Help! 2Yo Won't Stay in Her Bed Anymore!

You have to be firm, stay calm and don't let her think you are concerned about her being "afraid". Kids feed off of their parents concerns. Keep putting her back in and telling her "no" if she tries to hold onto you. Let her know that if she is up at night she will spend most of the day alone in her room. Does she have a special stuffed toy, maybe a large teddy bear, that can "protect" her at night? This might help.

You need to let her know you're the boss, not her. Bedtime is bedtime and that's it. Supernanny has a wonderful method for putting kids back in their beds. You tuck them in as usual. The first time they get out you say "It's time for bed" then you pick them up and put them in bed. Any time after that you pick them up, put them in bed and NEVER SAY A WORD. You may have to keep at the technique for a long time. I've seen it take over 3 hours on the show. It would help in your husband could help you. You could take turns. If you give in to letting her sleep in your bed, that's what she'll want to do. Is there any possible way you could use a gate at her door instead of shutting the door? Or maybe a nightlight? Good luck to you! It's never easy to hear your kids cry.

Of course she's sleep deprived, you keep going in and engaging her attention all night! I second the “Supernanny” technique that someone else mentioned. Does the Ferber method work for toddlers? Whatever technique you use, you have to form a plan for helping her sleep and then stick to it! She’s not scared. She’s not hungry. She’s not going to be emotionally scarred because you’re setting guidelines for behavior and sleep. You are an adult. She is 2 years old. You know how important sleep is for her and you are doing what is best for her in the long term. Stop making excuses for her and help the child sleep!

I certainly agree that she needs to know that you are the boss and not her. I know that kids sometimes have to "relearn" how to go to sleep and stay asleep. This consists of the parent setting a bed time, putting the child to bed, and leaving them there no matter what. You might also give her a favorite blanket or toy that she can sleep with. They will eventually relearn how to go to sleep in their own beds. However, this routine may have to be done over and over as it may take a while. The key is being consistent with their bedtime and not reinforcing their behavior by going to their rooms, and especially not letting them come to bed with you. I know it sounds cruel to say just let her cry it out, and it may make you feel guilty to not go to her when you hear her cries. However, in a case like this you sometimes have to do just that. This method is something I learned from watching a video of it being done by a child psychologist. So I know it isn't a case of being cruel, and the method does work. I understand that part of the problem is her crying and beating on her door and waking everyone up. Is there anyway you can use a gate to keep her in her room rather than shutting the door? If you haven't tried this then I would suggets that you give it a try. If a gate doesn't work and you have to shut the door, can you pad the area she can reach with something? What about turning on music or a fan, something that will make a calming noise while drowning out the sound of her pounding? Whatever you do, don't keep going into her room over and over. Even if you don't let her sleep with you, the fact that she is getting your attention by behaving as she is will only reinforce the behavior. Can she tell you why she is doing this? I know she's only 2, but she may still be able to let you know why. If she's afraid have you tried a night light? Has she seen or heard something that might cause her to be afraid of being alone. Kids her age take thing so literally! Could she have a reason to think some, like a monster, or someone will hurt her in the dark? If that's the case you can make up "monster spary" with a water bottle or something. Then go around spraying her room and closet with the spray. I know this works very well. Then there's the aggressive behavior she is displaying toward her brother. You may be right about it being a result of sleep deprevation. People do get cranky when they don't get enough sleep. However, she still needs to have consequences for her behavior. Do you put her in time out or discipline her some way when she hits her brother? When she hits her brother you could tell her that hitting people isn't apporopriate behavior and that you feel she is doing it because she is sleepy. Then put her down for a nap. Even if she doesn't go to sleep, you are seperating her from her brother and her behavior isn't being rewarded by her getting attention. I'm just wondering if she is feeling insecure about the new baby coming. With her having a brother and now another baby coming, she is no longer the baby herself. She may resent the fact that she has to share you first with her brother and soon another child. This may be why she is hitting her brother as well as wanting to sleep with you. You could set a time, whether it's her bath or some other activity, that you could spend time with her alone while your husband spends time with your son. This might help also. With all of this the key is being firm and consistent. And you don't want to reinforce these behaviors by giving her attention for them. If everything fails and after a few weeks she continues to stay awake, you may have to talk with her pediatrician. I think it's something she will eventually grow out of it, especially if she's not getting reinforcement by behaving as she does. I hope all of this helps. I feel sorry for anyone who has to go without sleep. It's no fun, I know that from experience. Good luck!

Hi Amy,

I think you've recieved a lot of good ideas. I agree that a baby gate might help because that way she can see out but maybe won't feel as closed in and separated from everyone else. That worked well for my daughter when she was that age, just make sure you get one that's not easy to climb (but since she can climb out of cribs it might be hard to find one that will stop her).

Also, maybe a nightlight would help if you don't have one already in case she is afraid of the dark.

My daughter has glow in the dark star stickers that she really likes to lay and look at. I let her decide where I should put them so she thought that was fun and was excited to go to bed at night and look at them.

Maybe you could also let her pick a special animal or doll that "lives" on her bed that she only gets to have when she goes to bed.

You could also try spending more time in her room before bed. I'm not sure what your routine is already, but try to spend time playing with her stuffed animals in her room (maybe put them in a bed of their own and let her tuck them all in and say goodnight to them) before bed and then read a bunch of books to her that would hopefully help her get sleepy. Hopefully she will start to associate her room with good fun things instead of whatever is bothering her.

Oh, and I'm all about sticker charts. Maybe you could make a chart with her on a poster board and tell her if she does a good job sleeping she gets to put a sticker on her chart.

I agree with the others who said you need to pull a "supernanny" on her. Once you put her down to bed, don't go back in. If she thinks you'll come back in if she cries, she'll keep doing it.

Good luck! I hope you guys all get sleep soon!

Personally, I think she's acting out because of the new baby. I don't think she was done being one herself before your attention was taken away for baby #2 and now that baby #3 is coming she might be feeling more...pushed aside. Also the aggressiveness might also be her trying to work through her frustrations of having to share you with her brother too soon and now that baby #3 is coming, I think she's now acting out in a form of panic.

I think all she wants is more of you, I don't think she was or is ready to be a "big girl". Try including her in things get her to help you, make a huge fuss over her when she does good. Make a big deal over her being a big girl and doing big girl things. If you have 5 mins, put make-up on her like you do for yourself. I just touch my daughter's face with the blush brush and eyeshadow brush, then I make a huge deal over her. Also you can use chapstick as lipstick. You can paint her nails if you have your painted. Try doing things with just her. Make her feel special again. It might help.

Hi Amy,
Don't know if any of these will help but...
-If she isn't potty trained yet have you thought of trying a baby gate at the door to the room? That's what we did with our son when we moved him to a bed. We just made sure there wasn't anything in his room that he could hurt himself with if he did get up. It worked pretty well.
-There's also a technique where a parent (for your comfort, preferably your husband!) would stay right by her while she's bed, usually seated on the floor, until she falls asleep and then gradually move farther away each night (or two) until he's reached the door. We used this one too and it seemed to work pretty well - you just have to stay awake the whole time!
-I'm not sure what you do about this but I wonder if all the changes are getting to her? A baby brother, moving to a toddler bed, taking away the paci, another baby on the way.... Would it possible to spend some extra time alone with her before the baby gets here? At 2, she may not quite understand that her little brother and the baby need so much attention. A tip I read about siblings and getting ready to feed the baby (it was for BF but I don't see why bottle feeding wouldn't apply, too) and especially with your 2 yr old, is to tell her Mommy's getting ready to feed the baby and ask her if she needs anything? And to get her set before feeding. I've been using that but my son is 5 so I don't know if it'll work the same with a 2yr old. It just seemed to make him feel good that I wasn't forgetting about him.
Hope you find something that works and can get some rest SOON! (You need it!) Good Luck!

Hi Amy - Ahhhh I feel your pain. My 2 year old has just put us through this and I had talked to the pediatrician about it and she said when I got sick of it I would take action and she would know that I would mean business. Soooo, just this past week I was done. I had briefed through the book by Jodi Mindell about sleeping and toddlers. I got the "power" to take the horse by the reins and here is how it went.

The first night I put her in bed (her bday was in Aug. and she got a fish aquarium - the ones that plug in and rotate around) - which she sleeps in a full size bed. She is in the room w/my 2 older boys who sleep in a twin bed above and a twin loft bed above. I told her it was time to go to bed and don't get up. She lays there and watches the fish. She sometimes will play and talk but I just ignore her and the boys do pretty good at dealing with it. So she would sometimes come out and I would take her back to bed - doing the Supernanny thing of taking her back to bed and saying Good night etc and then the 2nd time just saying Good night and nothing else and the 3rd time just putting her in bed and saying nothing at all. She usually would stay sometimes crying and hollering but wouldn't get up. Then I she was getting up in the middle of the night. The first night she came in and I just took her straight back to bed and put the fish tank back on b/c I turn it off after she has went to sleep.

She then proceeding to scream and yell - when I didn't respond my husband had woken and went in to lay with her. Well, he had finally after about 30 -45 minutes brought her in and said she wants you. I very firmly took him from her and put her back in bed and then went back to bed myself. She stayed in bed and didn't cry out anymore and slept until about 6:30 or so when I let her in my bed. So then the next morning I told my husband. I said if he was going to coddle her (she is our only girl) at night and rub her arms or sit w/her while she went to sleep then he was going to deal w/her in the middle of the night. We had always helped her go to sleep and now she needed to relearn how to do it on her own.

The next night - same process except without the drama in the middle of the night. She came in my room - I took her directly back to her bed and said good night and went back to bed. She is better during the day b/c she is getting the rest that she needs. She was overtired during the day and thus would be a pistol w/constant fussing and crankiness but now that she is sleeping better at night - almost a whole new child. Best of luck!!