Help! Consequence Conundrum!

He's only 4. DON'T have him miss the Wiggles. That's pretty special.

Maybe he's just not really ready for gymnastics class, and you should take him out and/or find something different.

At 4, you don't need to impose severe consequences for not sitting still in gymnastics class. It's a pretty difficult thing for a boy to do at that age, even in gymnastics. (And I'm a former gymnast, so I know something about gymnastics.)

IMO the best moms change their minds. Mommy changing her mind is a good lesson for the kids too.

If you lay down a rule, you have to follow through. Id hire a sitter and take the other kids. It will really hit home with him that this momma means business! Should nip it in the butt.

You probably aren't going to like my opinion, but I am going to give it to you anyways.

You should get a babysitter, and let one of your other kids invite a friend to go along and use his ticket. If you do not keep your word on this, he is going to learn that it doesn't matter what mom threatens because it is just that a threat. She will not actually do it.

It will be a lesson learned for both of you. He will learn that Mom means what she says, and you will learn not to say things before thinking.

A punishment that is hours removed from the offense doesn't work for a child that age anyhow.

To save face give him a chore to complete to earn the Wiggles show back and then take him. Next time you will know to choose a better form of discipline (like sitting out the remainder of the lesson on the bench).

Good luck.

I would NOT get a babysitter. We are talking about a 4 year old here...not a 15 year old. I would change the punishment, or give him one more shot. And tell him that he is missing the next gymnastics class. I think it is crazy to miss that....even though I know it would hit home, he's still a 4 year old. Maybe he doesn't like gymnastics so much?? (We have this with our 4 year old who was dieing to play football with his brother. He played last spring and had to come out of the game a few times because he was doing his own thing. Daddy is a coach, so he sent him over to me. Took 10 seconds each time for him to apologize and be back in the game.)

So your fault!! I am a softy, and I give you permission to change the punishment since I know you want to :) That doesn't mean he will walk all over you or become a serial killer. At our house a Wiggles Concert is a once in a lifetime event, and I my child couldn't behave so badly so as to miss it.

I think it is fair to say to him that you made a mistake (of sorts). You love him and know not seeing the concert would hurt him more than you intended. So you and he will come up with a different punishment. And make it a good one!!

I think it would be perfectly okay to change your mind. You can tell him "Mommy and Daddy have thought about it and talked it over, and we have decided to let you go to the Wiggles. BUT, instead of missing the concert, we have decided your consequence will be ______" and then give him a more do-able consequence for his actions. Whatever that may be! Maybe he needs to give up gymnastics class?! Anyway, don't feel like you're painting yourself into a corner here. Next time, you can take a few minutes to plan out what consequence you would feel comfortable with so you can stick to your guns. I think we've all been where you are :)!

i would say the punishment didn't fit the crime. you can explain to him that you were thinking about it and realized that it was too harsh a punishment. moms make mistakes too. find another punishment for him instead.

You have received some great advice. I used to do the same thing. Then, as one gal suggested, I gave my son the opportunity to earn the privilege back.

Skip ahead to his middle school years: He would negotiate his punishments with me. Then he would turn around and do the same thing that just got him in trouble.

Now, he's a Senior. As far as kids go, he's pretty decent, but he still does bone-headed teen things (just like every other teen). This week he lost his car keys messing around. He tried to negotiate his punishment (Paying for replacement keys and grounded for two days - because he wasn't supposed to be out when he lost his keys down a Wal-mart storm drain). I nearly blew a gasket. I haven't been negotiating with him in years. Once I realized the mistake I made, enough was enough.

With my twins, what I say goes. There is no negotiating and if you misbehave you lose privileges, period. They know this. Since they were 4, 5, and 6. They had a few spells of testing the boundaries. Now they know better and they will listen when I tell them what the punishment will be.

I'm just telling you because the hardest thing we ever have to do as parents is follow through with punishments. It breaks our hearts making our kids miss something they've looked forward to for so long. However, giving in only teaches kids they can keep trying the same behaviors and when caught they apologize, promise to behave, negotiate their punishment, and then turn around and do the same thing. I know, I've been there.

Personally, I would find a sitter and take the others. Actually, I was in a similar position, but my husband ended up taking the twins and I had to miss out because we didn't have a sitter. It sucked, but it was a huge turning point in my then 14-year-old's behavior. The younger the child, the more they will push. But if you stick it out, it becomes easier because they learn you won't be swayed.

Just something to think about.

Eat your words. Think before you threaten and remember he's only 4 years old. He can't control himself the way you want until he's seven years of age.
Please read up on children's emotional development before your expectations are dashed to bits.

I would do a "one more chance" option to earn his way out of punishment. Daddy and I talked about it and we still really want to go, even though you made a mistake. If you show us that you understand and are sorry, by sorting all this laundry or helping clean this _____, than we will still take you." Needs to be something other than a chore he is already responsible for. Then, of course, be more careful about threats next time. lol

You have to mean what you say! If you give a consequence for a behavior you MUST follow through! If you relent, he learns that Mommy's words aren't truth and that he doesn't have to listen to you. I wouldn't let him go. It is better to teach these hard lessons at age 4 than at age 16 when they are the same size as you. Yes, its a bummer to miss the concert, it is sad that he made a bad choice, BUT, he will learn to listen next time you say something and that is worth far more than any concert ticket.

You gotta mean what you say, but I can understand your situation. You can say I'll give you another chance. Remember next time she gets in trouble with a consequence, she will want another try, or use what ever excuse you use this time to get out of it.
So keep that in mind, kids are smart!
Maybe make her earn it back, by cleaning her room or something like that.

This was a good lesson for YOU, stop making threats you have not intention of keeping! :)

It stinks when the consequences really inconvenience us!

What kind of policy does the gym have about misbehavior? Does he have to sit out? A fitting consequence is removing him to a time out spot where he can see the others - and be seen as well. This should happen every time he does not obey. Ideally, the coach is part of the discipline. Sometimes that carries more weight.

In answer to your question, I think you need to follow through, unfortunately. At four, they're old enough to call your bluff if you're proving to be inconsistent. Then nothing you say will stand.

Hire a sitter for him and take his sibs so they aren't punished for his behavior.

Stinks. =/

I struggle with this same thing often. I am not always good following thru on consequences and my daughter has learned that. I have just been trying to re-think how I handle this because often I say things, but really I want to do them, so I just screwed myself! LOL and then of course I never follow thru.
I have learned to be more specific and choose things that I can easily not do, like watching a special show on tv or not going to the park. My daughter has been asking for a Lightening McQueen car forever and the other day I finally bought her one. On the way out to the car, she was mean to me and back talking. I told her that if she did it again, the lightening mcqueen car would be be put away for now and sure enough, it happened. It was a simple thing, but the point was made. I have just found that simple consequences at this age(my daughter is also 4) seem to work better for everyone.
I would go back to him and maybe let him know this time you are willing to make a compromise as this is a family event, etc. Let him know you are taking away xyz as punishment instead. Next time just try to make the consequences simple.
Good luck and have fun tonight!

Give him the opportunity to earn the concert back. Tell him he lost the concert for misbehaving. Then tell him what kind of good behavior will help hI'm earn it back. Maybe things like helping you do chores and listening to you the first time you ask him to do things.

He is 4. I know many 4 year olds that wouldn't last a gymnastics class, hell I know a pair of 5 yr old twins that wouldn't lol. They aren't overactive kids or anything they just don't have the maturity to act perfectly the whole class. Are you there in the class? I don't think it is realistic to expect a 4 yr old to participate in a class perfectly, maybe the class isn't active enough. Some do, but that's just their personality not maturity. I would let him go to the Wiggles and tell him that mommy made a mistake. Next time he doesn't listen re-direct him back to the class or have him sit out for a few minutes so he sees when he doesn't listen he misses out.