Help!! I Need Advice Getting My Son on a Routine...

First, I would like to say you are not alone.... many mothers, especially first timers have the
same dilemma. You do not have a child that is any more difficult than the next... what you
have to understand is your baby is trying to figure things out as well and will do so at many
different stages.

First thing i noticed is that you might want to change things up a bit. Feed your baby
than take her for a walk, followed by a nice soothing bath and a couple of books
before bed... which should never be past 7:00p.m.

If you give them too much to do before bed they can get over stimulated and make you
believe they are not tired.... so untrue.

Next every mother must allow their child to cry themselves to sleep... I promise it
will become less frequent over time. This is actually helpful and relaxes them, unless
of course there is something wrong, like they are sick.

Definitely set up the crib in a different room away from you. If you feel uncomfortable
with this, the best thing I purchased was a t.v. baby monitor, well worth the 100.00.
You don't have to go in the room because you can see them on the monitor... this allowed
me to feel more comfortable letting my baby cry because you see them fall asleep!!

Good Luck and be firm they need this!!!

hi M. i feel for ya try doing the bath with lavendar, i heard that calms and sooths then maybe the reading last he should have a place that is darker and quieter just for him and his sleep time I went through this to with my first one. bonding by sleeping together is good but they become dependent on you there to sooth themselves with my second one i made sure she had her own space and naptime/bedtime ritual so became independent and was able to sooth or put herself to sleep the bath last really helped calm no playtime or stimulation after that. good luck

Honey, oh my goodness...RELAX! Not all babies want to be on some rigid schedule, and there's nothing wrong with that. You may just have a baby who has a personality entirely different from Mommy's. I have two of those myself. It's been frustrating, but I've found it's a lot easier to try to adjust my preferences to theirs than get them to bend my way. It ends up being a pretty neat compromise after a while.

Just let your sweet boy be the fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants little guy that he is for now. Train him a little at a time to accept some structure in his day. Trust me, he's not going to waltz into Psychology 101 at ten past noon when the class started at 9:30. And, Sweetie, at whatever time he gets tired tonight, kiss his sweet face goodnight and treat yourself to a bubble bath - without the timer going! You both did just fine today!

Dear M.,

First of all you are not alone in this! There are PLENTY of children who have a different clock and getting them into a structured routine is like shoveling snow during a snowstorm! I know, because my 4th little darling is one of them:) With all our children we let them sleep in our bed for at least a year or more. The transition into their own bed wasn't a piece of cake all the time, many nights sitting with them, rocking them to sleep, late night car drives, etc. But eventually they learned how to fall asleep on their own and are now all really great sleepers. There were many nights I was tired and frustrated and nite-nite time was anything but bliss - but I decided to follow my children's cues. It worked for all of us. My 4th one...a different story:) Co-slept, crib in our room until the age of 3 (she's only 40 months now). But, she was really ready and excited to have her own bed and share a room with her sister. Getting her to sleep without us in the beginning was again, not a piece of cake, but now she is fine with it. I expected it too. BUT...she too has always had her own crazy little time clock and schedule. No matter the routine we had or have, she will fight sleep and stay up late, even though she's really tired, or she'll fall asleep during dinner! Sometimes I get very frustrated with it...I too would like some more non-kid time at night, or an hour or so during the day when "normal" kids take a nap-right? :) I tell you my story so you know that after 12 yrs of parenting and mentoring other parents...it comes down to this. Do what you feel is absolutely the best for your child and you. And know that sometimes, what's best for our wee ones isn't best for us, and vice-versa. You just do the best you can in every moment.
What is your inner compassionate wise mamma saying to you about your child and this situation? Are you feeling frustrated with his schedule because you THINK that he should be doing what every other baby/toddler on the block should be doing? Are you feeling like you are not doing your best because he's not sleeping like all the the other kids?
It IS hard when what we BELIEVE our children should be doing, is not acutally what IS happening. Lots of judgements from others or from ourselves pop up don't they? It is hard to always be in the moment, when sometimes all we really want to do is just sit down with a good book or watch a show, or do what we want to do without little hands tugging at us all the time. So M. dear. Take a few moments for some deep cleansing breaths:) AAAHHHH. Even in the moment of going stir crazy...take a moment to just get your mind and body connected, so you can listen to yourself and your son to what needs to be done next.
You will get lots of advice on how to best handle his sleep schedule...Baby Wise, Ferber method, cut his sugar intake, watch what he eats around sleep times, during this transition into fall start feeding him more VATTA foods - foods that are more warming to the soul (actually those last three are good things to do anyway:) And, much of the advice and suggestions might work for you. Try them if they sound right to you, follow his cues...but never ever go against your own belly feeling of what is best for your family. As long as he's getting the sleep he needs, your home is nurturing and safe, he's happy and healthy, and you are able to find some time for yourself, then how are you moving through these moments with an open heart and an open belly ear?
Also, transitioning him to a crib - whenever you feel it is best for everyone - need not be approached like it will be a nightmare. Do you really know that it will be? Maybe he will be fine with it. Maybe not. Maybe he will need some rocking to sleep, or mamma or dad in the room with him, a special lovey. Or maybe you follow a certain book method. It really is all you make it to be. Sometimes it's hard, and sometimes it's easy peasy. Whatever way you approach it, know that you are NOT alone. And know that in those quiet moments when you are holding your son or he's finally sound asleep and you are enjoying some time for yourself...that it's all worth it.

Much good energy to you and your family,
A.
mom of 4, Birth and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com

Hi M., I would try feeding him around 5:30, letting play or walk & last his bath time. Then you can read to him, try to have him in bed by no later than 8PM otherwise he might be getting over tired, then can't settle down. I pray this works for you, it does for me.

I don't want to poke holes in anyone's beliefs, but seriously, my child didn't ahve structure except for her father's. My parenting has been much more aligned with the way I live my life...more shoot from the hip and flexible, no rigid scheduling, not taking other's direction as the only way. If you try to be someone or something you are not, you feel like a failure. You sound so distressed...and for no reason. My daughter is very very happy and healthy and intelligent and lack of structure has never been an issue. We might just be lucky, but I am not stressed about it, and then neither is she. A child senses your distress and frustration. They change so much in the first years every day is a different "routine" so enjoy the lack of routine!

Kiddos are going through a bunch of changes. There, honestly, is only so much that you can do. The more you stress about it, the harder it will be on both of you. Try to relax and stay calm. Keep doing your routine, keep trying your best, but don't stress when things don't go ad planned. Here's a book that might really help you a lot!

http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0071444912.php

You can get it on Amazon.com.