HELP! First Time Stay at Home Mom!

Hi A.,

I just wanted to share with you what works for us. I keep a routine as opposed to a schedule. I try to do everything in the same order everyday without putting it on a time table.
I believe the most important things that you can do with your kids is teach them life skills. In our home this basically looks like the little ones doing with me the things that I do. You can talk to them while you are doing it and explain why. They may not understand your words, but they are soaking up everything you do. I have a 2 and a half year old and an 11 month old, as well as an 8 year old and 9 year old who I homeschool. I try to include the little ones in the schooling. Sometimes they color or have free play with their toys. I believe that them being alongside you most of the day creates a bond and teaches them life skills. I have dvds that I use if I have to make a phone call, or do something that requires my full attention.
When I'm cooking, my 11 month old sits in his high chair with a toy or light snack. While my toddler "helps" me. I give her something to do that I am doing or something that has to do with cooking. Also, she loves to "wash" plastic cntainers in the sink while standing on a chair.
Some time during the day, I try to stop and spend one on one time with the little ones. This usually works best with my toddler if I spend this time with her before I do other things.
Anyway, you will find the rhythm of your home. Hope this helps.

Hi,
Congratulations on getting to be a stay-at-home mom. It is a blessing.
First off, let me say, that my house is not very clean, so I don't have the best advice on how to stay on top of everything. I have a 5 year old, an 18 month old, and a 2 month old. Because I had a pretty long period where I just had one kid that was a bit older, I can say that it gets easier as they get older and more able to entertain themselves. Even at this age though, you can expect them to have some times of playing by themselves. Also, of course naptimes can be used for some cleaning.
I would also suggest working them into your routine. If you need to fold clothes have your 2 year old sit with you and hand you things, or fold the washcloths. Buy a little broom and let the 2 year old copy you, while the 8 month old watches in a exersaucer. It is hard to find the balance, but it will come. Schedules definitely help as the kids learn that this is the time that mommy needs to work.
At 2, I was also starting to incoorporate a short preschool time with my daughter. Just doing fun crafts to teach letters, shapes, and numbers.
Have fun,
M.

1) relax, it'll take you a while to figure it all out.
2) join www.flylady.net, she'll help you with a morning and evening routine along with staying on top of the cleaning one area of your house at a time.
3) enjoy your kids. get a routine, not schedule going and stick with it...it just takes time and patience.

LOL, if you think of it, you're trying to do TWO full-time jobs now: child care and homemaking. Something people always remind me is that your house will NOT be a showplace, and the only way to be happy and have more peace in your life is to accept that your house will be cluttered and less tidy than you would prefer. Your kids will be young for only a short time. My oldest is 18 months and I'm amazed at how big and competent he's gotten in the blink of an eye. Your kids won't care if the house was clean - except as a clean slate to make some "art" on - but they will remember that you were available to read stories, to make art, to eat snacks, to play in the yard, to tickle and goof around. That's not all of life, but that's sometimes the trade-off we make.

I'm still learning how to take care of the home while my son is awake. I used to put off everything until he was asleep, including eating, but he's only napping once a day now, and I'm also 8+ months pregnant so I need all the sleep and food I can get! So, I make sure he sees me work during the day, and try to involve him how I can. I'll ask him to put away Tupperware containers, for instance, or to help me put away groceries. He likes to help with laundry, by pulling clothes out of the hamper to hand to me or putting bibs and washcloths in the basket where we keep them. About half the time, things aren't done the way I'd prefer, but I always thank him for being helpful and he loves to help and will clap for himself after completing a task.

So, they'll learn the importance of housework and helping around the home by helping you do it, or even being in the same room and playing independently while you work. Children don't need to be constantly entertained - given the freedom, they'll find ways to keep themselves occupied. (And a bit of nudging on our part - for example, after about 18 months it's okay to tell a child to "go and play" while you finish a task, as long as that's not the only thing they hear when they want to spend time with you.) And your oldest is the age where helping Mama is the greatest, most important thing in the world and ever so fun, so take advantage of it! ;-)

And finally! Take time during the day or the evening to do something JUST FOR YOU. You are crucial to the smooth running of the home, the axle of the wheel, the well that refreshes everyone else. I don't think people realize just how important a position we homemaking women hold, not even the homemakers themselves. So, take some time to replenish your well, and to do something you enjoy, like a hobby or reading a novel or finding some way to go out with girlfriends occasionally, without a spouse or child along. Just to keep the "non-mom" parts of you alive and refreshed. My husband, evil patriarch that he is, often orders me to sit down and not work and to do one of my hobbies while watching a movie, because he knows I find that very relaxing and enjoyable. So I meekly obey....

Hey A.,

I know exactly where you are coming from. May I recommend the Swifter Jet mop! My Sarah, 18mos., loves to throw food everywhere when eating....It used to drive me crazy b/c our house is new (we saved a long....time to build) anyway, I kept seeing the "Baby Come Back" commericals (too funny) and so I splurged on the silly thing. Let me tell you it is worth every penny. I let Sarah have a blast now and when she is done I pick up the big chunks and bust out the old Swifter Jet...it comes with a regular solution or the antibacterial. Smells good too. Even my 10 year old can use it! All I can say about the rest, is pace yourself. The laundry ain't going anywhere, but time with your little ones will fly by and before you know it their graduating highschool and heading for college....that's when you'll have time for the laundry. Ha!
Take care and good luck!
K. R.

One thing of interest was on TV last night showing where young ones 18/24 months learning to read.

I would suggest that you and other mons, particularly sahm, try to look into this. This should be workable.
What if any, better way to have a child start their
education.

God Bless

It is a tough adjustment! And those are tough ages! I found SAHM much more fun when the kids were a little older and could do more activities, but you can start some of that now. Get out of the house everyday - even just to walk around the block, but the park, zoo, library, McD are great too. Craft projects are fun - even a 2 yr old can start glueing construction paper together and using ink stamps. Playdoh and cookie cutters. Have her help you cook. When the weather improves sidewalk chalk and bubbles. One of the tricks is to get her involved nearby - she's drawing sidewalk chalk while your weeding the flower bed. Try to work some variety in to your day to keep YOU from going nuts. Meeting other SAHM is sometimes hard to do, but would be so helpful - great to have someone to talk to at the park or someone to watch your kids so you can get a haircut. It really is a blessing knowing that your kids are getting thier values and personalities from YOU not whoever is working at the day care this week - but it certainly isn't easy!

I'm also a SAHM (well, i work part-time but it's only when DH is home). Anyways, I'd recommend taking advantage of naptimes and also letting the kids play by themselves sometimes. When my LO was younger (he's 11 months now) I would clean while he rode around in my sling. He loved watching me mop, vacuum, etc.... Now he loves to just play in our room where I can still see him but he has his independence as he crawls around and plays with his toys. Hope that helps.

I completely know what you are going through! I lost my job last May. I've taken on all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. My husband and I used to share these tasks when I worked. So I feel overwhelmed sometimes keeping my daughter (2) engaged while getting things done. I keep her on a strict schedule so she goes to bed easier. This allows me to get things done during her nap and after she goes to sleep. It's easier with one child I suppose. I mopped the floor with her under my feet this morning. She just wanted to help mop for 5 minutes and she played in the living rooms with toys the other 15 minutes.

But most of all, relax. Your children are you job now. It's okay to have fun with them. I am really enjoying playing with my daughter. We go to the aquarium, children's museum, and zoo. The relationship you are building with your children is an amazing gift. I think on these things when I feel I should be working. They are only young once and it goes by so quickly. It's just a small part of your life that you will wish you had back when they are teenagers.....trust me.....I have a few. I do understand loosing yourself though. I am enrolled in a few online classes in college that really has helped me a lot.
Also, try going to mardels or apple tree for craft ideas, etc. I set my daughter at the table to paint. This lasts a good hour. I use that time to cook dinner. :)

Hey A.,
My DD is one. I went back to work when she was four months and stayed 90 days, at which point I started staying home. I am currently also watching another baby. I felt/feel the same way you do. I started reorganizing and cleaning things out. I started projects and such, I also felt that because my husband works I should have most things done. Here is the place I have come to. Some things aren't as important as giving my daughter attention, so there are some things I let go until she is napping. But in the morning I let her have a little "free time" she runs, plays with what she wants, and watches cartoons. At that time, I either sit and relax OR I get the dishes going, laundry started or just a quick clean up. Because my DD is always on the move and still young, I try and get her attention a few good times a day and have her play with me, so that we can learn and spend time together. Otherwise after her free time, I make myself available to read when she wants or play chase. If she seems to be playing well alone, I will do chores. It took me a few weeks to balance this out. Give your kiddos some "free time" so that you can focus on those things, but have some basic scheduled times of learning and togetherness, whether that means you do it at exactly 10 am or just after breakfast. I hope I was helpful. Our schedule isn't set in stone, but my daughter is pretty flexible, except for naps. Those are always right on target, and that also helps, because she goes to nap at the exact times every day, so I am able to plan. My friend whose DD goes to daycare, doesnt really have a good nap schedule. Your kiddos may have that, but that is another thing I would suggest because it can help you manage what your kiddos need and the house chores! Good Luck

I have 2 girls, 16 months apart, (and 3 years later, a boy). When they were young, we stayed on a relatively strict schedule. I was very consistant with nap times, meal times and bed times. And - we had a routine at each of those times. But, the time we had in between was pretty flexible. At first, I was really hung up on making sure I was filling their day with learning opportunities. Then I realized, they learn so much by playing! Since they are not in the day care environment, things don't have to be ultra-structured.

I learned how to do things like fold laundry while they played in the same room. I think it is very important for kids to be able to entertain themselves for awhile. So, I would be there, but they mostly played on their own. They also love to help. So, if you're dusting - hand the 2 year old a dust cloth. If your folding laundry, have her help to separate the socks. They feel "big" when they're able to help you and they are learning about responsibility.

You will settle in - I went from aerospace engineer working with space shuttle astronauts to a SAHM when my first was born. It was an adjustment, but now I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm so busy - I don't know how I'd fit a job in!.

I think this is one of the biggest misconceptions of people about stay at Home moms. We do not have a break. Our kids are with us everyday all day and at night so there are some things that will not be done as far as housework goes. Your kids are no longer at day care so your house becomes a day care. There is constant messing up and being into things. My best advice is to relax. Fold clothes at night or at nap times and clean a toilet, mop floors, and other chores on certain days of the week. No one can do it all. The best thing is to keep things picked up and swept and wiped down for an artificial clean. Take the time to play with your kids. It is worth it. Now that you stay at home with your kids do not think that you are not working. I think you might find it is harder on some days just different.

This is the way I look at it. My husband's full time job is his job out of the house every day from 8-5. My full time job is caring for our baby every day from 8-5. We both work full time jobs, mine just happens to be at home with the baby. So evenings and weekends we take turns, one of us doing housework or cooking and one of us taking care of the baby. It's completely fair. It's no different than pre-kid when we both worked outside the home and split chores 50-50 when we got home or on weekends. So, I never let chores interfere with my time with my daughter. If she happens to be napping, then fine, I can do some cleaning, but I give her my full attention during the day because that is my job - caring for her, not cleaning. Anyway, that's just the way I look at it. So in my opinion you shouldn't have to do more housework than your husband just because your job is now at home with the children.

Caring for small children is the hardest work you will ever do, and yet can be the most rewarding. Try to keep a routine and a schedule, such as nap times, reading time, etc. Consider joining a MOPS (Mother's of Preschoolers group) that many towns have. Norman, where I live, has two groups. When my kids were small, I put a beach towel down on the kitchen floor with a Rubbermaid box with a few inches of water and some play toys such as plastic spoons, etc., and let them play in the water only when I was making dinner. They loved it and it allowed me to get dinner made while being able to keep a close eye on them. You might consider some Crock Pot meals that you start in the morning. Try to get outside every day unless it is below freezing. Kids need to get their wiggles out, so dance to music on days you can't get out. Also, it is OK to say "Mommy has to empty the dishwasher so you will need to play by yourselves a while." They won't get it at first, but they will eventually. You could keep a basket for toys in each room, and then right before your husband gets home, make a game of putting the toys in the basket with your 2-year-old. If I had the table set when my husband walked in and something cooking, he felt good and so did I. Be sure to find some other stay at home moms to have some outings with and to give support to each other. It will take some adjustment, but the rewards are well worth it!

I too went through the shock phase of being a SAHM. I found letting my daughter (then 2) help with cleaning and simple things kept her happy while I was getting the necessities done. You can hand your 2 yr old the wet clothes (one at a time) to put in the dryer. He is also old enough to fold washcloths and dish towels. It takes longer to get the cleaning done this way, but I'm sure he will love being a big helper when mom is cleaning. Do a single cleaning chore and then play a game or read a book. When you trade off like this, the kids don't get as restless. Good luck with your transition and soon to be new career in realestate.
J.