Grandmother Issue

K.,
This is just my two cents, so take it for what its worth....That feeling of uneasyness and not feeling "ready" is going to always be there to one degree or another. No matter how much you trust the pesron that might be taking care of your child you will always worry. It is not easy to go away and leave your child, no matter how old you are or how old they get---Of course when they're teenagers you will still worry but not be so sad to see them go away for a night or two....hee-hee!!!

For me,I felt I was ready with my kids somewhere around 8-10 months, but they all were walking by that age so maybe they didn't seem so little???

K.

My youngest was only 24 months when we left him for 3 days with family friends. He had a great time and learned that if we have to go we will always come back for him. And my husband and I got a wonderful second honeymoon!

Hi Katy,
My daughter is 26 and my grandaughter is now 4 years old. I have been able to have my grandaughter stay with me since she was 3 months old. My daughter lives in Oregon and I live in Washington. My daughter and son-in-law have business trips they go on a few times a year. Since Talia was 3 months I have had her anywhere from a couple of days to a week at a time. My sister being a counselor told my daughter and I that Talia was going to have seperation problems when she got older. Talia is now 4 and can not wait to go spend a couple of days with her grandparents in Longview or come spend a week with myself. She tells her Mom when she wants to spend time with us! It is so rewarding for me as a grandparent to have such fun one on one time with her.
When my duaghter and son-in-law took their first trip they were nervous and missing their little girl but now it gives them the much needed time together just the two of them and I get the one on one time with Talia.
So I hope my thougths have helped you make a decision. I sure your Mom would love to have her granddaughter and remember she raised you! So she does know how to take care of your little one!
S.

Hello K.,

Little bit different scenario - but similar enough I thought I could share with you. We were away from family for the first 2.5 years, moved up to about a 1/2 hour away. My daughter does not want to do a sleep over - not even with her favorite cousin. She is now almost 6 years and still has not done a sleep over - it is her choice. She asks about every 3rd visit when she is going to be ready for a sleep over and she just keeps telling everyone - when I'm older. I don't push a sleep over thing at all - I want her to trust her mommy and daddy are going to take care of her and not make her do things that scare her. She wasn't ready at 2.5 years and she isn't ready at 5.5 years - no big deal to me.

Next time your mom asks - tell her the truth. You're not ready for him to have a sleep over. When you are ready maybe try a family weekend somewhere and he could go to their hotel room with you right next door.

Positively,
M.

My just-turned 3-year old just had his first overnight at Grandma's house (she's been asking for over a year). It went great. Don't feel bad about saying you just don't feel comfy letting him out of your sight for that long, but make sure Grandma knows it has nothing to do with your concerns about the care she'd give him.

I can't tell you if it's right or wrong.

What I can say is that there is evidence/documentation (depending on how far back you want to go) that women have been leaving their infants/small children with people they trust AND taking them with them since the dawn of time. Either way you want to take it...women have been doing both for something like 60,000 years that we know of.

For us...we started leaving our son on overnights when he was about 2 months old. By the time he was 2 we left him for 2 weeks to go on a belated honeymoon & by the time he was 3 I had left him to go visit my husband overseas.

Now, I could have taken him with me. I HAD taken him with me on other trips. But I had someone I trusted with his life and on those trips we chose to go by ourselves, or by myself in the one case.

If you have someone you trust, you are lucky. If you don't trust someone, be honest with yourself.

Good luck in your decision.

Z

That's great that you have such loving grandparents nearby for your son! I wouldn't even consider leaving my 19 month old overnight with grandma. I know many people do in order to go on trips and stuff, but if it's not right for you then it's not right for your son. You could maybe even let both sides know that they may be looking forward to sleepovers with your son but that you'd like to wait until he's at least 2 (or whatever age you think) or something like that. Acknowledge that it's a special thing for them all, but that it's still a little early. Although, now that I see you're expecting #2 this summer, it might be good to let your son spend a night at the grand's house before #2 gets here. You never know if you'll be hospitalized etc. and your son may well have to stay with someone. Hmmm... Maybe allow grandma to have a slumber party at your house if you haven't already? You and your husband could have a nice dinner and catch a show or something (Lion King is in town and it's excellent!!!!) and return home after your son is asleep. Just an idea to keep both sides happy!

Hello K., I'm on the other side of the coin. I'm a grandmother of one. I will never have the chance of another grandchild biologically. I'm very close to my daughter and I've always been there for her and her family. I really feel you are right in not letting your child go to your parents at this time. Until you and your husband feel comfortable in letting you child stay over night any where you should not do it. Since your parents are in the next town they can come and visit any time. This is not their child and they need to understand that although they love him very much they are the grandparent. Believe me when I say I know how they feel but if they are in your's and your childs' life too much it will be come intrusive. I made that mistake at one time and almost hurt the relationship. Keep the boundries. But always make sure your parents are involved in the activities of you childs life.

Heck, I say take it and run with it! *laughing* Actually, I also do remember feeling that way with my first...and my second...and even my third. But you know...this may be the time to see if it works on a trial run. I know that my parents took my children for a week or two each time I was in the hospital having another baby...at the time I wanted them home. In retrospect, this was one of the best gifts I could have received! I got bonding time and resting time with my new little one. I got more sleep which was definitely needed.

As for the 18 months, I think it is a great age. Not too little at all. 6 months is a harder time for me to let go...after about 1 year I did better, and so did the grandparents. Your kiddo will be the best indicator of what they are willing to accept. If he already has familiarity with the grandparents and their home, this should all go fairly smoothly. Make sure he has a playpen to sleep in, or if he can go to a bed - mine all love the playpen at Grandma's! And they are 6, 4, and 2...go figure! (A 6 yo? He always wants to get back in it!)

You will feel a little lost at first, be prepared for that. Ask if you can call and check in often, if it makes you feel better. I still feel lost with all my children gone to grandma's. If my husband and I go somewhere fun while they are gone, it's worse! I keep thinking "if only they were here..." Try doing something like going away for a "babymoon" though, before your next child...to keep your mind off things and go somewhere to do something that only adults can do easily (a boat trip or a hike, etc. or something more sedentary like a grown-up movie and fancy dinner out.)

Trust me - the time is great for you to rejuvenate yourself. I feel refreshed and ready to see them and play hard when they come home. So it is always good for me.

The first child is the hardest to do this with...I had separation anxiety big-time. Hang in there, it will all work out!

p.s. My parents are also an hour away. I didn't find this difficult, but I'm not you. Try to identify what is the issue there...you want to drop in? You said you trust the situation, so I am not sure what the problem with the hour would be. It is harder to get there and back an hour away. My parents usually meet me halfway, or we go one way only.

There is a very strong bond between mother and baby (even toddler age) that is developed. I think you should do what feels right to you. If you're not ready to be parted, you shouldn't. I've seen kids much older come for sleepovers with my kids, and they get scared, then want to go back home (2 doors down, luckily) even though they know my daughters and me very well (yes, I know we're not family).

Trust your motherly instincts and wait until you and your son are both ready. You don't want to take the chance of having him feel abandoned in a strange place, either.

K. Iam a Granma & I can tell you its not to soon but if you think it is then you may want to start with just an over nighter and even tho you have an hour drive to & from its always best to start small and work your way to longer stays this is what my childen did with theres it had nothen to do with trust they were just doing the same thing I did when I had them. It takes time & I think all new parents go through this I did with all of mine.good luck J.

It doesn't mattr what anyone else thinks. Parenting is an individal thing. If you and your husband think it's to early, then that is enough reason to say no. It won't be the last time you feel differently about something, and you two are the parents. I think you need to tell your mom that when he's a little older, you'd be happy to bring him overnight. Personally at that age children sleep better in their own beds and surroundings. Have you noticed when you go on vacation the baby's schedule gets all fowled up? And you are there but still it happens. If for some reason you and your husband go away overnight, let mom come stay with baby at your house. Other than that, stick to your gut feeling and tell her thanks but not yet. My kids didn't start spending the night at grandmas till potty trained. My preference not hers, but she knew I was the parent.

You sound like two very loving parents. What a lucky little boy.

My family and friends used to tease me about how over protective I was. I would admit it right up front and we would laugh about it. I made a deal with my Mom and My sisters. Why didn't they come to my house or I to theirs and we could start slowly by going out to dinner. They could spend the night(or I could) and get up with the baby the next morning and have one on one time. They got their alone time and I was close enough (yes I called and checked)to not feel out of control. It worked out great and my Mom and sisters had their one on one time and I was able to get up in the morning and have a shower(after I checked of course) I would also go to Moms if I could find a reason to shop near by and let her sit while I did errands.

Long story short sit down and explain to your Mom that it is not her and see if you can not find a compromise that works for both of you.

I am a grandma now and am getting paid back. My daughter had a beautiful little boy and she too is very protective. I would not want her to be any other way. We had a lot of fun talking one night (when she came to spend the night) about how I was with her.

truely a beautiful circle of life

Of course she's ready!! I couldn't wait to take care of my granddaughter. While Grandma's jumping up and down ready to spoil the baby, I'm pretty sure she can still remember when her first was born. Just calmly explain that you aren't ready for your son to be farther than a room or so away from you, but that you will make arrangements time at her house as soon as you feel ready. Even if her feathers ruffle a bit at first, It won't last. Can she travel the 1 hour to your place. Maybe if you invite her frequently to spend the day with you and the baby (or maybe sneak a nap in while Grandma is over!), it will tide her over. Best of luck!

I would definitely take this opportunity to have a weekend with my husband. With Number 2 on the way, you may not get another chance like this for a couple of years! I understand your hesitance, but you will likely feel that way when he is older too. One weekend away with people who you trust is not going to harm your son, and could be highly beneficial to your marriage. Also, by the time your son and his sibling are both "old enough", your parents may not be as healthy and might not be able to take them then.

Let your mom take him overnight. Take the opportunity to go somewhere for a nice overnight before baby gets here.

Hi K.,

This is my 2 cents: if you and your husband are not ready to have your LO spend the night with grandma (or anyone else), then don't do it. It sounds like all of the grandparents are actively involved in your boy's life, which is a wonderful, wonderful thing. But there is no reason why you should have your son spend the night with grandma just to please grandma - I honestly believe your son would be just fine, but I also understand what it feels like as a first time mom.

I can also see how moms who have baby number 3 or more, start to accept whatever help they're offered!!

When our daughter was about 2.5 years old, she spent the night with grandma for the first time and she loved it. Although she was VERY happy to see us the next morning.

Blessings to you and your family.

Hi K.!
I think following our instincts as parents is terribly important. Even if you son is "ready," you are not quite there yet!

It seems to me you have a fabulous beginning point when your second child arrives in June. Your son will then be
almost two years old. (By the way he is now an 18 month old TODDLER, much more than an 18 month old "baby.") When you are stressed out and exhausted from having two little ones, you can easily make the move to oldest child now gets to go to grandmas for an overnight once a month (providng your son is well bonded with grandma ALREADY - is he? -- this is the most crucial part - Grandma has to feel like homebase to him).

I wouldn't have him go too much or too soon after baby #2 arrives as you don't want to get the feeling that being alone with the second one is the way its supposed to be. You want the first month or so for everyone to be working it out together, the two little ones getting used to each other; you getting used to juggling two children instead of only having eyes for one. But sometime in July when your infant is a 4-6 weeks old, your oldest could go off for an overnight with Grandma and you could hold to a rhythm of once a month going forward.

This would give you a wonderful break; alone time with your new one without feeling guilty that you are ignoring the older one.

Eventually, this could morph into both kids being gone one night a month so that you and your husband can have romantic quality time together. But this part is down the road apiece.

Having a PLAN and a DATE and a structure for when and how all this will happen will make your mom feel better and like she now has a target to aim for. This will calm everyone down and make everyone happier. A wonderful win-win!!

Good luck!
N.

We have had the fortune of having both sets of grandparents who wanted our daughter overnight. We started leaving her overnight when she was just a few months old. We had a night out planned and we didn't want to wake her up after midnight, so we prepared by making sure she could take her bottle, etc. When I went back to work, there were times when both my husband and I had to be out the door really early, which meant we would have had to wake her up before sunrise to drop her off. We instead dropped her off at the grandparents the evening before who could just let her sleep until she was ready to wake up at about 8:30'ish.

She's now 2.5 and she has a routine at each place and my husband and I can have nights out every so often. We also have #2 on the way, which means that she'll have to go over to the g'parents when I go into labor. Knowing that she can stay overnight with trusted ones will make that process easier for us, too. That said, if you are able to have your son stay over, take advantage of it. The older he gets, the harder it may be to get him to do so. If he doesn't want you to leave, plan to spend a few afternoons there (I know, it's a drive)where he can take a nap and start getting to learn a new environment.

I read several of the responses and I guess I would be labeled a terrible mom. My 16m old routinely stays at her grandparents house overnight on a weekend and they live a little over an hour away. We started this when she was a year old. I trust my MIL and know she takes great care of my daughter, and my daughter is always happy and rested when she comes home. It gives my husband and I a break and gives our daughter some variety and entertainment (her cousins often come over to play with her when she's there, and she loves Grandmas cats). So in short, I agree with everyone else...do what you feel comfortable with but don't be too over-protective either.

I think it's important that she be comfortable staying at Grandmas because if anything ever happened to us that is where she would need to stay. This actually came into play when I had a 2 week hospital stay. Because our daughter was comfortable at Grandmas house she was able to stay there while my husband stayed in the hospital with me and while he went to work. I think it would have been much more traumatic for her if she was not already used to staying overnight with her grandparents. Anyway, just another way to look at it.

18 months is not too soon especially with a baby #2 on the way. You need to start having a couple sleepovers especially if he is going to be separated from you when baby #2 comes along. This transition needs to start sooner rather than later. One idea is for all of you to go to Grandma's house for a weekend to familiarize your little one with the surroundings. Then on the 2nd trip to Grandma's house you stay one night to get him settled in & then the 2nd night you & your husband head out for a night alone before baby #2 comes along and your 18 month old will have some special time with Grandma & Grandpa. It may take a couple tries but you need to start now so that the separation anxiety is not issue for any of you. Good Luck!

Hi K.! \''/

I totally agree with you in regards to allowing your son staying overnight. When it comes to all of your kids, always listen to your gut feelings. If you are not ready to let the kids sleep over, then, the grandparents are just going to have to accept your decision, after all, you are a first time mom. Being smart and making smart choices, you will be at ease and much happier with yourself.

Enjoy every minute with your child. They grow up way too fast. Before you know it, your son will be 12 and probably be excited to go to middle school like our daughter is.lol

Anyway, don't beat around the bush, let her know that it's not time for overnighters yet. You know your mom better than anyone, so tell her in your own words, but don't beat around the bush.
Good Luck!

Let your mother take him! Afterall she did raise you! My husband is the same way with his mom,.. but in all reality its only one night, and our son LOVES his sleep overs! People who love your son and want to spend time with him need that alone time to really get a close bond. It's important for your parents and your son. Try having him over for a whole day and pick him up at night, then maybe it can help with the adjustment. Its important for your son to learn its okay to be away from mom and dad sometimes and that he is safe with his grandma and grandpa too! It will be a great time to build memories!

I went through the same type of thing but it was with my in-laws (one hour a way) and my baby was only about 8 weeks! Anyway, I was very upset that they thought it was ok to have her overnight that early. It was fine for my daughter, just not for me! At a year and a half I think it is fine for the grandma to take your son for the night although he may get homesick... but it'll be tough on him whenever his "first" time is so in a way you may as well get it over with. The first time will be tough on you too. If you REALLY feel uncomfortable than wait but I don't think 1.5 yrs is too early to stay one night with grandma if she is willing.

Remember with another one on the way it may be nice for your 1st to get used to a little special time with grandma because you and he may need a break in the future. If you think you can handle it, give it a try. It won't permanently hurt anything or anyone.

Personally I don't think 18 months is too young to send your son overnight to his grandparents' house. My daughter spent the night at my parents when she was only 1 and everything was great. I think you and your husband would really appreciate a night to yourselves, especially before baby #2 arrives. You could have a date night or just rest, which you probably need!! Your mom raised you, and your son will be fine!

Hi K.,

I don't think the question is if 18 months is too soon. Do it when you and your husband are ready :). Your son would probably do fine, but you need to be fine too. I have a 17 months old and we left him few times with my best friend or grandparents (when they come visit) for a "day" date. And I was gone once for 4 days, without my best two men :), but I am still not ready to leave him somewhere overnight. Although I feel I am getting closer. I think practicing should help. You can always tell the grandma that it's more fun to watch him during the day anyway and that there will be many more opportunities for sleepover - probably soon after June :)

I think it's mostly based on how you feel, and the need. If there were an emergency, of course you would just leave him there. If you feel it's too early, then you should wait. There's no reason to make yourself and possibly your baby feel bad and stressed. It doesn't do anyone any good. Also, from what I've seen, most grandparents aren't tuned in enough to a baby that young to meet all their needs all night long. If you don't believe in letting your baby cry, well, maybe she does.

On the other hand, if you want your son to be able to stay with her, maybe you could stay there with him a time or two until he's used to it. If that's who he'll stay with when you are delivering, maybe it's a good idea.

good luck,
colleen

My mother-in-law only lives 3 minutes from my house and I have cried after dropping my son or daughter off. She has kept my kids as early as 4 months overnight. It is really hard the first time, but it gets easier. I worry more about Grandma than the kids. I know they are in good hands. If your son is a good sleeper and you think he will be happy there, then why not? Though in the end, you need to do what feels right to you. Just hope that Grandma keeps offering even after you keep telling her no! That is the key. Trust me when baby #2 comes, you will be so glad for the help! I know I was :)

Tell her that you'd feel more comfortable if she stayed overnight at YOUR home, while you and your hubby get away close by. Would that feel better to you?
I liked Donna L's answer, too.

What a senstive daughter you are, K.--- and quite right. ( in my biased opinion) If your parents' lived 15--20 minutes away- NO problem ( at least that is what I hear you saying) - but an hour--- no that's too far. I would suggest you say it just that way--- ''' if he got sick and were crying for me- he'd have to cry for an HOUR before we could get there -- and that makes ME cry to even think it- I KNOW, Mom - how generous you are being- and with a new baby coming -- we will, likely- make an overnight happen- but it is just too hard to worry about him''''. I am positive she would not be hurt by that--- as she will know- her turn will come --. He's so lucky - in his Mommy and his entire family---

Blessings,
J.

I agree with following your instincts! If your not ready, don't do it!

Could you and your DH maybe go spend the night there with him?

This is something you and your husband will need to decide for yourselves. But here's something to think about. I see you are expecting baby #2, who will take care of your son while you are in labor? I went into labor with #2 just before #1's bedtime. It was nice that Grandma and Grandpa could just take her home and I knew #1 was comfortable with that. She ended up staying a few nights since I had an emergency c-section and my husband would go spend time with her during the day. You may not have your mom watch him since she's far away, but if you let him stay somewhere else it may hurt her feelings. Personally, I would let her take him and also let whoever will watch him during delivery of #2 take him next. It will be okay. :) I hope all goes well for you.

Personally I'd say 2 yo old at the earliest and only if your child is not demonstrating seperation problems.
This is also a family issue (i.e., you, your husband, and child)so if it is causing you and your husband anxiety then it's simply too early.
And I imagine if one set of grandparents is taking your child overnight and the other set gets wind of it then they will want to do the same. So you have to ask yourself if you're willing for that to happen.
I would invite grandparents to spend the night or spend the night at grandparents with the child but say until your child is 2yo (and without any separation problems) you're not willing to be separated from your child overnight. Period. You're the parent. Good luck.

Maybe you could compromise by having a night out in the town where your mother lives. You could have dinner and a movie then stay in a bed and breakfast nearby so that if your son needs you in the night you can come back quickly. Sort of a trial run to see if he is ready.

do whatever feels right for you. i would tell her that YOU aren't ready for it, even tho you know she'd take great care of him.

on a related note, we didn't have any family in town so my daughter never got to sleep at anyone else's house. she's 6 now and doesn't want to sleep at my parents' house, even tho they are now just down the road. i think it's easier to get them used to staying at someone else's house when they are younger. you may find that useful when #2 comes along.

K.,
Tell your mom that you are just not ready yet. I know she will understand.

My mom had to wait until our son was 5yrs old for an overnighter and I was fine.

Best wishes.

in my opinion, it is never too early for a child to spend an overnight with someone who loves them and cares for them. instead, it is about whether or not you are comfortable with it. it also depends on your child's temperament when it comes to other people, but in the end, it's something you won't know for sure until you try.
have you looked at this as a chance to have some time away with your husband, alone, before you introduce another player into your family? all parents need some time away from the kids together to strengthen their bond, and thus strengthen their family. it sounds like you couldn't ask for a better care provider for your son than your mother. perhaps you could take this chance to get a hotel room or a room at a bed and breakfast together. if you wanted, you could even do this close to home or even close to your parent's house, in case, your son doesn't do well. chances are, he will do just fine.
we recently left my 3 year old with my SO's parents and with family friends over the course of a week while my SO and i took a vacation by ourselves. i was so worried about how she would react, since she had never spent the night with either family and since i had never left her for that long, ever! in fact, i nearly canceled the vacation because of my fears. as it turns out, i worried for nothing. while she was incredibly happy to see us when we got home, she had the time of her life having a sleepover with oma and opa, and then with her friends. it was a beneficial experience for her AND for us.

Well since you asked . . .
I have a 2yo boy and 5 yo girl, the first time we were away from our daughter she spent the night at her grandparents (two hours from where we were staying). She was about 18 months at the time and as I was driving away I was having the same doubts - it was the best thing we could have done. She had a wonderful time with her grandparents and we got some much needed adult time. If your son is comfortable with you leaving him with your Mom I say go for it! You especially deserve it before baby number 2 comes along. -
Plus if your son will be staying with Grandma while you are having the baby, why not give it a trial run (minus the actual new baby part)?

Everyone is paranoid with there first baby but I think it not to soon at all. With my first son I was like you and was scared to have him anywhere but with me. I think the first time I left him over night for the weekend was when he was 8 months with my husband. I thought I would be a mess but I was fine becasue it was a great refreshment for me to be away from him for a little bit. Don't get me wrong I love my boys to death but we all need a break from being a mommy once in a while. So I think it would be great to have him stay at your moms for the night especially since you have another one coming soon. This might give you and your husband some private time before you go from one kid to two. My mom took my oldest for the night before my second was born and it was great for my husband and I just to hang out again like we used too becasue we knew once the second one came it would be awhile before we could have a night alone. Hope that helps.

Hi I just wanted to add my two cents. You have every right to not have your child spend the night without you until you and your husband feel 100 percent ready. My advice is not to do it until you are totally sure you feel right about it. I am sure your mom is great, but you have to be ready too. Hope that helps!
M.

I see you are getting alot of different opinions here and all are good...for different people. Sure, if you left him overnight things would most likely be just fine, but I believe you should do what you feel comfortable with. You have a mother's instinct that you can trust to tell you what to do and you should listen to it. For some, leaving their baby with someone overnight at two weeks old is comfortable for them, for some it's not comfortable for them (or the child) until their much older. I have wonderful in-laws that live 15 min away from me and my son didn't stay overnight with them (or anyone else) until after he was 2. My daughter is 15 months old and we're not ready to have her spend the night anywhere else either.
I do like the advice that you could start getting him/you used to the idea of it happening in the future by spending the night there with him and if you don't already leave him with them for some time during the day, you could start doing that as well.
Good luck! Listen to you're heart and you'll do just fine!
M.

Dear K.,
As a grandmother of six (whom I absolutely love to have overnight!) and someone who had much the same situation to cope with over thirty years ago, I would encourage you to stick by your guns. An hour's drive would seem like an eternity if you should need to get to your baby ASAP. Personally, I would want to wait until my child was old enough to understand an "overnighter." If you explain this gently and lovingly, that should be the final word. Good luck!

I think it is a completely personal decision. However, I personally think that it would be fine. Given that you are expecting #2, you could take advantage of the "night off" and get pampered or take an evening away with just you and hubby.

I totally understand your dilemma. My husband's parents are the same- really want to spend lots of time alone with our kids (3, 2, and 7 months). And I am not ok with that yet, either. We layed down some boundaries and made sure they understood that they will get time with their grandkids, but they have to be willing to hear "no" from us. If she really does love her grandson and you, she will respect your boundaries; and you can make sure she gets time with him. I don't think you are a paranoid mom- you are protecting him and attached to him still- he's still a baby. That's the way God meant for us to be good moms.

You would be surprised how ready some kids are at an early age. I have two friends and our kids have been having sleep overs since they were 2. Nice for Parents night out ;)
It all denpends on how comfortable your child feels about the person they will be staying with. Don't be surprised though if you or Grandma have to take the "drive" back home a few times, here and there. Kids have different "moods" as you know and sometimes they just don't want to be away from home. Good luck!

A.

can you make the trip a mini vacation for you and your husband? Let your son stay (if you are comfortable with the overnight aspect) but you can have a nice dinner and stay in a hotel closer to your mom's than driving all the way back home - that way you are close in distance should they need anything.

K.,

I'm inclined to agree with you, 18 months may be a little early for him, unless he's incredibly bonded with her.

My daughter is almost 2 and only recently has wanted to have her own time with my dad, who drives trucks professionally. Up until now she has either totally ignored him, or only wanted his attentions after he's been in our house for 5 minutes or more.

Take your cues from your little one, if he's ready to be away from you he'll let you know. Also you may want to start smaller. Make a day trip of going to see your parents and leave him with them for an hour or so while you and hubby take some much needed alone time.

Good luck,
Melissa

My sister is lucky enough to live closer to our parents than I do. All three of her kids have stayed at their house overnight (or multiple nights) many, many times -- even from very young ages.

If you are comfortable leaving your child in your parents care, then take advantage of their time together. A stronger relationship for Grandparents and Child, and a stronger relationship for you and hubby.

K.,

I have been there! When my first child was about the same age I was pregnant with my second. My parents would take him overnight ocacionally (they lived about 40 minutes away). One night I kept calling and no one answered at my parents, I called my brother to see if he had spoken with them and he hadn't since they had been together earlier in the evening. I was getting really worked up, I needed to speak to my baby before I went to bed! Anyway, what happened is my Dad was on the computer (this was about 8 years ago) so their phone line just went to voicemail.

My brother finally got ahold of them and my Dad called and they had been home for some time and my son was already in bed asleep. I said no more sleepovers! I am sure they thought I was crazy, my mom watched my son during the day while I was at work and it wasn't the first he had slept over. I am sure being pregnant didn't help matters.

After awhile I let him stay again. I had to remember this was their first grandchild and they were trying to help us out.

Needless to say it is normal to been feeling concerned. But, remember that they have raised kids and know what they are doing. The first few overnighters will be hard, but it does get easier. If you and your husband plan a romantic evening doing fun things together, see a movie, go to a bar and have dinner, sleep in, do all of the things that you can't when your child is with you.

We now have three kids and it is hard to get a babysitter, when we do we eat dinner in the bar at the same place we always take the family, just because we can when were alone! My parents are taking our kids for 4 days this month so we can go out of town and we can't wait! Our lives are all about our kids and we love them, but it is a huge treat to have some alone time.

Good luck with the first step!

K., you are this baby's mother, and you know what's best for him and for your relationship with him. I would think that unless you NEED her to take him over night (such as if you were going to have a baby at the hospital or in an emergency), you should not have to leave him over night at all. If this is your mom's first grandchild, she may be anxious to enjoy those sorts of "grandma" things, but 18 months is pretty young and there will be plenty of time in the coming years for him to have sleepovers when he is old enough to appreciate it. At this age, most kids have a higher level of anxiety about being away from mom and dad and a sleepover with grandma would be more enjoyable for her than for him (unless, of course, he freaks out and is upset the whole time, which could easily happen). And, yes, one hour away is a long way in case you would need to go get him. Your child's needs should come first always, so don't let others pressure you into doing something just because you feel "guilted" into it.

Generally the first over-night stay without parents is better done when the babysitter stays over night in your home with your kids. That way at least the bed and house is familiar and comfortable for the child.

I don't know what your birth plans are for your second baby, but I would just be honest with your mom and say that you would love for her to come to your home and stay over night with your little guy when you go into labor and have the second baby, but you don't feel he's ready for an over-night right now. Be kind, but firm. If you sound wishy-washy about it, then she may think she needs to convince you otherwise. After that point, if she continues to ask you, then it becomes and issue of her disrepecting you as the parent and your choices for your son. That would be a bigger issue to deal with, but if you haven't been upfront with her about it to this point, then she's technically not being disrepectful yet. :)

For each of my first three children, I left them for the first time over night when I went to the hospital to have a baby. They've all done well with it and their ages ranged from 18 mos.-24 mos. I left very specific instructions for my mom of how we do things (I type out a detailed list and leave it with her to refer to if she forgets anything). My fourth child has had the most separation anxiety for a 2-year-old of all my kids, so with her, my husband came home and stayed with her over night the night I was in the hospital with the baby. My mom still came over and stayed to help with the other kids. Having a parent at home with our toddler was what was best for her--she did great with daddy over night and we had the peace of mind that we were meeting her unique needs. I was fine in the hospital for one night with the baby and my husband actually got a better night's sleep than he normally does in the hospital, so he was a better help to me when we came home with the baby the next day.

Trust your gut and keep loving on that little guy!
Blessings,
J., mom of 5 beautiful children

Be thankful grandparents live so close. If you aren't ready then you can politely say no. Your son may be more ready now then in 6 months if he gets more attached or into a routine or stranger anxiety. The time will come when you will be thankful to have a night away, but you have to be comfortable with it so you can actually enjoy the night not be worried.

I know the feeling all too well. Just remember that you are the mommy and you know best what is right for your kiddo-and you are his first and most capable advocate until he can speak for himself. It's awkward trying to tell family members what works for your kiddo but I think it's totally worth it. We had the same issue with leaving our kiddo with babysitters. It just wasn't feeling right, even though it was a very trusted friend.....long story short, many months later, our daughter just had her first afternoon with our friend and was so happy-she didn't even cry when we left! It just confirmed for me that when our kids aren't ready for something, it doesn't mean that they won't EVER be ready. It shows them how much we love and respect them when we do what we know is best for them, even when it's hard to tell others. Hope that helps-follow your gut!

When ever you decide you are ready for that sleepover, you have to let go and feel happy about it. You son will sense your tension. Every child and every grandparent is different. You are lucky to have grandparents near by that are also 'able' enough to care for your child.

If you and your husband aren't comfortable with the situation, then don't feel pressured to do it. You need to go with your gut. :-)

I would recommend a couple things:
First, stay the night over there as a family. That will get your little guy used to sleeping there and you'll be able to gauge how he does.
Second, try going on a date the next time you stay over. Leave your son there for dinner and bedtime but then sleep over again as a family so you're near by for your date. If all goes well, you'll put your mind at ease, and if it doesn't, then you'll know that your son isn't quite ready.

Every child is different and so are their relationships with grandparents, their sleep habits, etc. Our little girl is 3 and one set of her grandparents moved to the area this last year (they are a ferry ride away from us). We all stayed over for Thanksgiving and we know she's totally ready to stay over. We're hoping that this spring she can stay over and possibly let her stay 3 or 4 days so my husband and I can take a small trip for our 15 year anniversary. :-)

I did see the good comments about who will watch your son when you have baby #2. I think it's a great idea to get him used to staying over (wherever he might be staying) in case you are in the hospital for a little while. Good luck with this big step!

Hi K.,
I felt the same way with my first. My sister-in-law would always tell me that I need to leave my son with a babysitter (which were grandparents) and have time for myself or husband and I. I was not ready to leave him overnight with someone. I enjoyed waking up in the morning to him, I didn't see the need for it. I finally did when he was 23 months. It was when I went in the hospital to have my second son, and I missed him like cazy. But after that it got easier.
I have three children now and my youngest is 8 months and I am ready to leave her overnight with the grandparents. So finally my points is I do feel that your 18 mo. old is certainly old enough to stay the night with his grandparents. It is just if you guys are ready or not. If you won't enjoy the time away then it's not worth it. I wish you luck.

I am a SAHM with a wonderful husband and three adorable children. Boy-6, boy-4 and a 8 mo. old little girl.

Hi. I am a grandmother of 9 wonderful grandchildren. Our oldest grandson just turned 18 and the youngest two are 2. We started taking our oldest grandson in our home, which was a 5 1/2 drive, when he was right about 12 months. We would have him for several days and he did wonderfully. The second grandson made a trip from Alaksa to California when he was less than 18 months for a week with us.
Personally i feel that if you don't have a problem with the mother or mother in law having the child for the day at their home then you shouldn't have a problem with them keeping him over night. After all they raised you and you are fine aren't you? Remember that they want the best for their grandchildren as do the parent. We love them like they were our own and would never do ANYTHING to harm them.
Give them a chance. Maybe if you are supper unconfortable then let your parents take your soon but maybe you could get a room close by and have a special night with your husband but still be close enough to check on your soon and if something comes up you could be there quickly.
Just some ideas.

I have friends from both sides on this one, from being a couple months old to waiting till they are 5 yrs old (or never)! I truely believe it is what you are comfortable doing. I have always been over worried when I let my children spend the night somewhere. (when my son was 9 mths old I left him with his grandma on my husbands side for 4 days - we were on our honeymoon) UGH - I remember how hard that was, not even close enough to get to him quickly if needed. My daughter was much older for her first sleep over though. Well now she is 9 (almost 10) and I still have anxiety when she spends the night anywhere! I totally trust her granparents and anywhere else she stays, it is truly about me. So I think you should take a look at why you are having the seperation anxiety. I really believe your mom (of course is ready) but more so probably would like you to have a lovely, peaceful and enjoyable evening with your husband. Since having a baby does add strain on a marriage (and little private time), I believe she just wants to give you a moment for your marriage. From experience though, you will still worry and may need to work at relaxing while baby is on a sleepover. Remember she is just a phone call away!

Hi K.,

Just wanted to say that you are a great mom and you know your little one. Do what works best for you and your family. Every kid's different so what one 18 month old may be able to do definitely might not work for another.

D. Rylander

Yes, you are probably being paranoid - but yes! We were all exactly the same way. :)

An hour-long drive is awfully far in an emergency. If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it.

It's really up to you and your husband. I didn't have my oldest (now 2 1/2 years old) spend a night away from me until she was 20 months old, I was pregnant with our second and had to be hospitalized for an infection. She stayed with my Mom and was just fine. But I did miss her terribly. But it was a good trial run for when I had Alixe. My mom was going to be the one taking care of Kaitlen while my husband and I were in the hospital with Alixe. Though I missed her terribly, she had a great time. Now I look forward to these nights when my Mom or my MIL will take the girls. I know they are in great hands and I get to spend some alone time with my husband. :)

This is a late response but for me.. I am not ready to leave my son. I don't know when that will be but I think I'll just know! Goe with your gut. If you aren't going to have fun and need the time away,, why do it. I always feel my parents had their time to parent now it's mine;-)

K.-

I would feel the same way. Just tell your mom that you and your hubby aren't ready yet. She'll understand.

Congrats on baby #2!