Help - Meal Time a Disaster!

I had a son who did the same thing and my pediatrician suggested we put him in his room if he wasn't going to behave a the dinner table. It took us about 4 - 5 nights of this, but he finally got the idea that we weren't going to tolerate temper tantrums at the dinner table and from that day forward it was a much happier dinner. I will tell you those 4 - 5 days were tough, but well worth it in the end.
I don't know about you but my mother always told me that motherhood is the toughest job we will ever do and she was right; I only wish she was here to here me say she was right.
Hugs,
T.

I have a 31/2 year old that refuses to eat anything but PB&J. He'll have some fruits too and plenty of snack food, but mealtime is PB&J. I sneak in Veggies in his applesauce and have tried some of the recipes from the Deceptively Delicious cookbook, although there's not much there that he'll eat either! He was a great eater until he was 2 and after that it's been a battle. My Dr. says to just make him eat or he doesn't get anything, but he's stubborn and will just cry or not eat. I don't want to make mealtime a battle, so I make PB&J for lunch and dinner and take it with us wherever we go. I am hoping that he'll start trying some new foods soon. I'd love to see the advice you get. I was a very picker eater as a child, so I can see where my son gets it from. Best of Luck!!

Take a muffin tin-preferably plastic, and fill it with a variety of foods, some new and some old favorites. That way he'll have the option of trying something new or sticking with his favorites! It worked for my four.

I can only reiterate what other mums have said - don't let food be a battle! It's so worrying, it was one of my biggest concerns (and still is)

Why not try a slightly different approach and let him help you make his food. Let him wear an apron and stir stuff or help put sandwiches together or sprinkle cheese onto the top of meals - anything where he can be involved (safely of course!!) I tried that in desperation and it worked like a charm!

I also had a plate with a picture of a rabbit and a house etc on it. It was our "story" of how he had to eat his potato so Mr Rabbit could get into his house or pick flowers in his garden and so on. When the plate was clean he could wave to Mr Rabbit and "see him next time" Mr Rabbit would leave a "treat" for him as a thank you too - it never fails to amaze me the rubbish I could think up!!

Making food face's was fun too. Food face pizza, food faces with veggies and sausages.. all sorts of things. We even made a car and a mickey mouse!

I hope it helps, have fun!
H.

My daughter is almost 2 and 1/2 and is overall a pretty good eater, but has her typical toddler pickiness too! She does love green veggies though...
My pediatrician said the same thing as yours... she gets what you are having (within reason, ie. if we were having steak, I would make her a few meatballs but serve her the same side dishes ie. rice and veggie). After all, you are not a short order cook and it is way too much to make a separate meal for the kids every day. If you do, they just learn they get what they want. The other thing that we did that worked (also a suggestiong from our pediatrician when we were first giving her "adult" food), was to serve something you know your child will eat (tolerate, doesn't have to be a favorite) as part of each meal (something that is healthy- of your choice). That way, she is being consistantly exposed to the new/non preferred food, but always has atleast something healthy that she will eat. Ie. my daughter wasn't much of a meat eater for a long time, so she tended to just eat the veggie and/or starch... but atleast she was being exposed to the meat and still getting some healthy food at each meal. My daughter still won't eat taco meat, but she will eat the shell, tomatoes, cheese, olives and lettuce.... but I still put a little of the meat on the side and eventually she might try it like she has many other things. She now eats chicken, ham salmon and tilapia along with the not so healthy meats that kids like (hot dogs etc.) Your child will not starve... you are the parent, just give a healthy variety (including something you know he likes) at each meal and he will eat some of it if he is hungry enough... and will eventually try something new.

Good Luck!

I love my children more than I love myself-but I have to admit that feeding them is the most aweful part of raising them!
If I were you, I myself would throw on the brakes and lay down the law; ie, this is what we are having, here is the only alternative (and offer only ONE other alternate that is quic, easy, comparible in nutrition) or else there is NO MEAL for your child. Stay strong and remember not to buckle. If you do buckle, who just taught whom what?
Keep trying to manipulate the food, size, color, shapes, flavors, etc. There are a few cookbooks which help (Sneaky Chef/ Deceptively Delicious, etc)
But the other thing I wanted to ask is allergies? Is this a possibility? Or what about a sensation problem? there are kids who have a problem with textures, and other sensations. Does he have any other odd habits where he seems to concentrate on sensory input; cuddling with odd items, adamantly oppposed to specific feelings?
Most kids go thru (horrible) food phases. Today they hate this- tomorow it is all they will eat...and it starts at about 1 year when they are beginning to understand how to push buttons and get a reaction.
Otherwise, grit your teeth, smile and keep trying. And always try to eat what he does, sitting right next to him so he knows this is what to do.
M. P

dear A.;

here's something brilliant that a friend of mine w a 2.5 yr old and an 11 mo old told me recently.

the 2.5 yr old has some delays so the mom has taken him to a naturopath and a nutritionist to support the mainstream treatment. anyway this kid is not into food at all and the mom, of course, is worried about it; but the nutritionist took a look at the kid, who, for all his challenges, is alert, sweet, fun, active, very healthy, and pink in the cheeks, if a tad thin and a tad short, and said to the mom;

'do you have any relatives who lived through the Depression?'

and the mom said, 'Oh yes, Uncle Jim and Unlce Frank, and my dad and Aunt Emmalie and Aunt Maryanne...'

and the nutritionist said, 'And how old did they live to be?'

and the mom said, '"Oh, all into thier 90s.'

and the nutritonist said, 'Hmmm. I bet none of them ate hummus, fortified yogurt, whole wheat crackers, and apples,, which according to you, is almost all your son will eat.'

The point being, we are all of us these days hopelessly BRAINWASHED into total paranoia about the children not eating enough. Let's face it; most toddlers don't like to eat, and when they do eat, it's usually from a selection of like, 7 things. and yet, they all poop, pee, run around like maniacs, generally drive us crazy, and grow big and strong and gorgeous, delayed, not delayed, extra smart, whatever.

i would also point out to you that it's pretty pointless to treat mealtime as this terribly restricted event, since it's not likely to be that way once your son is a little older and able to feed himself. when he's big enough to take his own bowl of cereal in the morning, peel his own banana, put peanut butter on his own bread, isn't your meal time rule going to be, "If you don't want this, you can make youreself a sandwich." Who of us, ever, is exclusively confined to ONE choice for supper? it's just not reasonable, nobody lives that way, so why torture him now? pediatricians are notorious for doling out punishing advice that sounds sensible but is, in the final analysis, mean as hell and totally useless.

A., i'll just say this one last thing to you; please don't expect your child to make either wise decisions or logical decisions now or for like, the next ten years. He's a little baby. why create a power struggle around something that has to happen at least three times a day? you yourself said this fight is not the way to start the morning. your son is not asking for cake and doritos for meals, is he? why not just give him what he likes and be glad he's eating and cooperating at all?

you could also read a book called "My Child Won't Eat!" i don't remember the author but you can google it, and find it easily.

don't beat yourself or your child up A., you're doing a good job.

j

I would keep trying to offer him different things... let him cry it out a bit (even though I know that it can be pretty miserable)...and rest assured that this is just a little phase that he's going through. Good luck

I think your pediatrician is right. The more you cater to his special requests (tantrums!), the less power you'll have in the long run. If you think forward a bit to when he's older...."do your homework" will not mean much to a boy who knows that if he hollers mom will pacify him. Be strong, get some ear plugs! He won't starve.

You are not alone, my daughter does the same thing to a certain extent-she usually refuses to even try a new food if it is one of us parents who offers it, which is apparently the kiss of death. :o) However, she will sometimes try something new if her grandmother offers it (and we are not there). Maybe you can try that tack? Otherwise, do not force him. Make sure he gets vitamins to cover any possible deficiencies, and let him eat what he wants. Speaking as a former fussy eater myself, I can promise you that he will not eat this way forever...I grew out of my pickiness and so will he.

I think as long as he is getting enough nutrition (& you can ask your pediatrician) offer 2 choices something familiar and something new. My daughter is now 3 and liked brightly colored foods. I also started arraging things in shapes, faces whatever seemed to work. Letting them help prepare the food even if it is just stirring works too. Now sometimes she only wants cereal, thankfully its the heathy brands and some times thats okay too. She will also "try" some of my husbands and end up finishing it off. Hope this helps....Ultimately you should pick your batteles and i think mealtime should be very relaxed, if you or your child get too frustrated it can lead to eating disorders...

Hi there
My daughter, now just turned 3, has always been a picky eater and is still not great but some things have helped. She hated baby food, purees etc and I found that just giving her bits of what we were eating to feed herself with helped - pieces of chicken, fish, veggies etc. She loves to be independent! Also I had to take a really hard line on not giving her alternatives to what was being offered, and not letting her have dessert unless she had eaten a good amount of savoury. I found this hard as she is pretty skinny as she eats so little, but if I did not do this she would only ever eat sweet stuff which I know would be much worse for her in the long run.
If she refuses I just let her get down from the table but when she says she is hungry I just keep offering her the same meal until eventually she eats it - it takes up to 2 hours sometimes before she is hungry enough that she will eat her food but it does almost always work. And because I do this she has learned that I stick to my guns so she doesn't bother having tantrums any more about it which is a great relief! Best of luck

I can totally relate...my son is the same way at meal times. It did come down to this is what is for dinner, eat it or don't eat. His stubbornness only lasted a few days. Now he will try a few bites and nicely hand his plate to us saying he doesn't want it. If he at least trys the food I give him with 2-3 bites and then nicely hands it to us I will let him choose what he wants. Every now and then there is a slip but at least it isn't everyday and when he does revert to old habits he doesn't get to choose what is for that meal. Good luck I know it can be roungh. But the bright side is that it will get better. Watching him go without was harder on me than it was on him.
J.

Meal time has gotten off to a bad start and you need to completely change it. Eat your next breakfast in another room entirely. For example, set up a "TV" tray, eat outdoors or prepare breakfast in bed. Give him a bottle or sippy cup when he wakes up, as you did when he was younger. When you sit down to have a meal, leave an empty plate and some small toys at his place, but don't put him in his high chair or wherever he usually sits. Let him be playing, perhaps on the floor, with some toys during your meal. This would also be a perfect time to introduce "finger painting with food" (page 58 -59 in Young at Art, by S. Striker *Henry Holt) Talk with your husband (not directly to your son) about how delicious the scrambled eggs are. Ask him if he would like to have you try making them with cheese or mushrooms in them. Or would he like to try sunny side up tomorrow, etc etc. If you are eating alone, pick up your cell phone and have this food conversation with someone else. Pay no attention to your child. If he asks for food, give it to him. If not, ignore him. In about a week, he will begin to select food he wants to eat. You can put him at the table (to eat of not) and continue to ignore his eating and go on with your meal. If you are eating alone with your child, if necessary, bring a book or newspaper to the table and read. If you are worried, try adding supplements or vitamins in his milk or juice. You might want to leave some food out that he can reach but make it seem as if it is not specifically set out for him.

I went through the same thing with my daughter. I was exasperated and then read in Parenting magazine that on average it can take up to 13 introductions of the same food before a child will try it. They also suggested that if you are going to introduce a new food that you put it with food you know he likes. Don't pressure him or let him see that your anxious for him to try the new food - I made this mistake with my daughter and, looking for new ways to have control, she used it as a weapon! After months of pulling our hair out, we just relaxed and mealtime became much more enjoyable. Good luck with your little guy!

Listen to your Doctor!!! Since when does a 17 month old know what he wants?...even a 17 year old? Why do you think we live with our parents for SO LONG before we venture out on our own?...because we are still considered too young to be on our own and take care of ourselves. YOU ARE THE PARENT and YOU ARE IN CHARGE!! I can't believe how many people let their kids dictate their lives.

Anyway, when he starts acting up, just pick up his highchair with him in it and put him in the corner, facing the corner and say that when he is ready to behave and eat with the rest of the family, you will return him to the table. I've even put my kids in a whole other room or in the hallway, not facing the table. It's not going to tramatize him for life...he will learn that his bahavior is not acceptable and that he would rather be with his family than all alone.

Good luck!

Hi A. - although it's been a while since I've had this kind of a challenge with my son (he'll be 22 yrs old this week), I do remember going through similar experiences when my son was the age of yours. One piece of helpful advice I got from a friend of mine was not to worry about the day-to-day meals as far as the nutritional requirements - but to look at what foods my son was eating in a week's time. Try making a list of what he does eat in a week's time so you can see the nutritional value of what he's getting. On another note, my son was especially sensitive to different food textures - which he certainly wasn't able to tell me when he was a toddler, but that one of my other friends (whose profession was early childhood edu) was able to comment on after observing my kid's finicky eating habits. Temper trantrums aren't fun at any age, but, it may be his only way of telling you that, for whatever reason, he's not comfortable with what's going into his mouth. Hope this is helpful for you.

Kathy P

I absolutely agree with your pediatrician. You can 'compromise' by giving him a small amount of the food he likes and lots of what is for dinner at first. There are 2 big reasons to stop catering to his tantrums: first and foremost you are teaching him that throwing a tantrum works- think of what that will mean in 12 years!, and secondly you are depriving him of developing his palate and rendering him to a diet of chicken nuggets and grilled cheese (for example) -- not nutritious and going to limit his experiences socially and emotionally and physically.
Don't let his tantrums ruin meal time for you and your family. Nip it in the bud!

I tried the "if you don't eat what's on your plate, you don't eat" and it was upsetting because my 2 yr old went FIVE meals without eating. I will never try that again. For some reason he just will not eat soup of any kind, and we have soup a lot for dinner. Stubborn! So, you have to decide ahead of time what you are willing to do, because if halfway into it you can't follow through with said consequences, it will just be that much harder next time. The only way we could get him to eat things he didn't want to eat was to consistently make him sit in his highchair until he tried some. Sometimes this lasted 2 hours- I would plan ahead of time if I knew he might not like the meal to try new foods when I didn't have to go anywhere! And then I would put on his favorite music cds and keep his highchair close to me and talk to him and sing to him while I did dishes or cleaned after we were done eating and he was still in his highchair. Eventually he understood he would save himself a lot of time that he could be playing if he would just try the food, at least a few good spoonfuls. I think the important thing is not to make it a battle of wills or get angry/frustrated- just to stay calm and pleasant but not to waver.

This is going to sound tough, but the only way I get my 16 month-old to stop with the tantrums is to ignore him. He's trying to get his way and if you feed into it, he'll learn that this is the way to manipulate you. It may be terrible to hear for a while, but my guess is he'll eventually stop throwing fits if he knows you're not buying it.

At meal times, show him what he's having and if he starts throwing a fit, take the food and walk away. I'm sure he'll continue to scream, but give him a few minutes and come back with the same food. This way, he'll know you're serious and he'll get that he's not going to get his way. Having said that, sometimes do give him the things that he enjoys as a reward for being good. I wouldn't fill him up with junk food or anything, but maybe if he prefers apples, give him an apple for dessert.

Mom,

Why not try easy things, like WHITE bread and butter for breakfast, with a few maple sausage links, they are sweeter that regular sausage.

A boiled egg, with a little MAYO, OR scrambled lightly salted
Maybe melt a little cheese on top

Grilled Cheese sandwiches, Mac N Cheese

Pasta, soups, Stewed beef, mashed potatoes N gravy,

Broccoli with cheese

peas n pasta.

Most kids don't go for the meats right away, they tend to be tough and hard to chew, but stewed meats are soft and easy to eat, PLUS they usually contain veggies

Corn on the Cob, ( don't be surprised that it comes out th other end tho)

pizza, chicken nuggets in the oven, and fish sticks with ketchup, or barbeque sauce

-- If he throw a temper each time he eats , IGNORE HIM,
put the food on a plate, with a Spork, and put it on the table,When he calms down , then its time to eat.

Make sure to feed him timely, he may just need more snacking during the days.

As much as it kills me sometimes, I have been stern at mealtime. I have two children who were both being very difficult to feed, especially at dinner. I never make them something different if they don't like what we are having. I have found if they are hungry enough they'll eat it.If anyone throws a tantrum they go to time out until they calm down, then they can come back to the table and try again. If they throw another tantrum it is back to time out. We'll keep doing this if we have too. This has been effective, even with my 18 month old. Dinners have become pleasant more of than not and both eat what is served. I think with kids they'll get away with what they can and need consistency. Once they are old enough let them help prepare meals. Deceptively Delicious is also a great book, written by Jessica Seinfield. This will help get the good foods in them @ certain meals if they end up NOT eating others.

Hi A.
I totally understand the drama you are going through now, my son Seth used to act the same way. I know you do not feel comfortable with the advice your pediatrician gave you and I am not one to always agree with doctors however, in this case, he/she is correct. When it comes to dinnertime, you serve him his food and if he does not eat it or has a melt down your remove the plate and tell him dinnertime is now over, clean him up and let him carry on business as usual. I know this sounds harsh but it works when he gets hungry believe me he will eat what’s on his plate, don’t worry he is not going starve himself when his tummy starts to talk to him he will eat what you serve him. Just make sure he is drinking plenty of fluids and he will be fine. I did this with my son for a couple of days and by the end of the third day, he was eating his spinach and baked chicken. As far as introducing him to new foods it is going to take a couple of tries before he even attempts to taste it, but persistence is the key to getting him to eat new foods. Also when he is having his meltdowns pay him not mind just simply say “mommy does not understand you when you have acting this way” and go on with what you were doing before the meltdown. After a while, he will understand that it does not matter if he has a meltdown he is still not going to get his way. I know this is hard and I totally understand it literally drains you but the result is priceless. I hope this helps keep me updated
D.

Hi A.!
You're not alone in what you're going through. I think I have the two most picky eaters on the planet and because I gave in to them over and over they play me pretty well. My oldest was almost 4 by the time I decided to do what your pediatrician said and I went all hard core on him. I would put him to bed hungry and then give him for breakfast what we had for dinner. YUK. I felt horrible, but it was so out of control and ridiculous already that I had to do it. I'm so thankful that he is SOOO much better now although sometimes we really have to give him a pep talk to eat...my final resort with him still being, "you don't want to have shepherds pie for breakfast, do you?" and then he'll usually eat it. ha.
Anyway, my second little guy was like a little over a year when all of this was going on with my older son. He saw all the hysterics and decided to mimic his brother and refuse to eat. I can completely relate with REbecca who responded and said her 2 year old skipped 5 meals. It was HORRIBLE. Mine did the same until I finally gave in. It's hard when they're little, but please believe me...it is the time to deal with it!!!
So this is what I decided for my 2 year old...because he is so stubborn. He has to eat what I make (dinner is the problem meal for us). If he doesn't he has to get down and he cannot have dessert. And usually if he won't eat I make sure we have something good for dessert so he sees what he's missing. If he is screaming and crying we give him a few warnings and then we put him in his bed until he calms down...and if he doesn't he stays there until we are completely done with our food. Don't underestimate how much they understand. They are smart little fellas from the beginning!!!
Anyway...has it gotten better? Yes. Is it completely solved for me? NO. I have to be consistent ALL THE TIME and I try to see what he likes and give him that sometimes so he's encouraged that mommy is praising him and he is doing a good job. Like he hates broccoli but LOVES cucumbers. So if we're having something with broccoli or whatever I make sure that I cut up some cucumbers too with the meal so that he will get some veggies and some praise. Know what I mean?

Anyway, I encourage you (STRONGLY) to win this battle now before it gets worse. The older they get the harder it is and they really do know how you work and how long it takes to give in. HA. I just remembered...when my first was going through his "re-training" he was crying and whining and then he looks at me and says, mommy, when are you gonna change your mind? So it totally encouraged me to press on. THEN he actually went to his father and said, it's okay, mommy always changes her mind. I just have to wait. CAN YOU IMAGINE!!! It definitely boosted my morale!!! :)

Good luck to you. Let us know how it works out for you.
L.

Well, he sounds frustrated to me. You do too! Hugs to you!! I know how this can feel. My daughter is almost 18 months and can get like this too. One thing we do is, we don't leave her in her chair for a temper tantrum because we don't want her to have a bad association with her high chair and eating. I'm more inclined to go along with your pediatrician. I think choices are fine. Like as you're preparing you can ask him if he wants spaghetti or cheese (whatever...), so you get him involved. Let him pick out his silverware, his dish, put it on the table, etc. Get him really interested in the activity of meal time. Even make "mmm, your spaghetti looks so good...wow! Do you want to stir it?" Stuff like that. If he starts to throw a tantrum, let him know that it means he's done with the meal. You show him that is what he is communicating. You can say, "oh, you're all done? You want to get down?" My daughter knows now what "all done" is and when I say that and that ISN'T why she's upset, she can tell me no. So, we can figure out what else it is. Anyhow, he will NOT go hungry. He will want to eat. Don't react to him. Don't show your worry or frustration. Only let him know that you can tell he is upset and frustrated and that you'd like to help. It's worked for us anyhow, almost all the time. Hope that helps!!!

i had to do what your doctor said. it was not fun to go through the tantrums, but after they realize thier tantrums are not going to change it, they will come to accept it and stop the tantrums. ignore the tantrums, that is the key go on doing as if they are not having one. just ignore it. your child is trying to push your buttons and control and manipulate you to do things they want, if you don't stop them now, then it will be far worse when they get older. Tough Love when they are small is much better than when they get older. T.

Hi A.,

At less an a year and a half, he really can't reason and can't yet be told that he "must" try new foods or eat what you are eating. I don't think it's right to withhold food from him at this age, he can't yet understand "You can eat what's offered or not eat at all" - that can work for a 4 year old.

First, he may not like what you and your husband like, he isn't obligated to. It may make moms crazy when their kid eats the same things again and again, but it's comforting to them to know what they are getting and to have something familiar. WE like variety! Babies and toddlers don't necessarily feel the same way. If he likes one food from each food group, it's really okay for now. He doesn't have to eat 5 green vegetables, 5 yellow/orange vegetables, 6 fruits, 5 good sources of protein, 5 types of grain product. If you can get a good, healthy diet into him by hitting each food group with something he likes, that's good for now. Offer him the opportunity to try new foods, don't force.

I'd say if you want him to try something new, set out a multi compartment tracy for snacks and put a couple of new things in with old favorites. Put it on a low table and let him help himself. As much as you might be tempted, don't talk to him about the snacks, don't suggest or wheedle him into trying some of the foods, just leave it out and let him take what he wants. He's more likely to try something if he is in control of the situation.

M.