I'm a extremely sad by the situation my family and I are currently in. LL's home was in foreclosure. LL had plumbing and electrial issues. LL harrassment for rent BEFORE rent was due. Asked for DOUBLE rent and it still continues-does not want to return security deposit. We've lived there for 6 years and it was sad to go. My husband and I decided to leave because of the overwhelming stress level for us and the children.
We were hesitant to ask for any help. My husband and I confided in a close friend of ours. They said they would take us in temporarily. Before actually moving in, I had asked them what would they like for us to pay/share. Let's call them Michelle and Michael. Michelle said, we're like family, don't worry about it. I couldn't just live there and not pay anything. So, I asked Michelle a few more times before moving in what would she like for us to pay. Michelle said that anything we could give. We stayed 2 wks in January and the last week of January she said, since we're all here in the living room-if you guys can pay the difference for the PG&E and water and rent. I asked Michelle, how much for rent. She said, whatever you can give. So, looking at our financial situation in January, I gave her a money order of $170. That was what we could afford for that month. We stayed 13 days in February and the rest of the month we've been staying at a hotel for my job training(back to the workforce after 5 years). One month after Michelle sends me a text stating that they are asking $550 for a 1 bedroom. They researched on Craigslist and found the going rate for a 1 bedroom is $550. Michelle asked that we pay that amount plus utilties. Michael sent us a text stating that he received the PG&E bill for 1/15/13-2/15/13 and it's $120.13- due in March and last year they paid $91.91. I replied and asked so it's about $30? He didn't say yes or no. He said he compared it to last year of that month to this year's bill. At first I thought Michael was referring "last year" to November/December of 2012. He was referring to Last January/February of 2012. I don't know why he would compare nor calculate those amounts. We’re barely at the house because of work, we pick up the children, attend meetings/appts, whatever functions the children have, I usually prepare us dinner to go and we get to the house after 9pm. Kids shower , bedtime. This is how our daily schedule looks like. As far weekends go, we have basketball games, other events, parties and if we’re somewhat free-laundry. The time we’ve been there-we probably used their washer/dryer 4-5x. We didn’t use it much because they had said that they had issues w/their dryer. So, we ended up doing most of our laundry outside.
Anyhow, Michelle said that she figured the $550 is for basic wear and tear. Out of consideration I should pay her that amount. Since, we all (6 of us) stay in the one room, dresser, use their frig/freezer, washer/dryer... She also stated that the $170 I gave her for January wasn't good. I explained to her the only reason I gave you that amount for January was because you said whatever we could give..and that's what we could afford at that time. Her response, well, the $550 is basic wear and tear. I told her that I could pay her $300 for this month and pay $30 for the PG&E. Also, to provide me a copy of the bill statement. Michelle said that Michael didn’t feel comfortable with giving a copy because it has their personal information on it. . Michelle had sent me a text a few times after that saying that, Michael said the $300 is fine, but if you guys can meet us half way and pay a "storage fee". Pay $300 plus a $10 a day storage fee from the time we left and the PG&E and water bill.
My husband feels that they want to nickel and dime us since they have been having financial issues. My husband expressed that if that was the case...he should of gave them a bill for the food that we've provided and they have eaten w/o asking us. If there was going to be a storage fee-we should of taken our blankets and food out of the home and brought it with us to the hotel.
We want to be fair as well. We did not at all expect to stay for free. We’ve been looking for rental properties since January. We’ve tried talking to landlords and property managers to see if anything is available. Submitted applications. Some complexes are afraid to hear we’re a family of 6 or we have to have a very high credit score. We’re just a family of 6. My husband works hard to provide for all of us. I’ve started to get back to work to help provide for all of us(Michelle wasn’t too thrilled for me when I told her I found a job-she said, I wouldn’t take it if they are only offering a part time position for $16 an hr- I honestly thought she would be thrilled for me. I was…for going back to the workforce after 5 years…and I thought any money is better than no money), we’ve been repairing our credit so that we may be able to purchase a home in the near future and not to ever, never experience these situations again.
I just would like some guidance on this situation. I do not want to burn any friendships over money. My husband feels that we need to cut our friendship. He feels that we’ve been walked over too many times and when we actually needed help…and thought we’d have some peace of mind….it turns out to be another ugly situation.
What would you all do? Appreciate all responses. Thank you in advance.
I received a variety of responses. Thank you.
I think there was fault from both parties.
We were paying our rent at our previous LL’s home. We paid on time every month. We definitely were NOT rolling in dough or pocketing all our money. Actually, we’ve been going through a financial hardship because of the previous LL. With one income barely supporting 6 people we had a very strict budget. I was thrilled when an employer offered me a job position a few weeks ago.
It was extremely hard for my husband and I to ask for help. We only asked a handful of friends for help, who we trusted. These friends who we thought we’re close wanted to become LLs. My husband helped them with their 5 dogs. Michael and Michelle kept their dogs in their cages for 12 hours and my husband couldn't bare to see them locked up anymore. My husband fixed things around the house. Since, we knew they were having issues w/their dryer- my husband offered to look at it and fix it or have PG&E come over. Instead of them calling a day off-we'd wait for a PG&E technician. My husband helped Michael with his car, offered to mow the lawn. We tried our best to treat the home as if it was our own.
I’ve been a LL (for my parents) and a tenant. Being a previous LL myself, I should of offered to draw up a contract, but didn’t really think of doing it because I considered them to be close friends and all that was going through my mind is to secure the kids a place to stay..It just didn’t cross my mind.
When I was a LL- I had 2 close friends of mine come to me for help. One was a single female a victim of DV. The other was a family of 3. At that time, I was a single mother of 2 children. They did NOT want to come to me for help because I was a single mom raising 2 boys. I had my own responsibilities/obligations. I knew for both of them- it took a lot for them to come to me for help. I didn’t judge, I wanted to help. I asked, how can I help you? They had asked me if they can occupy my in law unit downstairs. They too asked, how much I would charge. I didn’t think of charging them, but they didn’t want to stay for free. I told them, whatever you feel comfortable and can afford.
I just wanted to help them get back on their feet. I will help people who are willing to help themselves. If I can help you, I will. My close friends know this about me. I was happy to know that everything worked out for my friends. They were able to get back up and move forward. Knowing that I was able to help and witness them doing well after--was all the payment I needed. I never could think of charging my close friends, especially when they need your help.
Being there for a short period of time, we’ve learned quite bit about Michelle and Michael. We’ve learned that Michael lies about having money, stealing money from their accounts, gambles, belittles his wife. He lies and hides information from Michelle. AND Michelle has told my husband and I that she has met someone and has been talking/seeing this person for over 5 months. She doesn’t see it as cheating or doing anything wrong. Even though, Michelle sees this person every day at work, they text each other all day and night, and Michelle lies to Michael about where she is going. My husband and I no longer wanted to be in the middle of it nor be there in the crossfire if anything went wrong.
My husband feels that we’ve been walked over because our previous LL really took advantage of us. Now, to seek help from a close friend, he felt we were being “milked’ for money for our friend’s spending habits.
This situation has consumed my husband and I and we’ve realized that they are not our close friends. We’ve learned that in the time of need-you’ll know who are you’re real true friends are.
I’ve been looking, calling property managements, asking around for any rental properties, attending open houses every day. To be rejected or hear no, sorry…every day gets a bit discouraging.
Michael kept calling us and sending text messages yesterday, asking when we were going to be able to pick up our things. We felt that we were being pressured to get all of our things-so we moved all of our things out yesterday. Of course, he didn’t help us. He just sat there and watched us move out and watched his wife clean the house. After everything was moved out- I asked both of them if the room and property was cleaned and up to their standards. They both agreed. I asked them to read and sign this letter. It was a letter stating the following: Date we moved in, vacated, what was paid for January, Rent $300, Utilities: $30 for PGE, $20 for water, Storage fee: $110 for 11 days, and Misc $90. Sum of $550. All this was paid in full, surrendered the keys, and left the property in good condition. We pulled most of the money from our grocery savings and our children’s saving accounts. They both read it and signed. They kind of surprised to see the letter and to sign. I just figured to protect us- we needed to have everything in writing and that letter/statement showed as a receipt that everything was paid in full and property was in good condition. They wanted to become a friend to a LL and just thought this was the proper way to end it.
We do not plan on answering any calls, text messages, or emails. They were more concerned of collecting their share. They didn’t mind that we didn’t have a place. We are currently in between hotels. I also applied for immediate housing. I used to help people who are in the system, and it saddens me that I’m now part of it. I feel like I’ve failed as a mother.
My husband wants to email both of them later this week to express his thoughts. He has said, if Michael keeps calling him and texting him and we do not respond, he’ll continue to do it more frequently to the point where he will BOMB your phone with messages. Michael has done it before. My husband said, Michael is like a female- once you’ve broken up, he’ll want to know what happened.
I appreciate all that have responded to help make my decision. Thank you again.
These people took you in when you had no options and what they are asking sounds fair. You were paying rent before and I can't imagine a house being less than 550 and utilities so what are you doing with that extra money now?
How is asking you to pay some rent while six people are living there being walked over? You are the one walking over them. You should be ashamed.
Well... if you actually do live in San Lorenzo, surely you realize that $550/month is a really good deal. $30/month for utilities is a steal. The median rental price in the Bay Area is over $2500/month for a 2 bedroom.
While I agree that they SHOULD have said up front what the rental cost would be, the fact remains that you're still paying well under market value for what you're getting. (Try and rent a hotel room for less than $580/month - not going to happen!) You should apologize to your friend, write her a check, and move on.
Meanwhile, you need to haul your Landlord to small claims court to get your deposit back. Especially in Alameda County, laws are very much on the tenant's side, and by state law, the Landlord has to return your deposit within 21 days, I believe it is. He can only deduct for very specific things, and if you completed a walk-through with him, he can't go back later and add more stuff to the list. That's against the law. He owes you the money. Go get it back from him. There are a few tenants' rights organizations in Berkeley that can help you with that, as well. Good luck.
I have some vacant apartments, move here.
My husband and I had to stay with some friends once, we stayed 2 mos. We paid for all the groceries and I did all the housekeeping while they were at work and my husband took care of their yard. I usually had dinner ready for them every night when they got home from work.
They did not ask us for money but we were overly grateful that they let us intrude and sleep on their livingroom floor for as long as we needed to.
When someone opens their home to you attitude is everything.
They must know your financial situation or they wouldnt be asking for so much money. I would really be out pounding the pavement and looking for a cheap rental somewhere before you do blow up the friendship. It is very hard to have houseguests under the same roof for lengthy periods of time for most people.
In my world, friends take in friends in need and don't ask anything in return, with the understanding that the favor will be returned if necessary. Buying groceries and giving them something to cover utilities was adequate. Now, they're trying to profit off of you, and are no longer friends. Sad.
I think you're both kind of wrong... A family of six moving into one bedroom in my house would drive me crazy so it was a lot for you guys to do that to your friends. I know they offered but I wouldn't have done it unless I was literally homeless otherwise. Then while you're there, they probably see you out doing all the things you mentioned though you included working yet you're not working... Some things cost money and they probably think, like the rest of us, your house had to be way way more than $130 a month... It doesn't make sense that's all you could pay so maybe they got mad. They should have thought this through better too unless they meant stay for a week. I'd say "we've been friends a long time and this who,e thing was a mistake. We're sorry and hope we can get past this.". As for the $500, coud you have stayed somewhere else for less? If it, figure you're not spending more than you would have otherwise... And if they're having money problems, don't you sympathize? I'm not sure why your husband feels like you've been walked over too many times. How? In the past maybe and they're not good friends?
I agree they should have told you up front that a room would be $550 in addition to the difference in utilities. However, I think $580 (rent + utilities) for a family of six to stay anywhere for 5 weeks is very generous on their part. I do not see them as screwing you over. I think referencing storage fee is a bit over the top and clashes with their original generous offer though. Overall, I think you are best to just pay the remainder owed to hit $580. Hopefully you can all still be friends if there are no hard feelings.
I also think the way they calculated the utilities was the most fair to you when they compared the same month of last year to this year. It is cheaper for you because they are comparing the same season/weather (vs perhaps just comparing a straight month of no heat with a month of heat). Did you pay your own utilities when you were renting before? A family of six's utility bill would never only be $30.
I agree with some of the others that if you are not paying rent at your old place, this portion seems very fair. You were there most of January (3 weeks) and over half of February (15 days).
Many years ago, before we had children, an old friend of both my husband and I was looking to move to this area. We told him he could stay with us until he found a place. We said he was welcome as long as he needed. I honestly was thinking "as long as you needed" would be a range of 3 weeks to 3 months maximum. He was with us 9 months and it did end with tension. We are ok now, but we definitely felt used in the end and he felt guilty. We only asked him to pay 1/3 of the utilities each month (because there were only 3 of us in the house) but no rent since we looked at it like the mortgage was my husband and my responsibility to pay anyway.
Our friend worked and was not in the house 24x7 either but it was still another person in your home a lot of the time/cutting into your own private family time. In my experience, it was only one person where you were a family of 6. A family staying in your house for a week to visit is far different than being there 5 weeks over the course of 2 months. Perhaps there were unclear expectations from both sides. Perhaps she thought you only needed a couple of weeks, maximum? Perhaps she did not realize how she would feel having six other people in her home day in and day out? Either case, lesson learned for both of you and I hope you can get past it. I think paying her $580 is worth it.
Pay her what she asks but try to get out now. The friendship will never be the same.
I've never burned a bridge with a friend regarding money. When someone offers to take someone in need into their home, there shouldn't be an expectation of money exchanging hands for "rent" when it's going to be short term. After your friend answered you the first two times with, "Don't worry about it, you don't have to give us any money," you should have dropped it. It was rude of you to continue to bring it up.
After that, paying for groceries was you being an appreciative guest and that was appropriate. You weren't there long enough to give them rent.
But I'll be honest here... you created a monster. You're going to have to compromise with them and let them know what you can afford. The fact is that there wasn't any sort of contract and they weren't your landlords so they can't really tell you what you owe them. But they did do you a favor that you insisted on repaying by bringing up the cost over and over and over again. Now there's some fallout.
Meet in the middle. You want to give them $170, they want $550. Split the difference. Give them $300.
I think the best thing to do is find any apartment that you can rent immediately or move to a temporary housing/hotel (Residence Inn, Homewood Suites type of place) until you can find someplace, as this situation is not going to improve no matter what you do about the money. Truly, I think the $550 is fair, as you were likely paying more than that for housing prior to moving in with them and with six people. You have one bedroom of their house but probably have access to most of the house to cook, shower, etc. However, it is crappy for her to spring that on you now when they previously had not planned to ask for rent, etc. (The $10 per day storage thing is ridiculous for them to ask, IMO.)
Money and friendship rarely mix well. For it to work out, it is best to have clear expectations up front. This may have worked better if you'd known up front how much they expected your family to contribute and how long they were willing to have you stay with them. Perhaps they had meant what they said initially about not paying but they thought that they were looking at a 2-3 week commitment while you found another living situation? It sounds like you have lived with them in some capacity for at least 6 weeks and do not have a date set to leave. I don't know, but it sounds like the current situation is going to end with a lot of hurt feelings all the way around and with both sides feeling like they were taken advantage of. It sounds like each side may have valid issues and each side may feel put upon. To me, it'd be best to thank them for their hospitality and move into another housing situation on 3/1 if any way possible.
You needed them. They did not need you. In this situation, I would have seperated from hubby. He take 3 kids or the boys and you take 3 or the girls. You go stay with your mama/relataives and he with his. Give yourselves 3 months to save and then reunite.
Yes, I am old (lived a long life) and I have lost friends over any situation you can name--money, tardiness, awful pets that they let ride me while I visited....
That is way too many folk in a home. Perhaps you are not pulling your weight in chores. Get out!
Hmmmm...so they went from "whatever you can give us" to $550 + utilities?
Nice friends.
You are a family of 6, which, I'm sorry, is never going to be unobtrusive or hardly noticeable! Lol
You are where you are, so pay what they want (because, really, what else CAN you do?) but look, look, LOOK for a townhouse, house or apartment ASAP.
NEVER enter into something like this without a WRITTEN agreement in the future!
If you need $ for a security deposit, maybe you'll have to owe them for a month or two, but a new place is THE priority now.
The friendship? Meh. Move forward being wiser not that you know them "better"!
Well, I think you should get out first. Find short term housing, an extended hotel...wherever you can find it. Do you have family close? Not that it's much better then friends, but they may be more sympathetic to the urgency to get out. You don't need permanent right this moment, you need out of there. Pay the $300 (even though I think it's not fair, to ask for more NOW) and the $30. Just get out. Don't even worry about the friendship right now, worry about your family. The chips will fall where they may with this friendship. Unfortunately, when friends and money mix...you often find out their true nature. Money often ends friendships.
I am a bit confused as to why you left your house. It was being foreclosed upon, but not completely foreclosed yet...right? Foreclosure is often a long process. Can you move back there briefly, while you find something else? In all honesty, if staying there for now was an option, you should not have left. That was a very foolish move, that it seems now you are paying for. I am sympathetic to your situation, and I'm sorry your friends did this. However, if returning to the home is an option...you really should do that.
ETA: Never mind. I somehow only got the second part of your post on my tablet. I see the beginning, where you explained why you left.
I think they regret telling you to pay whatever you could afford. I also think they may feel that since you are not paying rent pike you were in your previous place, that you are rolling in the dough.
Perhaps, they feel that you could have paid your normal rent. Instead of beating around the bush, they should have come to an agreement before.
I hope you can get out soon.
I hate it when people do this to friends or family. Their rent or mortgage would be the same amount, regardless if you're there or not. You should only be liable for the extra utilities you've used and your own groceries and essentials. It's a ridiculous cycle that they're trying to put you on. If you give them that much money it will take you longer to move out. Yes, they are definitely doing it for their own financial benefit. Honestly, I would pay what I could, move out, and drop them.
I wouldn't keep a friendship like that to be honest. Friends are supposed to help each other, they are supposed to be your extended family Right?
I recently had my best friend staying with me for 6 weeks. I never expect any money from her, it didn't even cross my mind. If I were you I would pay what she is asking for the rent ( even though she said NO MONEY) just because I imagine you have friends in common and most probably she is gonna go around telling everybody that you owe her money for rent. Plus, you probably are gonna have to see each other in parties, birthdays etc. and you wanna feel free from any "guilt".
Unfortunately with friends like that who needs enemies. Certainly you should not live there for free, but after you are already there then change the game plan? This is something that should have been agreed upon before you ever moved in "temporarily" what you were expected to pay, not keep adding up everything as you are living there.
I would just give them most of what they are asking for and deduct anything you purchased from the price i.e. food and most likely you will have to write them.
It is best not to get involved financially or any other money dealings with friends if you want to keep them. Money for some reason changes people I've noticed.
I owed one of my friends money a long time ago (and it wasn't much) and it put a strain on our friendship for a while until I paid her. It was using her card to buy clothes (which she encouraged me to do so and she was getting all the perks from using the card), but never again will I do something like that.
Sorry you even had to be in that situation in the first place, but if anything learn from your mistakes and hopefully you will never be in that situation. Also congrats on the new job!!
I have been in similar situations. I have a friend that babysat for us. I paid her a certain amount. That was an agreed upon amount for both of us. My hubby started paying her more just to be nice to her since she was disabled and on SSDI.
He got behind a bit, not much in my opinion. I talked to her and asked her how many days she watched our grandson so I'd know how much to pay her. My fee, not hubby's nice extra one. She won't tell me, she wants that higher amount from hubby.
She moved away to get away from us. She is right that we owe her, I think it's more like $80-$100 just for babysitting but I think she is expecting a lot more than that.
I had also borrowed some cash from her to buy a tire. I paid her back in full before the time I said I'd pay her back. I appreciated the effort she went to to be a good friend. I asked her if we were square, if I was paid off. Hubby heard her say that we were so he thinks we don't owe her anymore money and refuses to give her the rest.
I don't know where she moved or I would be paying her myself. She was a good friend and I miss her a lot. BUT she is more than likely much happier in the town she moved to. It is the town I used to live in and I was so happy there. It was a much younger town and the docs were more plentiful and better than the podunk town I live in now.
It happens and shouldn't. Things like this should be talked about beforehand and you tried to do that. She said you didn't have to pay anything more than you could afford.
I think if they need help then as their friend you could try to help as you can.
I am assuming the $550 is for a 1-bedroom apartment? You did not have your own apartment, you were using a room in their house. And since she told you not to pay anything in the beginning, she cannot go back and tell you to pay for a month that has already passed. PG&E was more expensive this year, so my guess would be that the full $30 was not due to you, but $30 for your family of 6 is not a lot to ask for to cover some utilities for a month. $10 a day for storage is an additional $300/mo, which is crazy. Your "friends" have become very greedy. We rent a room to a friend and charge him $200/mo including utilities. We used to charge more when we rented to a stranger, but $200/mo is very fair when you are rarely there. And if they are eating your food, I would tell them right back that if they want to charge you all these fees, they can pay for the food they are eating. I would find another place to go, since these people do not seem like they are your friends.
You should have stayed in your old house. If it was really in foreclosure then the landlord can't kick you out. It's a california law. I got free rent for 6 months when my landlords house went into foreclosure. As far as your friends they sound like dongle berries.
