Help! 2 and 4 Year Old Siblings Always Fighting!

Maybe can you send them to Preschool... more often???

"Bored" kids, also tend to get onto each other's nerves....
Kids with no 'routine' or structure to their day... also tend to get on each other's nerves.....
Kids... with nothing to look forward too, also get on each others nerves....
Kids... with nothing to do on their own, also get on each others nerves...
Kids... who are not given/allowed to have time to themselves, also get on each others nerves.
Kids who are tired... also get on each others nerves....
Kids... who know their Mom is just petered-out... also tend to push the envelope...
Kids..... who 'see' that no one supports the Mom in it... also tend to not behave...
Kids.. who have NO responsibilities in the home... also get on each others nerves... and don't listen.

Where is your Husband in ALL of this????

And yes.. MANY times, kids do behave better with others... than the Mom. BUT... that should not be said.. in front of the kids... by your Mom. It will derail you....

MAKE Your kids.... have "CHORES."
MAKE your kids... do "projects" around the home... for you, for the "family"... so they think not just about themselves.... things they can age-appropriately do....
Start NOW... before baby #3 comes home... THE other kids.. .NEED to help... and have a sense of responsibility... to the FAMILY. Not just to themselves... and irking each other.

Again, WHERE is your Husband in all of this????

Tell them, the buck stops....
Discipline them in other ways. Time out does not work. Its a joke to them.
TAKE away... their toys. A toy time out.
Take away privileges... the TV, toys etc.

all the best,
Susan

They really need some time apart. Mine are now 6 (girl) and 8 (boy), so 4yrs ago I was exactly where you are. They will always be best friends and worst enemies, but you have to set boundaries. Your 4yr old son needs his own space/room/area etc at times to play with HIS toys, build legos etc - bigger boy stuff. The "I'm ignoring you" comment is a big red flag that they are saying THEY NEED SPACE from each other.
Now, on the flip side of that, you also want to provide opportunities for them to work together, and you may have to be right in the middle and facilitate this at first. Let's get the blocks out and see how tall we can build it if we work together!!! Play candyland with your son vs you and have your daughter flip the cards for each of you and say the color. This will also gradually phase her in to playing too. Sometimes when mine have been particullary nasty to each other, I make them huge and tell each other that they love them :)

sounds pretty normal to me & it gets old quickly.

Kudos to you for wanting it to end! & that's the key: it needs to end. In each instance, you need to stop the action BEFORE it begins. It truly sounds as if they need more supervision.....& all adults responsible need to be on the same page as to how to discipline & what's acceptable play interaction.

Instead of trying to put out the fires after the fact, try to be more proactive - rather than reactive. Your kids are feeding off of the negative energy! Begin a reward system, a behavior chart.....& give them goals to work toward.

& I do agree that a structured preschool for both would be beneficial, BUT they need to correct & adjust their reactive behaviors before entering a classroom atmosphere!.....or it will just continue!! Good Luck!

Time outs don't work. They promote more chaos.
www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com

I just wanted to chime in and say that time outs haven't worked well in my house either. My four year old would never stay in time out. I tried all of the tricks (not yelling, calmly placing him in time out, not giving him attention during time out) and I tried the exact opposite of that (yelling, watching him in time out and sitting with him to keep him there). The kid will not stay in time out and now neither will my 2 year old. I've had to come up with a different approach - and it doesn't work all the time either. But what I've said to my older son is, if he can't play nicely with his brother, he has to play by himself in his room. He will walk to his room on his own now (once I pick him up and point him towards it). And sometimes he'll stay and play in there until I come and get him (and have him apologize). Sometimes he'll come right out, apologize, and play nicely. Sometimes he'll come out but I can tell he is still angry, and I send him back to his room.

We just took my 2-year-old's crib down this week, but before that I was putting him in his crib for a time out. Now I have to just put him in his room for 2 minutes. It only works now because he can't open his door when it's closed.

I have also read that time-outs are not the best discipline approach, but simply talking with my boys is not enough. They only way they will calm down is to remove them from the situation. Sending them to their room, where there are toys to play with, is my compromise.

Good luck.