Hello to All of You "Primary Earner" Mom's Who Make Time to Stay Fit

Wow, like I wrote this to myself! It gets better, but include the kids in activity. I do crunches, and my 2 1/2 year old mimics next to me. I bench press both kids, and they love it. We walk to the mailbox, and we'll be sledding before you know it. Get outside! It helps. Good luck.

Hi S. - I feel the exact same way you do. I make time for working out by getting up super early. I get up at 5, work out for 30 minutes, get ready, wake up my husband to help me get the kids ready, and leave the house with both of the kids at 7:30. Not a fun schedule by any means but at least I can get through the day knowing that I squeezed in 30 minutes of me time and if nothing else I'm at least not gaining weight :-) Then in the evenings after the kids go to bed I can spend a little time with my husband not feeling like I need to work out instead. Good luck!!!

I get up at 5am (3-4 times weekly) to use the elliptical and listen to my MP3 player which I don't get much use out of these days! It takes some effort, but I am always so happy that I did! I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old and finding the time when they are awake is IMPOSSIBLE and I'm too tired at the end of the day. Good luck!

Hi S.,

I wish I had some revelation to share with you to help you improve the stress in your life. All I can do is say I understand how frustrating it is to feel like we are racing through our lives, wishing time away.

The reality of needing to work is, for many, simply a fact of life. Even if you love your job it changes when we become mothers. The sadness and guilt we feel over not being there for everything robs us of realizing the true blessings of motherhood.

First off, lower your standards. Seriously. Our priorities change when we have children. Excercise is important, but it doesn't have to be a full work out in the gym. Take a short stroll with the kids in the evening. Rake leaves in the yard with the kids. (don't forget to make a scarecrow and a big pile to jump in!)

Lower your standards a little at meal time too. Make dinner simple. Real simple! Mac'n cheese, frozen raviolis with steamed veggies on the side and a loaf of fresh bread is sufficient.

Also delegate! Your husband can do housework. He might not notice things the way you do, but tell him what you need and be sure those chores are evenly split. Lower you standards with housekeeping too. Everything doesn't have to sparkle.

Finally, learn to say no. Do not bite off more than you can handle. Your biggest priority is your children. They won't remember if your holidays were enough to make Martha Stewart proud, but they will remember a happy mom!

I know you have heard it a thousand times, but these years will pass quickly. A little extra "padding" added now just makes you more huggable! There will be time in the future to concentrate more on yourself. For now, don't deprive yourself the opportunity to enjoy your little ones.

God Bless You.

J. L.

Hi S.,
I'm not exactly like you, I'm not the primary earner and I don't have as high-stress a job as you do. However, I do work full-time and have a child, and here is what I do to carve out time for me and make sure that I stay in shape:

1. On lunch hour I take a walk around my work campus. Half an hour walking briskly. Sometimes I go with a coworker but usually I go by myself with an iPod to listen to music and get away from the pressures of work. It really helps to get some air, clear my head, and move my body (it's so easy to feel folded up and tense in front of the desk). You may say that you can't spare the time away at lunch but if you just do it, you might find that it's possible. Don't overthink it, just do it. Instead of IMing people, looking stuff up on the Internet, or chatting --- don't be at your desk for that time. Be out, walking.

2. When I get home, I do a Pilates DVD. It's a 20-minute DVD, so time-wise it's completely manageable. But I make sure that I close the door and ask everyone to give me quiet time during those 20 minutes. I go away into my thoughts while I do stretching exercises and strengthening exercises. I listen to the voice of Mari Winsor (she's the Pilates lady) but I'm also meditating in a way. After that, I take a shower, which is also completely quiet and private. I come out feeling refreshed, like new, and also that I've done something so very good for me both physically and mentally. And then, I WANT to spend time with my son and husband, or dedicate myself to cooking dinner or whatever needs to be done in the house.

The total time investment of those two activities is less than an hour, but health-wise and mentally the dividends really pay off. It's been proven that if you don't have time (or the energy!) for a long workout, two shorter sessions are very good too. And the walking for cardio and Pilates for strength training is a great combination. They're both gentle on your body. The Mari Winsor Pilates DVD set is good, it really shows results fast.

Good luck.

I am also the primary earner, I work full-time away from home and I'm the mother to a 12 month old girl. The only way I have found to fit in my workouts is to get up early (so hard at first but now I look forward to it). I get up a 5am and put on a headlamp and go out for a 4 mile run; I'm back at the house by 5:45am to do some abs and shower. I lay my clothes out the night before for work, and apply my make-up on the ride in..hair goes up for a quick non nonsense professional look...takes no time; that way when my daughter wakes I can spend some non-rushed time with her before I drop her at daycare. In order to make everything work smoothly I prepare the lunches for myself, my husband and pack my daughters diaper bag and lunch bag at night after my daugher goes to bed. I have found it works out good, that way I can focus 100% on my daugher while I'm at home. On the weekends I let myself sleep in (until my daugher wakes) and then I'll put her in the jogging stroller and take her with me...I talk w/ her and point out pretty flowers and doggies and she seems to really enjoy it. I don't feel like I'm losing any time w/ my daughter now that I force myself to get up, and I'm very excited that at her 1 year old birthday I weighed in 4 pounds less then I did before I got pregnant...I'm now in the best shape of my life!
Good luck, and once you figure out a good time schedule that doesn't take ANY time away from your children you'll notice you have more energy then ever before, which will only benefit being able to keep up with the little ones.

I know I am responding late to this but I am in exactly the same boat. I make twice as much as my husband, our insurance is through me so I have all the pressure to be fully "on" at work. People have great ideas about working out at lunch but most of the time I can't even take a lunch I have so much to do. I eat at my desk while working. I also can't get up at 5am as I work form home at night a lot, nor do I want to miss those precious minutes with her in the AM before work. I feel like every minute with her is a gift I want to enjoy and so I usually work out only when she's asleep (napping on weekends and after bed on weekdays). I do have a jogging stroller and I will use it but it really isn't "quality" time with her as far as I am concerned. My gym has a baby sitting service but I don't use it because I don' t want to waste her waking time with her in a daycare. So, I either workout during her naps or I go after she's in bed at night. I run every other day, usually at about 9-10 pm, and I do weights about 2x/week or sometimes 3. Plus I swim once a week or so. THat' s the best I can do _ i used to workout out 2 hrs a day but no way anymore.

All I can say is I feel I have to listen to my own instincts, which tell me at this point it's more important for me to spend time with her when she's awake than anything else, since I miss her five days/week. Workouts are a secondary priority for me.

Best of luck. No magic answers but you are not alone. I get very frustrated when people don't understand why I don't want to leave my girl at the gym daycare so I can workout. THey grow SO fast, and with her as probably my "only" i don't want to miss any more than I have to.

j

Invest in a double jogging stroller. Then you can bring your kids while you walk or jog! The little boy would probably fall asleep and your daughter would probably talk to you the whole time.
Another idea is to try a gym membership. Some have built in babysitting for your kids. So, you could go grab a workout and then do something fun with your kids afterward...good luck!

S.,
What about working out really early morning- that way it is done and over with and you're taking care of yourself first- which leaves no room for resentment when it is time to take care of everyone and everything else.
It works for me..

J.
www.jillsylvester.com

Hi,
First of all please do not to be so hard on yourself. You JUST had a baby 5 months ago, and it's REALLY hard trying to juggle life with two kids and two parents both working full time. The pressure to be super woman both at home and at work is tremendous, please try not to fall prey to it. I did all this after my second son was born and spent the first 1.5 years of his life trying to do it all, and in reality just wreaking havoc on myself.
I'm in the same boat as you and a few other responders. Primary earner with two boys at home (2 and 4) etc. I was feeling pretty down on myself about 1 year ago, just like you, and it was affecting everything. My relationship with my husband and kids. I hit the brakes and did three things,
1. Stopped making excuses while sitting at my desk about why I couldn't go to the gym or for a run during lunch. I told myself I just need to commit to "me time" during lunch 3 days a week. That's now become 5 a year later, give or take. People at work now just assume that I'm gone during the lunch hour and accept it. I've even inspired a couple other moms in the office to start the same routine! Also,the work is still there when I get back, and no one thinks I'm a slacker.
2. Started bringing my lunch. Not necessarily always uber health conscious meals, but there is almost always something fundamentally better about bringing your own food vs. buying or eating those pizza office lunches.
3. Took an hour of "me time" on Saturdays (big plus here is that I have an incredibly understanding and supportive husband) to take an 8am yoga class. I'm back by 9:30 am and ready to hang with the family. (My husband takes an hour or two on Sunday mornings)
A year later I'm looking and feeling better. Also, I'm not getting as many colds as I was, so there's an extra bonus. I've also learned to cut myself some slack in every area of my life. When work get's crazy, I'll be there, but otherwise not everything is a fire drill, and I try to practice that same philosphy at home.
Best of luck, hang in there, and you're doing a great job!

(sigh) you are my twin. Same boat here. I have a gym membership, but in order not to miss out, i have to leave the house at 5:30am to get there and sometimes it's only 1-2 times a week when in fact i need more like 4. not enough hours in the day.

i will also be eagerly reading the responses as I probably would be posting something similar. good luck!

Wow, when I read your request, I felt a little relieved. I am in the same situation, and I don't know if it is because misery loves company, but I felt compelled to write. I wish I had an idea or solution for you, but all I have is compassion. I would love to hear if anyone has any thoughts on this too. Know that you are not alone and the one thing that keeps me going is that I know I am doing the best I can for my kids and there will always be time for me when the kids grow up and don't want to play with me anymore. Good luck! You sound like a wonderful mom.

You know that expression, "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"?? You've got to take care of yourself. It will help clear your head and control the weight. If you have NO TIME, then you are probably grabbing what you can eat on the go, and that doesn't help. Some great suggestions have already been posted so you can choose the ones that fit your life. Remember that it's okay for your kids, especially your 3.5 year old, to see you working out, so if a DVD at home works for you, great. Make a rule that you cannot be bothered while you are doing this, although she is welcome to "work out" with you. My son used to like the music and the stretching. But he was not allowed to talk to me. My husband also kept him in another part of the house for "guy time" during a lot of my tapes.

I take a noon work out class 3 times a week, and there are a lot of women in it on their lunch hours from work. You will be a better employee if you take a break from the job now and then, even if it's a power walk around the neighborhood. Take your sneakers to work with you and just change shoes if that's all you have time for.

Invest in a jog stroller and take both kids with you on a weekend walk. It's great for them. You can explore some natural areas & conservation land - put the baby in a backpack and off you go as a family.

Remember through it all that you need to teach your children, especially your daughter, that women are not servants, and they are deserving of time for themselves. No one can make you feel guilty without your permission, so don't engage in that. Take care of YOU and it will benefit everyone!

Be sure you get great nutrition so you have enough energy to get through the day. I take patented liquid nutrition from Reliv and it has made a HUGE difference in my life - my blood pressure is down, I have reduced my use of antidepressants, I have more energy, and I have more productive hours in my day. If I get rushed and skip a meal or eat something I shouldn't, at least I know I am getting great nutrition in my 2 daily shakes. I can't tell you how much my body has changed - I'm not so exhausted so I have the energy to walk and work out.

Good luck - you are not alone!

I think you have to keep it all in perspective on this one... while I understand (and agree myself) with the idea of not missing out on your kids since you are at the gym, one hour every other day or on the weekends is not going to make their lives suddenly pass before your eyes. It sounds like your schedule is more of the issue, so if I were you, I'd give myself a break and just go when you are not working super long hours. When you are, remember that quick bouts of exercise during the day are better than nothing - take the stairs where possible, walk to speak to a co-worker instead of send an email, etc.

I am a full-time teacher and since I am on my feet all day and "on" constantly, I get up before 5 every day and run or go to the gym. I'm too tired at the end of the day and I want to be home for my kids and to have some family time. My kids obviously are not up yet when I go in the morning. On the weekends, I am the one to get up with them first, then I rush out for a workout so I can have the rest of the day with them. Remember, balance is just that - a little bit of a variety of things in your life. It's not good to have all work, all kids, all exercise, etc. I think a happy and healthy mom is better than one who is bummed out or not feeling good about herself. When I am in a bad mood I find that working out does help. I know it's tough and believe me, it comes with sacrifice (for me, it's sleep that gets cut), but it's worth it. Good luck, you'll find what works for you.

I'm in the same boat... what we did recently is join the local YMCA as a family. That way, the child-watch is included and I feel like I can go at least get a 45-1 hour workout after my daughter eats dinner and I have spent some time with her. She gets to play with toys and kids and get a little tired out and I get some "me" time, then it is home to pjs, story and songs. It has definitely helped without me feeling like I'm doing something too selfish.

I was in the same boat as you. I, too, double what my husband's salary is and I don't get home from work until 6:30 p.m. so whatever free time I have, going to they gym cannot come before spending quality time with my kids (3 years old and 1 year old).

So, what I do is (and this takes a lot of determination and motivation), I get up at 5:30 a.m. and I grab my workclothes and I go the the gym before work and shower there. I also use my lunch break to go to the gym as well, otherwise, I would either work through lunch, or spend money shopping. It helps if you have a gym close to work like I do.

Hi,

Although I'm not the primary earner in my marriage, I still have a long day and feel the same pressure about falling behind in work, having that work/life balance, etc. We are out the door by 6:30 and home by 6 (my hubby's out even earlier). I think the first thing to do is set realistic goals. Maybe for the first few weeks your goal is to work out for 30-45 minutes twice a week. Then up it to 3-4 times a week. If you can achieve a "goal" however big or small, you still have a sense of acomplishment. And I think this is important part of feeling like you're doing something for yourself. For me, it's unrealistic to work out every day if I ever want to see my hubby and I'm already up at 5:30 for work, so I carve out time 1 or 2 nights a week for a workout in my basement and then once or twice on the weekend. Maybe this is something you can do with your husband (or find something else active to do with him)? If working out at home doesn't fit your lifestyle, try longs walks at lunch time or hitting the gym. Maybe find a workout/walking buddy. Sometimes knowing you have to meet someone somewhere is good motivation. Good luck. You will find a system that works for you!

Hi S.,
I don't make twice as much as my hubby but I work as much; my commute is an hour each way which puts me away from my baby and him a minimum of 50 hours/week. When my job requires me longer...well, you know how it goes! So I completely understand wanting to spend time with family when you get home finally...and you can! Excersise may be difficult to near impossible. When will you really have time? But, serious commitment means forcing yourself to do 10 mins after the kids go to bed even though I'm sure you're way too tired. I have a DVD in my room set up with Turbo Jam- which is a great and fun excersise DVD but you can do whatever you like. The one thing you can definitely try is watching EVERYTHING you eat...calorie count...fat free creamer in your coffee with little to no sugar or use splenda. Afer I had my baby last October and had to go back to work, I had a lean cuisine for lunch every day but only the ones with 25 grams of fat or less and under and I'm forgetting the max calories but can check for you if you're interested, just message me. Those are quick to just grab out of the freezer because there is hardly time to make an elaborate, healthy lunch! Have fruits and snacks low in fat and sugar (no grapes, pineapple, etc). Lastly, drink LOTS of water. These things worked for me and I hope they work for you. I gained 50 lbs during pregancy and lost & all and then some :) All you can do is work it into your demanding life. Good luck!

Hi S.,
I too work full time. I have a husband, 3 kids and a time so time after work for myself does not exist. Instead I take full advantage of the on-site fitness room that the company I work for has. I go at lunch time every day and do something different. On nicer days I go outside and power walk or jog for the 30 minutes. I feel so much better and able to face the afternoon when I do this. I eat lunch at my desk afterward.

I also have purchased the Jillian Michael's 20 minute workout videos. I've been able to drag myself out of bed a half hour earlier a few times to get this done, but I'm not a morning person. The video is great though and the workout she gives you in 20 minutes is super.

Do what you can. You are important too.

I work part-time (4 days) and I have a 15 month old daughter. At the beginning of the summer I decided that I needed to get serious about exercising and trying to lose some weight from my pregnancy. So I looked into Curves.
I'm happy to say that I joined in June and have been losing weight and inches. It's only a half hour of your time and allows you to have some time to yourself. It was difficult at first but I got into the routine. The Curves circuit was designed by doctors and it works every muscle in your body. Women of all ages go there. I have been on the Curves Smart program for several months. It adjusts the machine to your needs. It's a great program and enjoyable going there.. meeting other women... talking, laughing, and having a good time. I had exercised before... walking occasionally and doing pilates on a regular basis. Unfortunately I don't have time to work out in the morning so I do it after dinner and on my days off. I work out 2 to 3 times per week.

Exercise is only part of the weight equation, and so many of us are in this struggle with you! If you are continuing to gain weight, you are likely eating more than you need or the wrong food. Is your guilt causing this? Is the time crunch you feel every day pushing you toward bad choices? Are you the one to do everything to sustain the house even though you have such long hours, or is your husband a full partner in the chaos? Moms tend to take on so much of the burden that we are last on the list. If you are truly motivated to find time for yourself to exercise, then I agree with the others that early morning is the way to go. I'm not an early bird, but I find that my whole day is brighter and more productive when I get up and move early. There are times when I have to borrow motivation from the treadmill, but you'll feel fine once you get started.

Personally I think this is a struggle that every parent faces and it doesn't matter if you work full time, part time or full time at home. Dad's feel it too.

As women and moms, we tend to give and give, until we are completely depleted. Exercise is critical for me. Find a way to give yourself 30-60 minutes a day to work out. What worked for us is to have a treadmill in the basement. It'll make all the difference in the world.

speaking of which, I think I'll go work out this morning as I've been slacking the past few weeks!

Totally in the same boat as you. I haven't really found a solution, but what we do try to do is at least take an hour long walk on the weekends. That way, I get to spend time with my husband, our 1 year old rides in the stroller, and even the dog gets some exercise. The other piece of the equation is all of the "working lunches" with cookies and brownies - I find when I skip those, I lose weight. So will power helps too.

I am a working mother also and its so hard to find time to exercise. Early weekend mornings are the easiest for me. Just put on your Ipod and run, walk, pop in an exercise dvd. You need to take a look at your schedule and find the best time for you. If you are concerned with weight, changing what you eat will have a much greater impact than exercise. The South Beach diet is amazing.