We have been living in our house for eight years now. Soon after we bought, my husband got a new job further south, nearly an hour and a half away. We tried to sell at least twice, with no luck. Now my oldest (a boy) is 6, and then I have a 3 year old and a one year old. Our house sold in one day--this left us scrambling to find a house, which didn't happen. As a result, we're moving into a rental house for 6 months while we look for a house to buy. Our buyer here wants to close at the end of this month, which means we'll be pulling my son out of school and moving closer to my husband's work. I'm sad--love living here, love my friends and I love this house. Literally, two of my babies were born in the house, so it holds such memories for me. I can barely think about leaving, but I know we'll be out of here in three weeks. I'm trying to hold it together, but the kids aren't dealing well--my daughter is clingy and fussy, doesn't want to go to preschool, isn't sleeping well at night (which means that I'm not either). My older son is taking it the hardest. He's quiet about it most of the time, but he has outbursts of anger, which is not at all like him. I'm glad he feels he can share his feelings, but I don't know how to help him. I've been acknowledging his feelings, and sharing my feelings with him, telling him it's ok to feel that way, and that I'm glad he tells me how he's feeling. Then I try to focus on the positives about the move--daddy will be able to spend more time with us, we'll be closer to our cousins, etc. He yells that he doesn't care, that he will never like anything about the new place, that he doesn't want to move and he says he's angry and wants to break everything. Any ideas how I can help him. (Just as background, we are not planning on putting him in school when we move, because we don't know what town we'll end up in when we buy. So we don't want to have him start school while we're renting, then potentially having to switch again when we buy in the fall. So the plan is for me to do some homeschooling, and just have fun with the kids settling in, adjusting to the area, etc. TIA and thanks for reading.
Is the rental too far away from his school to finish out the school year?
Here they can stay till the end of the school year if they would like.. as long as they are still i the same city..
I think he may be sensing your feelings of not wanting to move out of your home. Don't worry everyone will adjust. If you could take him to a park/playground near your new place and let him and your younger one play (maybe even have lunch some place that is kid friendly), that would be a start.
I'm with you, I really do not like moving, but you have more PROs then CONs and it's up to you and dad to set the mood.
Blessings.....
Moving is like chapter in a book. Each new town is a new chapter. Give him about three months after the move to settle down. He will make new friends and he will enjoy the new location.
Like another poster said he feels your apprehension about the move. My son got "homesick" when we moved about 3,000 away and I had him call a friend so that he could talk. I told and showed him all his things were in our new location and that we didn't leave anything behind so he felt better.
When you get to the new location explore the playgrounds, library and parks.
Enjoy your move. Keep us posted.
the other S.
He is obviously picking up your feelings. So I think you need to put on a big smile and point out the good things. Do not make it a topic of conversation all day. He will adjust just as you will. Think of it as a family adventure.
Maybe check out the library for books about moving, or even some videos. I'm sure he's just anxious and his whole, albeit short, life has been in this house. Change is scary and this is a big change!
Also, maybe drive around the temporary neighborhood and start pointing out some landmarks, parks, places you can get a slushie, etc. Maybe he'll start looking forward to some of that stuff.
I went through this exact thing 3 years ago when we moved here from Alaska. Both my babies were born in Juneau and all my best friends and my awesome job doing marine research were there. What I did was make it insanely positive for my son who was 5.5 yrs old at the time (my daughter was an infant). We came to visit the area and he found some things he was excited about...2 skateparks were his main source of excitement. We were househunting but we took him to see some sights/things that would get a 5 year old excited. Then we talked it up like it was the greatest place in the universe. He was SO EXCITED. As soon as we moved I scheduled playdates weekly and took him as much as possible to do fun things. He is very social and he eased right into living somewhere new. Not like me. I suffered depression for a year...and anger towards my husband. Profound sadness. But I'm happy to say I worked through it, found good friends, kept busy, volunteered a lot, exercised, and now I can honestly say I am happy here. It took a while to get to this place mentally. I tried to never let my 5 year old know the negative feelings I had...and I think that really helped. We also had to rent first and then move again when we finally found a house to buy. Yes, it was a bit of a pain but we did it. I did not homeschool but put my super social kid into the school by our rental house and then he had to move to another school the next year. We moved into our house before Kindergarten ended but I kept him in that first school till the end of the year. The good thing was he made friends with a bunch of kids in our neighborhood so when he started at a new school the next year he already had buddies/kids he knew. Good luck with your move and hang in there. They say it takes a year and a half before you can judge a new place...that is when you finally are starting to feel like you are fitting in.
I am in a very similar situation. We had to move out of state for my husband's work before being able to find a house to rent. We are in corporate housing with a 3yr old and 5yr old. My 5yr old son also has angry outbursts when under stress, often yelling he wants to crash everything. I have made a huge effort to focus on the positive parts of moving (which sometimes helps and sometimes doesn't seem to). One thing that helps is reminding him that it can be hard to tell the difference between feeling nervous/scared and excited. I tell him they both give you that funny tickle-y feeling right under your ribs in your belly. He usually likes this conversation. The most effective thing I've been able to do though is completely forget about moving (as much as possible) for some amount of time. It doesn't feel like you can take a day off from all the preparations, but you CAN. And it will help. Plan to have a "normal" day, as if you weren't moving. Run a few errands, grab lunch out, read stories on the couch, and build legos all afternoon. Or spend the day at the zoo or take a picnic to your favorite park. End the day with letting him have an extra long soak in the tub and an extra bedtime story too. When you really hit crunch time and need to get things done, send him to a friend's house to play. Our WORST days in the process have been when I've tried to tackle to much on my to do list and also tried to manage the kids at the same time. We all just end up frustrating each other and the stress gets higher for all. If you can focus on just your kids or just moving, doing one at a time as much as possible, it really helps. I know you want to be efficient and multitask now more than ever, but it just doesn't pay off. Good luck!
Like Toni says, he's probably picking up on a lot of your emotions. Be careful what you say, how you say it, etc...and make the new place seem GREAT. Explain that when you find a new house, he'll have a new room, be able to help decorate (hopefully?), etc.
And have fun with the homeschooling...maybe you'll decide to stick with it!! I love it, personally, and if you need any help or resources, let me know!
my kids moved (from state to state) when they were 27 months, then again at 3 years old, and 3 months ago age 8. none of the moves have been hard on them. first two times they were pretty unaware of what was going on and we kept the discussion with them to a minimum, but we did get them brand new everything for their rooms (beds, bedding etc). that made it so much fun for them. this last move, age 8, they knew about it, and they were sad about leaving best friends behind knowing we won't be able to see them if ever, so i promised them a puppy, which i did. they were great. i always offer something new and exciting whenever such a thing happens, like a move for them to have something to look forward too. ps this last move, they moved from a catholic school to a public school, two months later, to another catholic school. no problems whatsoever.
my suggestion based on my experience is offer something (a vacation, an outing, a new something) for them to look forward to. and keep a smile planted on your face and just talk about fun stuff that they will do and see (research where are you moving to, find a bookstore, library etc) and take them there.
It's good to acknowledge his feelings, and let him know you're sad about moving too... but it would be good to let him know that the upcoming move is a good thing. He needs to know that it's exciting, and although the change is scary it's something that you and Daddy will be making sure you help him with. He's probably fearful and anxious about the move and needs reassurance that certain things will be the same. He doesn't know what to expect and might benefit from some scripting.
So you could tell him about packing and which boxes will contain his things, and he'll know because they'll have his name on them. Tell him how they'll be transported, and how long it will take for his boxes to get there. Tell him how his bed will get moved. Tell him he can choose a few of his favorite toys and a blanket and a pillow, even a book or two to take with him for the drive in the car that he doesn't have to pack. Tell him which room in the new house will get his boxes, and his bed, and that he can unpack his boxes right away to make sure all of his favorite things are still there.
Ask him about any questions he might want to ask. If you have picture of the new place, share them and show him his room. Let him pick out curtains. Or make sure you bring the curtains that he has.
He's going to need a lot of reassurances. He's not looking forward to this transition, so he needs help figuring it out.
Wow. Lots of things going on for you. We just moved across the country and it was tough on my soon-to-be 5 yr old. He had friends in NY, was on the soccer team, preschool class and the house he and his baby sister were born in (not literally, though). We did move to be closer to family, so that was a plus however... there were days when he was so mad/sad/frustrated that he would tell me that he was going to hide so that I couldn't find him on moving day.
Here's what we did:
1. Stopped "talking so much" about it. We were all sad, but bottom line was that the adults made a decision that was best for our family. That was the conversation. End. of. discussion.
2. Bought several disposable cameras and let him take pictures of absolutely everything in our house and in our town. We have pictures of the library, grocery store, soccer field, preschool, every room in the house, the trees outside, the grass and driveway. All of it. We then put them in a photo album and let him "tell the story" of his home and life in NY. It was one of those albums with lines next to the picture, so we could write as he described the pictures. That album is on his night stand and he can look at it whenever he would like to.
3. We had him pack 2 boxes (himself) that were his very most special and wonderful things. When we arrived in FL, those boxes were unpacked at my parents' house FIRST. He had his album, stuffed animal, favorite books and a few toys. The rest he knew would eventually get unpacked in our new home (after renovations).
4. We got a routine going ASAP, which was not easy because we lived with my parents for 2 months while renovating our new home, but we did it. We tried to keep it as similar as possible to our "old routine" with some fun things added in- like bike riding every afternoon.
Stay consistent and don't let your emotions become overwhelming for your children. As the parents in the house, you made a decision for all the right reasons, so stop wallowing in that decision. You made it. You sold the house. You are moving. Focus on the "now whats" and let them help you with the packing and planning.
Get them involved in community activities (library, athletics, arts, etc) and let them make new friends. We moved into our own home 2 months after relocating and I was really concerned about our son, but he did fine. He was happy to be able to really unpack and be in "his house". We let him decide where his toys would go and he shopped for the fan in his room. It's a hideous multi-colored thing, but he loves it and shows it to everyone who comes in.
Good luck. A year from now, this will all be behind you and you will be settled into your home with daddy home for dinner and play time each night. When we moved it meant that I no longer had a 90 minute (each way) commute and no traveling... mommy picks them up from school/daycare each afternoon and we can PLAY for a good hour before we have to cook/shower/homework/laundry and it was THE BEST decision we could have made.
