Help!! 3 Week Baby Driving Me Insane-new Mom at 45 Can't Handle It!!

S.,
I totally understand everything you are going through. Go get a copy of Happiest Baby on the Block - TODAY. Read it as fast as possible - get the DVD that goes with it so you can start right away. Get a white sound machine from Target; Wal-Mart or Beverly's Craft Store (about $30.00). Do the actions in that book, it takes a little finessing but don't give up, it totally works. Saved my husband and I the first 3 months. Good luck and hang in there it will be worth it.
H.

I would wonder if he is gassy from the formula. I'd try just breast milk if possible. If you start pumping, you'll probably start producing more. His stomach is very sensitive this young and he probably just needs one or the other. Good luck, I know it's frustrating. C.

This sounds just like my kid - though since I had only the one I thought everyone went through the same stress. It does get better!
(There's a light at the end of the tunnel - if they'd turn the darn thing off maybe you could get some sleep.)
Anyway, here's what I can think of that may help.

First. If you really want to breastfeed, just get rid of the formula now. The formula may be aggravating his symptoms, and it will certainly undercut your production of milk as well.
If you are concerned about the quantity of milk you have, that can be improved quickly.
To begin with forget everything they told you about switching the baby around while you are nursing. Your breastmilk changes in kind as the baby nurses. The first milk is thin and watery, suitable for keeping a baby hydrated, but not really food. The more food-like milk kicks in after the baby hs been nursing for a while, and the last of it is really thick and creamy. This hind milk is the good stuff, and if you keep bouncing him around he may not even be getting to it and just filling up on the more watery foremilk of both breasts instead. In that case while he seems to be nursing a lot, he is never getting to the richer, more satisfying hindmilk. Also his nursing is never fully emptying either side, and therefore not signaling your body to make more milk.
Anyway, let him nurse on the first side until it runs dry. If he is still hungry he'll start fussing when he's not getting anything. At that point switch him. If he doesn't completely empty the second side, you need to pump it completely dry. This will help prevent infections, keep you comfortable, and increase your milk production. (Supply/demand can be your friend!) Babies have sudden growth spurts where they are ravenously hungry. If you are regularly expressing extra milk, you build up your supply in advance, and can absorb these little bumps in appetite easily.
Another benefit is that you can bank the extra milk in the freezer so that your husband can use it in a bottle when he spells you in the evenings.

Second. As above, your husband should be able to spell you through an entire feeding/sleep cycle. Pick your time - post dinner to midnight? - and just leave him to it and go sleep. He will have bottles, and he can handle things. You can put in ear plugs if you have to, but get an uninterrupted hunk of sleep.
This will knock your sleep cycle off kilter for a while, but the baby's extreme unhappiness won't last forever. You are just trying to get over this rough patch. Later, when things smooth out, you can take turns doing a night feeding as needed, and get everyone back to a normal bedtime.
Right now, your body is telling you it wants sleep, and your husband has a work schedule, so you are just trying to make it through the best you can.

3. Just a thought. With my kid I wondered whether the amount of milk I was drinking m was effecting my breastmilk. (It's a liquid, it's a food, it take no prep time - what's not to like?) Since I too was at my wit's end after a few weeks of this, I looked at everything I could find trying to change things. I read that milk proteins could be turning up in my breastmilk and causing the colic, so I stopped drinking milk. After three or four days I didn't notice a difference, so I gave it up. Years later I read that it would have taken weeks, not days, for my system to clear out enough to see any change. To this day my kid just doesn't like milk, though she doesn't have any big allergy symptoms. I continue to wonder if it would have helped if I had stuck to it.
Anyway, you might research and see if there is anything in your diet that could be triggering a reaction from your child.
It will get better.

I have to agree with the last poster. . .RELAX! You are developing patterns that your baby will keep for life as it relates to sleeping.

An important lesson, IT'S OKAY FOR A BABY TO CRY. If the baby isn't hungry, wet, or hurt, it won't cry forever. With a new baby it's hard to not react to every whimper, but I agree with the swaddling. After you've fed the baby, made sure he is dry, and warm, put him to bed (out of your room). When he wakes and begin to cry, you don't have to rush in and respond immediately, a lot of time the baby will sooth itself and return to sleep (even if it takes 5-10 minutes). Just remember if you are rushing to his side with every whimper, he will learn to expect it. At this young age, it is important to burp the baby maybe 2-3 times during the feeding to make sure all the air is removed, and making sure the baby has a firm grip on the nipple and/or bottle to prevent air from going into his stomach.

He is only 3 weeks old, so give him time to adjust to being out of the womb, but also give yourself an opportunity to relax and be away from the baby without feeling guilty. Best of luck!

First, I want to say, my first child (mom of 3) was colicky. It was VERY difficult, but I found the more tense and stressed out I was seemed to pass on to the baby and make things worse. My next two children were MUCH EASIER because I was not stressed out.

Have you tried nursing and falling asleep with the baby? I know it is not recommended, but I think the both of you may sleep longer and get more sleep.

I have had very little help with all 3 of my children following their births. My husband has a demanding job and barely stayed home while not having much, if any, support from family. You will get through it, but you really need to try to relax.

The more you stress and the lack of sleep will decrease your milk supply so your husband needs to try to help more. You might be confusing the baby with both formula and breast milk, maybe you should try mixing it? I used to mix it all the time and at least the baby can still get some breast milk which is so important. 3 weeks is usually not the recommended time to supplement a bottle so you might want to try to see a lactation specialist. I was told not to introduce the bottle until the baby breast fed for a few months straight because of confusion. The baby is so new and just learning about all this stuff - it will take him several weeks to get the sleep and nursing stuff down.

I think you should also talk to your OB and let them know you are experiencing post traumatic stress. Maybe they can recommend a night nurse for some time so you can catch up on sleep. My friend had a night nurse for 3 months because she had a health condition that required her to get plenty of sleep.

Do you have friends in the area who you can talk to or who can help? Babies are such a blessing, but yes a lot of work in the beginning. If you need some support, let me know.

Good luck.

Hi S.,

We had a similar problem with our baby. I have a couple of suggestions.

First, you may want to try swaddling. Get the book Happiest Baby on the Block for a great technique. Make sure baby is warm enough too.

Second, try pumping your breast milk instead of formula. That will help increase your milk production and still allow your husband his bonding time and you a break. Also, increase your water intake. This will help your milk production. You are supposed to have 8 8oz bottle a day.

Third, you may want to try eliminating dairy entirely from your diet. A lot of babies can not digest the proteins found in dairy. This was our biggest problem. Our baby was always crying, spitting up and bringing her knees to her chest. Quite often people say this is a colicky baby. Colic is not a diagnosis it's just an excuse for not knowing what's wrong with your baby. Dairy is usually the problem or irratable bowel.

Hang in there mom. Of course this is tough. You are on your own during the day, not getting any sleep and could have a bit of post partum. It's only been three weeks. Things get so much better at 6 weeks.

Hi S.,

First, talk to your pediatrician and ask for help figuring out the best feeling routine for your baby. There is also a possibility that your baby is colicky - this tends to rear its ugly head at about three weeks of age. Again, ask your pediatrician about this. The good thing is that whether it be colic or an irritable bowel due to the food changes, it'll work itself out eventually. The first few weeks (12 for me!) are really tough. Hang in there and try to seek out some outside support. You shouldn't be in this alone. I highly recommend the New Parent Support Group at Alta Bates. It's run by an amazing nurse who can answer all of your questions and it's a safe place to vent your new mommy frustrations.

My son is 16 months now, so I still remember how incredibly difficult it is to have a newborn, how much doubt and insecurity goes along with this incredible shift. It sounds to me like your son has gas pain. We figured out with our son that if we held him with his back to our chest and knees up in a seated position, he could pass the gas. Try burping him more often. And it may be that he doesn't digest the formula as well. I have known many women who have decreased their milk supply by supplementing with formula, so be careful with that. You may want to try pumping. Good luck! Just having the wisdom to know you need more support and reach out shows that you are already a great mother to your little one.

It could be that the formula he is getting doesn't agree with him. have you tried changing the formula? perhaps your husband is over-feeding during his time and your son has a stomach ache. Or it could just be that that's his time to cry. My daughter used to cry from 7:00 p.m. - 11:00 p.m. every night. Didn't matter what I did - she was clean, dry, fed, etc., but for whatever reason she would cry that entire time. It drove me nuts also. If you can't find anything wrong and nothing you do makes him happy, you just have to let him cry - what else are you going to do. I know it's nerve-racking and my heart goes out to you. I don't know how I made it through but I did. It will pass but I know hearing that doesn't make it any easier when you're pacing the floor pulling your hair out every night. the one thing I did try that did seem to help was to lay her on her stomach on a hot water bottle. I would put the hot water bottle (wrapped in a towel and make sure the baby has no metal snaps that could get too hot and burn) on my lap and lay her down with her stomach on the hot water bottle and hold her head in one hand and gently rub her back with the other. It was very soothing and it did work but not every time. Good luck. My heart goes out to you!

Burp the baby. Burp, burp burp. When you give him the bottle see how much he drinks and how much air is he getting. This sounds very much like the problem we had with my nephew.
Also, my sister in law found one of those lap pillows to be helpful when nursing. I think the baby stopped fussing so much once she started nursing him using the pillow. But it sounds like he is getting too much air when he eats and then not burping it up, giving him a tummy ache.

Good Luck!
H.

Hi S.,
I am so sorry to hear you in this state what helped me was just latching on and slinging my baby over across my chest and nursing all night on emand-the more you nurse the more milk you will produce, also was he born late night -babies have memory of the event in their bodies,so if you had a hard transition an labor late at night he still feels it-it will pass but comfort, nursing even if there is no milk will help you sleep which is what you need, and try also swadling tightly because is is also a safety thing for them , you can also try sitting on the washer on spin cycle-crazy I know but the vibration reminds them of life on the inside-Good luck and sleep when he oes-try highlands calms forte for yourself ad calms forte for kids when he is a bit older-L.

Yikes, first let me say I feel for you. It's so incredibly hard to be around a baby crying for such a long time. I'm sure others may have already mentioned this, but he may just be a colicky baby. There's so many possibilities of what he could be upset about, but I don't necessarily think that confusion between breast and bottle is one of them. Now he could be having an upset tummy by the type of formula (maybe hard to digest, or allergic to something in it). If he seems gassy, you could try the simethicone gas drops or Gripe Water, which is a "natural remedy" [what I've used with both my babies, you can find at whole foods]. Maybe you've tried the "checklist" that doctors give you, but if not try them and see if any work. If you have, I'd check with your pediatrician to see what he/she thinks. Unfortunately if it's colic, you'll just be hanging in there til the time passes :(
I'm only mentioning this because you had it in your "about me" section: try to be very careful not to overfeed little baby just to get him to be quiet - if you've already got a history with one kiddo of obesity and diabetes you don't want to make this little one anymore prone to having the same health issues.
I wish I could be there to physically help you out, you definitely sound like you could use some babysitting hours to get some sleep. Do you have any friends you trust or a church home that you could ask someone to watch him for you for a bit?? If you are really at your "breaking point" try to find someone...you need a chance to recoop and so does baby.
Wishing you the best of luck! Being a mommy can be so hard sometimes!!
~K.

Hi, S.,
Of course you are depressed--you're exhausted and both you and the baby are still recovering from the birth experience. Just because it is "over" doesn't mean it's behind you...
Remember all the reasons why you are breastfeeding first. Next, call the hospital where you gave birht or your pediatrician and ask for a lactation consult to make sure the babe is latching on so he actually can get enough milk. Some nipple pain in the beginning is normal, but at three weeks you should be past that. Make sure your nipples dry out after a feeding, I found the best thing with my frequent-feeder was to sit near a sunny window with my nipples exposed for just five minutes after feeds during the day; that was incredibly helpful. At night, if your husband can change the baby between boobs and do the stuff that makes you have to get up and move around, so that all you have to do is roll from one side to the other and feed lying down, your sleep won't be quite as interrupted and if the baby is more stimulated by the activity of diapering, he will feed longer--which will fill him more, and then he will sleep more.
Lastly, remember that you are in a very short-term crisis state of a long-term project. Having had another, you know how quickly it seems they grow--and this will be over quickly as well. Just know that the breastfeeding is the best and you will work that piece out soon. Good luck to you--let us know how it all works out!

Oh S., I feel your pain.

First off take a deep breath. You CAN handle this. My daughter gave me a run for my money in the beginning and I know how it can take a lot out of you.

The best thing I did was get a good swaddeling blanket (mine is just a simple flannel blanket) and use it. Then get the baby out of your room. Co-sleeping only works if your actually sleeping other wise it's just co-crying. you need your rest.

Tonight when dad gets home ask him to take the baby for a walk or put him in the car and go get dinner that way you have at least 30 min to take a power nap.

Try and stay strong, it will get easier. Oh and congratulations on the new bundle of ... joy? ;-)

Hi S., I feel for you! If your baby is very fussy and mostly at night you may want to talk to the pediatrician and ask if they think he may have reflux, which can hurt their esophagus and happens mostly when they lie down. We went through this with our son. Also try to stick it out with nursing, if you can survive the first 6 weeks you can do it! You can try Fenugreek supplements or pumping to boost your supply. We gave our son bottles too but only from my husband and I think that helped to avoid confusion. I wish you the best of luck!

Hang in there and calm down. Sounds like you are depressed, and why not? No sleep, a flood of hormonal changes, breastfeeding is HARD, ... Your baby may have colic or reflux, you can ask your pediatrician if there is anything you can give for that. My other advice is to try the 5 Ss from the book "Happiest baby on the block". Swaddle tightly. Try sleeping your baby in a bouncy seat or car seat. And definitely get that baby out of your room so you don't wake up to every sound!

So, the thing about giving a bottle of formula is that it actually decreases your milk supply as your body will definitely make enough milk to keep up with a hungry baby. Also, if you aren't using a hospital grade pump, you may be decreasing your supply that way. I know, all of this is frustrating to an already overstressed mom. If you want to continue breastfeeding, you should think about cutting out the formula bottle or at least pump twice for 20 minutes each in exchange for that. Drinking teas like "mothers milk" and taking fenugreek will also help increase your milk supply.

The other thing about the formula is it is not as easily digested by babies as breastmilk, and might be part of the problem. Your baby might be gassy or allergic to the formula. Definitely burp that baby well, but also try gripe water. It cured our baby's hiccups instantly and helped my gassy baby feel better. Either work on breastfeeding or try another formula.

Maybe put your husband on night duty over the weekend so you can get a few extra hours of sleep. Or ask that he take the baby out of the house on a walk on saturday and sunday. Really, at this point, a few hours here and there don't completely refresh you, but they will help you feel more sane.

good luck.

It sounds like it is really rough going right now. If you are feeling overwhelmed and depressed- are there other women/people in your life that you could ask for support? (even to come over and be with you might be nice to have other adults around). An idea with bottle/breast milk. I generally think stick to one at the beginning and breastmilk is in all ways better- could you pump milk for bottle feeding (for husband to feed with) Another idea- if you can only pump some- and its not enough for a full bottle- you could try mixing some formula in with it to even out.
be compassionate with yourself- you are doing so much!!
good luck.