Help! I Need Some Sleep.

My 3 year old is also in a toddler bed. He is good about staying in bed at night but not at naptime. Even if he isn't going to sleep at naptime I insist he have some down time so I put some books and "quiet" toys in his room for him to play with if he wants to. Sometimes he sleeps and sometimes he plays. I found an extra tall babygate online at babiesrus.com that we put in his doorway to keep him confined to his room. This has allowed me to get some work done or take a nap knowing he is safe in his room.

If you aren't able to do use a baby gate what about starting a reward chart. Maybe for every night he stays in his bed or room he will get a sticker. When he goes X number of days or a whole week without leaving his bed or room he will get a special treat.

I read somewhere recently taht some parents put a small mattress or sleeping bag/pillow on their bedroom floor for their child to go to instead of climbing in bed with them.

Hi K.! I know everyone will freak out when they see this and completely disagree.... I am a 28 year old full time working mom and I only have one and I have been so exhausted that I was drinking coffee like a chain smoker takes to cigarettes! My 2 1/2 year old boy still doesn't sleep well, but he was doing the same thing 5-10 times a night up and coming into my bed. For 2 years I did what was the "right" thing and kept putting him back in bed until I all but had a break down at work one day, over of course... being out of coffee! :) I gave in. My son also has a toddler bed, which of course at 5'8" my tukiss isn't fitting in. So I made a bed of tons of blankets on the floor and put pillows on it and told him we were camping out. 6 months later I'm still doing it but half and half. The first night I laid down and woke up 8 hours later in the exact same position! I'm telling you girlfriend, do what you have to do to survive. Sleep takes priority over discipline when you've been deprived this long. Eventually it will work out. I'm already down to half the nights. Give in and get your sleep!

Hi K.,

I went through this exact thing with my oldest (he's 13 now!). Here's what worked for me: Completely baby-proof the room, buy a baby gate and put it across the open door of the room. My son would get out of bed, but he couldn't get out of the room. I'd leave a sippy cup of water for him, and toys & books of course, and if he fell asleep on the floor, so be it. It didn't take long for him to comprehend that he was staying in his room. He cried at the gate every night for awhile, but it didn't last too long.

Good luck!

When we had this problem with my oldest son, I put three dimes in the doorway to his bedroom. Everytime he crossed over the dimes to leave the room in the middle of the night, I took one dime. Whatever was left in the morning was his to keep. We would count them and then go to the dollar store to pick something out. Once he got the hang of it it became a challenge for him to see how many dimes he could collect. I don't know if your child is old enough to understand the concedpt of money, but you could also try it with candy or small toys. The goal here is to allow him the opportunity to take charge of his own sleeping habits and thus self-control.
I too have another child who has always slept through the night so it truly boggles my mind why some kids get up and others do not!

K.,

I have been in your shoes with a non sleeping, (at the age of 2) child and that level of exhaustion is very difficult on your health, and your ability to be a mom. I was trying all the regular advice for months on end and feeling like a failure. My son suffered from severe sleep terrors however, so I could not just let him in his room to cry if he awoke at night...he easily could have gotten hurt.

So after a good 8 months of misery, constantly being sick, mentally frazzled and at the end of my rope, I finally read somewhere to just do WHATEVER it takes for you and this child to get some good sleep for a month or 2. Sleeping with a parent will not warp a child. Most cultures do sleep with their children. Sleep 'expers' disagree, but many parents who have gone through it say it will get you both out of the sleep deficit and 're-boot' the sleep pattern. The more tired the child becomes the worse they sleep, and the harder for them to fall asleep on their own. The more tired YOU become the less patience you have. I am not a co-sleeping advocate, I had my baby in his crib the first week home,and I dislike having to sleep with a child in my bed. BUT you reach a point where something has GOT to give. So, we just bought him a big kid bed, (twin, with bed rails) and either me or my husband just slept with him. OH what pure, sweet joy it was to SLEEP again. We were all happier. And for our child, we were making progress in that he was sleeping in HIS bed and straight through the night. After a month, we would just leave after he fell asleep. Then we taught him to fall asleep while we sat in his room, humming or singing or reading to him. He's 4 now and goes to bed at 8pm by himself, sleeps straight through until 6:30/7am and all is well.

Even families that co-sleep do not have 12 yo kids in their bed. Whatever you decide to do, he will outgrow this phase. I promise. Good quality rest is so crucial to immune function, mood, growth, etc. I figured, as parents, WE don't sleep alone, isn't kind of silly to expect a child who is still in diapers to do it without fuss? With all that being said, do whatever works for YOUR family, and on that, only you are the expert, get some rest, and get your own bed back (even if it takes a bit of time).
Best wishes.

K.,

I feel for you! You must be so tired. What I would recommend is putting a child gate on your son's door. You can still go and comfort him when he wakes up, but let him know that he has to stay in his room. My son was always a good sleeper and then he wasn't for a while. I found that if I sit with him for 1-2 minutes while he is falling asleep, it is better. He calms down because I am sitting in the room and he knows that I will only be there for a short time. I always try to leave before he is asleep and I don't sneak out, I always give him a kiss and say "night night" - at first he would come out crying, but now he is used to the routine and he goes to sleep pretty well.

Good luck!
J.
www.mothersboutique.com

I agree with your doctor. Maybe you can get someone to help you through a week or so of getting up all night. Have you asked your husband to get him every other time? Maybe you can have someone come over each day (different people if necessary) to watch the kids for a an hour or two so you can nap. But you have to be consistent, the least bit of wavering and your child will walk all over you. They're kids, that's what they do.

We had the same problem with my son. My husband would let him sleep in the bed the first few times he did it. Then my son starting trying to spend the whole night in the bed...my husband realized it was a problem. But after a week or so of relentlessly putting him back in his bed, he realized we weren't giving in and gave up. After that he only slept in our bed if he was really sick. We probably shouldn't have allowed that either but all he wanted was his mom when he was sick so we made an exception.

It will take a huge amount of patience but you can do it. Try to get friends or family to help you. At least if you get a nap it won't be so horrible. And your husband should help. It will cut down on the number of times you have to get up. Good luck.

Well, while I would continue to follow the pediatricians advice about bedtime at night. When you want to lie down and get the 28 month old to sleep at naptime, why don't you try having him lie down with you. Maybe getting that time with you then, even if you are resting, having quiet time, or reading a book in bed, may help at night. Maybe he's climbing in bed with you at night to get some extra attention. If he gets it during naptime, you get to lie down with him and rest a little (even if you don't get to sleep then) and maybe you get him to nap as well.

Good luck. I can sympathize with you on the sleep deprivation. We just had number 3 two months ago.

Hi K.,

My husband and I went through this with our 4-year-old. What finally did the trick was my hubby sleeping outside his door for about 2 weeks.

Yes, it wasn't the most pleasant 2 weeks (for him anyway - I was still comfy :-), but we haven't had any issues with him since.

Good luck!

All I can say is good luck and your not alone! I guess sometimes the only comfort is knowing your children will not be teenagers trying to sleep w/ you and at somepoint they will just do what they are supposed to but it is a huge struggle in my house also.. I applaud you for trying to be consistant in putting him back to his bed. I have a 3yr old that will not sleep anywhere but in my bed and I have just given up in the name of exhaustion. Keep being persistant and If it really does work let me know:)

Hi K.,
I know where you are coming from a little bit. I only have one child but they are all the same.

About your child getting up in the middle of the night. We put a safety gate on my son’s door. The ones you use to keep a child out a room. We would put him to bed, put up the gate and keep his door open. We told him if he needs us to call for us and we will be right there but that he needed to stay in his bed now. (He was also 3 1/2 before he gave up his crib so it was a bit easier for us) He is now 5 1/2 and uses that gate as a security blanket. We still have to put it up every night even though he can climb right over it.

Try taking a nap with your 28 month old. There was a time where my son didn't want to nap too but he so needed one. I would take him in our room and we would nap on "Mommy and Daddy's Big Bed" or we would be a sleep over and go in his bed and that was the only way he got to nap. He did try to get me to do that at bedtime too but I never did... well not never but it wasn't something we did until much later when he would stay in his bed at night on his own. If you start that one right from the start you will be like other Moms I know, the only way to get there kids to bed at night is if they go sleep with them.

Good Luck and before you know it you will be getting the rest you need!!
T.