Great Grandmother Wants Baby Named After Her

My name is Guillermina! It builds character, let me tell you! I was name after a relative that died 2 months before I was born, if she wouldn't have died I'd be named something else! Anyway, I say stick great grandma's name in there somewhere!

Maybe you can find names with the same initials. I think that should cover it. Good luck and congrats on #2.

If you need a response to her... Since she is not dead, there is the superstition that you should not name a child after a living person (that it brings bad luck--or summons the angel of death--to either the child or the elder sooner than otherwise...

Tell her it makes you uncomfortable to use the name of a living person.

One thought would be to tell great-grandmother she is one of a kind & very special to you all. That naming a baby after her might put expectations for the baby to follow in great grandmothers footsteps & that no one could ever fill her shoes nor replace her. When her name is mentioned after she leaves this earth, that all of you want to remember her,& have other people remember her, not have peoples mind go directly to the baby that's named after her.
My daughter n law named her baby Lillie after her grandmother that passed away, but because the baby has some of her great-grandma Lillie's features,along with her name, some of the family have a hard time being around baby Lillie. sad but true. Family names can be a great inheritance, but they can also cause the baby so be shunned from other family members who are still grieving the loss of "Grandma Lillie"
Hope this bit of info could be helpful in some way to you, or at least open a doorway of possible explanations to great-grandmother of why mom & dad chose not to name the baby after her & true enough Great grandmother is going to love that baby no matter what she is named :)
Another suggestion would be to "save" the name of the great grandma so that it will not be taken in case this new baby girl coming into this world grows up & wants to name her baby after her great grandma. By then, these old time names like Effie, Lillie Mae, etc may be back in popular demand. I've noticed more & more the baby boys born these days are being named the older names, so im sure it will come back around with the girls names too. then this new baby will have the choice & opportunity to name her baby after great grandmother if she chooses.

Yes a loving response is always easier to swollow.

"You know Grandmother I believe the kids have their name picked out already--thank you for your input and I know they appreciated it--they are so excited and we are just expecting a healthy baby"

If you buckle under they will never be happy with the name.

God you you and your family on this task--it can be a problem. Firm with conviction.

J.:

You have a ton of advice on here, as I would expect. But just to add one: Does Great-grandma realize that there are seven other great-grandparents' names to consider as well as four grandparents and two parents? That's not looking at any siblings, aunts, uncles or dear friends. And this is all assuming there were no re-marriages or step-family to count.

You already said that the first great-grandchild was named after her father and son, the parents could simply state that there is the other side of the family to consider and name their child what they will and be proud of what they chose.

Love the great-grandma anyway. She's obviously excited about another addition to the family. And please make sure you take a four-generation picture when possible. I have one with each of my great-grandmothers that passed away when I was young and I cherish them both.

Our son has four names... his own and his middle names are after his grandfathers. We thought we would be honoring our family by doing this and we both liked the names. However it really had a negative responce from the family!!! We still love his name but the response we got from others did hurt our feelings. We quickly got over it and when people say something about it we bite our toungs and move on. As for the great grandmother. I wouldnt say anything and when the baby is born tell her the name and let her hold the baby. Find a baby book most every name has a meaning. Good luck.

Well you could work it like this...If/when the subject comes up again let her know that you did not have a say in the naming of the grandchild. That the parents took into consideration everyone's input but ultimately they made their own decision. I would promptly add that you think Isabella Annabelle is a great name! I am sure she just wants to be remembered. Remind her that the baby carries part of her so she will always be John Jacob Jingleheimer's Great Grandmother...Good luck with the in-law. CB

I don't have any suggestions, but this brings to mind the old Dick Van Dyke show. When Laura was expecting all the grandparents wanted the baby named after them, so the poor little boy ended up with "Rosebud" for a middle name: Robert, Oscar, Sam, Edward, Benjamin, Ulyses, David.

Blessings on your new little one. And Blessings to you for being such a loving daughter/granddaughter/mother/grandmother.

I agree that you should figure out a creative way to stick some version of her name in there...somewhere...not as a primary name.

My father's gone, and I intend to name my son after him for very specific reasons; but we'll have to figure out something else to call him, some other version of the name, because it's hard for people to use the name of a lost loved one.

I'd like to add that you should be sure to tlak to your baby from the very beginning about how special her name is, the whole name. This way, it won't necessarily sting so much (if at all) if the kids decide to tease her. She'll be able to carry her name with confidence because there's reason behind it. I used to think that I would name my daughter after a lost great, great aunt and just tell her that she was named after an angel...and tell her all about this aunt from day one, so that she could fell proud. That doesn't work for every kid, but that kind of teaching kept me from caring when someone teased me about certain things.

Bless great-grandmother's heart. My personal opinion is that each person is entitled to their own name and parents are entitled to choose names for their children. Well, before our children were born, family members knew my husband and I would choose the names for them.

I know you will be kind but you can also be firm.

So here's the thing - you (or your child/relative?) is the parent, right...and it needs to ultimately be the parents' call. A child's given name will be pretty important on the spectrum, sort of helps set a tone for the whole life trip. I hear where she's coming from - people like to have tradition to carry on. But tradition for tradition's sake is not necessarily a great thing on many levels. For this instance, I know people that gave middle names to their children at the insistance of their own parents but didn't really even have a relationship with the namesake and that just seems weird to me...
I was actually named after my great-grandmother by my mother. She was the one to raise my mother but had passed before I was born. i have a picture of her that i love.
My mother had died just before i became pregnant and i wanted to honor her in memory - her name was Laura and we gave my daughter a middle name of Laurel (which is of what Laura is derived, the Laurel tree.) As she grow she will learn of my mother here and there and know of her and our relationship. But her first name was something special - it came to me as i was driving one day and when i told my husband, he'd thought of the very name the day before and so that's how it came to be.
One things you might say is that from your cultural background, it is not good/poor omen to name a child after a relative that is still living. Of course, re-reading i am not sure if this is your in-law or might be your mom instead maybe, then i suppose the cultural difference might not work ;)
You said that "The important thing is that it has meaning." And that is exactly right. But the parents must decide to choose the meaning. If the parents can find a way to honor her somehow in a middle name, go for it - if that is what is right for them. To name someone after a person is to give them part of that other person's past and a permanent connotation in the mind of those that knew the elder. It's a pretty big deal, but i might be somewhat more stubborn on the matter than most.
In her 80's it's likely she is pretty set in her beliefs of what life should be like and her ways - actually she's probably right on many things, they were built to be strong and tough to survive in those days. Find a way to honor the brilliance of her strengths and try to transfer the energy of her bond with the future child into that rather than name. Allowing her to pass on a concrete piece of her heritage and herself will be very rewarding and perhaps distract from the attention paid to passing on a name. Another idea may be to use the parents bond and understanding to help relate their name choice to her - why it was so important or what it means to them. If she can identify with them, she might feel better with "allowing" the new name to be.

Family names are fun to pass around. May I suggest that you put the name in the middle. I was named after my mother. It was hard to be known as L. JR. I told my children they could only use my name in the middle. Family last names are great as first or middle names. Old family names build character and establish a chain or link to the past.

I was named after some old German woman and I hate it...don't try to appease her because I absolutely HATE my name! Tell her that the both of you have come to a decision already.

Can you give the baby her name as a middle name? Maybe her middle name or maiden name as a middle name would work. She sounds like a lovely lady, so I hope it works out well.

We named our oldest after my grandmother but used it in the middle name. My grandmother's first name wasn't so popular either so we used her middle name also as my daughter's middle name. Maybe a compromise like that would work?

I agree with the post about Jewish traditions, but just think you should say, "We believe it brings bad luck to the baby and adult to name the child after someone living." And be done with that conversation. There isn't another way to get out of it without her feeling rejected because of her name, or because she isn't loved. The ONLY other thing I can think of is to claim a cousin on your daughter-in-law's side has the same name. If she's very involved, that won't work, and I'm not a fan of lying, but it would be a way not to hurt her feelings. Good luck on this emotionally charged issue.

Perhaps you can say something regarding freedom of choice? My MIL had some very set ideas for how our family (meaning my husband, child and i) should celebrate the holidays and I had to very politely thank her for her input/ideas, acknowledge her interest in our lives, etc. and let her know that we would appreciate the same freedoms her mother and mother-in-law allowed her when her own children were born to make her own choices and set her own family traditions. She backed off with no hard feelings as she completely understood where we were coming from.

Sometimes people feel they have the right to maked demands of other people or expect (new) parents to do things in a certain way, this is actually quite disrespectful to the other people involved. Having a child is a wonderful event, naming them is, and should be, the parents' right. Your Great Grandmother should understand this having had children of her own. If she doesn't and is highly offended that the parents didn't/don't choose to use her name, that is very unfortunate, but is also not under your our your children's control. There are many other ways to honor a loved one. I do think that naming a child after a loved one is an honor, but not neccesarily when you're told to do it. When you are doing something b/c you have been told to, that is called being obedient or following orders, something most new parents aren't into as they are trying to pave their own way and make their own family traditions (usually combined from both parents' families of origin). I think speaking politely and honestly is very important. There are many things family members would like new parents to do/say/believe and it is the parents' perogative to choose what they'd like to incorporate into their new family, regardless of the issue, a name, a tradition, etc. Its important to make clear to the Great Grandmother, however, that not choosing to use her name has nothing to do with not loving, respecting or appreciating her. I hope this helps you.

if she is in her 80s, possible she had forgotten, but don't count on it. Evidentle the parents already know the baby wioo be a girl or the topic probably would not have come up. If it comes up again, just explain to her that they want the baby to have a name that will be complient with the times, not an old fashioned name that nobody will appreciate. Is there a way that her name can be shortened, or worked around into a nick name for the baby, as least as long as great-grandmother is here? Will she be seeing the baby often? I'm a great-grandmother and would never try to influence my grand-children into a name. My mother-in-law stated only once that she wanted the next baby girl to be named for her. There were several and none carry her name and she never mentioned it. Her feelings may have been hurt, but she was grachous enouth not to say anything.

Tell her in a conversation that a friend a very good one dies several years ago and you had always thought about that name and may use in because of the memory.

IMO it sounds to me that she's being a little self-centered. I can only guess that she somehow is trying to hint that you're obligated to pay her back for all the great things she's done for y'all. If it were me, I'd just respond in a cheerful as possible manner, "thanks for the great suggestion, we'll keep it in mind." After the baby is born, & you name your baby what you'd actually like to name him or her & if your g-ma gets upset over it, I'd say "well, we thought about that but we wanted our child to have their own name." & just leave it at that. Once you enter the name on the birth certificate & turn it in, she can't argue w/you. Just don't let her pressure you or stress you out over it. If you feel you had to, to avoid that possible confrontation, not tell her when you go into labor, just let her know after the baby arrives & after you've filled out the b-certificate & turned that in. If you decide not to notify her til after delivery, I'd ask other relatives not to notify the g-ma either when you go into labor because that way, you can concentrate on your delivery & baby & not feel pressured or stressed over what to name your child. Good luck!!

I'm assuming she's from the South. Unless the family is Jewish and can therefore sidestep the issue by not naming a child after a living relative, I don't know of a "nice" way to say "we don't want our child to have your name". There really isn't any reason why it can't be one of the child's middle names, and you don't know that the child won't like it being part of her heritage further down the road, no matter how much you dislike it. My mother was pretty much written out of the will over this issue, and one of the ironies is that I would have loved having my grandmother's name as part of mine.

I understand that the great grandmother is special to your family. However, I do believe that it is totally up to the parents what they name their baby. If great grandmother doesn't like it, she will get over it when she holds that precious baby. Tell your son and daughter-in-law to be sure to make a special point to introduce their newest family member to her, reminding her how much she means to all of you.

I had a similar situation when we found out I was carrying a boy my second pregnancy. My Dad always wanted a grandson named after him. I had told hime that I would--thinking that I would use his middle name, "James". He informed me that James wouldn't do--he wanted the child named "Lewis". Well, I have to tell you, I was mortified--I just COULDN'T name my baby Lewis. Dad finally relented close to the end of the pregnancy and we decided on "Jonathan"--which has special meaning to us: "Jehovah gave". (We weren't supposed to be able to become pregnant again--and we did!)

I hope all this works out for your family. Don't worry so much about it. When the baby gets here, nobody will care for long what her name is...they'll be more concerned with who she looks like and how precious she is.

Would it be a possibility to give the baby two middle names? Honestly though, I would not worry about it. As long as the grandmother is loved, well-respected, and, honored in other ways, naming after her should not be an issue. I don't go for popular names myself, nor current!!! What matters is that the parents choose a name, not influenced by anyone except the two of them. My family hated the middle name I gave my oldest daughter, but, I loved it and still do!!
Has she brought it up to the parents? Or, is she using you as a middle 'man' to try to convince the parents of this? If so, have you made the suggestion to the parents? They may actually like the idea, even if her name is not 'popular' as you say. Ultimately, the decision is still the the parents', not the grandparents' or anyone else's. So, I would let the parents know what she suggested, and, back away and let the parents decide what has a nice ring to it. While we did love others giving us suggestions, it got old to have my parents and my husbands' parents telling us what they liked and didn't like. We felt guilt even considering what they did not like. I even started not considering names that we did like just because of this!! In the end, all of our children have original, all "old-fashioned", nice, strong, not "cute & faddish" names that will carry them well into adulthood.

Both of my mother-in-laws agreed on one thing - my son should be named Robert III. My husband is a junior. I flat out said no. I did have my husbands backing.

Let GG know that you considered her name but after discussing names with your husband you picked XXX because XXX.

My MIL love their grandbaby and the name thing never got brought up after he was born. People forget about names once they see the baby.

Oh goodness, I received the SAME pressure from my husband's family upon the birth of our firstborn so. They wanted to name him --- IV. The FIFTH?? Please....
I ultimately gaved in, and my som loves carrying the legacy. We call him by another portion of his name than his Dad and grandfather (and great grandfather and great great grandfather...ugh...

I honestly feel that you have every right to name your baby whatever you feel compelled. You have made it clear that you are not interested in carrying on any portion of your relative's name. Why not just tell everybody that you and your husband have decided on a name and that it will be kept private until the baby is born? You can sweetly let great grandmother know how special she is to you, but that this baby will have her own unique identity.

I don't think its right to ask....I think its your call

Mel G

tell granny that you want her to have a name that is uniquely hers. there is something special about having a name that is all your own. tell granny that you also have other female family members who would like to have a namesake child and that it just isn't possible to please all the ladies of the family. and last, but not least, say "granny, we love you but this is OUR baby. WE will choose a name for her"

make it the middle name...or give the child two middle names...we gave our son two middle names. my friends says he must be a king :)
i don't know why popular nams are so popular. they may be cute, but who wants the same name as everyone else ? my son has a wonderful name that not many others will ever have. and people compliment on his name all the time.
however, i will say that older names are becomeing the trend now...so, maybe go with it and it will grow on the baby ? or go with it as a middle name ?
good luck. and if you don't use the name at all, just be honest. tell her you want a more current name.

I'd say use her name as the middle name. My mother-in-law passed away last year and we wanted to honor her with our baby due in June. Neither my husband or I particularly like her name, so we're using it for our daughter's middle name.

You could also try using a name with the same first initial or perhaps finding out the meaning of her name and using a name that you like with a similar meaning.

What is great grandma's middle name? Perhaps that will satisfy both parties.
Still, once Mom & Dad set on a name (which has the option to change in the delivery room!) there's nothing anyone else can say about it. If the baby is for-sure a girl this time, how about this for a response:
"Well, we had considered Aloysia, but when we finally saw her we knew she was a Jennifer!"
Then go right into saying how excited you are the baby is finally here and you can hold her, spoil her, etc. and include great-grandma in that. If g-g wants to carry this petty a grudge to her grave, well then so be it. Don't let it bother you.
Congratulations!

Hi J.,

My 2nd born arrived on my grandmother's 80th birthday. I felt like I should somehow pull her name into my daughter's name to show her how much we love and appreciate her. I was not fond of her older generation name which is Mabel Mae so I had to come up with something that would honor her name without using it. We gave our daughter the first name that we had planned but changed the middle name to MAEghan which pulled my grandma in just enough to show her the love. She was so please and still talks about it 7 years later.

Maybe their might be a portion of great-grandma's name that can be used. She will be happy and the baby will not have an old fashion name.

I wish you the best.

I agree with almost all the responses I read, to give the name or not to give a name, a different verson. With 2 middle names, later on in life, a name can be dropped from or added to a legal name with a simple legal document procedure. The baby's name should be a special decision made by the parents for their baby.
Whose knows the baby may end up liking being unique with the family name.

If you do not like her name....DONT USE IT!!! Dont do to that child what my mom did to me...named me after my grandmother. It was hard growing up with friends named Shannon, Michelle, Tara.....I hated my name as a teen, and now at 38....still hate my name.

Margaret :)

One alternative is to give the child two middle names using the grandmother's name as the second middle name. There's usually only space for one middle name and so the second one gets knocked off a lot, unless you use the initials as the middle name.

My in-laws were very opinionated about us naming our son. My MIL throws around the Lord's name in vain all the time and my response was, "As far as names are concerned, God's only concern is that His is not attached to damnit." It all died down after a little while. Congrats on your baby!

My husband wanted to name our second after his grandmother. "Ollie Mae"
I liked the name Abigail. We compromised "Abigail Mae" and everyone was happy. (I was not going to call my daughter Ollie)

Maybe you should use here name for a middle name?

I am "assuming" that a middle name is not an option? Is there anyway to abbreviate/nickname (Beatrice to Trice or something stupid like that?) her name as a middle name and use that to tell her they did it. I am so sorry, this stinks either way you handle it. Good luck.

:) Just letting you know we love you!!!!

i can bet being in her late eighties, that she has a great sense of responsibility and duty, and a strong sense of what is right and wrong.

like you say it probably wont come up again, but you can say - i think your name is so beautiful, but i have loved the name XXXX since i was a little girl and always set my heart on naming my child this.

she will probably be thrilled whatever you name your child, and i bet she wont bestow any guilt upon you if she is a decent woman.

i worked with the elderly for many years - sometimes they say (as all of us do) things in passing which are not to be taken as "gospel", or that you "have" to do it