Help I Am Breaking

omg I got upset and overwhelmed just reading this! Once you have all this sorted out and some are finished. Please take a break. Don't take on anything you don't have to. My advice ,however, is that you do this one step at a time, literally. It really does help. don't start thinking oh then I have to do this and this and this etc. that will give you a migraine in 10 seconds flat.
focus on the task at that very moment then move on to the next. the other thing I can recommend that I do is stay organized. have the clothes ready and set out for work. In other words try and stay one step ahead constantly.

By the time i was able to type something, there were all these wonderful replies! So I'll just say Great advice ladies!!

Simplify Mama! I vote finish school but eliminate the part time jobs. Can you tweak your budget and get rid of some expenses so you don't need the income? Also, I would start a chore chart and have everyone in the family pitch in to clean up the house. It is a great lesson for kids to learn. Also, I am not sure if you are spiritual, but I pray when I overwhelmed. I ask for guidance and peace.

This is an easy one:
1) stay in school
2)quit restaurant job
3)hire a cleaning person to come in weekly or twice a month til this chaos is over
4)schedule your daughters surgery
5)can you carpool with someone for your sons baseball

Good luck

I'd quit the restaurant job and hire someone to help you catch up at home 2 or 3 days a week. That should help enormously.

It's okay, it's okay to feel stressed.
It's how we handle it that matters.
First, take a deep breath. Breathe in for 4, out for 4.
Okay, take 1 thing @ a time:
-I know husb being gone an extra hr/day is hard. Think of it in $ & long
term.
-You'e doing a LOT so YOU need a break. When you get to take it is the
thing. In your case, the weekend.
-Your dtr will be fine. Help her ____@____.com a present now (online if
you can't leave the house & it's does not nd to be expensive.) Hv ice
cream on hand for her, straws if dr's say she can use those, an extra
blanket, a tray & a bell. Can this surgery wait a few wks till husb feels
better?
-Give hubby flu meds, lots of water & know that the flu will end soon!
-Do your homework then gv yourself a treat: ice cream, a magazine, hr of
TV.
- Don't worry abt the house. You're stressed w/a lot going on. That can
wait. Do the essentials: laundry, groc shopping, buy or pre-make some
frozen dinners you can pull out, nobody on their deathbed ever said
"You know, I should have done more cleaning & laundry". They say
things like "I should have laughed more, smiled more, been w/friends etc
- In regards to the calendar, pare down anything you can. Drop anything
that is un-important.
-Know that this heavy-stressed time will soon pass!
-When I am that stressed, I r-e-l-a-x. I sit down, call a friend or watch a
tv show.
-Make a list of 5 things you are thankful for. That always gives me
perspective. Now a days, I think that every time I hear a siren! I am
O-kay, happy & alive (my mantra).
Remember not everything has to be done, nothing has to be perfect.
If your kids are loved & well cared for..............you are a beautiful person
doing a great job!
Take a deep breath mama....this will soon pass. Hang in there!

Well, from what you said, you are being torn in many directions but your husband just got a RAISE! You are tossing this fact onto the "this is bad" pile. Don't do that! Don't think of your husband's huge promotion as a negative. Sure he's gone more, but the income he is generating now should allow you to manage your load better.

If I were you I'd drop the part time restaurant job or the day care (or both!) and focus on finishing your schoolwork and juggling your kids. Too many balls in the air right now. Your husband's raise should be able to cover costs just until you're done with school. When school is over and you have that monkey off your back, you can invite a few more to hop back on. Like all the extra jobs.

A.:

It's okay. You do NOT have to be Wonder W..

Since your husband got a promotion and raise - hire a cleaning company to come in once a week to help out.
Quick your job at the restaurant or stop doing the day care - pick one to stop and stop. You don't have to do it all.
Focus on family and school.

Stressed is 'desserts' spelled backward. Maybe it's time to grab a girlfriend and go out for dessert. Go for a run, go dancing, walk on the beach (plunk your butt on the beach and watch the waves) Sometimes just doing that little thing that we truely enjoy reves us up and gets us going again.

I lived in So Cali for 10 yrs, my daughter was born in Garden Grove. The thing I miss the most **the beach**. To me there is nothing more relaxing than sitting there watching the waves and gulls. I could just let all the tension in my body drop into the sand to be washed out to sea.

Uh. What the HECK are you doing to yourself?

Forget about "real problems". In fact, people with "real problems" (I'd venture to guess) quickly decide how to prioritize. For you, it sounds like EVERYTHING is a priority right now.

This is WAY too much stress on your plate and I didn't even get to the oldest daughter with the tonsil issue before I was shaking my head. YOU NEED TO SLOW DOWN, YOU NEED A BREAK!

Your husband got a raise, you run a half-time daycare. Full time mommy and student is enough but add in TWO JOBS? That's enough to break the average person. Cut back on spending if you need to but get rid of the restaurant job. Your kids need you and they need you sane. Not to mention your hard working hubby! Your school deserves your full attention and your best work and when that's done whatever you are going to do with your masters will end up (hopefully) making up for any lost $$ during this time.

So, here's my advice: quit the restaurant job like yesterday. Hire a housecleaner once a week for 3-4 weeks to help you catch up. This is especially important if you have children in the house you are caring for. Your home needs to be clean, orderly, and safe (I'm not accusing you of it not being, but if that were the case, I wouldn't be surprised or blame you). Not only that, but you need to have some sense of peace and calm.

Get into a groove of possibly trading "carpooling" with a friend or two to baseball practice (obviously, attend games) but take turns with a friend so you're only driving maybe 1/week to baseball.

You need to trim down, lady! It's too too much. Just my 2 cents.

I absolutely think you need to simplify things. Quit your part time job. I am sure the extra money is not so significant that you cannot do this. It is not worth the toll on your sanity.

Secondly, get some help from friends. Carpool on the activities possibly?

I have 3 small kids - 10 months old, 4 yo and 5 yo. I work from home part time while baby naps. My hubby is an accountant, and works long hours Jan - April. (He's on a business trip now, back late tonight). He is also studying for the CPA exam on the weekends, so I solo parent ALOT. (for now).

Sometimes things are TOUGH. Thank God I have some great friends. Who will take my girls to and from dance for me if my son is napping, who will pick my daughter up from pre-K if I need them to, etc. And I let my girls go to our close friends for drop off play dates. I also reciprocate in spades on all of the above. It is absolutely not a one way street. These types of kindnesses get me through.

When I went back to school after my divorce I was taking 18 hours a semester while working full time. I know how you feel! My younger son has PDD and was in and out of the hospital because his temper was hitting dangerous levels so he went to the psych ward for his protection and others. That is just a bit but this isn't about me, ya know?

What I did was pushed forward and just addressed what NEEDED to be addressed at that point in time. In other words like your daughter and her surgery, did not think about it until I HAD to think about it.

At the end of every semester I collapsed into a pile of goo. Thank god I had a couple weeks to pull myself together before I jumped back in that pool.

If you are like me you will finally walk, and by the way full masters regalia is almost as cool as the doctorate, and you will look back and ask how the hell did I do that. :)

I lived, I hope you make it too. It is sooooo worth it in the end.

Oh and if you want you can ask the professors what house they were sorted into. :p Really they love the smart asses!

It sounds like quite a lot! I'm wondering how it felt to write everything out? A lot of this isn't in the 'have to' category though it may feel that way. Do you have to continue working at the restaurant? Can someone take your son to practice? Can you postpone your daughter's dance class for one month? Can you lock your self in the bathroom for ten minutes have a good cry, just to let out some of the tension and mama concern about your older daughter? They are real and they're your challenges so don't compare.

Wow!!!! All I can say is you are awesome!!! Even super heros need help that's why they have sidekicks. I don't know the ages of you older kids but can you maybe get them to help with household chores? Do you have family near by that could lend a hand? You are paving a wonderful future for you and your family. It's ok to want to scream, cry or even hide in a closet because life gets overwhelming. Just know that if you can make it through this, then you can make it through anything. If writing this out helped you then write yourself a letter, seal it and read it in three months. You'll be amazed and even grateful for where the challenges have taken you. Hang in there it will get better and most of all take a deep breath when you can and be proud of yourself. Stay strong you've made it this far, what's one more mile.

Too much going on on you responsibility list.

Start cutting back and admit, that you need to finish your schooling.
There are times when we spread ourselves so thin, we are not able to do our best.
We are human.

Our children need to learn that we can prioritize. You need to let them know that your own education and health, need to be cared for, so tha t you can be at your best.
And so some things are going to have to change.
Drop either the child care or the restaurant job.

Make a list of what needs to be done and start assigning it or have each person pick a task and have them do it.

You are a family. You All are responsible for the upkeep of the house.

I really like Reverend Ruby, Mama Lucky, and Kerstin's replies.

I suggest going to the beach and having some quiet time, pray, sit and watch the waves come in and out. (I also have prayer time in my shower, because it's a guaranteed few minutes alone). Do think of a few of the things you're happy with and grateful for, NOT what needs to be fixed or done. Once you feel centered, take a notebook and write the things you mentioned in a list, and what you can do for each of these things. You have to make your own decision, with your husband, since we don't know your family situation, but here's what I would suggest:
1) School: you're in school more than full time. With 3 kids, that is a lot! Finish this semester (you can do anything temporarily!) and I would suggest lightening your load next semester. No REAL reason you "have to" take it all on at once. Just lighten it to a "regular" load, yes?
2) Hooray for your husband! Don't forget to congratulate and celebrate. Not just for him, but for you too.
3) 2 Jobs: 1/2 day child care and part time at a restaurant. I don't know your situation, but from my view, the day care would work a little better. You're home with your kids, could get a little housework done, could possibly cook, could possibly do some home chores (homework, phone calls, bill paying, whatever). At the restaurant, you can do nothing but restaurant stuff. You DO need to tweak your budget a little bit and change some of the spending so you don't need one of those jobs (just cut out some things--lower the minutes on your cell, eat out 1 day less, don't buy Starbucks, whatever). I would suggest keeping the job that gives you some opportunity for multitasking other things rather than the one that gives no opportunity for multitasking.
3) Baseball and dance are part of life. May I suggest carpooling or a mom taxi kind of service? My friend worked a lot and I would pick up her son from school, take him home for snack and a little bit of homework, then take him to soccer. She would pick him up towards the end of soccer (a couple times she didn't get there in time and I took him home with me).
4) Younger daughter: She thinks the world revolves around her? This might be her reaction to seeing her older sister in dance and her older brother in baseball, and she feels like she needs to be demanding because she doesn't understand "ages" and just feels left out? Try to think of a way to carve out a little time where she feels special (easier if you have 2-3 nights free on your calendar, once the restaurant job is gone). In the meantime, set boundaries and teach her that while you love her, and she is an important member of the family, the world does not revolve around her. You all work TOGETHER, as a TEAM. She's 4, so she can't control your decisions, period.
5) Older daughter: the tonsil thing is important to do, but not a bad thing. I'm sure this is just the straw that broke the overloaded camel's back. Just get that done, and keep icecream in the house.
6) For your house: I found my amazing housekeeper through this site (mamasource then)---I had a surgery and some complications, and just wanted someone to come in once a week to take care of the "stuff". When I was better, she would just come in to help me when guests were coming or I was having a party (I was busy with shopping and cooking, and she would do the cleaning to take that load off). When I was pregnant, I would do most of the weekly upkeep and she'd come in once a month to keep it great. Now that I've moved, she is our official housekeeper in between renters at that property. I love her! You could hire someone for once a week, once a month, or even just a one time thing to come help you get caught up. You declutter and get all the junk out of the way while someone cleans for you. A HUGE HUGE HUGE burden off your shoulders.
Also, I strongly agree with chore charts and everyone having a few things they do EVERY DAY to keep the house under control. I adapted stuff I learned from flylady to do what works great for us. If you want to see that, private message me and I'll send it to you, if nothing else than as a template for ideas on what you'll do yourself.

Whatever you decide to do, you CAN do it! Good luck to ya.

I can totally relate. My advice is to simplify as much as possible. Try and take things off the calendar that are not related to survival. No extra things, etc. I agree with others, can you leave the restaurant job? i know its nearly impossible to simplify but try and see if that helps just a little.

You'll get through this. March is so close, and you have made it so far. I am a Master student with only one kid, but at a very demanding conservatory, where the work never ends ever ever ever.
Keep this in mind: When you are done, you have great chances at any job interview. Times have changed, and managers have tremendous respect for moms who make it through school!

take a leave from the restaurant job for a few weeks. The state of California has a paid family leave that you may qualify for. Look it up under edd.ca.gov . Or quit the job completely since your hubby is now bringing home more. Take things one at a time and do the best you can. Can you take some time off from school? Talk to your professors and see if they can help you out.

Sounds like some relaxation time is really needed. I would take some time each evening to listen to some positive affirmations on a tape or CD and just feel good about myself.

You are busy, I am too, it sounds like my days. I would think with the promotion you could quite the part time job in the evenings. Unless it is paying a ton of tip money that is your own spending money then quit.

It will free up the time you need to do the fun stuff with the kiddos. Then just take some time and breathe. Sit in the vehicle while the kids are at practice, dance, whatever and put some good music on the radio and close your eyes and lower your shoulders, loosen the back and neck muscles, rub your face and head, arms and legs too if it feels good. It's a moment in time, take it.