He's Been Alone with Mommy for So Long

hi R. i'm new to the group just signed up. i have 3 kid's 19,16 13. my advice to you is to give joseph as most attention now and let him know you love him.and tell him he will be the big brother and you need his help with the baby,it worked for me. ciao gigi

Well R. my son was much younger but what I did is kept him involved with everything, from the choice of the bedding to helping me around the house and now hes 9 and she is 6 but he was very good with her when she was born. Hes going to have jealousy and envy but just dont make it look like your not pleased with him and make everything positive.

Hi R.,
My name is R., It is normal for the only child to be jealous at first, sometimes it last a bit,and other times it is just for a little while. However, the more attention that you can give him, when you are not taking care of Elena will benifit him alot. If the baby is sleeping, or not needing your immediate attention, I would do fun things, First of all ask him what he would like to do, like maybe play a video game together, or have dad watch the baby and go out to McDonalds, or something where it is just you and him, and something that he can look forward to and count on. When they baby is born, I would make a big deal about how he is the big brother, and that there will be so many things that he will be able to teach his little sister, and that being he is the big brother, it is his job to protect little sister.I think things may work out better than you think. All of this is normal, for mom and only child. He might surprise you!
Let me know.
P.S. My sister too is due any day, she is having a boy! Her 4th!Yikes all boys! I have 2 girls and 1 boy.
Let me know how things go hun.
Talk to you soon

Have your son make a special book that he alone can share and read to the baby using pictures of you and him ( YOUR BIG BROTHER, YOUR MOM, YOUR ROOM, YOUR HOUSE...) then he weill have something special for just him and his sister, Next you need to make special mom/son time with him alone each day ( 15 min playing a game, cooking, whatever you two enjoy doing) Make him as much a part of the whole experience as you can and I am sure as soon as he sees how much he's needed too he'll feel more comfortable.

R.,
I REALLY know what you are feeling. My son Alex was about to be four when I had my daughter Zandria. I was terrified of how I was going to divide my love equally between the two of them. Then I realized once I had her that you don't need to divide the love, you have to multiply it. Honestly I feel that it comes naturally. I actually found it a bit hard to get excited about the arrival of my second child because I didn't want my son to feel neglected. Babies take up so much of our time that it is impossible to give as much attention to your other children. You have to make the time that you have with your other child quality time. I try to play more games with my son, and occassionaly will leave the baby home with daddy and just go do something with him.

Been there done this with My Daughter She was 8 Yrs. Old when We had Our Son...She was very much like this & sometime's still is even @ 13 Yrs. Old. I Encluded Her in Everything with My Son that helped Wonder's...Plus We still do Girly time just Her & I shopping or seeing a Movie or Lunch. That's what work's for Me.=) Good Luck!

I was a single mom with my son (with no dad involvement at all) until I got married when he was 8. He now considers my hubby his dad - and he was 12 when I had my daughter with my hubby.

Your son is old enough for you to talk to him about the situation - and maybe about his little brother with dad, too. It's best to do this when you're in the middle of something fun with him, or driving in the car, so he doesn't feel "lectured" or put on the spot.

Explain to him that babies are a lot of work, and it will take a lot of your time, and let him know how excited you are for him to be a big brother and help you out and show the baby how to do things. Most of all, make sure he knows this doesn't mean you will love him any less or that he's any less important to you.

Also let him know that you WILL still have time for him - and then you need to make that happen. Even though you're going to be exhausted, you need to set up time (when baby's sleeping or when someone can watch the baby) where it's just the two of you doing something fun and special, like playing a game or doing arts/crafts or reading together - something that doesn't happen when the baby's around.

Get him involved in picking things out for the baby's room, too. My son felt very important for having picked out which bouncy seat we would get, which blanket she might like, which bath toys she would like, etc. He even went through some of his stuffed animals and gave most of them to her. Since he's very good at art, I had him draw a special picture to hang in her room.

My son wasn't that interested in her until she could interact with him, and now he loves to play with her and help me with her (He's 15 and she's 3).

Your son is getting to the age where he'd rather play with his friends and will like that you aren't overly-focused on him.

Good luck!
D.

There is a twelve year difference between my son and daugher. Yes there was alot of jealously from my son. You just have to (as hard as it will seem) to give as much attention to both. Have your son help with your newborn. This way he will feel needed. My son and daughter are very close today. Good luck.

Hi there...
I am new to the group & this is the 1st response I am giving...I was in the same situation...My sons are 12 & 2 now.
Kevin was really excited when he found out we were expecting, and even more so when he found out it was a boy. BUT now there are some issues...like Kevin not treating Brian like a 2 year old & Brian trying to be a 12 year old LOL
I'm sure everything will be just fine & like everyone else said..make sure you plan some 1 on 1 time with your son & I'm sure he will be a great big brother !!