He Refuses to Brush!

I use to tell my kids that the tooth fairy won't bring any money for teeth that are rotten, because she only likes shiney clean teeth for her castle.

There are tablets that you can give him to chew,that will color the areas where he is not brushing.I would get these,and let him understand that not brushing will cause consequences,beyond the "you'll get cavities" which he doesn't understand.
Not brushing can cause him to lose privilages,video games,toys,etc.
Its never too young to learn responsibility.

Hi A.,
Sounds like this is his way to maybe get some mommy time. Just my opinion. My baby is now 17 and it was always a struggle to get him to brush. Good luck girl.

Hi A.,

I agree with Sandy N. I have a friend who is a dental hygienist, and she says a parent needs to brush their child's teeth until they are writing well in cursive - around 7-8 years old. When they write well in cursive, they show they have the dexterity with their hands to brush their teeth properly and thoroughly. So....you're in for brushing for a few more years. As am I! My oldest is almost 5 and wants to brush by himself, but I just tell him he's not old enough to do it all on his own. So either he starts or I start and get it done. Sometimes I'll let him brush by himself in the morning, but my hubby or I do it at night. It seems like a huge pain, I know, but having dental issues will be a much bigger pain! Hang in there!

K.

I actually was advised by a dentist's wife to not let my children be completely responsible for their own mouths until age 7. So it sounds like you could still be with him for that process--give him the choice--either you start or he starts. If he chooses to start, then you can finish up.
I'm sure there's lots of opinions about when children should brush on their own. I'm not trying to pass along a "7 year old rule" or anything. I think she didn't believe they had the coordination to be thorough much younger than seven...

My daughter went through a stage similar to this when her teeth were loose, as they were painful to brush. Does he have any loose teeth in his mouth?

Hi A.!

That's not such a bad thing. But, perhaps you could gain some positive influence from your dental hygienist next time he goes in for a cleaning. This helped me a lot when I couldn't even get my 4 year old to brush at all! Explain to him or her the situation maybe they could help. Also, try getting him to use a mouthwash. I use ACT bubblegum flavor and my little one loves to squirt it to the top and squish it around in her mouth. This might open a door for him to become more independent through the process. Hope this helps.

A.- mother of one beautiful little girl, age 4.

Take away one of his favortie things if you find out he hasn't brused his teeth or has lied about it. He will learn quickly that you mean business. One more thing, this is probably a phase and will pass in time, but you do need to show him that you are in control because the older they get the bigger the problem. Good luck.

Hi A.,

I'm fighting the same battle with my 4 year old right now.

I've started shutting off the TV in the morning and won't turn it back on until his teeth are brushed and hair done.

It seems to be working!

Best of Luck!

C. Roeschen
The Trinity Group
Keller Williams
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www.TheTrinityGroup.org

Dear A. W,
Brushing his teeth is not your son's real issue. I believe this is a 'control issue'. He needs your attention. Go somewhere fun and without distractions, like the park, with your son alone (no sister) and spend some time getting to know what's on his mind. Start just playing, talking about the shapes in the clouds - fun, nothing serious. Give him time to relax and open up. It may take some time. It might even take several of these 'play dates with Mom' before he is ready. If he seems unable to do so, without accusation or anxiety in your voice ask him what happened to make him stop brushing his teeth. Is someone or something bothering him? Look in his eyes and hold his little hands. When he is ready to talk, listen without interrupting or judging. If you don't understand, ask him to help 'Mommy understand'. Then paraphrasing, repeat it back to him and ask if you got it right. Be gentle, honest, and reassuring. Speak with him in words he understands and let him know God, Daddy and Mommy are in control and he can trust you. To keep the lines of communication open, keep those 'special alone times with Mom' weekly. Until then, keep a supply of apple slices on hand. They have an enzyme that retards decaying activity in the mouth. Good luck and remember - the size of problem grows with the size of the kid. :)
A. M. (my kid is 20 yrs.)

Call me a sucker, but I will brush my children's teeth as long as I need to. My children are 5 and 3. They will go thru phases of wanting to brush and then not wanting to. However, I always follow up since dental health is important and they don't always get their teeth done thoroughly. When they are in the mood to brush on their own, I always tell them I am checking to make sure all the germs are gone. Sounds like catering to them, but it is for their own dental health.

I strongly suggest you keep doing the brushing! I have a five-year old too and I always brush her teeth. Kids that age still don't have the attention span to focus on a task like that and do it well. You are developing a habit if nothing else. At our house, I have my little girls do it first and then I go back and do it for them...I always find plaque left at the gumline. If you want to try more fun, try using "disclosing tablets." After your son brushes, he chews the tablets. The red dye highlights plaque on teeth and shows areas where he didn't brush enough. Seriously though, I would keep brushing them. My mother left me alone too early and I was lazy and developed terrible brushing habits (I am lucky that my teeth are strong and I had few cavities) ...I too, would run the water and even make brushing sounds...it was more fun to trick my parents than to actually brush. I have no idea why except I hated the taste of mint toothpaste. It sounds like you already took care of that, so at this point it is about developing the habit. Maybe he could "show" little sister how to brush?

Try using a sticker chart. An award for each time he gets 10 or 15 stickers on the chart. Something small like getting to pick the video on Friday night or staying up late or whatever works for him.

Also, watch him brush and double check with you brushing afterward. He may miss the time you brushed his teeth. That was time with Mommy even if it does seem mundane.

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. My dentist is adament that parents should brush their childrens' teeth at night until they are 12 years old. Then you know it's getting done and getting done correctly.

So brush them for him already.
love, Marge

Stand with him and watch him brush. We did this. Also, we would tell our daughter to brush and then come to us for inspection. It works. HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE.

Have you tried singing songs about teeth brushing? Raffi has one that isn't too bad. My son is a little younger - 2 1/2 - but he has a Thomas the Train tooth brush that plays music and he sings along as we brush. That gets him to open his mouth and I can brush real good for him. I would try the songs. Make up your own or sing the Raffi tune. Hope that helps!

My kids love the mouth wash that turns their teeth funny colors. Wherever the color is - is where there is plaque. I don't even have to remind them anymore.

Mother of 5, set of twins. Married to my high school love at 17 and still going strong.

Hi A.,
You are not alone! We have gone through the same thing with our children. What has worked for us is first to remain calm when you find out that he hasn't brushed, say, "No problem", then when he wants to eat a cookie, or some other goodie, you respond with, "Boys who brush their teeth get cookies". If you don't have any goodies in the house then make a point to drive thru a fast food restaurant for a "special" treat. Don't give in and let him have the treat, even if he promises to brush when he gets home. Repeat your reply if necessary and reassure him that tomorrow is a new day and he'll have the opportunity to try again. Let him know that you understand that he's probably disappointed in not getting a treat. Remain consistent, it may take a few times depending on your child, but this will work because you are giving him the choice to brush and then the choice to eat items with sugar.

Our rule is if you don't brush, no sweets that day, or next if it's the night-time brushing.. Works most of the time. My 9 yr. old likes to test it sometimes. She hasn't had any cavaties either. She tries to use that to prove why she doesn't need to brush. So, I just fall back on my catch phrase, it's your choice, but you'll have no sugar if you don't.

My 7 year old started that, but I got him the crest spin brush for Christmas, they have kid versions, and he loves it. It really helps keep his teeth clean 2, and the roud spinning brush is what our dentist reccomends. I also like the idea of brushing with him. Sound slike a classic power struggle and the only way to break it is by consistancy. Just like everything els if he doesn't obey you may have to discipline him, how ever you and your hubby decide to do it.

Good luck!

Hi my name is R. an I have a 7 year old grandson that I take to school every morning we went thru the brushing teeth, I came up with a contest that I could do it longer than he could and I bought his own little tube of toothepaste and we now brush our teeth together. It worked great I watch him and he is actually copying me brushing my teeth. I hope this works for you. If he beats me I let him pick what he wants to watch on tv in the mornings.

My son also dislikes brushing his teeth, and he would definitely do the running the water trick just like yours. Here's what our dentist suggested--in the morning he should brush, and in the evening we should brush. She said it is important for us to still be brushing for him at night to ensure that his teeth and his gums are getting extra clean to prevent plaque and cavities. So we made an "agreement" with our son--if he brushes well in the morning (and you definitely have to check that breath and for a wet toothbrush), then we will help him brush at night. Hope this helps!

Hi, this was a problem for us for a little while. I started going in there getting him started and asking him to keep going until I goet back. Then I take the tooth brush and go over it once more to make sure that there is nothing missed. I heard from our Dentist that I should be helping him until he is 8yrs old. That that teaches a good brushing. Good Luck

I was at a "Love and Logic" class just last night and they talked about how some kids don't like to brush there teeth.  They mentioned that parents could send there child to school giving them the choice to go without their teeth brushed and that if you call the counselor at the school she will talk to the teacher and have the teacher either say something gently to the child about there breath and ask if he/she brushed there teeth today or just make a face of disgust with a little sigh so that the child will put two and two together.  You can mention in the morning about nobody wanting to be around someone with bad breath, then call the school.  I'm not sure if this is something that all schools will do, but it is worth talking to the councelor about.    

Our daughter's pediatric dentist told us that we are responsible for brushing her teeth every night until she is at least 8! This was a surprise for us since she was a very eager to do it herself toddler at the time. Our problem is the reverse of yours - she doesn't want to let us brush her teeth. So, now I ask if she wants to do it the "easy way" or the "hard way." I'm sure you can guess which one involves sitting on the floor and having her flailing arms restrained... The other thing we do is let her know that only little kids who take good care of their teeth get sweets. She doesn't get many sweets to start with , but she hates missing out on a jellybean! Good luck to you!

I would probably just brush his teeth for him...maybe he needs that attention right now, for some reason...he won't want you to do it forever...
And, if he lies to you about it I would take away a priviledge, like tv in the afternoon that day (I wouldn't tell him he lost the priv. until that afternoon, as he might get upset in the am...that might make your morn. harder on you than it already is.)
I have a 6 yr old, and I go through similar stages with him...I feel for you... :) ~K.

I'm sure it's just a phase. Just keep doing it for him for the time being. At least they are getting brushed properly.;) Soon he will realize he can do it on his own and will start again. I've never met a man who still had Mommy brushing his teeth. Wait till you get to the pre-teen years when they act like they brushed and in actuality all they did was swallow a glob of toothpaste.

if your daughter brushes her teeth i would try praising her about it in front of him.He will want to make you proud of him too.Good luck

What works for us is brushing together. DD practices while I brush, then I go over hers once more. Morning brushing doesn't seem to be as drawn out as night-time brushing, probably b/c she knows bedtime is coming :-) When she fusses, etc DH or I will just state that it's a House Rule - "We brush our teeth at least twice a day." and that is that.
I should clarify a couple of things:
1) We have a few house rules that everyone is subject to and are regularly stated - no running inside, wash hands after going potty, etc. -- A few are posted on a paper on the fridge with pictures to help her know what they say since she can't read yet. Everyone in the house has to brush at least twice a day, even Mommy and Daddy, because that's a House Rule.
2)She and I have talked about the food that we can see, the food we can't see and how the food turns yucky, then it gives our teeth 'owies' and then they start hurting. DH had several cavities as a child, so we've shown her the fillings in his mouth, talked about how they never come out and that it can hurt to have the yucky part of the tooth taken out, etc. We visited with our Dental Hygienist about tooth care, etc because dd expressed interest in knowing what went on when I went to the dentist (about a year ago now)

Before instigating the "House Rules", I hesitated to take away a toy or something like that because in my mind it didn't have anything to do with brushing teeth.

HTH some!

K. H, mama to
Catherine Anne, 4yrs (2 dental visits)
Samuel Anthony, 1yr (and 4 teeth)

I know who would have thought that brushing teeth would be such a chore. My daughter goes in there and brushes and looks at like accomplishment. You could reward him after brushing his teeth like brush your teeth every day this week and at the end of that week, you get something special.

Let me know if this helps,

M.

A lot of the new toothpastes & gels give the mouth a burning sensation, and are unplesant to young children. Prehaps he is not sharing this with you. Try an old fashioned toothpaste like Crest PASTE, with no mint, no flavors.

It seems as if he is trying to get more attention from you. I had the same problem with my 6 1/2 yr old. But he finally grew out of it. I guess you can say that he just wants to make sure that he is doing it right. But kids his age will not just come out and ask for your help especially when there is a younger sibling. It wont hurt to help him until he gets out of this reassurance phase.

Hi there, A.! I work for a pediatric dentist, and believe me when I tell you this is really common and it's a phase. I have a few tips for you if you're interested.
Kids often decide at one point or another that they hate brushing. If he's 5, it's likely that he's either working on 6 year molars and it hurts or that he's exercising some independence.
Because brushing is hard for kiddos to do because of dexterity and easy to lie about, we always encourage parents to monitor all brushing and to take a turn brushing after their kids are done up until age 7 or 8. It really does take that much coaching to keep plaque from building up on the gumline. Also, we recommend putting smaller kids or hard to brush kids in your lap and laying them down so that you can move the cheeks and lips out of the way to get the gumline really well. If your kiddp is refusing, keep it up consistently and gently twice a day, and be diligent. He needs to know that it's not an option. Personal hygiene is just not negotiable like some other "chores" are. When our own staff kiddos went through the refusal stage, we all wrapped up in a towel after bathtime and got after it. Sometimes it takes a week or two of convincing (and sometimes a lot of crying), but they all get through it. The towel keeps the flailing to a minimum and helps them feel secure and safe.
It's hard to train a good brusher. And it's important to know that decay is much more likely to happen in the first year that teeth erupt. Keep at it and you'll teach him a skill that will build strong teeth. It will also help him to trust that you know and will do what's best for him.
You might try switching toothpaste during this time so that you can make a switch back when he's made the transition. This will be a taste difference that will let him know he's "arrived" at big boy status. Also, make sure you're using a soft brush that's at the right age range. That's important, too.
OK, that's all for now. Feel free to email if you need anything more.
Best wishes for good brushing,
K.