Hamster died....should I Tell My Daughter or Replace Him?

So Sad! Poor baby, she will be upset! But I say tell her...then maybe she can get a new one for her birthday?

Kids have to learn about death somehow...before a major death happens and they are all messed up...

Tell her. If you replace it she will probably notice it isn't the same hamster and then you will have to explain both that it died and that you lied.

I would tell her the truth. When my son was her age almost 4, his goldfish died. It was floating in the tank, so I had no choice and told him he died. He was ok with it and wanted to buy another, which we did. But I did explain death to him, because I didn't want him to think if a person died they could be replaced as a pet could. It's tough for you really because it's close to her B day and she was close to her hampster. But her B day is 10 days away, you can explain that they don't live long like we do and ask her if she wants a new one. It's never going to be the right time, so you might as well tell her the truth and deal with her questions and emotions. She'll be fine.

Why is it OK to lie to your daughter? That would certainly make it OK in her eyes to lie to you. Is that really what you want to teach her? Life is full of ups and downs. It's up to us as parents to teach our kids how to handle the tough parts. She can be sad, but she'll still be OK. You have to teach her how to deal with grief. It'll be a grandparent some day.

Tell her. Those little white lies stick with kids.

Tell her. 10 days is a long time from now.. especially in the eyes of a child.

Be calm too, and don't put so much emphasis on her losing her best friend and all the sadness, just explain to her the life cycle and how it is a natural thing. Children learn how to overreact from their parents expressions.

Better to explain the death of a hamster than the death of a person. Think of it as practice and a teaching moment.

Ohhhhh......you got to tell her the truth. She will probably take it better than you think. Unfortunatly, dealing with losing a pet seems to be one of the best ways to teach a child about life/death, lost etc. Do a little mini funeral, have her draw a picture, whatever makes her feel better.

I pulled the old "replace the goldfish" trick and felt guilty every single day for 2 darn years! have funeral and bury it in the back yard. Mark the grave. Let her cry. I wish I had done that with the first fish--my son was about 5 then.
Tell her and then if she wants, she can get a new O. for her birthday!

This is a tough one! I say tell her. I bet at 6 she could figure out that it is a replacement and might even feel betrayed that you "white lied" to her, even though you meant well. My rabbit died and we had a little funeral for him. It was a good lesson for me.

Maybe do something really special for her birthday celebration, get a new pet if she would like, or do something completely pet unrelated to get her mind off of it. This is a good life lesson, even though it comes at an inconvenient time. At least it is 10 days before the celebration! I would tell her asap. That will give her time to grieve and deal.

Good luck!

DEFINITELY tell her! That's one of the biggest "learning moments" in life -when you lose your first pet. At 6, she should definitely be able to relate and understand it. Yes, it will make her sad, but death is part of life, and we shouldn't shield our kids from it all the time (murders on tv, etc. yes, but not their pets).

Well, in my own opinion, the reason we get these small pets for our children is to teach them about responsibility and life. Teaching them about life is inseparable from teaching them about death. This is why I get fancy rats for my children. They have a life span of about 3-4 years so the kids get attached and learn to grieve when the pet dies. Hopefully they have enough practice at losing those they love that their grief over grandparents and other loved ones some day will be a little gentler. I don't want my children to grow up freaking out about death because they are totally unprepared for it and don't have any tools to deal with it. This is an excellent way to give them the tools while they are still young enough to make it a part of themselves.

Personally, I would tell her and help her grieve. Then talk about getting her a different pet for her birthday. Not another hamster, that would probably be sad to her, but maybe like I said a fancy rat or a gerbil or something else similar.

That's just my opinion on the topic though. Good luck making your decision.

I believe you should be honest with your daughter and use this as an example to explain life and death.

How will she feel towards you when she learns that you lied to her??? When she is 16 maybe she'll think, "well mom lied to me so it can't be that bad so I'll lie about skipping out on school" (example)

Lies catch up to you....

Hamsters only live for about 2 years. So yours had a full happy life.
Just tell her. Have a funeral (I used a shoe box when my hamster passed away and buried it in the back yard). Let her grieve. Then if she wants you can help her pick out a new one. But be warned - you'll have to go through this again in about 2 years time.
Guinea pigs are bigger, they are social (you'd need 2 of the same sex to avoid litters) and they live for 8 to 10 years (your daughter will be 14 to 16 about then). Now might be a good time to consider switching pets. Just a thought.

Yes tell her. My bunny died when I was around ... I'd say age 6 or 7. My parents told me he ran away. Of course I found out years later that he died. I was soooooooooooooooooooo pissed at my parents!!! I think I was around 10-11 when I found out the truth. Please tell her.

Tell her...this is a part of life that she needs to learn and deal with.

Two years is pretty old for a hamster; they can live 'til they're three or four, but often die earlier, even with the best care.

Yes, you'll need to tell your daughter. It would be lying if you didn't. Explain to her that her little friend loved the care she gave him, but hamsters always have much shorter lives than people do. It's the way God made them. Yes, she'll cry - and why not? It's all right to cry for those we love.

I had to smile at your post because it reminded me of an old Cosby Show episode, in which they hamster-sit for a friend of one of their daughters. The hamster gets sick in the night and has to be taken to the vet's, but it dies. So they buy another hamster and try to pass it off as the original one. Of course, the owner looks at it, recognizes that it's different, gives a big sigh, and says something like, "People do this to me all the time. This is the fifth new hamster I've gotten this way."

Yes tell her, speaking from experience-it pays to just come clean. We secretly replaced our daughters fish (we were sure the cat ate it) and when she,months later found the dried up remains of said fish in her piggy bank that was next to the fish bowl we were bustered! Who figured it would actually jump out of the bowl and thru that little slot? we laugh about it now, but being truthful gives your child the security in trusting you thru life's ups and downs

I don't think this is part of life you should shelter your child from. My mom just passed away--I can't replace grandma. I know its not at all the same BUT learning the coping skills and about life is healthy for your daughter. Let her plan a beautiful little ceremony for the hamster, and let her decide if she wants a new one or not. She may want some time first. I think the timing is good that she has a birthday in a few days because she will have something to look forward to and it will help teach her that life goes on, even when we have hard things. life goes on. we cry, we laugh, we fall down and we pick ourselves back up.

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I agree that you have to tell her the truth. It won't be as bad as you think. Do it now so she has time to grieve and move past it before her birthday.

Don't lie to her or she won't trust you when she needs someone to trust. These lies last forever. My mom lied about these things so I had no one I could count on to tell me the truth, even when it was hard. Your daughter needs more than that from you. Death is a part of life and she'll get over that a lot faster than she'll get over having a mom who is not truthful.

I would tell her and let her pick out an new one.

While my opinion may not be popular, I really believe that you should tell her the truth. Then let her mourn it. Unfortunately we shield our children from so much pain that they often don't understand the big things like when it is Grandma or worse.

I would have a funeral and do the works. Then she will start to understand. And in time, she will want another one. And you can let her have one :).

I agree with Karma. You need to explain death sooner or later. Better with a hamster then a family member. I think it's a good time, especially since she is having her party coming up. The excitement of the party will help her get over the death of her hamster. It would be nice if she could burry it in the yard with you and then she could have a place to visit him.

She is old enough to know about death and grieving the loss of a pet. If she has been buddies for 2 years, do not try to replace it--she will know and it will only make it worse. We have had two beloved guinea pigs that we had become attached to get sick and die after 3 years. We cried a LOT, buried them and had a little prayer service with the kids. Even made a special "My Beloved Pet" stone for the grave in the backyard. It will be sad but be strong.

I know this is messed up - but not only did the following experience happen to me, but also one of my best friends (and we never knew each other at the time but found out that we both had this experience) talk about cruel.....
We both had pet rabbits. In my case, one day I came home from school and said where are all my rabbits (they were kept in a large 'pen' thing outside) and my father said one of his friends bought them - which upset me - and then come to find out, the guy intended to eat them !!! I have never forgotten this. My friend told me that her family also had rabbits, one night at her dinner table she asked where was her favorite pet rabbit, and her cruel father said, 'oh, you're eating him now' and she spit it out and was devastated.....how could this happen to both of us ?
Had we just had a pet die of natural causes, this would have been mild to us, but no, to have such cruelty as a young child to have this happen, just don't ever do that to a child.....

If you haven't already - check out "The Berenstain Bears lose a friend" - their goldfish dies & the dad replaces it - it's a pretty good story about losing a pet. My daughter has read it a lot, and has gotten a lot of comfort from it.

Since her birthday is in 10 days, I would just replace it. My daughter's first hamster died last year when she was 6 and she was so sad, she cried for hours and then was quite depressed for several days. I would replace it so her birthday isn't ruined but tell her when the next one dies. Good luck!

Not to make light of the situation, but I think we've all seen enough old Brady Bunch, Different Strokes, Saved by the Bell and pretty much every other sitcom to know that the child is never fooled by the replacement.

But good luck, and sorry.

You may also be interested in knowing that these little critters can be adopted at the Humane Society along with adorable kittens, too!

Hello,A..
When my daughter was 4 her hamster died.I could not tell her the truth.I felt that time she was not able to deal with the death.I told her about that when she was 18.Now I know I did well.

What an excellent teaching moment. Believe me, she'll know the difference in hamsters. In my opinion, your daughter's best interest will be served in involving her in the entire process, from explaining to her what has happened, allowing her to help in planning a 'burial' or whatever, to choosing a new hamster to begin a 'new' pet friendship.

J.

Her response is the same as mine at the loss of my cat last year. I had him since I was a teenager and he was just over 20 years old. I lived with him longer than even any human being. I simply cannot discuss his loss because it is still devastating to me.

From my own experience, I would say just let it be. Do not discuss her hamster unless she addresses it. Let her appreciate her new pet.