Having Another Baby with New Husband

Hi V.,

Let me start off by saying relax. The first step is that you do realized that you there will be alot of adjustment when you become man and wife. Your kids are fine right now, but aren't use to having him around "full time". Also he hasn't raise your kids from the beginning so he has to learn the good, bad and mischievious. Your kids right now aren't ready even if they say they are. Get through the transition first. This is going to take some time to adjust. Be patient take your time and you and your husband-to-be will know when the time is right. Don't let yourself be pressure into something that can cause more conflict than happiness. Congratulations and many happy days.

I have an extremely good friend here at work, who has a 15 year old, a 11 year old and an 9 year old and she got divorced and her new husband wanted to have a child of their own. They had a little girl who is about 22 months now. And it has been terrific. The family was all for it so that kids understood what was going on and were all on board. Plus with the older children they have been helpful to her with the baby and providing care when needed. I think it is a great idea and yes there will be changes, but they pale in comparison to adding that new life to your family and tying the family circle with your new husband. Good luck.

I don't see a proble with it at all, especially wtih everyone in the family up for it. Sounds like you have the support of your kids, and with them being so much older you will have some great helpers when needed, I'm sure. Good luck and Congrats!!

Having a brother that is 10 years older than myself and also having children 7 1/2 years apart, I can tell you that the only thing to do is to make sure that you don't change completely the activities you do with your older children. Also show them that your love for them hasn't changed at all. If things go well, the experience will bring you and your older children closer together.

Don't rush. Enjoy a couple of years and then start thinking about the new baby. You, your husband and your children deserve to start this new life without anymore problems. I love babies and I don't think they are a problem, but they need time and those around them already adjusted.

Hi V.. I have a different twist on the other's responses. I was a second marriage baby. My brother & sisters were 11 & 12 years old when I came along. Both my parents had been married before. Mom’s two lived with us & Dad’s with her mother.

I wouldn’t have traded my sibs for anything back then (now is a different story). We fought like "normal" siblings. A lot of how things will go will be dependant on your husband & how he treats "your" kids vs. "his". My Dad never acted like my brother & sister were anything but his. I was treated no better than they were. There were bumps along the road so to speak, but that’s with any family.

Just enjoy being a family together for a little while to let your kids adjust. Things may not be much different than they are now, but they still need time to get used to the changes.
Good luck!

Ihave two mostly grown sons,18 and 15,and have a new baby girl,Devon-15 months,all of whom are with the same man,my husband.It is definitelt like starting over!!!I'm 38,not a spring chicken any longer,so there are upsides and downsides.Ups-SHE'S a girl-I've waited sooo L O N G to say that,and they are definitely different than the boys,besides the obvious-LOL.I have more patience,at least with her,I take everything one day at a time-laundry can wait a little longer,house cleaning is secondary,everything just doesn't seem quite as important to rush through-I've been there done that -they just GROW UP way to fast,I have a second chance to ...appreciate this gift I've been given.Downs-NOT AS MUCH ENERGY-theres not enough coffee in the world,and will she be embarrased to have "older" parents when she gets older?!Simple answer,I wouldn't change it for the WORLD!Lotsa Luck R.

I am someone who has done this. My oldest was 2 when her dad and I split, 5 when I met my now husband and 10 when we got married, she is now 12. She loved my husband from the beginning. He didn't overstep his place nor was he totally hands off. Somehow he knew just what to do. We now have a 20month old daughter and my oldest couldn't have been more excited and still is. She adores her little sister and vice versa. I haven't done the babysitting thing yet because I always hated it when people say "Oh you have a built in babysitter" um NO!!! She is still a child herself!! Anyway--as long as your kids are ok and happy about it just go with the flow. Good luck!!

By the way--I saw that you are in Lynchburg. My parents live there and I visit as often as I can. We are coming up in a couple weeks!!! Small World!!

V... I have been in your shoes. I was married for 7 years before and got divorced from my kids father, then I just recently got remarried to a wonderful man who my kids absolutely love. My best advice to you is include your kids. I gently introduced him to them and we did things together until they got comfortable with him. Now.. we do alot of things as a family. Now.. 4 yrs later we just had a baby girl together and what I advise you to do before your new baby comes is to talk.. talk.. talk.. let him know that it is very important to you to have all the children treated the same. My hubby and I talked about everything under the sun about having a new baby together and how we wanted our family setting to be and it paid off because we all get along great.. he is an awesome step dad as well as an awesome father to our daughter.
Just remember the importance of you continuing to be the disciplinarian for the kids, make his transition as their stepfather as smooth as possible, he cant come off as the bad guy but they need to respect his new role as their stepfather too. If you want to talk more about this with me.. feel free to email me. I have been through the stress of this and managed to make it a great transition so I can be pretty helpful. Good luck!

Hey V.. I just got married in August and have an almost 6 and 7 year old. They are very close to their father, with whom I share joint custody. My new husband, who has never been married and has no children of his own also calls my 2 "his kids" and while it was hard for them to understand and accept at first, they are warming up to him wonderfully. I am now also 3 motnhs pregnant and we just recently told the children. They couldn't be happier and have actually been better with my new hubby since then. A baby can be a wonderful way to join mixed families, but I would suggest talking about it with your other children as well. Make sure they are somewhat involved in the decision and they are sure to be much more accepting. I hope this has helped.

Hi V.!! Maybe I can share a bit of insight w/ you being that I went through that exact situation. When I met my husband my 2 oldest were 6 & 10. Currently they are 11 and 15.My husband had never been married and had never had his own children. At the beginning he didn't or maybe was scared to play the father role so he honestly played the friend role. Thank God my children were good kids that I never really had behavior issues w/ them.
Any how I never really thought about having any more kids, not really I guess. Until it just happened but we miscarried. After that we tried and tried and nothing. Well we did get married soon after we met(less than a year). Bought a new home and lived a pretty happy life. He's in the military ( 9 years almost) and we've been apart 3 times in the past 5 years.Only for a short amount of time though. It sucks but we handle it perfectly fine. In any event we had a nice beautiful church wedding in July of 2004 and boom I got pregnant. I was surprised but the kids were exstatic. Today the baby is 17 months old, DJ goes to Trinity Christian School ( 9th grade) and my 11 year old is in 5th grade. What else can I ask for? Today my husband is definately the father figure but continues to be their friend.My husband helps w/ studying, checks HW, cooking, the baby, etc.... Thank God they all have a great realationship and the older kids adore the baby. They are great with him. The key thing is to always include the older kids in the whole pregnancy process. You can take them to the appointments and have them hear the baby's heart beat, etc... They play a amjor role in the little ones life. Suprisingly they help a lot around the house with chores and help us with the little one. My husband and I live very hectic lives between the kids, school and work. BUT at the ebd of the day I tell you it's all worth it. Not to brag but I wouldn't change him for a billion bucks!! :)

I was married before for 9 years and got re-married 4 years ago. My case is just a little different because my 13 yr old daughter has cerebral palsy. But thinking about having another child was a little scary to me just because of me being older and I wasn't sure if I wanted to start all over with a baby. My husband now also didn't have any kids so I worried about how he would be as a dad. Even though he was great with my daughter I just had so many things that I had to think over. So pretty much I told him that I would give it a try and if it was meant to be it will happen. So after 3 years and just when I was ready to get my tubes tied, GUESS WHAT? My little boy will be 1 on Dec. 8. He was meant to be! If anyone would have told me I was going to have a child at 40 I would have laughed in their faces. He has truly been the best thing that has happened to me since my daughter was born. For me I am also like a new mom because he does all the things I didn't get to experience with my daughter. My hubby is still walking on cloud 9. I say if everyone in your family seems to be ok with it then give it a try. It is a big adjustment but worth it 100%

Hey there, I was sort of in the same situation. I have 2 kids (ages 5 & 9) from my previous husband and just got married in April to my new husband, whom has no kids and has never been married. We are due to have our first right now (due in april). He considers my kids his and couldn't be a better father. My kids are also very very excited about the new baby coming. I think it's a great idea for you to have another. I'm sure your husband will eventually want one that he made.. a baby with his face..