Help Controlling "Call of Duty" Xbox Game Time

I went to counseling once when my son was out of control and the best thing I learned was YOU ARE THE PARENT!

You need to put restrictions on when he can play. If he misuses it, then he needs not to use it until he can learn that rules are rules. If it keeps up, I would get rid of the Xbox... simple as that.

However, if he is a good student, does his homework, brings home high grades, does stuff around the house to help, then as long as he keeps this up, I would definitely let him play...but still with rules...

yes and this is why my 2 yr old will never have video games. I created one monster I am not creating 2.

My friends with sons (and my husband) don't play on school nights at all. Weekends they can only play after dark until 11pm, midnight might be more reasonable considering his age. Yes he should be doing more active things, but he could be out causing trouble as some teenage boys do too!

Well I guess I am the exception mom here. My son is 16 and plays this game, among others. I dont't give him a curfew where the games are concerned. With that being said, my son is in all pre-ap classes and makes really good grades. He knows that 6:30 AM comes at the same time every morning and there is no staying home. He also knows that when I say he needs to be off to do chores, dinner, homework, family time or whatever else I need him to do, he is off. Otherwise I let him play whenever he wants.

When my kiddo gets obsessed with something (a common adhd thing), he gets a warning, then it's taken for 1 full "awake" day (aka usually 1.5 days), then he loses it for a week the next time, then a month. The whole, teaching balance thing.

Granted. He's 7.

At 16 I would personally be on the fence. He's a young adult, and has the opportunity here to learn life lessons under your roof that would have far greater consequences.

AKA... why not let him play until 3am (or whenever he stops on his own), and if he misses school... it's on his head. No excused absences. After all, would you rather have him learn the lesson in HS, or in college/ losing a job? Ditto the weekends. Drag him out of bed at the same time Sat, or have something fun planned he misses out on.

The tack... "you need to learn responsibility and balance, and at 16 you have the opportunity to either learn to set your own limits, or learn from the consequences. If you have to learn by making the mistakes that means an F, or an unexcused absence, or summerschool, or missing out on a planned activity... so be it. We're not going to bail you out. No driving you to class, writing notes, or bringing you home lunch/brunch. House rules stand. NO ONE would put up with noise hours after they're supposed to be in bed, so if you have it blasting be prepared for someone to call the cops, and explain to THEM why you have no courtesy."

MY HUSBAND! It is extremely addictive and it becomes their life practically. Made me furious, but my husband knows that he can play while I'm at work, but when I come home it's family time. Haha and if he wants to play during family time he asks first. He started playing those kinds of games while I was pregnant with our first which lead to a huge blowout, but has now been resolved.

Talk about your concerns with him and come up with an agreement. If he doesn't hold up to his agreement lock up his xbox until you feel he can have it again.

Ugh I feel your pain! Good Luck!!!

Addictive...I don't think so. It is no different then when we were that age and wanted to stay on the phone all night with our friends. You have to put restrictions or he will be up all night. I don't know what 16 year old boys did for fun at our age. I have seen this game and it is extremely violent, but maybe that is not the case from a man's perspective.

Well, both my husband and son (who is also 16) play all the "hot" xbox games online with friends. While I find it obnoxious, it's really how they enjoy their down time, and frequently they play together. My son is a good student and athlete, is very responsible and has a nice group of friends. He has never been in any trouble and he has been playing video games for years. I know a lot of moms have the "not in my house" attitude but I just don't think that's fair, especially as kids grown into young adults. They will develop their own tastes and interests. As long as your son is a healthy, respectful and responsible young man then let him spend his free time as he wants (and as my husband reminds me, when HE was our son's age he was doing a lot more dangerous and stupid stuff than sitting in front of a screen all day, so be glad your son spends so much time at home, I know I am!)

I gotta be honest - my son got ahold of a copy of this game (he is 12) and brought it home without me knowing. His behavior got "weird" and I just couldn't figure it out (probably not JUST the game, but also guilt eating at him for sneaking it into the house, but he had a filthy attitude all of a sudden). I found it, busted the da*n thing over my knee, and threw it in the garbage. I know that you are probably more interested in finding a happy medium than going to total forces, and I apologize if this isn't helpful, but IMHO, throw it away.

Good luck :)

I don't think usage should just be linked to just grades and chores. Really, does school work, housework and video games sound like a balanced life? To really evaluate if this is a real problem, you have to look at what his life looked like before the game. Has he dropped other activities to make time to play? If he has just traded tv for games, that is not really a problem, but if he used to be out shooting hoops, or skateboarding, or hanging with his friends (in person) and now he just sits if front of a screen, that is a problem.

Also, sneaking anything is a problem. You need to objectively see if it is his problem or yours. What I mean is are you being unreasonable? If you only allow games on weekends and then only for an hour, the problem may be yours and he feels he needs to sneak to have a 'normal' life. However, if you allow a couple of hours a day (or more on weekends), assuming homework and other obligations are getting done, then by sneaking he his simply disobeying you and he needs to have consequences for that. In our house all computers, video games, phones (texts too) and tv, must be off by 9:30pm on school nights and 11pm on weekends.

With my kids, both teens, I set reasonable limits, communicate those limits (and the consequences for not living within those limits) and then enforce them. No yelling or drama (from me anyway!) For video games, if they don't stay within the limits the games would go away for a week. Just unplug the thing and put it in your closet. If he has a big fit about it too bad. If the fit is unreasonable (swearing, etc.) that breaks another rule and there is another consequence for that. Just calmly tell him that you know he is upset, but he knew the limit and knew the consequences for breaking the rule, if he continues to throw a temper tantrum (or whatever) he will lose the game for an additional week.

You have every right to set reasonable limits for your kids. That is you job and it doesn't end just because their age ends in 'teen'! :o) Be strong and take every oportunity to show him how much you love him and how proud you are of him. Limits are part of that love.

Well, I believe in a tough line. If he isn't willing to comply with your rules for usage then x-box gets sold. Period. As a person who has personally had issues with on-line game addiction I can tell you that the desire to play is a strong one. But it isn't real life and it takes away from real interaction that has real meaning. Maybe take it away, put it up and let him have a real life for a while, if he seems like things are more normal then allow him to have limited access to it. But IMHO the best solution is just get rid of it. If he has an issue with that you can tell him he has a year and half to wait, when he is 18 he can buy his own...when he is living in his own apartment. Taking responsibility for ones own actions is very hard at this age but a lesson that will stick with him for the rest of his life. Good luck!

They have controls on it (if it the xbox 360) where you can password protect it and it turns it off automatically! :) and from what i know, there's nothing around it.

Call of Duty (there are several in the series), is rated "M" for mature. It is NOT for teenagers. (sorry, apparently some are rated "T" for teens- Call of Duty 3, and Call of Duty). Hmmmm....
Sure lots of kids play it... that doesn't make it good for them.

Just not allow it.
take it away.
Put it away. Throw it away.
But then... maybe he will just go to a friend's house to play it.

good luck,
Susan

take it away? you are still the parent. designate the game for specific times, explain to him, why, when, how, etc. if he can't stick to the rules, take it away.

Call of Duty of a war game on the XBox. Yes they team up with their friends and play against one another. If your son has never been interested or obsessed with video games before this is why he is acting out on how much time he can be on the internet. You don't need to get professional help, he will eventually tire of this game, he may move on to another one and may not. He is 16 1/2 yrs. old and by you putting a curfew on his time, he feels embarrassed by his friends he is playing with. They obviously have a certain time that they will be online as well as off. If it isn't interrupting his school work, his grades are not going down for the time being I would let it ride out. On a school night he should be off of the pc by 10pm. on the wknd. at his age I would say 12:00midnight. However as I mentioned if it is interferring with his schooling you will have to curtail it. If he isn't allowed to play at home you will find him going to a friends and playing there. Its really a catch 22. This is all new to him, hes' enjoying it immensly and maybe prior to this he wasn't very social at school, now he is in the league as they would say. My grandson is a pc fanatic, not sociable at school and if you don't watch the time, all of a sudden you look and its been like 3 to 4hrs. If he is a my home and I realize this I just say to him, okay that enough and he will get off. He is only 11 but his mother allows this at home.
I wish you luck and like I said if there is no interference in schooling or acting out at home don't worry it will pass. This is all new and interesting to him and its also a challenging game.

While I think all video games are addictive, xBox live is highly addictive due to the online, live playing w/other players. Everyone I know, from middle-age men to pre-teens have become addicted. I think it is due to the fact you can play live and speak to the other players with a headset. I don't know that being addicted to this game will lead to other addictive behaviors as I believe in the theory that you are either born with or without an addictive personality. Having said that, I do feel you can and should limit his time to what you deem to be reasonable. Don't go to the extreme either way but sit down and decide what you and your husband think is a reasonable amount of time. Good luck!

Ironically, my husband it sitting in front of me playing Battlefield. He works in the video game industry though, haha, so it's hard to say no to the games as they pay for the groceries!

I'm guessing that the Xbox is in his room? If that's the case, then I'd simply remove it, and the TV for that matter. Then I'd set a time limit, 1 hour or 2 hours per day (and wow, haha, 2 hours sounds like a lot, but I suppose these days it isn't.) And well, that's that. If he can go to bed at midnight and get up for school and be okay, then okay, if he needs to be in bed earlier, then it needs to happen. He'll fight it, that's his job as a teen, we did it too, just with a different medium.

I don't think it's addictive behaviour in a seriously negative sense, but if it's over-riding all other activity then you need to pull the plug and set some limits...without making him the weird one who has parents that won't let him play video games. Hey, they never said this parenting gig was easy. I don't think it's negative in the way a kid doing drugs and alcohol could be, so take heart, it's actually pretty social.

Perhaps from now on he needs to earn the money for his online account?

turn off the Xbox and take the game away then you can allow him a certain amount of time per day after homework, chores, other activities etc. Put the game somewhere he can't find it. good luck

If it's his free time, and you are "controlling" it, it's not very free, is it? If he's pulling good grades, not getting into trouble and doing everything he's supposed to be doing otherwise, I'd say let him play. Don't punish him because you can't see why he likes to spend so much time doing something you wouldn't consider doing yourself.

When I was nearly seventeen I read all the time, much to the chagrin of my parents who, loving as they were, tried to push me to be more social or to keep better hours as I would sometimes stay up well past what they thought should be my bedtime to pursue my interests. I had good grades and did the chores asked of me but when my parents would check up on me in the middle of the night to make sure I wasn't under the covers reading with a flashlight I built up a ball of gall in my gut that I couldn't get rid of.

As I got closer to eighteen my parents controlling efforts of my "free" time became such a point of contention that at the age of nineteen I put my foot down and before I was through with my college education, I moved out of their house away from their "roof and rules" and in with my nineteen year old boyfriend.

I do not know your whole situation from the one paragraph of information you have given but to pull from my own experience, if your son is not doing any wrong and is not letting any of his other obligations falter, don't push at him or it could send him right out the door before he's ready. I wasn't ready to leave home and I got off to a rocky start because of it, but I felt no other option as the suppression of my budding adult self by my overly concerned parents was far too irritating to live with.

I worked full time during the day and continued my education through night courses but it took so much longer than it could have had I been given a little more leeway with my "free" time.

Instead of thinking of his enjoyment as an addiction, it would behoove you to consider it a passion instead and maybe try to learn a bit more about it rather than try to squash it.

I also play online games and it is indeed very thrilling. The connectivity to like minds that is cultivated is not a bad thing but don't take my word for it. Talk to your son about it.

i suggest you use a new product called Plugstop. It is essentially a way of keeping kids/teens off games consoles and computers by locking the plug by doing this you can limit the amount of time spent on consoles. http://www.plugstop.co.uk/
Hope this helped
V.

My brother was like that. He would sit and play his playstation all day long. My mom finally simply unplugged it and took it away when he wouldn't follow the rules. I think what you should do is sit with your son and discuss how much time you are comfortable with him playing the game, and let him know when the time's up he either gets off or you are going to take it for a period of time. You are still the parent, and he needs to follow your rules. Also, many online games have parental controls where you can set time limits with in the game so it will alert the gamer when the time's up.

Also, I agree with what others have said, if he's doing the things you want him to do around the house then it is his free time. I would just want to make sure he is also spending time being active somehow. I also wouldn't worry too much that this is an addictive behavior. My husband is a gamer, and all he did growing up is sit in front of his computer all day and he turned out just fine :).

this behavior is typical for boys especially when it involves competitive game play with friends. if there is one thing i've learned in my own experience with my boys, it is that a time limit is hard to enforce. if you are going to remove the game, then remove it completely. once they are on playing, they work diligently at completing a level or gaining momentum on their course. each individual is unique in how they respond, but overall i've seen this in many, many of my son's friends. when you think about it though, they could be out doing worse things. teen boys have a lot of options in front of them. if your observation is that you feel playing in excess is affecting your son negatively, then its best to remove the temptation. for our family, we win the battle by removing the game console and only allowing it to be hooked up when it does not interfere with other priorities like school. good luck with your situation.

The problem I see with video games and the thing that scares me the most, is that they take away from "real" human interaction. We now communicate and play through computers, and video games and it sort of worries me - also a few people made the comment that they would rather have their son in front of the video game than out doing "who knows what" - but for teenagers all those life experiences "doing who knows what" can really shape a person....teach them how to make the right decisions, learn about right and wrong. I will be facing this soon as my son is ten and already loves the ninetendo DS...not looking forward to the more intense, violent games...I hope to keep him very involved in sports so that he doesn't have much time to sit in front of these games.

I agree with Page and Teresa S. it's a common boy thing as well as my husband thing. I tend to not let them play all day or all night. I do have a limit on there.. for both of them. If this is how they want to use their down or free time so be it. When their behavior starts to show more aggressive, grades fall, being disrespectful, then I will have a n issue. I also agree with those that said take it away. I have done this in the past because of grades. The Xbox is a privilege not a right to have. If he goes through your room or places where you hide it, then put it in your car.

I don't have any experience with this game or any other x-box game, but I have heard that they can be addictive. I would seriously limit his time and if it's too much of a problem, take the system away for a while.

I wish I had an answer for you -- I don't have a teenage boy but my husband, too, is out of control with this game! I think it's completely fine if this is his way of un-winding and would rather have him home in front of the TV playing, rather than out somewhere doing who knows what! I agree with some of the other responses, if it's his free time, let him play -- as long as his grades are good, and he is already done with his homework, chores, etc.

If it's the violence and bellicosity, vs. the amount of time devoted to this, that worries you, one antidote is expose your son to movies and books that show the gruesome reality of war. Maybe any amount of war game playing should be balanced with an equal amount of serious inquiry into real war stories. A friend's son recently saw "the hurt locker" and was really moved by it. It gave him a real perspective into what these games are toying with, and he soon lost interest in playing.

I know you aleady posted, but just wanted to add to the last post. My son (age 13) is a "school at home" kid (he goes to a very interactive online school). All his friends are online/skype/etc. For school he does group projects, chats with schoolmates and teachers online and phone, etc. And of course he LOVES xbox live. I let him play quite a bit, because it is really social interaction for him, and he now has several good friends around the world. He has taken an interest in foreign languages (can speak about 16 phrases in arabic and is dying to learn more french) and foreign culture (time differences, what they are eating etc. accents and local phrases, etc) I ask him about them all the time - how old they are, where they live etc and make sure its appropriate, and he knows the limits of what he can tell them about himself and where he lives. But if I take it away from him, I take away his friends...I make sure he sees "live" friends as often as we can (local homeschool coop every week for PE and workshops, baseball/volleyballs teams when in season, summer camps, etc). But it is easy for him to go a whole week without ever seeing another kid his age (I work full time during the day and am exhausted in the evenings, so we dont get out much), so the last thing I want to do is limit is talk time with them. And I love the culture lessons he is getting without any prompting from me (he brags about his new phrases and loves telling me about things in England, etc). We have a huge map on the wall we use to find and mark each of his friend's names where they live. He is learning how to "get rid of" inappropriate friends in a way that is much safer than trying to do it on a playground. I love worrying about his education instead of his safety.

As for the violence... yes he loves the war games. Just like boys have been playing with little green soldiers forever, this is a strategy game. He is learning to work with a team, cooperate and communicate with others to achieve a common goal, create and use maps, make a plan and see it through (longer attention span).

My main concern is simply the realism of it - the graphics are so good that I worry it will make him "immune" to real violence. So every now and then I go sit next to him while he is playing and while he is explaining the various weapons and how this gun is different than that one and the history behind it (all of which he would learn at a WWII museum most people wouldnt object to touring with their kids), I make sure I point out that this is what is going on in Iraq right now. That his cousin is basically doing this exact same thing over there. I ask him to imagine he is really hiding behind a column waiting for his enemy - and to picture how much all that gear/helmet/weapons actually weights... and that the temperature can get into the 120s... and that his characters never need to eat, but he would... carrying all that after 20 hours on your feet in 114 degree temperature being afraid to sleep because someone might shoot you and not having had anything to drink or eat for most of the day. Basically I try to make it real to him, to make sure he can see that while this is just a game for him - the real thing is so very different and nothing to play at.

But again - cops and robbers, cowboys and indians - this is what boys have been doing for a very long time.

I can see limiting if it interferes with things that have to be done, or takes the place of all "live" interaction with peers... but otherwise, maybe you just need to get a little involved yourself? I hate playing them, dont do it at all. But I can sit on the couch while he shows me the latest map he made, or get on the headset and confirm for his friends that yes he really did just eat something gross... His grandma does the same thing. He loves showing people around and bragging. I make him get up once an hour for 5-10 minutes to rest his eyes and say hello to his family and play with the dogs and stretch. But otherwise, I yell hi to his friends when I walk past the room, and remind him to take a break.

My take on it. Make it educational and it will go one of two ways - (1) you will feel better that he is getting more out of it or (2) he will hate that it is educational now and quit playing :) Ask him more about the weapons and how they came to be - there is a pretty cool discovery channel website all about the history of weapons used in wars. Take advantage of their interest in something!

Good luck! :)

I have a 16 year-old son who would do this stuff day and night if allowed to. Most boys that age are exactly like your son, so don't worry. My opinion is if the kid is doing well at everything else in his life, let it go. In two years they are going to be adults and allowed to do whatever they want anyway, so you need to transition out of full control of their activities.

My son has a very high GPA, is on the swim team and does Debate, so we let him game as much as he wants to, with whatever games he chooses. The only restrictions are when he doesn't get enough sleep.

And my 20 year old son is finally getting bored with gaming (though he still does it), so I know they can grow out of it.

Well said, Teresa (below).