Help! Am I the Only One Who Feels like This on the Weekends?

I take it you both work full time? ((I ask, because you just described a normal day with a toddler. A REALLY normal day with a toddler.)).

IMHO EVERYONE needs a day "off". When my son was little (and my marriage was still good) we traded days. I got to sleep until I woke up one day (and make as many plans outside of the house without consulting a soul, and just did them) as did my husband. Most of that time we managed to arrange 4 tens for my husband so we actually had a 3 day weekend. His day, my day, and a family day.

Even if you don't do things that extremely; one day a week where EACH of you can sleep in, might be the fix you need.

I don't have any great suggestions for you, sorry. But i can relate. I am a sahm to my 11 mos dd. The grind of every day of "no don't do that," wake up, eat, nap, and repeat. When I get really frustrated I just look for her smile or start tickling her. That little laugh and smile makes everything worth it to me.

I think you really hit on it with two particular phrases you used:

"…the issue comes down to hubby's and my mindset to some degree…"

"…he has too much time unstructured…"

Yup, and then "…of course I feel guilty - shouldn't we look forward to weekend family time?"

You're so close to grasping those happy weekends! You had children for many reasons, and whether we realize it or not, totally upending our lives and giving us a new version of ourselves to live is one of the reasons! It's easy to overlook that when we're feeling frazzled, but we can choose to be joyfully frazzled, if we realize that NOT to do that will result in a loss that we'll feel later.

I chose to stop with only one child, but discovered early on that I could completely lose "myself" in the wonder of what life meant to this tiny person, this inquisitive toddler, this curious child, this budding teenager. I immersed myself in trying to see life through her eyes, and it was magical. Her early years went much too fast, and yet each stage was replaced by something just as wondrous. I not only grew in my ability to be awed by it all, I also had the blessing of seeing and understanding places in my own childhood where I got "stuck" because of some trauma or deep disappointment, and did a great deal of healing, as well.

Your son is still deeply dependent on your attention, and that is healthy and normal through toddlerhood. He's still getting much of his education about how life works by watching, playing with, and imitating you. He is not yet old enough to manage his time, energy and focus by himself. He'll get better at that over the next couple of years, but for now, he really needs you. Very few children in previous human history have not had an extended family and neighborhoods to help take up the slack. So it's up to the parents in single-family household to get creative, to plan ahead to have fun, educational and stimulating experiences waiting for their kids. And in the very best case, to make themselves available for energetic, face-to-face interaction.

You dread the demands of your family weekend. Your son may come to dread those dreary Saturday mornings where there's nothing to do but watch cartoons. And most television available for kids is not really worthy of their vibrant, creative imaginations – even Diego is targeted to the slower kids in the audience.

So television acts like a drug, a downer, for both children and adults. Sometimes that's what we want and need, but it's not a worthy habit if it just allows us to slide along without challenging the best of our natures.

Be! Do! Doo-be-doo-be-doo! Life itself holds the potential for thrilling growth. But like tending a garden, it requires some attention from us first. Otherwise, weeds take over: negative feelings, boredom and weariness, and television.

Does your daycare provider let him watch TV with a snack??? Perhaps that's why he would ask you. Something you may want to try would be a picture schedule. Take pics of the things he does during the day (breakfast, tv, playtime, outside time, brushing teeth, cleaning room, free time on your own in your room, etc) and make a velcro strip to attach the schedule to. This may help him to know what is expected of him and what's coming next. I'm a SAHM, but I use the pic schedule with my kids and it has always worked lovely for us. Now, I don't like the weekends because hubby sets the whole schedule off.....

Some weekends we have a great family day or family experience. Many weekends I decide somewhere around noon on Saturday that I cannot WAIT until Monday morning! Yes, it's true. I DO enjoy my children and love them with all my heart, but they're 3 and 5 and they get on my LAST nerve! I have to have alone time, so my husband and I try to give each other breaks -and that's also nice because it gives the one with the kids some special bonding time just with them. I also take girl's trips on weekends as often as possible! Weekends are not restful though (unless I'm on a girl's weekend). Right now I am EXHAUSTED -much more so than I was on Friday afternoon. I remember telling someone who asked if I was tired after going back to work full time (I was a SAHM for 4 years) that no, I was nowhere nearly as tired as I had been when I was at home!

One thing that has helped us -especially with our oldest who has the same issue of not being able to handle much unstructured time -we at least give a loose structure to the day. We start out on Saturday morning letting him know how the day most likely is going to go. We like to leave some room for spontaneity, but it really helps him to know what's coming up and what to expect and that there aren't just hours of wide-open time out there.

It all boils down to this:
once we have kids.... we are no longer just an island unto ourselves.
And it is constant.
Minding the home, the kids, the Husband, the duties, the chores, the activities, the moods.
"BK" (before kids), we can just do whatever we want, whenever we want, or do nothing at all, and actually relax.
Once we have kids, we can't.
Then our brain, short circuits or goes blank. Because, we cannot think of things to do, every single nano second, nor anticipate everything 24 hours a day, nor referee everything and everyone 24 hours a day.
Phew.

My kids are 4 years apart. They also play with each other.
They also... DO chores, too. You gotta teach the child, how.to.do.things.too. And that not everyday, is a full day of 'plans.' And that, we are not constant play centers.

So, sometimes ya don't wanna do that, ya don't wanna do anything!
That's fine.
But still, there are children in the midst, and they need minding.
They have spurts of over activity and of boredom.
Alas.
Then they have their age-related developmental phases and difficulties.
So we gotta figure out, what makes them tick.
Because, no shoe fits all, when it comes to kids.
They have personalities!

It is not always possible, to "always always have something planned" on the weekends. And we all gotta be sane.
Sometimes we just want to be bumps on a log.
But, carve out 1-2 hours during the day, in which to take him OUT of the house, even if to a park, and do PHYSICAL activity, with him.
THEN, come home... and have him NAP.
Kids this age, still often need to nap.
Mine does.
Once they get their yah-yah's out.... and get physical activity, they feel better. Boys are especially physical. Big motor movements etc.

If he has too much unstructured time.... then it is up to the parents, to create structure. So a kid, knows what is coming up.
Otherwise, the day hours, can just drag on and on and on and on and on... for a kid.
Coax him. "After we do Legos, help Mommy sweep and wipe tables. Then we have a snack. Then you relax. Then we will go to the park. Then.... then.... then..." etc. Tell him, what is coming up or what you want him... to do. A kid that age, can do chores or "help" Mommy or Daddy around the house.

BUT... a GOOD thing to do with a kid too, is not just having them play.... but TEACH them something. A skill. ie: how to rake leaves. How to put the dirty laundry in the hamper. How to water the plants. How to wipe the tables. How to dust the tables. etc. Then, that becomes an activity too. And just praise him for it... not expecting him to do it perfect like an adult... and then he will have FUN doing it. Helping. And it also helps you.
My son at 4 years old, could cook his own eggs from start to finish.
Of course with our supervision.
Sure he's young and a parent still needs to do things for the child... BUT they also can learn... to do things too... on their own. If we teach them. That way, they are not just passively doing 'stuff.' They are learning while being a participant in all of it, and feeling proud too... that they learned something of value.
My son is so proud, he can 'cook.' He can also make his own cereal and sandwich etc. He can wash his own hands too.

Don't feel bad.
I am sure... ALL Mommies have those moments. Dread. Weekend. Ugh. What to do. I just wanna stay in bed and cover my head with the blankets.
Oh well.
So, you and Hubby... make a list of things, you all can do, on the weekends. It does not have to be complicated. Make an "idea" list.
And also teach your kid... how to do things too. Even HE can come up with ideas... too. And that will teach him... how to 'plan' things too. And what to look forward to. And that he can have 'input' too. It teaches a child, reasoning and planning and how to plan and logic and creativity.

Well at 3.5 taking stuff out of the pantry could be fun. Is it a big deal? Could he do it as long as he puts it all back? I mean, I know what you mean, they get whiney and want to watch tv all day and the adults just want to chill, it's a never ending cycle, but at 3.5 he should be able to entertain himself fairly well between a bit of TV, time playing with you guys, and time by himself, even if he's getting into stuff and then putting it away.

I do think getting out of the house more would probably help b/c it would (hopefully) help to destress everyone since you'd have an activity to focus on, but it's not realistic to think that every weekend should be scheduled to the gills!

I do feel your pain, though! I also think having a 4 month old is hard too...I mean you're probably sleep deprived and up to your elbows in bottles or breastfeeding and that's super tiring too. Hang in there!

My kids were and still are always early risers, so I hear you about the 6am bit. It's really exhausting when you have an infant who is probably still waking at night.

For your 3 1/2 year old, I'm wondering how often he's playing outside? That was such a key component for my two when they were little. They watched very little tv so we never wrestled with them wanting more screen time, but when they got bored inside we went to the park. I noticed that if I tried to have them do something else so I could get something done, it only resulted in me saying the exact things you talk of... " Stop touching, please, listen, please stop." etc... and not getting anything done And feeling frustrated on top of that. I found that if we have busy activity, then quiet activity alternating we rarely had bored kids. Take 20 minutes and go outside and then try engaging in something quieter, like playdoh, coloring, reading books, legos etc...

I don't know if the answer is to have a lot of structured time or to always have something planned. I feel like that limits them to learn the skill of playing by themselves, being creative about finding things to do. He's a little young to entertain himself for long periods of time, but should be able to start being able to play without being constantly entertained or getting into things. His acting out is probably wanting your attention. Give it to him in bits. "Joey, were going to play outside ( playdoh, cars... whatever) for 20 minutes, and then Mom is going to fold, the laundry (read a book, feed the baby etc...)

Good luck!!

I have a very active 20-month-old who also wakes at the ungodly hour of 7 a.m. But hey, she never slept as a baby so we welcome the full-night we get as a trade off for her waking at 7 as opposed to 5!

Anyway, weekends, since I'm temporarily are not working, go like this: DD wakes up. I send DH upstairs for more sleep and play with DD for an hour or so. We color, read and play with whatever strikes her fancy, even if it's just practicing washing her hands.

Since she doesn't wake up with an appetite, I usually take her outside for a walk--or she takes me. Toddlers, or at least mine, need to move and the outdoors usually removes any fuss--for mom too. Oh, tack on another 30 minutes of chasing her around the house with a diaper and change of clothes before going out.

When we're outside, DH wakes up and makes breakfast.

We return, eat and then DH takes her food shopping.

A bit disjointed but by taking turns with her, we both get short spurts of me time to recharge.

I still have yet to get my time to sleep in, but that's OK until I go back to work.

Anyway, I highly recommend taking your toddler outside. It makes the morning go fast and the fresh air is glorious, even in the dead of winter.

I'm not sure if this would appeal to you or not but we join a gym and a lot of our weekend activities revolve around that. For example - everyone wakes up around 7am on Saturday - we hang out, have breakfast then are in the car and off to the gym by 9am - I take an hour long class - the kiddos play at the kids club - head home around 11am (maybe stop at a park or something if the weather is good) and then do lunch, naps and sometimes go back in the afternoon so the kids can swim.

If you aren't into the gym you could sign him up for a class - soccer or something like that - and it will keep everyone occupied and less likely to be annoyed by each other.

My best advice - it's what works for our family - idle hands just lead to trouble - everyone needs to be busy - indoor or out! :-)

also - we do a mom/dad night each week - on Tuesday my hubby has "his time" - usually does a mountain bike ride and isn't home until 8ish - then I do something on Thursday night for around the same amount of time. It has really helped me feel like my life isn't entirely wrapped up in my kiddos - just that bit of "me" time every week is enough to revive and give me the energy I need. :-)

I FEEL your pain! I think we've all been there. Some suggestions:

1) If your 3 1/2 year old naps, stop his naps and put him to bed at 7:00. 6:00 a.m. is a typical time for little ones to wake up, but if he naps during the day, maybe he is waking up at 6:00 b/c his body has had enough sleep. That's why I say to stop his naps and see if he sleeps any longer in the morning. It might not work, but it's worth a try.

2) Do any grandparents live nearby? Maybe once a month (so really twice a month - once a month at each grandparent's house) you can drop off your 3 1/2 y/o (your 4 month old is too young) at his grandparents house to sleep over on a Fri. or Sat. night.

3) If financially possible, hire a Sat. and/or Sun. morning sitter. You would need to find someone who would be willing to come to your house at 6:00 on a Sat. or Sun. morning to play with your 3 1/2 y/o for a few hours so you and your hubby could sleep in. You would also have to trust this person with the key to your house (so you won't have to get out of bed to let the sitter in).

4) Depending on the layout of your house, you can make a play area for your 3 1/2 y/o and tell him that when he wakes up, he must go to that area and stay there until mommy and daddy wakes up. Or have him stay in his room and play (if he'll do that). Other option - lock his bedroom door so he won't be able to get out of his room, but he'll probably throw a fit. We did that with our son and he cried and screamed, but eventually got used to it (thankfully we don't need to do that anymore).

Also, lock your pantry door! We had to do that b/c our kids were constantly in the pantry and it drove me crazy!

Good luck! This will end in a few years (I know, way too long)!

I'd keep the cartoons on in the morning, even while he eats, so you and your hubby can chill. Make it a special weekend treat, not something you do every day.
I'm not sure what your baby's schedule is like, but around lunchtime try to get out of the house as a family, go for a walk, have lunch in the park, anything that burns some energy.
It's hard for a four year old to be pent up in the house all day. Another option is for him to have a friend over for a few hours, kids are generally a lot happier and easier when they have a playmate, and it's usually LESS work for you, not more :)

For a time I hated weekends too. Weekends were for catching up on all the cleaning, shopping, errands, and laundry I didnt get done during the week. No time for fun with my little guy. So I made the effort to schedule a fun Mommy and me class for Sat am. I pushed myself to do a little more on weeknights, like Wed. one load of laundry, lay it in a neat pile on the table, Thurs eve fold it and put it away, Fri evening clean the bathroom. I made sure the grocery list was organized and I pushed my hubby to go shopping once a week during the week, some husbands will stop on the way home from work if you give them a list. This all helped my weekends be more about family fun then chore time. If you dont want to do something that organized set up a routine where you go to playground with a picnic every Sat at 11:00, take turns mommy's week, Daddy's week. You said your son would be cooperative Sat morning if something fun was scheduled. Also work on getting more cooperation from him by making every thing a choice, do you want to sit next to Daddy to eat or next to Mommy, Do you want milk in the green cup or the red cup? Who should help you brush teeth, Mommy or Daddy? do you want to wash your face with a blue washcloth or a green one? do you want to brush your teeth with this toothbrush or that one? (always two choices, not what do you want to wear? what do you want to eat?) I kept my son so busy at age 3 with these choices he didnt realize how cooperative he was!

Make the first thing you do when toddler wakes up is get something in his tummy to eat. Get yourself something to eat as well and just sit in the same room with him for a moment - both to be there and to give you a chance to "wake up". If you let him watch cartoon, let it be after he eats.

Boys naturally get into stuff more. I cant count the number of times I have to say stop that, get down, no jumping, etc..

At his age, he can help you with minor chores, that will keep him busy. If you're doing laundry let him help put the clothes inside or take them out. Keep doing what you're doing playing with him but if he throws a tantrum over watching more cartoons, at some point you have to let him cry it out if you're going to get anything else done. He will eventually re-train himself to do other things to occupy himself..,like play with your pots and pans.

Just keep the things out of the way that you do NOT want him to mess with and let him use his imagination instead of giving him timeout for something he isn't doing wrong...per se!

My weekends sound a lot like yours, except I have a 4yr old and a 2yr old (both boys), so there is much more running, jumping, rebel-rousing, etc. I typically rely on and enforce nap/rest times for both of them, even though the 4yr old is getting to the point to where he is outgrowing the nap. Even still, I make them both lay down and be quiet for about 2hrs so I can get things done around the house or just have quiet time to myself. Funny, I am actually able to type my response to this during said "quiet time". Sorry I don't have any real advice for you, but I can totally relate.. people tell me it will get better/easier as they get older and I am hoping these people are not lying to me! LOL Good luck and hang in there!

Oh I remember those days. I often dreaded the weekends too. It was so hard to give up the idea that weekends were meant to be relaxing and fun - not so much work! It does get better though I'm still always amazed at all the dishes over the weekend... What I remember is taking turns. One of us would get up while the other got to sleep in. Then the one who got up got a break later Not ideal but what we had to do. And yes, outings do help. I'll see people now at the park at 8:30 on a Saturday mornign and part of me thinks - oy, so early? And the other part of me remembers they've probably been up a long time and the mother screamed at the father to get the kids out of the house for a bit!! We always enjoyed making plans with friends with kids the same ages. That way we got some adult time and the kids were entertained playing with each other.

I can't remember exactly when I started doing this, but I would leave instructions for my son in the morning. He is the early bird. I think he might have been 3. He was able to read. But, if your son is not reading, do pictures. Our list is typically: 1. Be quiet while others are sleeping 2. Go pee. 3. Eat breakfast [which is cold cereal in a covered bowl that I left out the night before with a cup of milk on the lower shelf of the fridge that he could reach]. 4. Open blinds 5. Read quietly or play with toys. 5. Sort utensils. 6. You may play 30 minutes of video games. [He sets the timer himself.] Our son is not allowed to use the remote to turn on the TV. If that is allowed at your house, you can put that last on your list as a reward for doing the previous items. Our reward is video games.

We are both not morning people. This has allowed us to get a little more sleep in the morning.

Well, I only read a couple of answers and it sounds like they didn't address YOUR issue, only saying that your toddler is normal.

Sounds like you like sleep or lazing around. THAT'S NORMAL! Just because you have a child does not mean you HAVE to entertain them all day long, every waking moment. THAT'S NOT NORMAL! He'll expect to be entertained, busy, then get bored easily, not use his own imagination, etc. If you keep him busy all the time and sign him and your family up for activities that require lots of extra time and energy on your part, you're going to dread weekends even more, and quite frankly, so will your children because your attitude will be felt by them.

Why not try something simple: Sat mornings, let him lay in bed with you and hubby and watch Diego while you finish your sleep. He's 3 and a half; he can watch TV alone. After the show's over, he's old enough that he should be capable enough to get a couple of his toys to play with and bring them in your bedroom and play on the floor. This gives him a little independence with you still right there. If you're uncomfortable with that, then you may just have to get used to getting up when he does and watch over him all day. Good luck!

Weekends are stressful. I work FT and so does my husband. My husband has Monday's off from work, but he ALWAYS works Saturdays and usually Sundays. It's really hard for me on the weekend, becasue I am "on" all weekend. My husband isn't home and I've got so much to do that I'm not able to do during the week. Rarely do we have any "fun" time on the weekends. My weekends usually consist of laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, running errands. Oh well, it's not forever...that's what I tell myself.

My husband is gone most of the year and my middle child is 3 1/2. He might get a little restless if I'm busy, but he can play nicely because I enforced the weekend groove for my own sanity. I did with his older sister (5) too.His little sister is 2 and she's a little more work, but also able to conform to the weekend ways. I think your little man is sort of running you guys ragged a little more than necessary-especially with two of you there to handle him and teach him the ways of the household on Saturday and Sunday mornings and enforce. My son has known for a long time that it's time to hunker down with his legos when Meet The Press comes on. He's not toddler at 3 1/2, imo. All the kids know I have housework to accomplish Saturday morning, so they can listen to music and play or help. I've always put them to bed late enough Friday nights to sleep until 9am on weekends, etc. I get them up, give them their breakfasts and then I have my own head space while they watch their own shows for a bit, and all the rules for being nice and not whining and getting into stuff they shouldn't are as usual. Get the book Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson for some effective information. You deserve to relax if you don't have to run out in the mornings on weekends-and you can!

Do you work full time? So that on weekdays you are getting him up and out the door off to daycare?

This is normal toddler behavior.

I was home with my infant and toddler and every day was just like you described. It is what toddlers do.. They get up and want to be entertained..

I hear ya. I have a 3.5 yr old boy (no others though) and he wakes us up every morning 7ish. First thing I do every day is start his breakfast. He will sometimes help me (choose cereal, get bowl, crack an egg, etc), sometimes he'll go get dressed or go potty. Sometimes he'll just start playing with his toys. Does your son have a toy-box in the livingroom/kitchen area? Then I turn on a show for him to watch while he eats. Then when he's done eating I often turn the tv off. I understand that if you want family time, you want to all eat at the table. Perhaps, for your sanity, save that family meal for Lunch and Dinner?? So I make his breakfast, turn on his show, then go get my breakfast ready and check emails while he watches his show. I get my sanity. He gets his happiness with breakfast. Win-win IMO. At lunch, we'll often keep the tv off and sit at the table. Dinner the same.

I like TO's ideas of having pictures on cards for your son to have ideas of what he can do. If you wanted, you could also start a Sat routine where when your son wakes up at 6, he can climb in to your bed and read books while you slowly wake up. I am a SAHM, and every morning, my son wakes me up, gets into my bed, cuddles with me for a few minutes, then we talk about what we'll do that day and/or what he wants to eat for breakfast. So maybe you could start a routine where you can plan things before you have to lug yourself out of bed. ie: "While I make your french toast, what are you going to do? I think you should make your bed and pick 4 toys that you want to play with this morning. Can you pick out a shirt that you'd like to wear too? Jammies can go in the dirty clothes hamper......" Don't give him too much all at once, but talk to him about what he needs to do.