Having a Second Child - Plano,TX

I don't know how you feel and I can't tell you how you should be feeling. But, I can address a couple of your reservations.
First, 34 isn't old. It's not even considered "advanced maternal age" by the most conservative doctors, so don't let that affect your choice.
Second, do you always have issues with depression or just postpartum depression? If it's PPD, the best way to avoid PPD is to dry and encapsulate the placenta and take a pill each day. It works better than any drug on the market. Nature knows what it's doing when animals eat their placenta:)
Third, there's nothing wrong with raising your daughter as an only child. Even if you had a second, they would be about 6 years apart. They would end up being like only children anyhow. They are unlikely to ever be interested in the same things since their peers would be so separated. The average family has less than 2 children which means that TONS of kids are only children to balance all the families that have 2+, right? So don't feel bad if you don't want more children.
Fourth, if you're open to the possibility of more children, but dread going through pregnancy with your other ails, you can always look at surrogacy, adoption, and fostering.

Good luck with your decision:)

I had many good reasons for having only one daughter, and never regretted stopping with one. She liked being an only, though she did long for a little sister for a year or so when she was around 9. But to this day, she is glad she was my only, and has chosen to have only one child herself. He's also quite a delightful and happy little boy.

One of my most important reasons to stop with one is that the human population is growing so exponentially and placing such tremendous burdens upon the earth we all depend upon that we are already affecting the quality of life for our own species, and forcing other species out of existence. That is not creating a sustainable future for the children we are bringing into existence. It's simply not fair to them.

I know there will be people who disagree with this outlook. I wish I were one of them. I have done tremendous amounts of research on this and related topics, trying to ease my worries about my grandson's future. It has become clear to me that ignoring the risks is irresponsible and foolish.

I love love love being an only child : )

This is a decision you need to make for you (and your husband), not for your first child. Your daughter can be happy as an only or happy as a sibling. Good luck with your decision.

There is no "crime" or moral ineptness in just wanting one child.
And you are wisely considering your health. It is responsible.

You can always adopt as well.

Do as is appropriate for you and your health and your family. If you got worse or did not have your health... then it would be a negative situation for your child and your Husband and I am sure, your Husband does not want to see your suffer... or to have declining health.

all the best,
Susan

I only have one daughter and I know it was the right decision for me. I did struggle with the decision at times. My daughter is almost seven and is well adjusted and not spoiled. She does not long for siblings. I am a better mom to one then I could be to two. Do what is right for you and your husband and daughter. She will be fine and well adjusted as long as you keep being a good parent.

I'm an only child, and I love it! Never in my 39 years have I EVER wanted a sibling. Go with your heart!!!

While I realize that a child is a decision that is made by two people, I think that the decision, in the end, is up to you. It is your body and mind and only you know what you want. It sounds like it would really disrupt your current situation.
I wouldn't have another child just to keep your little one company. She is a bit older and has her own friends, I bet. And there are a lot of perks of being an only child!

Do not feel obligated to have another child simply for your daughter's sake. You need to do what is best for you both physically and emotionally. Having children can take its toll on the body as well as the mind - I typically have no depression problems but after my second child I was exhausted and fighting depression. Discuss with your husband all your concerns, I'm sure the both of you can come to a decision you'll both be happy with. There are plenty of only children out there and they turned out perfectly fine - you are a great mom for considering all your options, but in order to continue being the great mom you are you must do what is best for you. Every single person is different, make the right decision for you and don't let anyone guilt you into thinking you should have made a different decision. Good luck and God Bless you and your family.

I don't think anything we can say will be of any use to you. The decision to have children is very personal. Only you know how your heart feels and if you will be able to handle it physically and emotionally. And as far as age, I just had my fourth child at almost 38.

I struggled with the same decision. I am 36 and have a 2 year old son who is a happy, healthy and adorable little guy. I cannot imagine anything better. While in the process of switching birth control I got pregnant. I gave God a one month window and he jumped on it and made my decision for me. Now that the decision is made, I could not be more excited and nervous about having a second child. The only concern I would have for you is the distance between the siblings. I have 2 sisters and they are 4 and 6 years older. The distance between our ages really kept me from being close to either one of them. I am much closer to my middle sister than my oldest. So if you do decide to have a second really work to form the bond between the kids as they grow older because 5 or 6 years is a fairly big gap developmentally. If you are religious, pray on it and let God help you with the decision. Also sit down with your husband and together weigh the pros and cons and follow your heart.

Good luck!

I'm 33 an expecting #5 in July... I haven't decided it this is my last or not. I start crying everytime my doctors talk to me about getting my "tubes tied" and they refuse to work on me when I do this. But in saying that - I have always wanted a large family. My hubby is kinda like yours - he feels it is my body, so it is my choose as to if I want to carry another child or not. He said that I can do what I want as far as having kids as long as it doesn't effect my health, but as soon as it starts to effect my health - he will put his foot down & I will be done. He loves me dearly & can't emagin life without me even after 15 yr marriage, so I do understand his reasoning & respect it.

In saying that - I would have been happy with just one if that is what would have happened. It took me a while to accept things, but I did go almost 6 yrs thinking I couldn't have anymore kids after my first - which is going to be 16 this year. I had 2 doctors tell me I couldn't conceve naturally & we knew we couldn't afford to do it the other way... so we just figured that it was over. Then I was blessed w/ our 2nd daughter 6 yrs ago & have since had 2 boys w/ out 3rd boy on it's way... guess even doctors can be wrong. Which I think part of the reason I cry when I think of my "tubes being tire".

If you are sure you only want one and you & your family are happy that is all that matters. Families are ment to be special & part of that is them all being different. Your daughter will have lots of friends & will be bringing them home to play soon - she may even get closer to a friend because of not having a sibling. My step-dad was an only child - he didn't have any complaints about it... some kids (actually most) like the idea of being the center of their partents world, and this is easier to do when they are an only child.

When it comes to parenting - follow your heart... it will lead you down the right path for you. But if you are unsure - talk to your family & see what they think... your family & your feelings are all that matters when it comes to adding another child or not.

REmember - take care of yourself & love your family w/ everything you have :)

It is great that you've gotten so many perspectives from sharing, giving people. After reading them, I can only underscore some of their thoughts add these thoughts:

I would definately underscore: Don't do it strictly for your child. When you are exhausted, you may resent one of the two of them and that might delay the bonding. They may not get along. They may fight and feud now. The older child may resent the younger child. Or it could be the opposite. In your case, with your depression and health, I too would think strongly about a dog that delights her. To keep you from having to go through training it, adopt one that is about 1.5 years old and housebroken. Perhaps she'd most appreciate one that simulates a puppy though grown. Or perhaps she'd love a big, good natured dog to hug around the neck?

Do you have a Fibromyalgia support group? Ask a bunch of them the same question.

I wouldn't do any decision making until you have the depression under control. (I think the combo of the RIGHT meds and behavoral counseling is the best way.) If it can't get there, then don't stress yourself. Your child may get a better mom from not being exhausted.

Kids separated by many years can get very close as adults. The older, the closer.

Multiple kids can help take care of their parents easier when there is more than one.

The additional child could be delightful and make your days brighter. Or they could have additional health or neurological problems that challenge you and your husband. It is a big gamble. If you have lots of spare money, it is easier to get help for those things. If not, your finances could be too strained and put a strain on the marriage.

I also know many, very happy single children.

that's totally your decision. you may feel bad about not giving your daughter any siblings but if you're overwhelmed and further depressed from having to deal with firbromyalgia, depression and TWO kids, you'll be less of a good mom to both your children. take care of yourself nad your needs first so you can be there for your daughter. get her a dog if you think she's lonely! that might help with your depression too :) best of luck,

M.,
You've gotta do what's best for you and your family. I had my son at 39, and while age is a slight factor, my hubby & I sincerely know that O. child is perfect for us. Yes--there are times that I have doubted it, or second-guessed it a bit.
My advice: don't second guess yourself b/c of what others think or say...they won't be up all night or changing poopie diapers--you will! I say trust your instincts and do what you feel is best!

Only you can answer that question and it sounds to me like you know what you really want.

And if your doubting is a result on what others have made you feel like don't listen to it. Only you can make that decision and there is always going to be someone that thinks the decision you make is not right.

I was younger than you are now when my fibromyalgia reared it's ugly head. I did have one more child at 34. She was 10 years younger than our 3rd daughter and 16 years younger than our oldest. It was the best decision EVER! I think in many ways she's helped me out so much. I've wanted to stay healthy for her. She's always been such a joy to be around.

The pregnancy sucked. But it didn't last forever. Having her didn't make my condition worse in any way.

You are still a spring chicken, really! Go for it! We also didn't know if we would have a 2nd and it has been the best decision by far. I had PPD after baby #1 and none at all with baby #2. It's been great having another and my #1 loves being a big sibling. The baby adores his older sibling. :)
That's just my experience, of course. Best of luck deciding!

I had my second child when I was 38 and my son was 4.5. Honestly, I have been thoroughly exhausted for the last 2 years. I'm JUST NOW feeling like I am coming out of a haze.

However, I love having a daughter and my son REALLY loves having a sister.

Good luck with your decision,
-L.

Only you can decide what is best for you and your family. But 34 is NOT old. I had my first baby at 39 (9 months ago) and am currently trying for #2.

I was 34 and my husband was 38 when our son was born. I do not have fibromyalgia, but I did suffer from post pardum. Our son is will be 15 this year and we do not regret at all only having one.