Help!! Husband and I Live with My Parent but He Won't Pay Bills!

Updated on March 17, 2008
H.R. asks from Sioux City, IA
4 answers

I am seeking advice because I need encouragement too. It is my father we are living with. Things are very expensive here and he is only paying us about half of what he should but he has money in the bank while he says he is having financial trouble. We have 2 children and are struggling to get diapers, wipes, and anything else including adequate food for our family. We currently have no money in the bank and it seems like whenever my husband gets overtime and a bigger check my dad pays less. I am feeling very depressed and lost as it is my parent and not my child and it seems as though we are supporting him.
How does one approach someone about this? I know we need to and we are going to VERY SOON. Any advice about the whole situation or encouragement would be so nice. Thank you in advance to everyone.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Thank you to everyone for your responses. I have spoken to my dad this weekend and we have worked everything out. To answer a few questions, he is working, he is a young father(late 40s) and he is in good health. I also have an interview this week for an overnite job. This opportunity would be great as no daycare is needed and I would make more money than I do now which will lift some of that financial stress that we do have. And just in case some of you are curious, my father and I are very forward and blunt when we speak. I don't feel the need to sugar coat everything. I was very upfront with him and told him how we feel. We have come to an agreement now so I hope that we won't have to have this conversation again but atleast I know that I am not the only one that has ever dealt with this situation.
Thank you again for your responses.
H.

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.S.

answers from Honolulu on

I would have to tell him even though you love him and apprecite him for raising you and always providing for you, your family is struggling and alot has to do with he is not paying tha amount he should. Does he pay for groceries? Does he pay rent and utilities? What are his portions of everything? My Mom is going thru a similar situation. We sat down and looked over the past few months of bills and averaged out the amount each person should pay. That was very helpful because now everyone knows what they must pay to go on living in the home they have and with the things that they have. Maybe none of this is helpful to you hopefully it is. All I can say is be honest not mean to him. Be sure to let him know you appreciate him but it is not enough you are trying to raise your family.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.B.

answers from Honolulu on

Hi,
you are young..so I am wondering..and thinking that your father must be in his early 50's late 40's?? that is also young..and can be working to help support you..unless he is disabled..so, maybe you can give him a hint to look through the local add papers for a part time job at least..as he has probably LOTS of good working years left...just a thought..good luck.:)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

Do you live in his house or vice versa? If you live in his, you cannot really say anything, if he has a rental, he is the one responsible for the payment. If he lives in your home, you are the only one allowing him to continue this way. I know it must be hard because he is your father but life is not prejudice and if he is intentionally making it difficult for you, there are underlying issues that need to be resolved. Put it all down on paper and sit down and discuss what needs to be done. Joint efforts should not be difficult, it should lessen the burder between the three of you. Without the details, it is hard for us to give you really sound advice.....perhaps you could elaborate a bit more.....HOPE THIS HELPS!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

ALoha, I"m a local girl too, and we like most locals,have our parents live with us. In my case my mom.

With some cultures, it is a silent assumption, that their children will take care of them. Maybe that is why your Dad is behaving this way and not paying as much? Does your dad still work? You say he has some money in the bank? How old is he? Is he sick or feeble or in poor health?

Do you not believe him about his financial trouble? Is there reason not to believe him? Just because someone has money in the bank... this does not mean they "don't" have financial trouble. Is he in debt or anything? Those are things you may not know. As his daughter, you need to help look after him... if he is elderly or not able to think/take care of himself.
He is living with YOU.....thus, you need to understand what his situation is.

As his daughter, you need to talk with him. Sometimes older people do not always open-up and tell us things... because it might be shame. It's a burden on you and your Hubby financially. But you must talk about it... kindly. Some elderly are afraid of being bossed around or ignored or burdened. Talk with him and see how his situation "really" is... and then if your Hubby is compassionate and caring... perhaps as the "Man" your hubby can talk with your Dad and "explain" the financial picture for "everyone" in a fair manner. Respectfully. Maybe your Dad needs to be told that your own finances are a strain too....maybe your Dad thinks you have money? You need to tell him the real picture... plus you have 2 children.

How are you splitting up the percentage of who pays for what, or who pays for how much? In our home for example, since we are the ones with the kids (2) and we use MOST of the electricity and the water and the utilities and food.... we pay for "most" ( 3/4) of the bills. This is only fair, to my Mom. It works for us.

Yes, living in Hawaii is not cheap. And the dollar is weak and the gas & food is expensive...but well, that is the way it is.
No matter what it "should" be fair. Remember, there are 4 of you (You, Hubby, 2 children), and only 1 of him. Depending on his financial situation (you said he said he has "financial trouble)....then the amount he pays to you for his share should be based on how much he can afford and what percentage of the "pie" (household expenses/bills) he uses. For example, we would never expect my Mom to pay 50% of the expenses... that would be unfair because she does NOT use up 50% of the household food/utilities/water etc. We, as a family of 4, are the major consumers in our house. Not her.
But.... everyone has to be honest and open & fair about what their portion of their payment/rent/bills should be.

If your Dad cannot pay... then what? Does he get kicked out? How can this be worked out? All people concerned must also think about AND agree on a plan... in the event that someone cannot pay their fair share....and because this has to do with "family", you must all work something out, fairly.

Do you have a church that you attend? If so, sometimes they have ministries in which they help struggling families (with food or clothing) for a bit. Just explain to them your situation.

Sometimes to make extra money... people sell things on E-Bay, or through "Craig's list Honolulu." Here's the link: http://honolulu.craigslist.org/ Craig's list is like an online classifieds ad resource. Many of my friends have done this as well.

Talk about it openly.... too many times, the generations don't talk about finances, and then it becomes a bigger burden and problem. Be open about it, so all cards are on the table.

Good luck,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches