Hi , Most of you know my situation and some don't but to briefly inform those who doesn't . I recently became a single mom in Nov 2006 . My hubby and I split and ever since him leaving my 7 yrd old and 9 mth old won't get out of my bed . Its almost 3 mths and it was cute in the beginning but I want my own bed back. I downsized from a queen to a full to see if the bed was smaller would they sleep in their own beds and that did not work . I DO NOT want to downsize to a twin :) Some one please help me get these kids into their own beds . Both rooms are very relaxing to be in , I decorated it to their likings and still at nights they want to sleep with me lol.
They both refuse to get out my bed lol so I am giving up but I will try again in a few months . I am going to put my daughters bed in her brothers room and we are all going to have a slumber party in there and see if that works :)
I understand what you are going through. My 3 yr. old son is the same way. I'm tried of being kicked or kicked out of bed. He takes the whole bed and I have a queen. I try so hard to get him in his own bed but I'm not having any luck
I am also a single mom so I understand on that level. My daughter is five. She still sleeps with me. I think you should give it time, you all have been emotional drained from what you have had to deal with. Divorce is hard, but not just on you. The kids now have alot to adjust too. Even though their still small they can feel all that tention.
So let them be if they want to sleep with you let them, then in a couple of months try to put them in their beds. When they are ready they will sleep in there own bed. Also get them on a routine.
Your kids are still probally dealing w/the fact that mom and dad are not together anymore. Just because your okay w/the fact now doesn't mean they are... Maybe if you talk to them and ask them why do they like sleeping in your bed.. If they tell you or you sense it has to do w/the seperation then try to comfort them and let them know that you are not going no where.
Something I did when I was trying to get my daughter to sleep in her bed was I created a chart and I put it in a place she would see it and every time she slept in her bed (all night) we put up a sticker and at the end of the week I would reward her. The reward could be anything from a candy, toy or even a movie night out or at home. Or anything involving some one on one w/mom. It seem to help my daughter she would be excited to find out what the prize was going to be. now she sleeps in her bed w/no problem.
I hope this is helpful,
~V.
Sorry to hear about your divorce. I went through the same thing with my youngest when I divorced also. It's great that you let them stay & seek comfort with you when they felt unsure.When I took the parenting class for people getting divorced they said divorce to a child is like a death - they mourn it. It will take time to get past it. I went back to our old ritual at bedtime. I would lay down with him in his bed & we would read a book together. I would turn off the light & leave a nightlight on and stay for another 30 minutes. Then I would tell him I had to go to bed too, kiss him goodnight & leave the room. I would leave his door & my door open. For the first couple of nights he would come into my room & I would take him back into his, stay with him for a few minutes & go back to my room. After a week I shortened the time I stayed after reading to 15 minutes, until I could leave after 5 minutes. It takes some time, but they will feel better & secure again. As for your 9 month old, do they share a room? You could put him/her down to sleep first, while you are reading she can see you & know you are nearby. She will adjust quicker to being back in her bed than your 7 year old. My son also has a flashlight to sleep with under his pillow.Something about the light makes him feel better. Raquel has a point too - the cuddle stage will be over before you know it.Best of luck to you- please keep us updated - I would love to know how everyone is doing.
It sounds to me like when you were going through your seperation you let them sleep with you b/c you probably were feeling lonely and liked the company. That's understandable. They got in the habit and habits ARE hard to break.It won't happen over night. The 9 month old can't climb out of the crib into yours so you must be bringing him/her in to bed with you. (Is he crying when you put him in his crib?) I think what you must do is have a talk with your 7 year old and tell him/her that although you love him and do enjoy the company it't time for everyone to sleep in their own beds. You should put the baby down in his crib at the same time every night and if he cries then let him cry a little (for a few minutes). Then keep going in the room and laying him down, covering him with his blanket, putting the paci back in if he uses one and walk out of the room. Go back every 15 minutes or whatever time frame you can stand. If he's just whimpering but not screaming then you may be able to stay out a little longer. If he's full on screaming you may have to go back in every few minutes. Try rubbing his back or singing or shhhhhhing to sooth him. Do you have the Aquarium crib thing that plays music. That's nice b/c they can hit it and make it play and it lights up. My 8 mo old loves it. You could Try using a nightlight so he's not scared or leave the door open slightly with the hall light on. If you have to do this 50 times in one night then so be it. You'll be exhausted but it will be worth it when it becomes a routine. AFter a few days of this I think your baby will get used to it. As for the 7 year old, he'll see you mean business and do the same for him. Every time he gets out of bed, turn him around and walk him back to his own. No exceptions, even if you're tired. You can try putting a bell on his door so you can hear him open it and cut him off at the pass. If you don't stop it now, be prepared for it to go on for a VERY long time. I have several friends that their kids slept with them into 8, 9, 10. And the baby will certainly stay with you as long as you let them. You're looing at the next 10 years if you let them. (LOL). You can give your kids affection and love without sharing a bed. What happens when you meet someone else or even get married again some day, or start going on dates? I do love to cuddle with my little guy but my husband and I decided a long time ago that everyone will have their own beds. All my friends are jealous b/c I put my 8 mo old down in his crib and that's it. Good night! While they have to sing, rock, pat, or even lay down to get their kids to sleep. I did this from 6 weeks and he's in a routine. NOw we have our nights as a couple to ourselves. Good luck!
How about a reward system for the older child, but also allowing them to stay together in one room? Since I have almost always had a full house, my kids have always roomed together. At one point I had the younger 3 in a queen bed. My daughter is 6 and still sleeps with me. She is very special since she's my only girl. She has a beautiful room but really has a fear of being alone. I don't push it. I see it as a bonding time when we are falling asleep. As for Dad, well he snores like a freight train and most of the marriage has made good use of the couch. I feel terrible for him, even though he doesn't seem to mind. But even though we have tried going back to sleeping together it never works out. He still wakes me up even though my door is shut when he gets really loud. I hope you can work it out for what is best for your kids.
Hi;
I know what are you going thru. Me and my husband just went thru that with our 5 years old son. What we did is that for a full week we put him on his room and let him been there even if he cry and he used to stay but around 2am he was moving back to our bed but you can't give up so we used to wake up at 2am and put him back over and over. After a week I guess that he give up and now he sleep on his bed everyday and all night. I been dealing with these for 5 years and now we are so happy and we are sleeping much much better.Remember you need to be consistant.Good luck!
I don't know your situation, but I do know that I used to let my kids fall asleep in my bed when my husband was away. Sometimes we are getting a payoff in company. It probably helped all three of you adjust and heal. I would continue to heal, they will start to feel it as well. They will probably sleep in their beds soon after.
God Bless You
Pam
I think your children are readjusting to their father being gone, it is going to take more than 3 months! Also, this is just a stage they are going through and it will pass. Remember this, (specially your 7 year old) will soon get into another stage where he wont want anything to do with you, that's another stage coming, so enjoy the cuddling time while it last. Just like you are adjusting to your new lifestyle, so are they. I know it's uncomfortable, but enjoy their needyness. You could downsize some more, it won't make any difference. You will have so many other stages from your children that you will look back and think how meamingless this one was. Hang in there mom!!!!!
