Grandparents Smoking

Sounds like buying a fixer upper house would be expensive and stressful! Take the money you would spend on that and rent a hotel room when you are there! I know it would be annoying to have to drive 20 minutes to get to your parent's house but you would have peace of mind knowing that you and your kids were in a clean environment. My father in law smokes around my now toddler and I hate it. At least he goes outside. I told my mom to make sure the door was closed so the smoke wouldnt permeate the house. And I used to smoke. Dont worry yourself about hurting your parent's feelings, you have to look after your children first, they will get over it. Nobody in their right mind would blame you. Or, tell them to visit you (and smoke outside!)

A touchy subject. But, your child's (and yours and your husband's) health must come first before your parents' hurt feelings. I would simply say in a calm way, "mom and dad, I love you and you are great grandparents and we definitely want the baby to see as much of you as possible. But, I am very sensitive to the smoke, I don't want to be exposed to it and I do not want to expose a baby to it. We would be happy to stay at a hotel and visit with you but we will not be staying at your house." I understand not wanting to spend money on a hotel, but compare a couple hundred dollars per visit to how you would feel if your daughter got sick. I would never stay in a house where people smoke even if they did not smoke when I was there. It sounds like your parents smoke when you visit... that would be when I start limiting visits to the non-smoking section of a restaurant or museums or other indoor, no-smoking-allowed venues where they can spend time with your daughter but not poison her with their nasty smoke.

Good luck!

Stand your ground. Second-hand smoke is very dangerous. Here is what I would do- tell them your little girl is allergic to the smoke and cannot be in the same house with it- period. Let's face it, all people are allergic to it- it's basically a poison. Show them some literature on the effects of second hand smoke, and tell them that it's ok if they want to smoke, but that it's not fair to subject others to it. The anger and annoyance they show is just part of the smoker's mentality (I used to smoke myself when I was younger). Hopefully, you standing your ground will at least open up their eyes to the fact that they really should stop for their own health and the health of everyone else. Tell them that they will have to come and visit you instead until they give up the habit, or make some changes in their smoking habits (such as always smoking outside- even in their at their own home). The smell in their house may never go away, and can stay around for many, many years. It will require new coats of paint, and a professional cleaning of all upholstered surfaces and carpets. Anyway, smokers are stubborn people when it comes to their habits, but you have to be more stubborn. You have to choose what is in the best interests of you and your family, and that is the bottom line. Good luck!

Hi Amanda, I feel your pain. I have had similar issues with my mother and her smoking habit. The kids would come home and their entire clothing, stuffed animals, suitcases, everything smelling like a smokestack. And my mom is the poster child for smoking. She feels like she is entitled to smoke where ever and whenever she pleases and I am a total snot for even commenting on it. It's a very selfish attitude. I don't care if she smokes (well I do but we won't go into caring about her health, etc), I just don't want for us all to have to share it with her. With that said, she can smoke in her house on her terms, so I just unfort. do not make an effort to have the kids stay with her, sad but true. I do not want my kids breathing smoke if they visit her. You have a sticky situation there. I would either plan their visits to your house where it's not as habitual and they can easily go outside, or plan alternate places to stay while you're there. The first couple of times you are in a hotel because of their smoke, they may just make the necessary amendments to have you feel comfortable there. Unfort. the addiction is stronger than being unselfish, and they may get defensive, but don't put yourself through years of misery. Set your boundaries now in a gentle loving way and stand up for your rights with this. When you have your own family, you have to do what is best for them and you would think that grandparents, at their age, would have good judgment. It is absolutely miserable trying to stay with two smokers, I totally understand this. Good luck...

Staying in a hotel is a lot cheaper than having lung cancer.

Putting your children in a toxic environment to spare someones feelings is crazy. That is not to say you can't be diplomatic & kind in the way you tell your parents.

You are advocating for the health of your children, I don't see the conflict. Offer to pay their gas to come visit you if that makes things easier.

Im sure your parents are not so out of touch that they would not understand your concerns. Best of luck.

Hi Amanda,

I am an obnoxious former smoker and am very sensitive to it, too. I can smell another smoker in traffic as well! Here's an excuse I've used to not have to travel up North around the holidays -- "There are more of us than there are of you. It would be easier for you to travel and we'd love to have you stay with us". Just be sure they know of your no-smoking policy in your home.

Hope this helps!