Growth Spirt, Sick, Separation Anxiety or Just a "Phase?

Updated on October 30, 2009
C.T. asks from Winder, GA
12 answers

My daughter is 15mon. This past Sunday we both woke with colds, runny nose and sneezing. That night, at bedtime, we did the normal bedtime routine. She usually goes right to sleep 90% of the time with no crying. This night she was up for two hours. When this happens I wait 15 min, go in to comfort her, hug her, give paci, blanket and firmly tell her "It is bedtime," and lay her back down. I do not take her out of her bed or talk to her but I do hug and let her know that I am there. I keep it short and leave within a minute. I did this two or three times before I got her out of her bed and rocked her. If I do not wait until she is completely asleep she will scream if I even move toward the bed. I assumed it was b/c she was sick. On Tuesday the whole family had flu shots making us feel worse than we already felt. Needless to say every night since Sunday has been a fight. Not only at bedtime but if she wakes at night, which she usually does once with no problems in the past (I go in and lay her back down, with blanky and paci), it is the same thing all over. We talked with the ped when we went in this week for her 15 mon. appointment, he says she is testing us. Mostly b/c of the difference in cries and b/c she stops as soon as I come in and begins to play/talk. While she is crying I say to myself/husband "she is safe, fed, not sick,ect..." That is until it has been two hours then I start to wonder. I do not think it is Separation Anxiety but I could be wrong. She goes to other people fine at the YMCA and church. Also she has been taking her naps okay. Only okay b/c she has fussed some, maybe ten minutes...normally not fussy at all, but definitely not like bedtime. If it is b/c we are all feeling sick I guess we will find out in a few days. Last night it took an hour to get her down and then we were up from sometime around 4 to almost 6. I let her cry, I rocked her, I gave in and we feel asleep together on her bedroom floor. After six days of fighting bedtime/sleep I am wondering what is going on with my normally self-soothing self-confident sleeper? If this continues I am going to try a few techniques such as sitting in her room, next to her crib without getting her out to see if that comforts her. I may also try putting a few toys (Safe toys such as a book or a few blocks) in her bed. Any other suggestions? I do not, however want to put her in our bed or continue to rock her to sleep every night (she falls asleep on my chest but screams when I put her in bed and then we are back where we started.) What techniques do you use after two hours??? Since I do not know what the problem is are there any signs or telltales of a growth spurt, anxiety or "phase?" Are there symptoms? I do understand that babies go through these things and it too shall pass. I am not worried about the loss of sleep, on my part and the next morning she acts like nothing ever happened. Is saying that your child is just going through a "growth spirt" or "phase" something that is said when we don't know what is going on? I should say that she is with me most of the time and her schedule is consistent. Other than these colds, flu shots and these sleep issues I have not noticed anything else with her. Any insight is appreciated. On another note, my husband thinks we should keep her up past her 8pm bedtime to wear her out. I said absolutely not and added if anything we should try to put her to bed earlier b/c she may be overly tired. He did not understand the reasoning but he doesn't agree/understand most of the time. Any insight or a better explanation for dad, other than my saying "b/c I said so." would be appreciated.

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R.J.

answers from Myrtle Beach on

I could not have said it better than Sharie. Most children will fuss especially when they have to lay down when they are sick. Think about how congested we feel as adults when it takes us longer to sleep when we are that ill. A child at that age in particularly wants to cling on to you especially if they have experienced the extreme sickness before.

Did the Doctor do blood work to pin point exactly what may be wrong?

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J.S.

answers from Atlanta on

HI C.,
You are a special gift to your daughter. You and her daddy are the only existence in the world for her to receive comfort and guidance. You are how she will view the world. Every single choice you make is her world. Testing you at 15 months, I don't think so. She is trying to tell you something. You are right to question what is going on, that is dead on. Now, step back and listen to your instincts, listen to your heart. Don't listen to that noise in your head of what the pediatrician says. Leave no assumption in place. Work as a team and brainstorm with your husband, let him try for a few nights so you can get yourself together and think - it is very hard when you are frustrated (trust me, I totally understand!).

For example, children that are healthy may have difficulty falling asleep, but with a simple, consistent routine, they fall asleep........but then they stay asleep (they could care less about "testing" their parents. If either one of these does not hold, you need to look to her health. Digestive disorders begin a little at a time, but 15 months is a very key period that I hear often. If she is fully vaccinated, espcially if you have given her thimerisol flu vaccines, you may be seeing the issues many other parents are seeing. There is not one single study that shows how children's bodies respond to the number of vaccines in our schedule. These reactions can be addressed, but now is the time. www.generationrescue.org and www.taca.org are great sights to learn about reversing vaccine damage. Remove the milk from her diet replacing with RiceDream or Almond milk first, that may dramatically alter her sleep capacities. Adding proibotics and cod liver oil will also aid digestion and reduce possible reflux.
Also, be sure she can breathe. None of us sleep laying down when we are congested. Hold her up or prop her after clearing her passages with saline spray.
With sincere hope for your daughters comfort, and your peace. J.

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L.Z.

answers from Atlanta on

She's crying for TWO HOURS? It's not reasonable to let a child cry for you for two hours. Repeated studies have showed that crying for a prolonged period can cause brain damage, and all she's learning is that when she needs you and cries, you won't come. I'd rethink that part of the routine.

At this age, particularly after being ill, it is very likely a phase of separation anxiety, and not attending her will make that worse. You might try putting her to bed in your bed so you can lie down with her, and when you go to bed, try moving her. I promise it will not last forever if you let her sleep with you for a few nights.

Babies and children normally sleep better when they're getting enough sleep, so to keep her up later might well make it worse. Does she nap? If she does, you might need to back her nap up during the day so she is ready to sleep again at bedtime. If she sleeps too close to bedtime, she will have more trouble going down. Good luck! I know this is tough--I had two non-sleepers.

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V.G.

answers from Atlanta on

My 21-month-old son is an AWESOME sleeper but everytime he is cutting teeth we go through exactly what you are describing. I've learned that if I give him Motrin before nap time and bed time we don't have any of the problems. This started with him at about 15 months when he cut his first molars. I hope this helps. Good luck.

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A.C.

answers from Atlanta on

C.,
I have a 15.5 month old little girl who is going through the same thing! She's always been an angel, but she is indeed testing us now. Their little personalities are developing and this is the age where it's important to be consistent in your discipline. My little girl never meets a stranger, but the last few weeks, she cries if I'm not in her sight. It's totally normal.
As far as your husband, keeping her up to make her "more tired" doesn't work. If her normal bedtime is 8pm, then stick with it. Staying up won't make her sleep any better, in fact, she'll likely get less sleep. If we happen to stay out later than my daughter's bed time, she still wakes up at the same time in the morning no matter than she went to bed an hour or so later.
Hope this helps...it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job...this is just the beginning of the terrible two's.

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B.F.

answers from Atlanta on

Have had this happen it may be due to growth and not feeling well at the same time. I'd try not to keep her up later with already not feeling well it could just add to it making it worse. It's flu season and everyone needs their rest right now. I'd also consider teething added into that. Sometimes with my three boys I have had times like what you are talking about, I remember well it would just last for a few weeks. I can say this by the third child who was able to comfort himself back to sleep, I had to break down and get him like the fisher price oceans to help him. He never had one as a small baby but a bit over 12 months and a bad ear infection later, we got one. It helped him, he had a few rough months of teething, being sick and growing at the same time. It was rough on all of us, I do recall getting that for him and it helped. He used it until he was around 3 yrs old. Sometimes things like this help sometimes not. Just try not to do the bed later thing, of course parenting can be a bit of trial and error. Something that works on one child may or may not on another.

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S.P.

answers from Charleston on

Definitely eliminate the prolonged crying/fussy episodes but attending to her needs. It's not a good idea to do this as common practice but especially not if she's sick or just getting over being sick. The vaccine could very well have caused her an adverse reaction that is affecting her ability to feel 100% and your pediatrician would NEVER admit that, they are likely to blame everything else but. If sitting with her helps her go to sleep then continue to do that. Taking her in you bed at night would most likely do the trick then everyone can get some consistent sleep. Moms worry too much about making sure their little ones can self sooth and we feel pressured to get them to conform to our sleeping and everyday living routines. Each little one does their own thing and will throw monkey wrenches into the works just when we think we've got everything under control. My 15 month old just last night thought it would be a great idea to be wide awake at 3am. We played for about 15 mins then got cozy and went back to sleep. No explanation, she was just awake. Just as you said, this too shall pass, and your regular routine should come back around soon.

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K.D.

answers from Savannah on

Hi C.. I have two children and my youngest is 15mo. This is such an interesting age! My dd is really testing us a lot. She seems to be experimenting quite a bit with how much she can get away with and with using different whines and faces. It sounds like you and I do things very similarly. My advice would be #1 to pray for the Lord to show you what the issue is. You don't want to start doing things that are going to be hard to undue in the future but you do want to nurture. I personally would not sit in the room until she goes to sleep. You are showing her plenty of love and comfort so I wouldn't open that can of worms. She has proved that she can go to sleep on her own. #2 you should really consider you husband's advice. I know that sometimes we really don't agree with them but it really could help. It could make him feel honored and respected, you following his leading is honoring to him, yourself and the Lord and that MAY really be part of the problem. Our dd was waking up in the night and we, not purposely, started keeping her up a little later by 45 minutes and she started sleeping through the night. Also, you didn't specifically mention teething. Sometimes my daughter does what you are describing for a week or so and I really think it is teething related. Hope this helps!

Also, she has done this before (days of waking up in the night) and if I give her motrin she stops crying and goes right to sleep!
K.

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B.M.

answers from Atlanta on

Hello C.

We had this issue with our son at 11 months. I thought it was because he was teething and then one day I went into his room and I put all of his favorite toys in his crib so I could clean out his dresser. As soon as I put him in his crib he started screaming and shaking. I pulled him out and he was fine everytime we got near the crib he would cling to me and start shaking. I ended up converting his crib to a toddler bed and that was the end of it. Bedtime was a little rough the first few days but within about 3 or 4 days he was climbing in his bed telling us goodnight and sleeping until 9 or 10 the next morning. Converting his bed was the best thing we could have done for him. If he woke up early we had a gate in his door and he would just get up and play for a little while.

Hope this helps

Good Luck

B. M.

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J.L.

answers from Florence on

Instead of saying "bc I said so", try "the doctor says", "the baby book says", "WebMD says"... and so on and so forth.

Her sleep issues are probably b/c she's sick. Cold medicine might help, or as someone said, put her mattress at an incline so she can breathe. There were other good suggestions mentioned. If none work, let her cuddle with you on the couch and quietly read books or watch TV, but no active play.

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C.C.

answers from Atlanta on

Wow this is the longest mom request I've ever read! My best advice for you is to try 1-2-3 magic and stay patient and consistent with her bedtime rountine and daily rountine too. She is growing and it is hard being a little one. Like you said this to shall pass. Good Luck!

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S.G.

answers from Savannah on

most very young toddlers are very clingy when they are sick and especially want their mommies. And at night when she is laying down, the congesting is probably hurting her sinus and maybe her ears. Try some ped cold meds or even some musniex to help loosen the congestion up. it is made in a younger dose in little packets that you could mix up in some juice instead of giving it too her orally.

If she isn't showing signs of feeling better in a few days, take her to the DR. She could have strep or an ear infection.

Good luck
S.

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