Handing down Books

Can you explain to her that the books are a family item like the couch is a family item? We share them with everybody.

Have her start "sharing" her books with her sibling. Big sister can read to younger one. This will create a great bond. And it may end up being her idea to give it to her sister or she'll just love reading to her.

In our house, we share all our books. Basically everyone's books are combined into two bookshelves (we'd have more but we don't have the room for them) and everyone is allowed to read anyone else's books they want. Maybe if you put them all in the same area where everyone has access to them, it won't be quite an issue--this way, they are technically still your 8yr old's books, but your 5yr old will still be able to read them all. Just a thought. Good luck!

Maybe have a family book shelf or bookcase or "library" where the books can go so that everyone can still enjoy them. So they belong to the whole family, not just one person.

Then maybe have your 8 year old pick out some more age-appropriate new books to take their place.

I purchased "book plates" and a "This Book Belongs to" Stamp and ink pad for our daughter. When she loaned a book, she placed the Plate or the stamp in there with her name.. She also had a little note book she would write down the name of the book and the person she loaned it too (I know she is such a grandma).. She still does this in college with her books and DVDs she loans out.

at a very early age, I taught my sons to eliminate before each birthday & Christmas. We would donate the toys/books/clothes to friends/family & to charity. It was simply never an issue...& they learned a very important life skill by teaching this method. ++ !! it helped make our own more managable! I also found that if the boys wanted to hang onto something, then the following year...it would be gone!

Ah.....I feel her pain. I still can't let go of books!

.... me and a particular sibling of mine... well, we still have some of our books from childhood. The cherished ones.
And this sibling of mine, will STILL say "that's mine...."

OMG.
Yep.

Anyway, you can let the younger one "borrow" a book. But with the eldest child's permission.

If your daughter is a Bibliophile, then most certainly, "her" books should not be 'given'... to others, but explain that they can borrow them, with her permission.

While sharing all the books may be the best idea, you can't go back and undo her love for these books, so maybe while you move the bookshelf, you can let her pick one or two of her favorites to keep. You never know, instead of getting passed to her siblings, her kids may end up with those same books.

and if the kids or you are worried about the younger kids and the books, make sure that the bottom shelf has books for the 2 year old and the oldest's books are up top so they can be safe and out of reach of the little one.

I have my older child wrap them ask gifts and give them to the younger child... Of course I also wrap up new toys to be given to the older at the same time. I call them growing up parties as you are growing up and need things that are for more grown up.

Of course not all books/toys get given... I do believe that a child had a right not to share or gift what they want.

We don't "hand down," we share. Our girls (6.5 and 17 months) share a room, share toys, and share books. They take turns. I wouldn't take a book away from the older child and say "Here, now this is your sisters." Why can't they both read it when they feel like reading it? There's even a pair of PJ's that are a little too small for the 6 year old and very loose on the 17 month old (they're tight fighting short/t-shirt style) but they BOTH want to wear them, so they get to take turns. Most clothes I hand down, but why fight? If they both want it, then they have to share it. My six year old has gotten very good at letting her little sister have her things, knowing that she'll get bored with them quickly and move on to something else.

Books are for sharing in our house. The only ones that aren't are things like workbooks, color books or sticker books since those involve actitives on the kids' parts and aren't reusable. Reading books are all for sharing. When we go to the bookstore they pick out something they like each but know that it is for all of them. The one that picked it out gets first dibs at reading it then it goes on the communial bookcases. The 2 year old gets dibs on the board books and we make the boys give it up and find something else as it's really not worth the fight and tantrum or we have them read it to/with her.
We can't afford to buy more than one copy of every book the kids like and our kids don't outgrow a lot. They like to go back. My oldest enjoys reading all the "younger" books to his little sister now.

We do the same as CoffeeMama. Everybody's books are placed in the same area, and everyone always has access to them. We've never had a problem this way.

My two smaller boys also always wear hand-me-downs - everything seems to be communal in our house! Because my three boys are so close in age, they all share all the clothes - unless their particularly big or small. Makes for less sorting for me.

Have her share them with the younger kids and then she might pass them on. My SD is great (a little too much sometimes!) about passing down toys and books to DD but her brother has a whole series of this or that he won't part with and he's 21.

If there are some true treasures, go to used bookstores or library book sales and see if you can find them or put them on the younger kids' wishlists and ask others to gift them.

If she is a sentimental person, going through her things to find things to give up can be a huge betrayal. My DH is a tosser and I am a saver and we have had to come to the agreement that he won't toss without showing me what he's tossing. Get your daughter involved and if there are books she dos NOT want to share, acknowledge that and box them up so there is room on her shelf.

I still have childhood favorites on my shelves now...and enjoy sharing them with my children.

I know you want to encourage your daughter to share and not break the bank but do your local libraries host used book sales? Most of the local libraries around here seem to host a used book sale at different times throughout the year. At the sales you can often purchase kids books for 50 cents a book. Maybe let your oldest hang onto her most cherished books, pass some down, and donate the others. Then take your middle child to the book sale and let her pick out her 'own' books. Or let your oldest pick out new books for each of the ones she passes down. Just a thought.

I can understand her angst as not all family members treat books that we love gently. I re-read my favorites every couple of years and if I had loaned them to my younger sister, who breaks the bindings and dog-ears her pages, I wouldn't have those books today. Of course that was an issue I had mostly in high school with books that I still cherish to this day. I don't remember being too terribly attached to the books I read in elementary school. Now that I have an eReader I don't worry about the physical copies of my books at all. I have digital copies of all my favorites and there's no way they can get ruined.

I would probably have her teach her younger sister how to treat the books to her satisfaction and maybe that would help ease her stress at losing these books to her sibling's bookshelf.

I can see both sides on this one. My 5 year old has an overflowing bookshelf and doesn't want me to get rid of things either. I have snuck a few books out to my younger one but not favorites. I still have many books from my childhood, some of which my kids have now. I would have been upset if my mom had given them away too. I would let your oldest keep some of her favorites and share the rest. Maybe 3 out of the 12.

We have a sharing shelf in the wide hall between rooms. My son readily gave up some but was attached to others. We poot them on a short little book shelf between the rooms. Many have slowly navigated their way to little sis's room.