Having a Second Child - Fair Grove,MO

I truly believe the best gift you can give a child is a sibling. I don't know if you are an only child, but I couldn't live without my brother! We have been friends (and enemies, but not for long! ;), confidants, shoulders to cry on....you name it, and the relationship you have with siblings is special. Plus, and I know this is kind of weird and you don't really want to think about it, but in your elderly years, your son may want a helping hand to deal with an aging set of parents. Plus, when you pass on (in a long, long time!! ;) he will have someone else to help carry on the memories and traditions.

I think your cons are totally normal and even though we knew we wanted at least one more child, we still had the same thoughts!! Your bond with Hudson will not falter, and trust me I stressed over it for a long time with my oldest, and even though I knew it was true, I just couldn't imagine how true it was until my little one was born and it was all fine! It is more work and you definitely feel like you're just treading water a lot of days (my kids are exactly 2 years apart), but I know it won't be like that forever.

My kids will be 3 and 1 in September and my baby boy ADORES his older sister and vice versa. Your heart will literally just open and expand to love and accept this new child in a way that only a mother knows is possible. If your biggest concern is the though of a ruined relationship, trust me, it's not valid (although I know it feels like it now, I'm not trying to put you down...like I said, I had all kinds of crazy fears!)

I will add though, that if you fear an awful first trimester, find a babysitter or someone close by now to help you on those days you feel like you can't function. Pregnancy is obviously harder with a toddler at home, but it's doable too. Make sure you have Hudson in some sort of Mother's Day Out if possible so that you can get a break too!

I say...GO for it! Good luck!

The age old question..... :D

OK, here's my thoughts. No matter how much you think about it, you are rarely 100% sure that you want another. And that is okay!! It is a big step, and scary, and there are lots of worries that come along with it.

As to ruining your relationship with DS: It won't ruin it. It will change some. But you will be surprised how much room for love and relationships your heart has. this is coming from someone who got pregnant with the second WAY before I was ready and didn't really want DD2. I had a very emotional pregnancy, and was worried I wouldn't want or like DD2, would resent her for "interrupting" our happy status quo...but the minute she came out everything was right in the world. My relationship with DD1 did change....but not for the worse. It helped her to become more independent where she was clingy, it really brought out her loving and caring side, and it helped her to see the world and mommy didn't revolve around her. In the cases of my DD1, these were all good things.

Extra stress/work for a second: it doesn't really seem to add much, especially since moms are so great at multitasking. I EBF so there were no bottles to worry about. DD1 was potty trained so I didn't have to worry about that either, but a diaper is a diaper to me. I fix a little more dinner, buy a little more milk. I spend way more time shuffling clothes (Stored big stuff for DD1 into the closet, DD1s old to storage for DD2, big DD2 into the closet, old DD2 into a bucket to give away, etc.) which wears me out. Laundry doesn't really take any more time because the stuff is small. The hardest part I think is being sure each gets some alone time. I don't think I'm very good at that with DD2 because she is still little (16mo) and doesn't notice I don't think....but I do make a point to just "big girl" things with DD1.

PROS:
-amazing amounts of love
-there is nothing that warms my heart more than watchign my girls play together or hear them giggling in their room
-inhouse entertainment for the other
-appreciating the differences between my kids

CONS:
-space can be an issue for some. we still had all our baby stuff but they do have to share a room. my house is overrun with toys and stuff :)
-cars. we had to buy a new car so we had 2 cars that fit 2 carseats. which stinks because the one we had just died so now we have to buy another because the backup car doesn't sit a carseat.
-finances. see cars. it IS more expensive for two, but if you budget and plan its manageable
-daycare. I went back to work after DD2 and daycare for 2 is insane. After my 2nd raise I am just now making more than I pay in daycare.
-frustration. I find I get more frustrated with wanting them to behave....DD1 wants to act like a baby, DD2 is copy DD1 with big girl stuff.....I really have to take time out to remember they are each themselves.
-TIME. There is never enough. No matter what I want to do I feel as if I am sacrificing something. it is a struggle for me not to ALWAYS sacrifice myself. Thats an area I'm working on, and trying to figure out how to marry the time of me time and girls time.
--marriage. If there are any elephant problems in yoru marriage they are going to fester and get worse. trust me on experiencing that one currently.

Are the cons really cons? NO WAY. They are just little stumbles in the road. Even with all of my fear and hesitations and indecision and unhappiness about the second pregnancy and I wouldn't change a minute of it. There's never enough time, never enough money, never enough patience. But there is ALWAYS enough love. And you make it work and it doesn't seem like the analytical pro/con list.

As to my thoughts on having another. My decision was made for me (woops :P). However, I haven't decided that I am done with 2. If we have another we will wait another 3 years....which I'm nto sure I want one dangling there at the bottom so much younger when the other 2 are so close (2.5 yrs v. 4-5 yrs apart). What is my big decision factor is figuring out how DH and I are going to function and be happy in our marriage, as that is our biggest hurdle right now. I also want to make the decision together, as a choice, not as a woops. When we can do that, we will be ready whatever that decision is.

Good luck. Don't overthink it and go with your gut. You can't be wrong in this one :)

simple truth: your heart will expand (just like the Grinch's) with each child.

My first child was a preemie and I was just adjusting to a tiny little baby when I found out I was pregnant with our second child. I know God was in control of it either way but am glad now that it happened. The boys were 12 months and 5 days apart and friends, shared rooms, toys and although there were fights at times it was wonderful for them to have each other. Our other children were like a second family as the 3rd was born when the second was 6 yrs. old. That was too far apart but then we had 6 closer and the 2 year age spans were the best I thought. None of them ruined our lives by having them, each were different, some demanded more time, energy and work but all loved and I'm so happy we had each of them. You never know what any child will be, easy or hard. It sounds to me like you are not really wanting a child to enjoy. I think the people I know who were only children usually feel like they missed out having a brother/sister. We had a niece who was an only child who begged her parents to have a baby as she missed that so much. But don't have a child for anyone or any reason but to love, enjoy and work hard at parenting. Remember the more love you share the more you have. If either of you are not wanting a child please don't have one.

I had the same fears when we conceived our second, it was a surprise though so we didn't have to really think it out. Our first son sounds just like yours, "the perfect child"! In the last few weeks of pregnancy I remember crying at some of our "lasts" that I had with just him, like the last time we went out to lunch together, or went to the bounce house together. I knew that once the baby came these outings were going to be a lot harder to do, and were going to be fewer. My baby is now 6 months, and I couldn't imagine life without him. His brother, 3 years old, just loves him soo much it's unbelievable. He hasn't really had any jealousy, and is a ton of help. I still make sure to give him tons of love and hugs and kisses, and do some of his bedtime routine by himself without his brother. Just seeing the bond between the two of them I would definitely say "Yes, have another!" It gives them someone to grow up with, and grow old with. Good luck, and I'm sure you'll make the right decision for your family.

Well, sounds like you had your easy child first. I had my difficult one first, and the easy one second. But one thing's for sure: you never know what to expect. I can't imagine a second child ruining the relationship you have with your current one, though. If you're a stay-at-home mom, childcare won't be an issue, which can definitely add stress to your life. My kids are 2 years apart and were very close as children. There was plenty of tension as they got into middle and high school and their early 20s, but now they respect each other a great deal and cherish the memories they have of their childhood growing up together (they're 28 and 30 now).

another child will add more love to your family and your relationship w/ your first child won't end. it'll just change as you 3 adjust to the new baby, there will be jealousy and fights (i have one sister) but the love you get to share is undeniable and void of "cons." good luck w/ your decision!

We always wanted 3. Had two, 2 1/2 yrs apart. 3rd one came 5yrs later. she was my tough one. still is. you dont know what your gonna get. BUT I think when you have an only child you are doin that child a great injustice. First, all your attention is on them so they need that throughout their life. Second, when you get old, he is the only person that will have to deal with ailing parents and death. The reason I bring this up is I am number 9 of 9 and we have buried my mother, and three siblings and If I didnt have my brothers and sisters to rely on I dont think I would have made it. Growing up, I wasnt the most poplular but guess what, I had my brothers and sisters. Still do. They may fight, they may not but sooner or later they will be best friends. And if your worried about loving the second as much as Hudson. I worried about that too. My mom told me, You will love them in different ways. And you do have enough love that will go along way. Good luck and God bless.

We contemplated this decision the same way. It was scary...worrying if we could handle it on so many levels, if our first could handle it, etc.
Turns out to be the best thing we could have ever done! I can't imagine life w/o our second child and I know our first child would agree. So many memories they share will be cherished together, always. One will have the other to say, "Remember when...".
I could sit here and write a book of reasons why this was great for us, but you and your husband will have to look into your heart to find the real answer. If you are scared, well...that didn't stop you the first time! Yes, things will be different, but is there a chance they could be better?
I'll just say this...change may bring pain, but without it, there is no growth.
I wish you luck with what ever you decide.
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I never considered only having one child. I am one of four and like being from a big family. My husband is an only child. He quickly agreed to two and it was actually his idea to have a 3rd (I'm pregnant with #3). He said growing up an only child never bothered him. He always had neighborhood friends, etc. Being an only child never bothered him until now. He is 33 and wishes he had siblings. His parents are still alive, but once they're gone, he has nobody (except my family). He also sees our sons play together (2 and almost 5)--and now wonders what it would have been like to have a built in playmate. His parents love our boys and they too have wondered what it would have been like to have more.

My kids are just 2 week shy of 3 years apart and I love it! My first was a pretty easy going kid too so you're always afraid you'll jinx yourself by trying again! lol. I too am a S.A.H.M. and I'd have to say the first 6 months-year is probably the hardest with the 2nd child. Just for the the whole infant stage, lack of sleep, constant feeding wears you out and makes it a little harder to get things done. But mine are turning 2& 5 this summer and their a ton of fun! When I was pregnant with the 2nd everyone told me that 3 years difference is PERFECT. And I'd have to say I agree. The older one is old enough to help out some and to understand if Mommy can't jump up and do something for them at the moment. There defiantly will be extra stress and work with a 2nd child no doubt but I think it's worth it. Once the 2nd one gets a little older they can play together while your getting ready, or working on housework etc. I will say the cons of having the 2nd child is that you don't get to nap when they do those first few months when you get no sleep because you've got the older child your still chasing around. But that only lasts a while. Keep a good routine and get on a good sleep schedule you'll be fine. Good luck on whatever you decide. If you want my opinion I'd say go for it! : )

p.s. I love the name Hudson!

I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. Both girls. The 3 year old absolutely adores her baby sister. She wants to help with her she can't wait until the baby can play with her. She wants to teach her and help her. She basically has a built in best friend. I love that she loves her sister. Now cons: I am tired. If it isn't one child needing something, it is the other. There are few breaks unless I can get them to nap at the same time. But this will get easier as they get older. That being said, the teen years...two teenage girls....HELP! Our decision was made basically because I wanted at least one more child because I was close to my sister and wanted my first daughter to have a sibling. I think children with siblings have better relationships because they are forced to learn to share and compromise.

I had a baby girl in Jan. 08 and like your child, she is perfection. Great personality, easy-going, great sleeper, just a delight to be around. My husband talked me into a second (I was a hard sell!) and we delivered another baby girl March of this year. Let me tell you, she is every bit as good as my first and I am CRAZY about her!! You simply forget how wonderful babies are, they are soooo sweet, calm and easy compared to a toddler. And it's a lot more fun with the second. You're not so stressed out about every little thing, wondering if you're doing the right thing, if they'll ever sleep thru the night, finding a pediatrician, etc. because you've already done all that. This one you can just sit back and enjoy. I recommend having a second. =)

I agree with the responders you will equally love the second child just as much as you love your son. I think it is normal to have these fears but do not let these fears stop you for having other children. My girls are 21 months apart and are so sweet together and I couldn't ask for it any other way. But whatever you decide is your's and your husbands decisoin on how many children you have. I wish you peace for your family and God bless.