Help from Homeschooling Moms on "Dinking Around" Wasting Time!

Wow...sounds like my 7 year old daughter. I will look forward to reading other responses. I just had her tested for visual and auditory processing challenges, that seem to make learning more difficult and we are doing some therapies that are helping with creating new pathways in the brain.
Also, this past friday at a Sensory Processing workshop held in Portland by two OT's, it was mentioned that a sensory processing challenge can sometimes look like ADD or the challenge of staying on task and able to focus. I know I was challenged to stay in my seat from 9 to 3 and pay attention and take notes. Some kids are considered an active learner, where they need some kind of movement while they are learning; otherwise they may not be able to focus and work on their own. Sleep and good food (no sugar) also seems to be a huge key for us. When learning is fun and both sides of the brain are being engaged, that seems to help her stay longer at a task.

If she legitimatly has trouble focusing give her something to do at the same time. Eat dry cereal or snacks, rub a rock, fiddle with her fingers, ect. It may help her focus. Another idea is a metrinome. The ticking beat may remind her of the sound of a clock and provide a musical tone for her to work to.
Have you considered a gluten alergy? Or a change in sechdule? My oldest works best in the late evening, my youngest must do intence excersize before working. I have one who does just about all his work on the computer. One that must have a clear goal in sight.

I have worked dilligently to keep her challenged while at the same time keeping the work from being too hard.

And

She excels academically

And

I am just looking for some suggestions for keeping this kid on task!

These are wake up calls that tell me the work you are giving her is too easy. You are also giving her too much time to do the work. If you shorten the time limit that she has to do the work-say--see if she can race a timer for instance--and then she gets an credit toward some activity that is really special for her--movie, museum, etc. that may help.

(I use to work at an alternative school for gifted young children--I know the signs.)

Also see if there are other home schoolers in the area that she can work with occasionally. This will give her some competition or maybe she can become a peer helper. Either will be helpful. W.

She is very young to have so much structure. I've homeschooled 5 children since 1985. My advice would be to back off until she is older. Let her explore her areas of delight(what she loves). Let the "formal" subjects wait until she is about 10 years old. I did this with my own children, homeschooling them until they went to college, and so far they have all graduated at the top of their class, masters degrees with highest honors. We start "school" way too early these days. Remember that when our country enjoyed it's highest literacy rate, kids started school around age 8 to 10, and attended only 2-3 months/year.

Hi J.,
It sounds like you are doing a great job and have your daughters best interests in mind.

I homeschooled my son until he was 12 years old. He is now 18, graduating from HS and going to a private college next year. I also have a 13 year old daughter who started school when she was in 2nd grade, because her brother went to school she did not want to be home with out him. Both my kids went to alternative charter school based on Waldorf philosophy when they did go to school. This was a K-8 school, then my son went to a traditional public HS (he's graduatinig this year)

We were total unschoolers. I am a proponent of the Better Late Than Early approach, by Dr. Raymond Moore. I concur with a few others who have already posted that it is a good idea to back off a bit and let your daughter spend her time discovering the world around her.

I also read and followed John Holt. And as someone else suggested you can put in "unschooling" in your google search engine and find all kinds of resources.

This is quite a different approach in regards to schooling from what you are used to most likely and may not fit for your personal belief system so I hope that you can take some of the information and find a good compromise for your situation.

Honestly, my kids spent much of their time playing, helping sort laundry, helping in the kitchen, getting together with our homeschool group, with very little "formal" learning. We read all the time, went to the library, took a few classes but I did not ever use any formal learning tools, curriculum materials, etc.

I really want to encourage you to check out the books by Dr. Raymond and Dorothy Moore, they are Christian homeschoolers. I will admit that I am not necessarily oriented this way, just so you know, and I found this book to be a very great and useful resource. While I did not necessarily agree with everything in the book, it is very sound in it's approach.

I have found a very good review for this book written by an ex primary school teacher: http://www.excellenceineducation.com/better_late_than_ear...

Here is a snippet from the review:

Dr. and Mrs. Moore’s first book, School Can Wait and its twin for laymen, Better Late Than Early, introduced me to the facts about education and child development. The Moores collected early childhood research from medicine, ophthalmology, neurology, and psychology and came to the inescapable conclusion that for most children, the optimum age to begin formal academics is between the ages of eight and twelve! For those of us who are steeped in the culture of early academics, this is a strange pill to swallow. But the Moores didn’t stop with mere laboratory research; they studied homeschool families in the 70’s and 80’s to see what happened when children were free to learn at a more natural pace. The result was several more books, culminating with The Successful Family Homeschool Handbook. This volume elaborates on “The Moore Formula” which Dr. and Mrs. Moore developed over the years as they combined research with practical application.

The “Moore Formula” includes three elements in approximately equal portions: study, work and service. They do not recommend formal academic studies before age 8 and in some cases, as late as 12. (My younger daughter fell into this older category.) This does not mean that the child does not learn anything until age 8+. Children are learning voraciously from birth and only the roadblock of clumsy “schooling” can retard or stop a child’s otherwise insatiable thirst for knowledge. Books are useful and important tools, but for a young child, the world is filled with much better learning opportunities than can be found on the printed page alone. When a child is allowed to explore and question and wonder, whole worlds of interest can open that might never be discovered otherwise. In this homeschooling style, a child might learn to read at five, at seven or at twelve, depending on the child."

I wish you and your daughter the best and hope you will take this information in with an open mind.

You have your child's best interest at heart and I know you will continue to figure out a way to make it work for you and for her.

Warm regards,
E. E.
http://elyorganics.com/

I have what could be an alarming idea for you – please give it a little space and consider the possibilities.

Have you looked into unschooling? (Google this term and you'll find a wealth of information online.) Your daughter sounds like a good candidate for choosing her own interests and agenda. This does not mean no limits or no encouragement from parents; it actually means quite the opposite when you get into the spirit of it.

Your bright daughter sounds dreadfully bored. School as you are presenting it could seem to her to be strangled with limitations and artificial restrictions and requirements, and might be not only keeping her from teaching herself to be her own best teacher, but killing the joy children naturally have for learning. Right now she is jumping through your hoops, and has little or no interest in doing so. Punishing her for boredom is surely not a productive way to get her engaged.

Some parents choose to homeschool their children because school sets a rather artificial agenda that simply doesn't fit every child's needs, and punishes children who don't jump through the hoops in the "proper" order. Unschooling seeks to support each individual child in finding what gives her joy and provokes her curiosity. (I do not mean to imply that school is always bad for every child. Some kids thrive in a school environment. Every child, and every teacher, and every classroom, is different.)

It's the nature of life that one interest leads to another, and as your daughter explores any topic, it will continue to branch out into other areas. Questions beget answers, which beget more questions. Kids who are unschooled often become high achievers and go on to good colleges and successful careers.

I second the suggestion to google "unschooling" and if that sounds too unstructured for your daughter, then please consider doing what my parents did with me.

I was homeschooled from 4th grade on through high school. I was bored to death going to public/private schools so my parents decided to homeschool me. Your daughter sounds a *lot* like I was when I was her age.

My parents let me have an active role in choosing my curriculum. This was extremely important to me. Because I choose the books, I was intrinsically motivated to do the work instead of my parents having to try and externally motivate me (with prizes or punishments).

My parents did not hover over me at all. I was expected to do a certain amount of work every week and I could choose when and how to do it. Some weeks I did all my work on Monday and played the rest of the week. Other weeks I procrastinated played all week, and did all my schoolwork at the last minute. Either way, I was learning how to manage my own time and have my own internal discipline instead of relying on my parents to manage my time or discipline me.

Please check out the book "Punished By Rewards" by Alfie Kohn for studies showing how students' and children's intrinsic motivation goes down the more external motivating methods are used. It's the same reason people go to college for something they love, but once they start doing it for money (or grades) they start to hate it. It becomes, in some cases, a means to an end ($ or As) instead of something they just enjoy doing.

Perhaps a break from structured schoolwork for a few weeks would help undo some of the de-intrinsic-motivating external motivations you've been using with her. Also, it's spring! Perhaps doing a daily unstructured nature walk and sketching/collecting different interesting leaves and bugs and flowers and such would be of interest to her. It would also get her out of the house and would segue nicely to an outdoor play time, which it sounds like she really needs.

At the very least, find out what she's interested in and let her choose some of what she does. It's the most motivating thing my parents did for me when I was homeschooling. It's difficult because it involves giving up some of your perceived control, but if you give her control in some areas (like what subjects she's studying) then she should feel less inclined to fight you in other areas (by not doing her work).

I also wanted to let you know how extremely thankful I am that my parents homeschooled me. My husband was also homeschooled and is very glad that he was. We are planning on homeschooling our children as well.

Best wishes!
~B.

Hi J.!
I was in the same boat as your daughter (a LONNNG time ago). It wasn't that I was not a smart kid-and wasn't "bored", so to speak---it was that SOME things, I didn't "get". I understood math, but once I was put on the spot with flash cards, I felt extremely embarrassed. I did NOT want to be the center of ANY kind of attention from my parents.
In spelling, and words in general, I couldn't tell the difference between G's, Q's, P's, B's, D's. Although I could read in 4 different languages, some of those letters had me stumped, all the way through 4th grade. I wasn't ever considered dyslexic, but in retrospect, I see that perhaps a little one on one attention may have helped to clear up my "misunderstandings". And because I dreaded any sort of attention from my parents, I felt VERY shy---BUT, when someone else "validated" my "smartness", it worked, and I was able to go forward.
I don't know if, perhaps, your daughter has any of these issues, but it may be worth looking in to. I think that my "main thing", was NOT to disappoint my parents (it is still that way!!) and I didn't want them to think I was dumb, so I didn't ask for help, and my mind just wandered and daydreamed endlessly. Even in Catholic School--the nuns even whacked my little hands with those daggone wood rulers, and it didn't matter--I DID NOT want to disappoint ANYONE, so I clammed up and let my mind wander. You just couldn't keep me on task if my life depended on it.
For me, it finally changed when I had a teacher that didn't embarrass me, and she told me she thought I was pretty smart, and she wanted (key word WANTED) to work with me (not AT me)--and I have excelled ever since (that was 7th grade). Now, I can somehow do quadratic equations in my head, and there is NOOOO misspelling. My mind had to mature.
This note isn't laden with advice, but perhaps with suggestions of what MIGHT be affecting your daughter.
I hope it helps, in any case!!
Much love~Becca

p.s. AND Structure IS SOOO important--with MANY breaks (if possible). Her age group is able to keep on task for 30-45 minutes--generally speaking. Maybe, for her, she should go for 30 minutes and break for 5?

A 7 year old child is in the beginning of her/his schooling. It is natural that she might not be ready physically for too much time studying on her own. Most children still need time to move and play. Allowing time for play sandwiched between short lesson times at that age is appropriate. My children are smart and it didn't make them "get behind". It in fact helped to focus them during lesson times. The interwoven pattern of still and movement activity is healthy in all ways for children. It will stimulate her interest for learning and help with boredom later on. Don't underestimate taking some lessons out on a field trip even to observe animals and insects in the garden.
R.

J.,

I was not, nor do I plan to home school my children so I applaud you in that aspect. However, why should your daughter control herself when she has you to do it for her? I would give her the assignments, and have her do them, if she hasn't done her homework by the time it's due, she gets a lower grade. That's what always happened to me in public school. This way she might start to learn that she needs to be responsible for her own work, that Mom isn't going to push/ride her to do it anymore.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Hello,
My 8 year old son is the same way. Keeping him on track and keeping him focused is almost an imposibility. This year I decided to try something new and it really worked. First I tryed to gear some of his work around things that he likes and is interested in. That way he had more of a desire to do his work and it keep his attention longer. For example he likes hands on science. So I picked up a box of science experiments to do. Also for book reports I let him pick books that were age appropriate and yet were what he was interested in. He seemed to want to do his work more than usual.
I homeschool three boys. My 8 year old is the toughtest. However they all have their days of being difficult. This year I implimented a rewards system. We call it student of the week. Each day that they get their work done and they get it done right and without slacking, or fighting to do it, they get a star on the board. If they get five stars that week, they win student of the week and they get to pick a prize from the prize bag. I have filled a bag with prizes from the dollar store. Just cheap, small items that they like. Some toys, some candy, some school supplies. They love it. My boys range in age from 6 to 13 and they all three have done better this year having this award system in place. I will continue to do it next year.
Well I hope these suggestions help you. Hang in there. It always starts out hard but, I have found that as they get older and we get into our routine of doing things, it gets easier each year. Good luck!
J. L.

I also have a daughter that I homeschool. She had the same problem of having to be told to stay on task many times a day. My husband and I found out about a year ago that she can not process large pieces of information. We have to break things down step by step for her to follow. We also have to allow time for her brain to process when we ask her a question. She can not answer us instantaneously. She was diagnosed as being slow by a child psychologist after some very thorough testing. I would suggest talking to your doctor and seeing if this might be something that can be looked into. Now that we have all the information, school goes a lot smoother for us.

My sister homeschools her 4 oldest, and her best advice is "an ounce of morning is worth a pound of afternoon". She said all her kids lose focus if they start later in the day. I would say that your daughter likely has too much book stuff going on and needs more physical action learning. Just because school kids sit in a class all day, doesn't mean they should have to or that it is healthy. Seven year olds should be out exploring and discovering with minimal book learning. She could be cooking with you, doing crafts, helping with household chores to help break it up.

Let me start by saying each child is different. Both my boys were very different in their learning styles, therefore I had to take different approaches. First I'd look at your curriculum. One son was able to finish his work more timely if there wasn't alot of color and/or pictures in his curriculum to distract him. The other wasn't "attracted" to the work and didn't want to do it if it was just black and white. For him the more colorful the better. I had more of an issue with my second one on "dinking around" than the other. Either way they need structure. I believe in natural consequences. What finally worked for me was setting a time limit for each subject. I'd just set the time and come back when the time was over. (I used my microwave timer.) If he didn't finish it in the time allowed it became "homework". This "homework" time took place in the evenings or late afternoons when he would much rather be watching his favorite TV show or outside playing with friends. Keep it calm and matter of fact. It needs to be his responsibility not yours. It was amazing how he turned around and got his work finished on time. Keep in mind you will need to make allowances for questions if she doesn't understand her assignment. I'd stop the timer, answer the question, then restart the timer. Good luck!

I don't know why you chose to homeschool, but it may be that your daughter is needing more structure or control in her life. She also might be testing the boundaries between you being "mother" and "teacher." It's often important to distinguish between those two roles during school time. If you are looking for schooling that provides some additional structure and support from a teacher, you could look into Connections Academy. It is a virtual public school that provides curriculum and a teacher you and your daughter would talk with. There is a planner so your daughter could see what she is suppose to accomplish each day.

J.,
I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old and my 5 year old had no concept of time. Trying to get her ready in the morning can be a chore. Like you, I feel like I have to hover and nag, nag, nag. I read a book called "Parenting with Love and Logic" http://www.loveandlogic.com/ which got me thinking about how to get her to be responsible for her own self, rather than relying on me to be responsible for her. You're doing so many wonderful things for her. At some point she has to take some ownership of her own work. Also, since you do homeschool, maybe you can allow her to choose her own projects that she's interested in rather than just taking direction from you.
Good luck. Let me know how it goes.

I know it's hard. As a public school educator and mom who has thought about home schooling my own bright children I have thought about how hard it would be to keep my own kids "on task."
I have much better luck with the kids in my classroom that aren't mine. It's hard to be both mom AND teacher 24/7.
One of the cons of home schooling is the usual lack of cooperative learning.
Is there a way you can get together with other homeschooling parents and do some lessons on a regular basis?

HI J.,
It looks like you have a very able young lady who can think for herself. I suggest consulting her on what to about this issue. You know she is running the show and she knows it too. Put her in charge of solving the problem. Talk with her as if she is 25 years old and not your daughter, but the daughter of your neighbor.
Let her know the way you feel by saying things like "I feel exhausted from having to repeat myself. It makes it hard for me to think about the things I have to get done. What can be done about this?" "If I didn't feel the need to keep telling you what to do, it would make me happier and more relaxed. I would enjoy life more. We could have more time to do other fun things." Ask her what she would rather be doing than schoolwork and make a list. Tell her that you will make it possible for some of those things to happen (pick the ones that are realistic and that she really wants.) Then when she gets her work done quickly be sure she gets to do those things ASAP. Carry through is very important.
Basically you are helping her to set up a game to play that has worthwhile rewards. Right now she is playing a game that is destructive to you and ultimately to her. She is not very aware that she is playing that game.
She will be very conscious of the new game and could be very creative with it. It puts her in a position of being cause over her life and taking some responsibility for the effect she has on you.
I suggest reading a book called "Problems of Work" by L.Ron Hubbard. The answer to your daughter's behavior is fully covered there on pages 67-71. It may be available at the library.
I'd be happy to talk with you further on this.
L. at ____@____.com. I work with lots of homeschool kids-this is a common problem.

I have similar problems but I do not home school my daughter. She goes to private school but she will not stay on task, every morning I have to hassle her to get ready for school. Same for getting ready for bed at night. She is 6 and I have seen her do it a rare few times. I just want to know how to consistanly keep her going. She also stays on task pretty well at school I am told from her teacher. Why is it she gives me such a hard time?

My best guess for your daughter might be to let her experience a year of Public school and see how much she likes it. If she likes it volunteer and help out, if she doesn't like it tell her she will have to stay on task and be more disiplined for you to even consider home schooling again. Let her know that if she goes back to her old ways she can go back to public school. I agree with Melissa B, give her the task and if she doesn't do it in the time aloted give her a lower grade. I hope this helps.

I first want to tell you that I'm not opposed to home schooling. I think it's great for those who can do it.
My niece is also, very smart, very bright, and tries to outwit her parents (my sister and brother-in-law) at every turn. My sister often calls it "Survivor: Mom of a Gifted Child" Outwit, Out smart, and whatever else Survivor stands for.
When my niece was in the 1st grade, the school wanted to skip a grade. My sister had issues with that-one of them was, her brother (my nephew) was one grade ahead of my niece and my sister didn't want them in the same grade. My nephew has dyslexia. My niece was finishing her work in less than 1/2 the time as the other students, and then was talking, helping, and causing problems in the classroom. My sister ended up moving (Navy Family) to another state. As the new school got the school records of the kids, the school called the first month of school to let my sister know the district had a Gifted Childrens program. It was set up for exceptionaly bright children who needed to be mentally challenged. It was twice a week Tues and Thurs and they were taken out of thier school for the whole day to do to this school. My sister struggled with deciding if she should let her go (she was in the 2nd or 3rd grade). I told her to check it out and that maybe she should let her go. My sister let my niece go, and it was the best solution for thier problem. My niece was mentally challenged in ways the teachers in the classroom couldn't teach.
My niece is now 15 and in the 9th grade. She has learned and speaks French, Spanish, and is learning Russian now and is thinking about taking German the last 2 years of High School. She is in all of the hardest classes, is in extra curricular activities before and after school, and is a well adjusted young woman.
Your problem with your daughter might be that she needs to be mentally challenged academically in a way that you are unable to provide. By having her do harder schoolwork is not the solution. Consider letting her go to a public school, look into a program for gifted kids. Had my sister not gone through this with my niece, I wouldn't know what to say. As your daughter gets older, your problem with her is only going to get worse-and could hurt your overall relationship with her.
A friend of mine, who is/was very opposed to Public Schools, found herself putting her daughter into School after home schooling her for a few years. Her daughter didn't want to listen to her mother, she didn't want to do the schoolwork, and she didn't cooperate. She told me the other day that she's glad she put her daughter into school.

Good Luck

Hi J.!

I homeschooled my five children for 10 years. Just wondering if she is bored with what is being taught or may have some other attention concerns? May be something to check out..
I have a daughter that is now 17 that acted the very same way until i started getting materials she was interested in. Also, we found out that she has ADHD. We use a ball for her to sit on so she can wiggle, chewing gum, drinking limited amounts of coffee and lots and lots of rewards and incentives to complete what needed to be done. She would work until she just could not do it anymore, then would get to do anything she wanted to do. It worked until grade 3, then we tried private school. it was hard on her and she flunked out in 4th grade. She has been homeschooled and then home link classes with homeschooling ever since. In 10th grade, she went to regular high school and a vocational school part time. It's been ok and I think she is finding what interests her. if she had to go to regular high school all day, i don't think she would be able to make it. She can barely handle the four classes she does have.

Hope this helps! Happy parenting!

D. J.

I don't homeschool, but I've found with my five-year-old that I need to put a time limit on things that I ask him to do. He would rather stay in his room all day goofing around, than clean it in a few minutes and be done - unless I put a time limit on it, such as "Daddy's going fishing in fifteen minutes; you may go if your room is clean by then". He then gets in the gear and gets it done.

In school there are time limits for assignments, and if they're not completed then they don't get full credit. You might start grading her in such a fashion so it doesn't drag on so long, such as "I'll be grading your paper in 10 minutes" and then set the timer. I know when I was in college they said that the brain (of an adult college student at least - I'm not sure about school-age children) could only handle about 25 minutes of concentration, before the mind would wander, so a change or break that often made study time more efficient. Good luck!

There could be a lot of medical reasons that your daughter attention span is lacking. You might surf the internet for possible reasons.

I homeschool my 11 yr old. What a challenge. I can put her on a timer, I can threaten, I can offer rewards, I help her set up goals. I constantly remind her that her pony is about to foal and that she is going to want to play with both of them. Nothing works, except placing her beside my desk and keeping an eye on her while I try to work myself.

Mika, is ADD, and I could put her on medicine. I chose not to.

Public school is not an answer as she was not succeeding there, which is why I pulled her out. I've even threatened to put her back in school. All I manage to do is make her cry.

You might check to see if she has allergy's. A diet change could be the answer.

Good Luck.

N.

Hi J.!

Sounds like you are an incredibly busy lady!

It also sounds like you're doing an awesome job home schooling! It is not an easy task to teach your own child all day every day.

Most children are better behaved and listen more attentively to people that they are not as familiar with as their parents. They are used to listening to mom & dad 24/7 so sometimes just hearing something from a different person makes it more interesting.

Although the focused one-on-one attention and learning at their own pace is great, sometimes children who are 100% home schooled miss the social interaction and the benefits of learning how to work cooperatively with a group and the skills needed to get along with other people.

There are several ways to have the best of both worlds:

Most school districts have a part-time enrichment program for homeschoolers. These programs allow homeschcoled children to participate in some programs at the school. It also provides education in areas that perhaps a parent doesn't have enough expertise to teach. For example music or a foreign language.

Another idea is that many school districts have a "Co-op" School. These school require a minimum number of hours of participation by parents. with parents helping in the classroom every day the children get more individual attention, go on more field trips and generally have a more enriched program with more input by parents.

Are you part of a support group with other parents who home school? If you can find or start one in your area, you could try to meet to take your children on field trips, share your talents or have your children work on some projects together.

Best wishes,

V.

Dear frustrated mom: I work in the medical field and have seen this many times over. Please take your daughter to see her pediatrician. It sounds like she has ADHD or just ADD (attentian deficite hyperactivity disorder or just Attention Deficite disorder). There are meds out there to help. Believe me my son was like that. I put him on the meds for 2 years and then he was able to come off of them. I was worried about putting him on meds, but let me tell you i am sure glad i did. He is now a junior in high school and doing great. Please take my advice and take her to see her doctor. I am glad i did.

I do not homeschool, but I did teach for several years. I do not know how old your daughter is but it's never to soon to guide her towards self evaluation and allowing her to feel the consequences of her own choices. Ask her questions during a time when no work needs to be completed or during an "out of the heated moment" about how she feels about the works she's doing. Explain that there are always things we like to do and do not like to do and that we have to do things we don't like to do still. I've been saying to my 4.5 year old lately, "Nope you don't have to like it to have to do it." Usually this discussion happens around teethbrushing.

I do not know how homeschooling is set up but maybe you can develop a contract system with your daughter for work completion. Each morning share in a discussion with her of what work/tasks need to be completed within the hour, day, week, whatever you choose. Set up a system of natural and logical consequences before the school day begins so she understands what will happen if she doesn't complete the task/consentrate with in the time limit. Okay so if tasks A, B, and C do not get completed by the set time limit than the consequence is_______________. Confirm with her that she understands. It is up to her to complete the task and to do her best, not your job. Your job is to set the stage for learning and the limits to "dinking around" by enforcing consequences. You know your daughter best and can be the most realistic setting up tasks at her skill level and knowing what appropriate time frame to give for completing them.

Does that make sense? I haven't taught for 5 years while I've been SAHM and can you tell, I'm totally missing working in a school! I love teaching!

L.

Dear J.,
It sounds like you and your daughter are in a power struggle. Do you really want her memories of her childhood to be of you hawking over her, riding her to perform everyday of her life? I would consider not homeschooling if this is your dynamic. Teachers go to years of schooling on how to teach. Plus, it is always nice to have other role models in your childs life. If she is not motivated or influenced by you, no matter how hard you try, find outside sources that do influence her. Did you learn everything you know by your mother? Good Luck, T. B