Help a Laid Back Mama Implement Routines

Some people lot a lot of structure, others get by on less. Some need it in all arenas, others only in some.

We both work full time, and have a 2 year old. Our life is probably a combination of structure and laid back, it works for us.

Our child gets structure in the form of a bed time and wake up routine. We've also got a clean up routine. His day to day schedule though varies with different wake up times, and different day care/ after care scenarios.

Hubs does laundry 1 or 2x a week.

We food shop once a week.
We cook once a week. Eat left overs, eat out of the freezer. We order take out roughly once a week. The dishwasher gets loaded and emptied as needed, same with the trash.

We entertain roughly 3x a month. We go for family dinners roughly 4x a month. Hubs and I each get a girls night/ boys night a month, and a date night a month.

We clean one extra area a day, i.e. the bathroom, a bookcase, the baseboards, the bureau. We use robots, and we hire an occassional cleaner.

Our house has been described as silly clean.
Our fridge is full.
Our clothes are tidy.
Our child is happy, well adjusted and well cared for.

We make mornings easier by getting things prepped and ready at night. We get a goodly amount of sleep. Our child is young enough that we don't have to worry about roping in his extra curriculars.

Ours is the middle road, in my opinion, because, things get done, things get done regularly, but we aren't so regimented that we have chicken tacos every tuesday, and wash the pillowcases and linens every other sunday.

Now for some concrete tips-
1. clean up the clutter. get rid of extra stuff in your house, and extra committments/ activities that you don't want or need. the less you have the less you have to keep organized.

2. refer to flylady (you can find it on the web for some good affirmations, organizing, and cleaning tips).

3. the net is your friend, detailed instructions on how to brush your hair, balance your checkbook, build a nuclear bomb can all be found on the net.

4. outsource (if you can afford it).

5. No need to be governed by your past. Your father and mother may have made your job more difficult, each in their own way, but organization and routine can be yours if you want it.

6. delegate. hubs and son are capable of taking on tasks, being responsible, remaining organized.

lastly, Good luck to you and yours, also , chin up.
F. B.

Sweety, you are just overwhelmed right now. Believe me someone without your background would be overwhelmed in your circumstances. You are being very hard on yourself. Perfectionism breeds procrastination which can lead to mistakes or the feeling of being overwhelmed.

I can relate to that. I was raised in a very isolated place with a mom who had her own anxiety issues and family issues that left her unable to parent in one sense of the word. I was completely loved and secure in it but the things others did, I didn't. when I talk to people my age it's like they lived in another time. I lived like their parents did.

I hid it but it comes out at odd moments. I am self taught at most things and that leaves gaps in my abilities. I have high standards like you do but with the same unrealistic standards mixed in with it.

With God's grace I fell in with a bunch of great women. We were close enough to be open with each other. I found that even with my floundering I was pretty compatible with them but I had put way too much pressure on myself and by then my kids. Please don't do this. It's too big a burden for anyone.

One lady was a doctor's wife. She had the best sense of humor about the level of cleanliness of her house. She once said, just overlook those toothpaste blobs on the sink, we are going to chip those off and use them later for mints! See, you are doing ok!

Do what you can and find a sense of humor about the rest. First, work on doing one thing consistently. Take care of yourself. That's it. Consistently. Whether its prayer journaling or exercising or seeing a counselor, you do it.
When you can find a way to do that, what you need most, then move on to making your H and child to do something for themselves, consistently. When you have mastered that, then one other thing. You can find that happy medium between OCD and nothing. Learn all you can about it. If its going to a meeting about Autism that someone or the school puts on or learn about parenting. Find a way to put your best foot forward, one foot at a time. I have every hope that you can do this. Stop the negative talk. Post on here. Talk to a lot of people and find a friend. You can do this.

I have one thing to say to you- flylady.net! It's the best website to help you take baby steps to get organized and set routines. Check it out!

First of all, know that everybody makes mistakes. You pick up and you move on. You say you're sorry, you fix what you can, and get past what you can't. Failing sometimes just means you tried, which is better than not trying at all.

Your son has been diagnosed with Autism, so I would start with his professional team. What sorts of things does HE need from you? What helps him be the best him he can be? I do not have a special needs child, so I think going to the people who help him in class or otherwise offer him therapies would be a good start.

If your DH does a lot of parenting stuff now that you need to pick up, what tips can you get from him? If it works, consider doing it his way.

All kids need to know what's next. My mother was always hot and cold. If she felt grumpy that day, she might say I couldn't go out with friends, even if she had no reason to make me stay home. I was very very angry for a long time when she refused to let me go to my best friend's house on NYE. She wouldn't have even had to drive. But other times I could be out late and she didn't mind at all. Could I wear long earrings that day? Depended on he mood. Drove me crazy and we fought because the rules changed so often. So what I try to give DD is consistency. If I say no to something, I think about it, and I mean it. I try not to make too many "exceptions" to the point where I lose track and neither of us knows what end is up.

So, for example, DD needs to be at school by 9:15 but preferably closer to 9. If she is not awake by 8, I start by opening her curtains and then I wake her with a song. She can watch Imagination Movers if she eats her breakfast. If she doesn't, then the TV goes off. The end of that is our cue to wrap up. Make sure she has lunch, clothes, brushes her teeth, gets her hair done, etc. She knows the pattern. She knows how it goes. It is no surprise to her that this is what we do every day for school. Same with bed time. Similar pattern every night so she knows she will be going to bed soon.

As she gets older, she'll do more and more for herself. Your mileage may vary, but I try to remember that I'm parenting not just the 4 yr old at the table, but the 14 yr old and the 24 yr old. What does she need to know and learn? You mentioned your hair. If no one taught you, you had to learn the hard way. So even if he doesn't do it just so, are there things you can allow him to do for himself, both as a learning process and give him a sense of accomplishment?

Parenting is both a marathon and NOT a popularity contest. Some days you won't be Mom of the Year or liked very much, but some days it is more important to teach your child than it is to be liked. Which is not to say I think things should be taught with fear (good behavior bought with fear tactics is not lasting), either. There's a ton of middle ground between wild hyenas and regimented fear.

I'm right there w/ you. I work (our only income), do 100% of household maintanence, and 100% of child are during the 5 days a week I'm home. And I'm so laid back, I'm almost horizontal - and I feel like our day-to-day lives are a mess!

I have run out of underwear .... my house is a wreck .... we've resorted to paper plates multiple times because I don't have any clean dishes. I don't have people over because I can't seem to pull it together enough to get the house presentable. Some days (more than I care to admit) I don't get out of my pjs.

I admire very efficient, pulled together people, who look pulled together (I can't pull that off - something about me is always messy). But then I think of the effort I'd have to put forth to achieve that and it seems like a lot of work for a little reward.

My kiddo is happy, healthy, and just delightful. He doesn't see any deficits in the way we live.

So I've decided to embrace my type B-mess, at least until there's another income and/or more equal division of child care & housework. I write lots of notes & set lots of alarms for the important things. But mostly I let things go.

I hope you find what works for you. :-)

Small steps!! :)

I'm overly organized....but that doesn't mean everyone has to be. Yes, everything I do is super efficient, but you don't want to be me...I feel like if I'm not doing something productive, I'll fall asleep. I think both ends of the spectrum are stressful. Me, myself, I'm an "aspie", so closer to your son mentally, but really sort of OCD when it comes to keeping myself and my family.

Anyhow, small steps. Get a planner, and start scheduling small things that need to take place at specific times...shopping, bill paying, meal prep.

With working full time and caring for a child, I imagine you are more regimented than you think you are...unless you forget to feed your child or run out of underwear, you're doing fine as is!!! :) :) Lots of hugs.

Unless your laid back ways are giving you and your kid and family a problem, leave things be.

Who's to say what's the "right" way?

Is your child loved? Secure? Safe? How laid back are you talking? Letting your 5 year old drink alcohol or walk in the street alone or crazy stuff like that? Or being lax about eating sugar before dinner, and/or bedtimes and/or rules?

Do what works for you! Do what makes your family happy!

if you work full time and get your son to school daily..sounds like you have some routines..

I am sure his school starts at the same time every day. Does he get there on time?? well that is a routine..

All kids need routines.. and autistic kids even moreso..

I bet you have quite a few routines.. you get up.. get dressed.. get kid to school go to work.. come home.. dinner bath bedtime..

I work 2 days. so I have a routine for work days and a routine for stay home days.. but they are both routines.. then of course we have the weekend routine.. more relaxed but we still have things we do (church on sunday)

so look at your scheudle and figure out exactly what routines are missing.. and try to fill them in.. is it housecleaning taht is falling behind.. helping your son with homework.. cooking.??

Why is it a failure that you aren't as structured as someone else might be? I thrive with routines, gotta have them, but my husband, he's more of a free spirit. Both personalities are perfectly fine.

If you want to be more organized, though, it's a great idea to start with a nice planner at the office supply store. Spring for one you really like and one you will actually use, then you will get excited about getting started. There are places in those things to make lists, write down appointments, etc.

As with any change start small. Make a list of things you want to change. Prioritize the list and then implement changes. The story goes it takes a month to form a habit. DON"T try to do it all at once, then you are setting yourself up for failure. As with anything, failure will happen. We just dust ourselves off and try agian. This will be a good opportunity to teach your son things. He can set the table while you make dinner. He can help you wash the dishes and help you sort laundry. He can dust while you vacuum.

Something that I just learned and it has helped to keep clutter away. Don't put it down, put it away. It is so simple, but can be hard, especially after a long day. Teach yourself that and then your son and then hubby.

Give yourself some grace dear! God loves you! Hope this helps!

I do have a question...who are you trying to impress?

Failing is better than not trying to begin with!!!!

Small steps. Pick one thing you want to 'schedule'...like maybe try getting everyone to make their bed every day for a month? Then pick the next thing?

Or something as simple as deciding that from now on at 7p you are going to sit down with each other and talk about your days and what you learned and if anyone has work they need to get done?

IDK? I would start small. No harm. No foul!!