Help! 7 Month Old with Sleeping Alone Issues!

I just lost a baby and glad to because of this. Parents who sleep with their kids then make it hard for other providers to care for their children. He would cry and cry unless I rocked him to sleep and I could not sleep, answer the phone, clean and as soon as I tried to put him down it was all over again. Hard to let him cry when others are sleeping too. I do not want him back. So be ware it is not just hard on parents whent they do this but others as well. G. W

Hi B.,

What you have done is NOT a huge mistake! A 7 month old is not spoiled. If the sleeping with you is not working out for your rest, the method described of rocking and putting to bed asleep will help. Letting the baby cry it out will only cause more anxiety in the child as he gets older. You should always go to the child when he crys, survey the situation, speak kindly to him, and even hold him a while until he gets back to sleep. If, however, he is just awake - leave him to entertain himself with his safe toys and mobile. A healthy, well adjusted child will be able to do this a lot. If your child has any health issues that might be making him uncomfortable, like colic, make sure to address those before doing anything different. There is a group of parents who ascribe to something called Attachment Parenting, and the co-sleeping works well, sometimes with the whole family, for years! If the child does not accept the father's comfort, maybe he should be the one who comes in at night to comfort the little one until he is glad to see him. The child must have the experiences where the dad 'saves him' from lonliness and hunger and discomfort before he will attach to him. You can start by snuggling all 3 of you together, then leave the child with the dad when he falls asleep, or when he is distracted by play. Check out the www.api.com website for more info. I did not use the AP method per se on my children, but I did not allow my little ones to suffer colic alone - even once. Both my kids are grown now and they are well adjusted adults - anyone would be proud to have them in the family - but we have not slept together all night since they were tiny babies. I was always afraid I might roll on them, or worse, they might fall off the bed. This co-sleeping/attachment parenting is proven to create more well adjusted and non-violent adults than the old corporal punishment/cry yourself to sleep ways of the 50's.

Get some help, and get some rest, and you will feel worlds better. You may need to leave the house and take a nap at a friend's place while the husband bonds with the child to get real sleep and rest. You will be a better parent well rested, and that is really what I am hearing that you want to do. Remember that this parenting thing is a process, not a destination!

The Best to you,

D.

Hi B.,
I have a 9 1/2 month old daughter, and she is very similar to your son, it sounds like! We started out co-sleeeping and that worked for us until she was around 5 months old, and then it was too distracting for her to sleep with us. She'd wake up and notice me there and want to play. So we moved her to a crib in our room. Then, at 7 months we moved her to her own room. I also have trouble putting her to sleep; I walk her and nurse her until she falls asleep. I don't think you made a mistake by sleeping with your son. It sounds like he's very securely attached to you.
To make it easier for me to get things around the house done while she's sleeping (if she won't go in her crib) I wear her in a Moby wrap. That's been great, because she'll sleep while I wear her and I still get things done! I'm not into cry-it-out at all...so that's not an option for us. Good luck finding what works for you :-)
J.

Hi B.,

I have a 7 month old son also! Do you have a rocking chair or glider? If so,have you tried rocking him to sleep and then putting him down in his crib asleep? I have spoiled my baby by rocking him every night and for every nap, but he now is a wonderful sleeper. I very much enjoy the time I spend rocking him. He also uses a pacifier, but only for naps and night time. We leave a bunch of pacifiers in the crib with him, so he can find them when he wakes up. Please leave me a message if you want to chat more.

Good Luck,

S. M.

I found that this helped in our situation that was similar: I started snuggling into his arms a baby-safe small stuffed animal...this one happened to be built into a blankie. He became accustomed to the smell and touch. I made sure he had the blankie/animal everytime he slept. Then over a couple of weeks, starting with day time naps, I was able to transfer him to a bed. I also placed small baby (airline)pillows UNDER the sheet on his bed on each side up against the rail side.(Do NOT put him between pillows on top of his crib sheet. Being under the crib sheet, they just give a little rise on each side)When placing him in the "trough" with the blankie, we transfered the security he was feeling next to me. This took time and finally worked. Everytime I made the mistake of picking him up if he cried, I prolonged the process. After two or three crying sessions, he settled into the new routine. We had a cd player and always put in baby music cd in so that he got used to"white noise", or run a small fan in his room(pointed away from him).I read that babies should not be allowed to cry longer than 2 min for each months age that they are. It is very hard to hear them cry, but it will be impossible for him to feel secure if you continue to allow him to associate his total security with your body warmth, smell, and comfort. As a developmental process, he will learn to comfort himself. In addition, he should be left occasionally (in excellent care) with the words, " Mommy will be back. I love you. Bye" and indeed, when you do return he associates your comfort with the fact that you do return. As he gets older it will only get worse with separation anxiety. Taking him once a week to the church nursery is a good separation exercise also. I hope you find just the right answer and I commend you for asking for advise....hope it works well!

B..
I have a 7 month old daughter too! I wish you the best of luck - this parenting business is tough. I had a difficult time watching our little girl cry in her crib so I didn't let her for her first few months until after I realized she is already figuring us out - and winning I might add. We learned to let her cry for a few minutes at a time and then go and check on her until after a few days she began to nap and go to bed fairly easily.

Bottom line- every parent and every child is different so find what works well for you. The crying it out worked for our little girl but I wasn't ready for her to do that until she was 5 months and now I am greatful that we did.
Enjoy the cuddling times- they grow up so fast.
-E.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of this. My son's both had some issues with sleeping as do most infants. What really helped me the most was the suggestions in the book, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". You may not like it because it recommends self-soothing (aka crying it out). As cruel as this may seem it does work and it's fairly quick. It also recommends staying on a strict schedule of naptime (with a routine), playtime, feeding and early bedtimes (like 6:30 or 7 pm). The consistency of the day will help your little one know what to expect and he'll fall into a routine in just a few days...you just have to be prepared to let him cry for a while in the beginning. I did this with my second son and within a week he was taking 2 2hour naps and going to bed for the night at 6:30 and sleeping until 7 a.m. It was a miracle! I did NOT have him in my bed though so that will be an extra adjustment for your son, but if you stay consistent he will become accustomed to being in his crib all by himself. I established a routine (diaper change, story and turned on his musical crib toy) and did it before every nap and bedtime. I even read the same story every time and within a few days he would become drowsy just from hearing the story because he knew what was coming next. It was amazing! I could even put him in his crib awake and he would drift off to sleep without a fuss. Sometimes I could hear him playing first, but eventually he would doze off. I hope this helps. hd

B.,
You sound like a very caring mom. I try to think ahead in whatever response I give to my children with this: 'How is what I choose to do now going to affect him them in the future.' What I mean is I don't let 'crying now' be the only factor in responding to my child. I'm a mom of 7 kids - practically grown up now. My advice to you is to put your baby on a eat and sleep schedule. Try your best to stay home to put him in bed for naps and nighttime sleep. Stop rocking/holding him until he falls asleep. Take care of him when he's awake with food, holding, playing - but when it's time for bed put him there! Do not pick him up for any reason.(of course, you've made sure that there isn't anything that he could hurt himself with before you put him in bed.) You can't go back in the room, you can't pick him up AT ALL. He may have a day or two of long crying bouts, but they will get shorter, and he will learn to go to sleep without you.
Hope you can see this through - you're days and nights will be so much pleasanter, and he will be happier too!

You may have to let him cry it out a few times in the crib. I'd start at nap time. You need your sleep at night. It may be painful, but if you give in at this age, what else are you setting yourself up to give in on in the future. Your job as mom is not to keep kiddos happy every moment of the day. Life will always bring disappointments. We are supposed to do what is best for our kids and teach them how to deal with disappointment.

I have a friend who kept giving into her kids and let them sleep with her until almost 2 years. She can't stand to hear them cry. She will leave all housework and spend her entire day keeping them happy. Two kids and four years later and she still hasn't unpacked an organized her house from her move when the first was born. Now her kids run the house. One little whimper and they get what they want. They are picky eaters and can't be away from mom even at their ages of 4 and 2.

You have to decide where you draw the line in your own home. One day he'll understand that you will always come back and other people can be fun. You'll have some rocky moments in the middle, but remember the goal is not a perfectly happy baby. Babies cry. The goal is a well adjusted adult.