Help! I Need Advice on Weaning My 9 Month Old!

One idea.... I weaned my sons at about 8 months as well and they both took the sippy cup instead of bottle. That might help with her aversion to the bottle. She will learn to sleep with out you but she will just have to be trained to do it. I know it is painful to hear them cry... I myself cried through the process but just kept telling myself that I was teaching them the skill of sleeping on their own. They both are wonderful sleepers now.... so it was worth it in the long run.

Are you sure it's time? What makes it time? If she still wants it, it doesn't quite sound like it. Plus, she actually NEEDS breastmilk or formula until she's 12 months old, so if she doesn't take a bottle, you need to keep her on the breast. You can't wean her now and just rely on solids. You should talk to your pediatrician, and/or contact La Leche League. Good luck!

Hi S.,
I was in a similar situation. My daughter also nursed all night and just a few times a day. It was often easier to nurse her than to hear her cry. Then when she was 11 months old I decided not to nurse her, Dad walked her around a few times and she was fine. I think she was ready to give it up. If it's a big fight, your daughter may not be ready and you shouldn't force it. My daughter is almost 16 months and still sleeps with us, but after the head butt last night we're going shopping for a toddler bed. She still doesn't sleep though the night, but I refuse to let her cry it out. Just seems cruel to me. I did totally wean her at 14 months, and that was just as easy. She nursed less and less during the day until we finally skipped a day, then another, and so forth. We do give her a bottle at bedtime and naptime with whole milk, but you could use formula until she's 1. I also found this article very helpful: http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp
Good luck!
B.

S.,
I was a single mom for 7 years. Allowing my daughter to sleep with me was comforting for both of us. By the time she was 9 months old, she would toss and turn and it made it very uncomfortable to sleep with her. I put her in a crib next to my bed. She slept well and so did I. I now have 6 children. Each one has had very different sleeping habits. My almost 2 year old didn't start sleeping through the night until we moved her into another room. When she was in the same room with us, she would wake up and scream at us to rock or feed her. She needed to be in the other room. It is very hard on a mom when you first move the baby out of your bed, but that is what I suggest. It would be best if she cries, to put her in the other room. You may both learn to sleep much better. It took more than a week of crying when I weaned and moved my now 8 year old to the other room. It was unbearable at first, but we stuck to it and it was worth it! There is a good book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy child.

Just wanted to let you know that our 22-month-old is still nursing, and it works beautifully for us. He's healthier than most babies we know and gets sick less often.

FYI, the American Academy of Pediatrics does recommend breastfeeding for at least a year, and the World Health Organization recommends a minimum of two.

Breastfeeding has also been a wonderful blessing for calming our little one when he is upset, cranky, or injured - and it's great for travelling. We love it!

Blessings!

First, I would evaluate if both of you are truly ready. If you are, there is a class that might help you. It's called Advanced Breastfeeding Skills and it covers weaning. It's not until May 12, but if you still need help then, it might be just what you need. You can find out more about the class here:
http://www.bodymindandspiritabq.com
I've never taken the class myself, but just know about it and wanted to share.

It sounds like she obviously needs the night time nursing. I would really examine the need to wean her. If it is her need, is there possibly somewhere within you that you can find it to continue to provide her what she needs? Even if she doesnt need it nutritionally anymore (although I doubt that, breastmilk is the ultimate best food, afterall, and she is only 9 months old...most babies well beyond 1 yr get the bulk of their nutrition from their mom's milk, she obviously needs to nurse for her emotional well being. Please read more about these benefits. La Leche League is a wonderful resource of information and support. I know it is not really our culture to nurse for reasons beyond nutrtion, but many cultures do, and many within our culture are realizing it, too. I hope that you can search your heart, find the information you need, and find the answer you need to meet the needs of your daughter. Enjoy every moment of nurturing your daughter...the years go by so quickly. I weaned my first born from my breast at 3 mos because that is what I was told was "right", my fourth born weaned herself at 4 yrs because I was knowledgeable and trusted my own heart. My heart weeps at the memories of my oldest crying for my breast. No mom or baby need have that memory.

To tell the truth i had the same problem. My oldest who is now going to be ten would do the same thing he refused any kind of fake nipple bottle pacifer anything of the sort. We sarted him on what we call a big boy cup (known as a sippy) about the time we wanted to break him. It was hard at first, but worked out in the end. slowly introduce it, adding a little breast milk or juice or water, she will get the hang of it and may attach to that for a while. Just hang in there.

Go to Achildgrowsinbrooklyn.com

which is a blog on parenting in Brooklyn, but the advice is excellent. You will enjoy reading it. Check out the archives and books. Good luck, K.

You didn't say why you thought it was time, and you might have a very good reason for wanting to wean now. But, if it's breaking your heart (and it sounds like it's breaking hers as well), why push it? I weaned my first daughter at two and four months and my second daughter when she was nearly four (was down to one before-bed session at three)--longer than most American women, but it was tearless and trauma-free for everyone, and globally speaking, not unusual.

I have always found that the best and easiest way to wean is the don't offer, don't refuse method. It may take more time than you think it should but right now your daughter is cementing a trust in you that will stick with her for the rest of her life. Cold turkey can really disrupt that. I know that it is trying but it lasts such a short time and you will miss it so much. I would also try to put her in her own room. It shouldn't take long and she will figure the whole thing out. I nursed 18 months with the first, 21 months with the second, and 14 with the third. My daughter is now over 2 and I miss the quiet time we shared. The transition to their own beds were harder on me than they were on them.
I am not trying to say that you should nurse as long as I did, but it is recomended to breastfeed at least a year and believe it or not the benifits they receive for brain development peak at 2 1/2 years.
Oh another way if you are not going to move her out of your bed is to limit the instant access. Don't let her snack all night. If she is hungry, get out of bed and feed her in a rocker or a chair. This will ensure that she is getting a full feeding and will have a longer rest between night time feedings. Hang in there. Every bit of it is worth it.

I weaned my babies from breast feeding cold turkey! And still slept with them at night. The first few days do break your heart, but it only lasts for a few days, and then they forget about it.

If you still plan on sleeping with her, maybe put a towel/blanket between your breasts and her, I have read where they can still smell your milk. My son was 11 months when I weaned him...he also hated the bottle, or I should say refused to take the bottle!!! He finally took warmed up vanilla soy milk and I eventually got him to drink cold reg milk. Try every kind of bottle/sippy and every kind of milk, until you find one she will like! It took me about a month and half to finally get him off the breast!! I didn;t have the challenge of sleeping with him though, sorry I don't have much advice on helping you with that. Good luck!!

Hi S.,

Before you quit nursing I would suggest getting her use to the sippy cup. Once she is then you can cut out a feeding every couple of weeks or 1 feeding per month. You won't get engorged this way and it will ease her into the change. If she is use to the sippy you can pump and give her the sippy when she wakes up at night, then slowly change it to formula or water. I would urge you to get her into her own bed, b/c as they get older that transition gets harder and harder. Good luck.

K.