together so to speak.

I never got anal retentive about it (no pun intended). She would get excited about things and forget to go or not stop to go. She would still have accidents here and there at 4.5 but when I told her she couldn't go to kindergarten if she had accidents it clicked for her.

My daughter is 5.5 now and just starting to wake herself up at night to go potty. For the last 2.5 years I've gotten her up at night to potty. At the beginning up to 3 times a night, then only one but now I don't have to get her up to go at all.

With this part she's ahead of myself (a late wetter) and her cousin who would have accidents at night up till adolescent age.

Happy Potty Training :o)

C.-WAHM to 5 y/o virtual twins
Owner: www.BeHappierAtHome.com

My inclination is also to get a potty chair for your house. It really makes so much sense, as you want to provide the best environment in your home for them. Good luck! I think you will have much success!

No, how mom wants to potty train is her daughter is her choice and your opinion and advice will be taken as criticism. I think you ought to run out to Ikea and get a little potty chair for $3.99, buy a pack of underwear and do it your way at your house and let mom do it her way at her house.

My opinion on potty training... Pull ups are no better than diapers! Underwear are slightly better, but with LOTS of accidents. I potty trained 6 kids by letting them have naked time. You may want to start out in the backyard maybe with a sundress on for modesty. Also, sitting kids backward on the regular potty is just as good as a potty chair. They will not fall in, and if you keep your toilet clean, they have a place to hold on. The big toilet works well because the kids can see and hear what they are doing. I also used M&Ms as incentive rewards.

Hi T.,
At Wal-Mart or Target you can get a potty seat that fits right on top of your toilet seat. I use this for my kids and it works great plus it was less than $10.00.

I don't agree with the others that pull-ups are a bad thing, but they can get expensive if the child isn't using the potty more then the pull-up. Both of my boys used the "cold pull-up" and were potty trained almost immediately. My daughter is coming up two and we'll be trying them with her as well.

I think the hard part for your granddaughter, will be that she might be succesful one day a week with you, but will mom and dad do the same at home? Good for you for at least trying!