Having 2Nd Child and Scared

Hi there!
I know exactly what you're going through! I felt the same way before I had my son. My daughter was the first grandchild on both sides and the first child for both of us so she was SPOILED ROTTEN with attention! lol but when she was 18 months old I gave birth to my son.. and 13 months after that I had my second daughter! And after all three I still have time with each of them! My oldest stopped napping, so when the babies go down in the afternoon I spend special time with her. I read her a story or watch a movie with her. I also try to have a special day with each of them about once a month. I may just take them to the mall and let them play on the rides, but it's just the two of us and they feel special! Also, when I first had my second and third children I made my oldest my 'big helper'. I had her bring me a diaper or hand me the towel at bath time, whatever I could do to include her. Even now she tells me she's my 'big helper'! So, don't worry about having enough for everybody... you're mom! You're like Superwoman to them! ;)

C.,
I don't know if your feelings are "normal" or not, but I went through the exact same thing. I was scared of managing my time and not giving my daughter enough time. Truthfully part of me wondered if I could love a second child as much as I adored my daughter. Your daughter may have a hard time when your baby comes, but it won't last long and then she will adore the baby just like you do. Giving your daughter a baby dolly of her own that she can feed and change will help. Then she can pretend to do the same things with you. And she'll be able to get out any frusteration for the new baby in a healthy way. My daughter I thought was doing great until she stuck her dolly into her pretend microwave. Also it helps to have family and friends come over and take her out when you can't or are too tired to. Give her special attention and make her included instead of excluded. If you're picking out something ask her to pick one, if you have a baby shower have a couple little presents for her. Becoming a big sister is a big deal and something she should be proud of. If she feels like she's part of the process it will help her adjust. She may aslo revert a little. She may want a binkie like the baby or act younger than she is. It'll pass pretty quickly as long as she learns that she still has an important place in the family and in your hearts. Good luck with the new baby. Enjoy your last few months alone with your daughter. ;)

I am a stay at home mom to 7 and I have been through what you are going through a couple of times. Two of mine are only 13 months apart. My entire pregnancy with Hannah was spent feeling guilty that Isaac wouldn't handle a new baby very well, especially since he was still very much a baby himself. My advice...calm down and enjoy your pregnancy. Your little one will be fine and believe it or not you will be able to do the things that you need to do. It might not be in the same way that you do them now, but you WILL be able to spenf d time with your daughter and she will not forget you. She might be a little bit mad at you for a minute or two. But that will pass quickly. Get her involoved with doing things for the new baby, for example, have her bring you the diapers and wipes when its time for a diaper change. Read to both of them. Make sure you play up how important her role as a big sister is to love the new baby. What you are feeling is totally normal. You will do fine! Good luck!

I have a 19 month old daughter and am 5 months pregnant with my second. I have similar feelings to you. I like showering my daughter with attention (and when other people do too!!), and don't want her to feel neglected in any way when I have the next baby. However, several my friends have small infants, and my daughter is now completely baby-crazy. This makes me feel better knowing that she will be just as excited to spend the time with me and the baby both. I'm not sure if you have anyone with small babies you can be around - but I think it might be helping to get her used to the baby routines...feeding, not poking their eyes...being gentle...all that stuff. I also have to keep telling myself that the kids will love to play with each other and will hopefully keep each other entertained as well, so I won't have to feel bad about giving one more attention than the other. I'm not sure if this helps...but it's what I'm thinking about too!

Don't worry! I have 3 children, and the youngest two are 18 months apart (boy 20 months, girl 10 weeks). That is the same as your two will be. I was nervous too, but my son loves his new sister, and I still have enough attention left for him. My oldest is 8, so I didn't know how it would be having them so close, but I like it better than the big gap. I love it!

My youngest two are 11 months apart and even though its not easy its doable. Just be sure to give your daughter plenty of love and attention now to make up for the time you will have to put towards the new baby. Newborns are demanding as far as eating more often, but the in between times all the pretty much do is sleep so you still will have time for your daughter. I'm not gonna lie, its not easy, but since you are concerned that means you care. And if you care enough, then I'm sure you'll manage! I'm here if you need me!

-K.

Your not crazy! Anxiousness about sharing yourself with another child is sooo normal and you will see how you can do it when the new baby comes, it happens so naturally. I found out I was pregnant right before my oldest son's 1st birthday. It's hard at first because you have two in diapers and two that need to be carried. Once my boys hit about 2 and 3 1/2, they were the best playmates ever. They are 5 and 7 now and are best friends. They go everywhere together and there is always someone to play with. If I had it to do all over again, I would still want them close in age! They are 1 year apart in school and it is so convienient for me! Everyone thinks having kids close together would be difficult but beleive me, you'll LOVE it eventually. My oldest son actually does not remember being an only child. His only recollections of toddlerhood involved his brother and he is shocked when we tell him that there was a short period when it was just him, mommy, and daddy. I think all will be fine for you, enjoy the next few months of alone time with your daughter and keep in mind that you are actually doing her a HUGE favor by bringing a sibling into her life!!!

I have a 5 year old daughter and her brother 3, is only 20 months younger.
The best part about it is that they are very close, Elliott learns so much more quickly because big sister is willing to teach him everything.
I had a sister who came and picked up my daughter and she kept her play dates. This made her really excited because she was not thrilled with the idea of staying in the house while her brother slept.
The best advice I can give is that babys are very durable and let big sister do as much to be a part of caring for the baby as she wants. Keep it safe w/o letting big sister know you are concerned for safty.
Oh, and they will respond to baby as you respond to them. So if you are calm and gentle with big sister, big sister is usually calm and gentle with baby.
Have fun, it goes by so fast.

i had my first 2 kids 13 months apart. It was not easy but i did it. When your feeding the baby, read to your daughter. Or whatever she might like for quiet time.
When the baby is asleep play dress up or again what she wants to play it will work out. She will understand and probably want to mommmy the baby too.
Just enjoy and go with the flow. They will be in thers teens before ya know it. Good luck and have fun

These feelings are normal. I felt much the way you did when my daughter one was born. My son was 14 months old when she was born. While I would not have planned it that way (I thought it would be too stressful) it has turned out to be a blessing. The kids are best friends (most of the time - LOL). For the most part they have the same attention span and are interested in the same toys, movies, etc. My son is developmentally a little step ahead of my daughter so they are almost going through the same stage at the same time which can be convenient.

The night before my daughter was born I broke down and cried. Was my son ever going to think we had another child so soon because we didn't love him enough? Was my daughter ever going to get the same amount of attention my son got? How was I going to meet the needs of an infant and a toddler? How was I going to manage the first few weeks of taking care of them while recuperating from a c-section? Well...I have plenty of love for both of my kids and I show them everyday how special they are to me....my daughter won't ever get the one-on-one attention that my son got, but that comes with the territory of being a second born and my son was too young to know that at one time he alone ruled the roost (this was more of an issue for me than my kids)...as the kids go through their stages and phases we adjust our routines and way of doing things - life is like that anyway...when we brought my daughter home form the hospital she slept alot so that gave me time to spend with my son...friends and family were helpful during my recuperation and helped make the house "user friendly" for me.

What I am trying to say is that you will do fine. You will find tricks that work for you. You will have to be flexible and creative and patient. There will be tough times and crazy times, but you will also have so much fun and you will share so much love. Enjoy your pregnancy and this time with your daughter, but know that when your second child comes along everything will still feel right.

don't worry, you will just make it work. I had twins and then my third was born 17 months later. Your daughter will be able to become a little bit more independent and learn to play on her own. She may have a hard time but eventually she will love this baby so much and the sweetest thing to see as a mother is the love your children have for each other. My heart melts every time my kids are kind and considerate to their siblings. And your ability to love will grow, your love is not cut in half.

You will be fine!

M.

I have 3 kids(ages 12,5 and 2)it was hard with wondering how can i still spend time with my older one when my middle one came along.You do it.I remember when Sierra would nap i'd put on David's favorite movie and we would snuggle and he'd watch it while i napped but we still where together.
Than when Dennis(my youngest)came along it was like ok i did this once before now i have another one in the mix,i can do it.I remember David was in scouts and we had his Blue and Gold dinner on the 20th of February and i had Dennis on the 14th.We all went,i wasn't missing out on it.

Once your child gets here things will work out,you'll see.As my dr always said it's hardest to go from no children to 1 and from 1 to 2 after than it's pretty easy,and he's right.You'll figure it out

J.

Aww! I feel your pain. When I was pregnant with my second I couldn't imagine loving another baby as much as my daughter. But when my 2nd daughter came I realized that my feelings multiplied to include her. It isn't easy to give them the same amount of time as before but they adjust. And you are giving your daughter a wonderful gift of a sibling. Someone who will be able to share in the joys and sorrows of your family! :-)

S. mommy to six children 9 and under

I know exactly how you feel. I am just days away from my due date with baby number 2. My daughter is 2 years old. And I do worry about how she will handle things. All I can say is that I'm trusting in my heart. My love for my daughter will not go away nor will it waiver because of a second child. And I tell my daughter that everyday. I'm not sure how much she really understands but I get the feeling that things may fall into place once the new baby arrives.
Take Care and God Bless!
A.

You are not alone. I felt the same way when I had my second daughter. It's hard, but relax everything will work out fine. Its really a matter of organization, priorites, and the 6 p's: prior planning prevents piss poor performance!!

first off, always remember the dishes and dust will be there tomorrow and are just not that important. Reading to your toddler is, they keep growing.

second, have a routine and try to stick to it. Kids crave structure and when you have that new baby your older one will rely on that to feel that things are still more or less the same. Just keep it flexable.

When you come home from the hospital DO NOT CARRY THE BABY INTO THE HOUSE. Let your hubby do it. You come in first with open arms for your girl. Try to carve out at least 10 minutes a day without the baby for you and your girl...even if it is a quick trip to the store or cuddling or reading a book...this will keep those green-eyed monsters at bay.

Do not try to force the baby on your toddler....and don't be surprised if at some point, when your baby is screaming, your hair is a mess, dinner is burning, and the phone is ringing she says "take the baby back mom, I don't want it anymore." Just another reminder not to take ourselves too seriously from the mouths of babes!!

When you have that second baby you think you can't love it as much as you love the first...you will. It's funny how a parents love can just keep on increasing with each child. I have 3 girls myself and they are my life. And I can't imagine our family any other way. A friend of mine has 11...and she laughs alot!! Hopes this helps....you'll be great. Congrats.

As everyone else has said, your feelings are completely normal. I felt the same way! My kids are 16 months apart and sound exactly like Heather. Caleigh was so young when Aidan was born that she doesn't know what life was like without him and actually I don't really remember either. It is tough work having kids so close in age. It was tough for about the first 2 years expecially since my son was colic and didn't sleep through the night until about 9 months, but I am glad now that it worked out that way. My kids are the best of friends (most of the time). We are always getting asked if they are twins.
Good Luck to you!! You will do great!

I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old. They are 2 years apart. When I found out that I was pregnant with Emily, I had sooo many feeling/fears run through my mind.
I was worried that I could never love another child as much as I loved Cierra. I was worried that Cierra would become left out becuase I would have Emily to take care of and Emily would need much more attention. I was worried that Cierra would some how be cheated out of her time alone with me as an only child (being that they were going to be exactly 2 years apart 10-25 & 10-30). All these feeling are quite normal and your feelings are normal too.

Your not crazy. It is hard to imagine how you are going to cope with a 18 month old and a newborn. You worry, "do you have what it takes". Yes you do! I learned that you have to make sure you spend time with the older child. Have someone care for the infant and take the older one on a outting with just mommy. Let the older child help doing little things with the baby, like handing you the wipes and diapers, handing you clothes, etc... That way they don't feel left out. Make sure to make a big deal over the older one too. Let her sit on your lap and give her lots of love and hugs too. She probley will be jelous (Cierra was), but if you put that extra effort out to make her feel special, all will be well. Your oldest will not forget about you, if anything she will become more attached.

Hang in there. Once you deliver your second child you will wonder how you ever lived with out him/her. Good Luck, your fears will fade.

I am actually at the opposite spectrum there. My son is going to be 5 in a few more days and I just found out we are pregnant again. He will be 5 1/2 by the time the baby is born and almost ready to start school. We did want them a little closer in age. As it is, my son has been asking for a sister or brother for about a year. He actually started asking if we could get a baby doll so he could pretend. My worry is that my son has had all of our attention to himself for so long that, eventhough he wants a sister or brother, is he gonna feel that way after the baby comes?

Now my sister had her kids 15 months apart in age. My neice just turned 3 in August and my nephew will be 2 in January. Now my sister is still in her early twenties, so she has the energy to keep up with them. I'm in my thirties and wouldn't be quite so sure, lol. My neice and nephew get along great for the most part. And I don't think either one feels that one gets more attention than the other and as an observer, I don't think they do at all. My sister balances both really well.

There are a lot of advantages in having them closer in age. For one they grow up together. I am 5 1/2 years older than my next youngest sister. We didn't get along well when we were kids and I think it was the age difference. We do however get along great now that we are adults. My youngest sister and baby brother are only 2 years apart and they got along great with the other older sister. I'm sure you will do a great job with both.

I don't know about you, but I was terrified when I had my son. I was a first time mom and didn't know anything about having a baby. Would I be a good mom? Would I handle the sleepless nights without losing my mind? Would I make the right choices? I learned to adjust and I'm still learning a lot of things. You just adapt to the situation. It will happen. Hang in there.

You will most certainly have plenty of crazy days, but you'll have more amazing ones. My first 2 are 17 months apart. My oldest was (and still is) very petite and gentle and just loves babies. I was amazed at how well she took to having a brother and how she was actually helpful much of the time. She adjusted so easily to having a baby to share with. As someone else commented... I don't thinkg she remembered life without him after maybe a week or so. She would lay under his play gym with him and "show" him how to bat at the toys. As time went on, they have become best friends. I worried too, but seeing them together, I know that giving them each other was the best gift ever. They are 4 and 2 1/2 now and we often forget that they are not twins. Seeing them interact and love one another is really magical.

I now also have a second daughter that is 27 months younger than my son. He's had a little more difficulty adjusting, but is doing well. He's a little more clingy and acts like a baby when he needs a little extra attention. I've signed him up for a couple 45 min classes at the zoo (no sibs allowed) for just the 2 of us. We drop the girls off at my oldest's preschool drop-in daycare for a couple hours and we have some special time. We stop for lunch before picking the girls back up.

Be sure to have special things with each child, but try not to worry too much about your first born losing status as an only child and remember you are giving her a priceless gift.